Needing You (19 page)

“You and I both know it would not be just a shower,” he states rather frustrated.

“Tucker look, I’m not expecting anything from you and clearly, your choice on Friday night says it all,” I state matter of fact. 

Before I can comprehend what is happening, Tucker rips open the shower curtain looks me dead in the eyes and says, “What the hell happened Friday night?” with a confused look on his face.

As I’m standing there under the water completely naked, I try to cover myself up as best I can because I wasn’t expecting that.  Obviously, Tucker realizes what he just did as he is clearly checking me out followed by a string of curses.

“Do you mind if we talk after I get out of the shower?” I ask nervously. As much as I would like to enjoy this moment, I don’t.  I’m not comfortable with my body as it is and having someone else as experienced as Tuck makes me nervous.  Hell who I am I kidding, anyone seeing me naked makes me nervous.  I have no experience in this area.  What the hell am I doing?

“Shit, sorry. I’ll be waiting to discuss this once you get out,” he states and then storms out of the bathroom.

What the hell just happened?  As excited as it was to see him gaze over my body, I can’t help but think of him comparing me to all the other girls he’s been with.  I know I’m not perfect and I wish I was more comfortable in my skin, but I didn’t expect him to see me naked like that.  Why did I choose to get a shower with him still here?  I need to think things through first.

I hurry up with my shower, dry off, and wrap myself in a towel.  I walk into my bedroom thinking he’s going to wait in the living room for me, only to find him sitting on the edge of my bed.

“Sorry Harp, I wasn’t thinking when I opened the curtain.  Then again, no I’m not sorry because you are even sexier than I imagined,” he says with a smile on his face. Before I can say anything he continues, “But tell me what the hell happened on Friday night?” he says looking directly at me.

“Tucker please, I don’t want to get into this right now.” I state slightly embarrassed and excited because of his current comment.  He thinks I’m sexy. How exciting is that!

“Hell no, you can’t say something like that and not answer me.” As I’m standing there in my towel he pulls me to him so I’m standing in between his legs. How awkward! “Tell me what you’re talking about,” he says looking up into my eyes with his hands on my hips locking me in place.

I look him in the face and tell him what I was told. “I was told you were out with a girl doing what you do on Friday night,” I state matter of fact.

“Who the hell said that?” he says almost angrily.

“It doesn’t matter Tucker.  We don’t have any set of rules or anything, so it’s not a big deal,” I say, trying to sound like it doesn’t bother me. Who the hell am I kidding, it definitely bothers me.

He takes my chin and turns my face so I’m looking down into his eyes, “Harp it does matter because I was not with any girl on Friday.  And yes, we are going to set some rules so there is no mistake about what is going on between me and you. Do you got that?” he says sincerely looking me directly in the eyes. 

I just nod my head because what else is there to say.

“Do you mind if I grab a shower quick and then we can talk?” he asks sweetly.

“Sure.  Do I get a peep show too?” I ask while laughing and taking a step back from between his legs, but I don’t make it far.

Before I know it, Tucker has me on my bed with him on top of me looking at me with a sexy smile on his face. He then says, “No Harp, because if you come to take a peek at me, I’m going to pull you into the shower and have my way with you.”

We just stay there looking into each other’s eyes. I want nothing more than to grab his face and kiss him, but I don’t do it.  After a long while, Tucker finally gets up and heads into the bathroom. I hop up and get lotioned up and dressed and throw my hair up into a messy wet bun on the top of my head.

I decide to sit on my bed and wait for Tucker so he knows how it feels.  When he walks out, he has a towel wrapped around his waist and holy begeezus, his body is a wonderland.  Holy hell, his body is so toned and muscular. I can’t help but stare.

Tucker watches me checking him out, “you only get this sneak peek because you’re not ready for the full show,” he says with a laugh. I throw a pillow at him and he catches it.  “Do I pass the test to your liking?” he asks as he spins in a slow torturous circle.

I decide to be ballsy, “I’m not sure, I’m still debating, maybe you should turn around again,” I say with a laugh.

“Oh is that so, well I will appease you,” he says as he turns slowly again and then starts walking slowly towards me on the bed. “How about now, am I to your liking?” he asks while looking down at me with those sexy dark brown eyes.

“Umm, I’m still not sure, I think I need to see more,” I say more determined than ever. No idea where I got the balls to say that but damn he did see me naked, I think it’s only fair.

“Harp, you are going to be the death of me,” he says as he leans down so his face is inches away from mine.  His breath smells like cinnamon and I want to kiss him and taste his mouth. 

“Can I ask you a question?” I say nervously.

“Sure ask me anything,” he says with a cute smirk on his face.

“Can I kiss you?” Wow where did that come from?  I am never this open and up-front, especially with a guy. 

“Would you like to kiss me Harper?” he asks with a smug smile on his face.

“Ugh, never mind.” I start to say and before I can turn my face, Tuck snatches my chin and says almost as a whisper, “I’m going to kiss you now,” and he crashes his lips down onto mine.  At first the kiss is slow and sweet but then it turns more urgent, more passionate. I’ve never been kissed like this in my life. Holy hell, this boy can kiss!  I feel his tongue against my lips and I open slightly and he takes that as a green light and tastes my mouth exploring it freely. I’ve been dreaming of this day for months and I decide to take advantage. I push my tongue into his mouth and explore as much as he does and God, I can’t get enough.  Who thought a simple kiss could feel so good?  My stomach feels like there are fireworks going off inside of it and I don’t ever want to stop. 

After who knows how long, Tucker slowly pulls back and stares down at me. Neither of us says a word, but our breathing says it all. After a few seconds, Tucker stands up and clearly has made a tent of the towel he is wearing. I feel giddy because I made him feel that way and damn it feels good, even though I’m lost when it comes to satisfying a man.

“Need a minute to gather your thoughts?” I say with a laugