Needing You (25 page)

“Yes you do, she was your daughter, you knew she didn’t lie about that and you let him, that monster continue to do that…how could you mom?” I can’t stop the tears; they’re like a flood coming out of my eyes.

My father is standing there not saying a word. I can tell he’s angry because his face is red and it looks like he wants to beat the shit out of me, but not this time. I won’t give in I won’t back down from him anymore.

“Laney, what happened to Allie was horrible. I should have done more, had her see more counselors or something but your sister was ill.  She wasn’t in her right mind. That had nothing to do with your father sweetie,” she says calmly now.

“Stop with all the lies. That’s all they are LIES. You know the truth because I know the damn truth. Allie never lied. She asked for help more times than a person ever should have to and no one stepped in, no one did the right thing. Don’t sit there and act like she made him touch her, she didn’t make him do anything, he chose to be the disgusting pig who took advantage of his own daughter,” I holler.  I feel Tuck squeeze me on the shoulders reminding me he’s still here with me.

“You will not speak about your father that way. He loved you girls and would have done anything for you. You apologize to him this instant Laney,” my mom yells. “NOW,” she says. 

“I will never apologize to him; he’s a monster and deserves to be locked up for what he’s done,” I yell to the both of them.

“YOU BITCH,” my father yells. Before I know what happens my father is lying on the floor holding his face.

“I told you NEVER to speak to her like that again,” Tucker yells.  I pull Tuck back by my side. My mother runs to my father’s side to console him.

“This…this is the type of people you hang out with Laney. He hit your father. You need to get away from people like him.  This is why you’re coming home with us. Now get your things and let’s go,” my mom stammers.

“I’m not going anywhere with you.” 

“Yes you are, damn it now let’s go,” she yells.

“NO!” I scream

“Laney, for the last time, your father did nothing wrong. You need to get your shit and we are taking you back home where you’re safe. Do you hear me?” she says angrily.

“Safe, are you kidding me.” I say with a laugh. “That house is hell; I’ve been living in hell for two years because of him. I will NEVER go back there. I will die before I step foot back into that house,” I yell at her. I feel Tuck tense over my choice of words.

“What are you talking about Laney? You had everything you could ever ask for. You never went without anything. I’m sorry your sister took her life, but again that had nothing to do with your father. Now stop trying to blame him for the things that went wrong with Allie. She made her choice,” my mom states.

“Wrong again mom, he made that choice for her. He took her choices away. He did that,” I state angrily to her.

“You are so far off base Laney; you have no idea what you’re talking about. Your father’s a great man. He was a great father to both you and Allie and you two never went without anything. Do not try to make him seem like he’s done wrong by you,” she shouts.

“Are you serious right now? You are going to stand behind a rapist, a child pedophile? Seriously mom?” I yell. 

“Do not ever say such a thing again. He is not a rapist or a pedophile. How dare you speak that way about YOUR father.” she yells.

“Laney, get your shit NOW,” my father finally speaks.

“Get the hell out, both of you,” I yell.

“We are not leaving here until you get your things and you apologize to your father for your wrongful accusations,” mom states.

“I will never apologize to him, NEVER. He is a rapist, that’s what he is,” I yell.

“LANEY, stop now. You apologize to him this instant,” she yells.

“I will die before I ever say an apology to him. He deserves to rot in hell,” I scream.

My mother slaps me across the face. I didn’t even see it coming. Tuck is behind me so he couldn’t have prevented it, but I’m sure he didn’t’ see it coming either. I hold him back because he’s ready to blow a gasket.

“You ungrateful little bitch. Laney, your father has done nothing but loved you and been there for you, how you dare say such hateful things to him,” she yells.

“Nothing but love me and been there for me… that’s what you call molesting your children mom?  I know Allie never lied because the bastard did the same thing to me for almost two fucking years. You think I didn’t know you knew and did nothing?  You stood by and let your husband hurt us like it was nothing,” I yell. 

I feel Tucker tense behind me. I take hold of his hands and I’m not letting go. I know if I do he will kill my father right now. I can’t risk him doing that and then going to jail, I won’t let that happen.

My mother looks at me in complete shock. Tuck tries to let go of my hands and I just squeeze tighter because I see how this will go if I let go of his hands. He’s already punched my father once and that was for a comment, now that he knows the truth he will kill him.

“Laney, how dare you lie about such a thing? Your father never touched you. He never touched Allie either. How can you two be so ungrateful?” she hollers at me.

“Lie, like I would lie about that. Why do you think I left as soon as I turned eighteen, mom?  I knew I couldn’t tell because Allie did and look how well that worked out for her. So I had to endure that asshole as a father until I could get the hell out without you stopping me,” I yell through the tears at her. “You wanted everyone to see such a happy home when it was anything but happy. Everything was a goddamn show for you. Attention, you had to be in the spotlight, had to stick out when you knew how it was. You did nothing to stop him. You did nothing to protect Allie and you did nothing to protect me,” I scream at her, the tears flowing down my cheeks.

Tuck is now holding me; his arms are wrapped around my front as the tears continue to stream down my face. “Get the hell out of my house, get out of my life and don’t ever come back here. You’re not my family. Family doesn’t do what you’ve done.”

My mother says nothing as she leads my father out of my dorm and slams the door shut.  My legs finally give out and I fall to the floor with Tuck still wrapped around me. I cry and cry and he just holds me.  He doesn’t say anything, probably having no idea what to even say. I don’t blame him, he probably wants to get out of here too, I know I would.

Eventually I cry myself to sleep in Tuck’s arms on the living room floor.  When I wake up sometime later, Tuck has me wrapped in his arms in bed and I drift back to sleep.

Chapter 25

I wake up the next morning with a bad headache, probably from all the crying I did yesterday. So much for telling Tuck last night on my own, instead he had to hear about it in an argument with my parents. Definitely not how I planned it. Well now, the truth is out there.  I only hope he doesn’t look at me differently. 

Tuck isn’t in bed with me and I don’t hear anything in my apartment. I crawl out of bed and head into the bathroom to freshen up a bit then make my way to the living room and still no sign of Tuck.  Then I see a note. Great, he left because of the shit from last night. I dread reading the note, knowing already what it says but I read it anyway.

Good morning beautiful! 

I needed to run out this morning, something came up,
but I will be back later and we can talk.  I put some panca
kes in the microwave so eat up!

Tuck

I look in the microwave and sure enough there are pancakes.  I’m not hungry but force myself to eat anyway.  I haven’t eaten since yesterday at lunch and I need something in my stomach.

When I’m done, I have no idea what to do.  Is he going to come back? Or was yesterday too much to deal with? I won’t blame him if he leaves, it will just suck A LOT. Tuck is all I have and though I’m sure I’ve known if for a while, I never told him. I never got to tell him that I’m in love with him.  It hurts to know I may not get the chance but maybe it is better this way. 

After sitting in my apartment for two hours and still no sign of Tuck, I decide I need go to for a run. I need to try to clear my head before the tears take over again. I put my running gear on and head out the door. 

I run and run until I physically can’t run anymore.  My body is burning and I feel like I’m going to fall over at any minute. I lost count after eighteen miles, I just couldn’t stop going. I wanted to run, run away from everything….my parents, my life, my sadness, my pain, my hurt. I just want it all to go away. I eventually collapse to the ground and the tears start again. Everything around me has spun out of control.  I feel like I’m losing everything. I feel like I lost Allie all over again.  How can my mother act like what happened was our fault? How can she make it out like Allie had problems? Allie was perfect.

I continue to cry…I cry for my sister who never got to enjoy the rest of her life. She shouldn’t have had to die because of what a monster did to her. How could my mother sit back and let that happen? I would have done anything to help her, to protect her, if I only knew.

“Why didn’t you tell me Allie? I could have helped you.” I scream out at the sky through my tears. “I would have done something.” “God I miss you Allie. I wish you were here with me,” I continue to say through my never ending tears to the open sky.

I have no idea how long I sit and lay in the grass and cry and talk to the sky, to my sister, but eventually the tears subside and my legs don’t feel as weak so I walk back home.

When I get back, there’s still no sign of Tuck. I see it’s already going on five. I’m supposed to work tonight but I have no idea how I can make it through the shift. Now I wish I had a damn phone because I can’t even call off.

I take a shower and make myself presentable and sit down and watch some mindless television to pass the time. I make my way into work and thankfully the bar isn’t too busy because I’m not in the mood to deal with people right now.

“Hey Harp,” Natalie says when I come behind the bar.

“Hey!”  We make small talk but then are interrupted due to customers. Later on I see Declan and the band, but no Parker.  That’s odd; usually he’s always here with the guys. Maybe he’s a on a date tonight? I hope he finds a good girl.

A few hours into my shift Nat comes up and starts talking to me about Parker. Hmmm…interesting.

“So, you and Parker huh?” I say curiously.

“It’s nothing serious; we just hang out every now and again,” she states.

“So where is he tonight?”  I decide to ask.

“Not sure, Tuck came over and said he needed to talk to him and then they both split. I have no idea, I haven’t heard back from him yet,” she says, which surprises the hell out of me.

“You saw Tuck today?” I ask nervously.

“Yeah, he looked a bit frazzled. I was surprised when Park let him in because he can’t stand him, but whatever they talked about was serious because they left immediately,” she says.

“Oh,” is all I can say. Why would Tuck go to Parker, what did he need him for? And why did he never come back to see me?

“I haven’t heard back from Park yet so I hope everything’s okay,” Natalie says.

“Yeah me too, can you keep me posted if you hear anything from Parker or Tuck?” I ask now slightly worried.

“Sure, Harp do you still not have a phone?” she asks looking at me like I’m crazy.

“No, I guess I should probably get myself one.”  I saw with a frown.

“Umm, yeah having a cell phone is practically mandatory now-a-days,” she says laughing and I start to laugh a little with her.

Before we can discuss anything further the bar gets busy so back to work we go. I can’t say I’m not mad at Tuck because I am, but I think I’m sadder at the situation.  He left and though I can’t blame him, it still hurts.

It’s going on midnight when Tuck and Parker enter the bar.  They both have serious, worried expressions on their faces. When Tuck sees me he smiles and walks directly over to me, behind the bar and all and wraps me up in his arms.  I do nothing but hug him back.  I should be angry but it all just fades away with just the sight of him.

“Harp, I thought I would make it back earlier, I’m sorry. Let’s go home,” he says as he kisses me on the top of my head. 

“I can’t leave. I’m working.”  Just then Parker comes up, “Harp, I talked to Eddie, you’re done for tonight.” The look on his face shows a sense of sadness, though I’m not sure why. 

Before I can say anything, “Okay let’s go,” Tuck says as he is holding my hand pulling me toward the door.

“Oh okay then. Hi Parker, bye Parker,” I say as I’m walking with Tuck.

“See you later,” Parker says still looking sad.

Once outside I ask Tuck, “Is Parker okay, he seems a little off tonight?” 

“He’s okay, don’t worry about him,” he says as he opens the door to his car to let me in. I slide in and then he makes his way around the car and slides into the driver side and heads in the direction of my dorm. When he parks the car he gets out and opens the door for me. He takes my hand in his as we make our way up to my room. He’s been pretty quiet the whole ride back and I wasn’t sure what to say so I say nothing.

Once inside he looks like he wants to say something but is holding back. “Tuck, what’s going on?” I ask finally because it’s driving me nuts. 

“We will talk but how about you take a shower and get in comfortable clothes first,” he says with a sadness showing on his face. 

“No, Tuck I want you to talk to me now, where the heck have you been all day?” I say a little bit angrier than intended.

“Harp please, I will tell you everything, but you need to relax first.” He comes up to me and wraps me in his arms and hugs me tightly to his body. Then he leads me into the bathroom and starts the shower for me. He knows I like to get showers when I get home to get the bar smell off of me and the hot water helps to relax me.

I relent and once he leaves the bathroom I enter the shower and allow the steaming hot water wash away all the stress of the day.  Taking a longer shower than planned, I finally step out and dry off, lotion up, brush my teeth then make my way into the bedroom and throw on some nightclothes.  I make my way out to the living room and see Tuck sitting on the couch looking deep in thought.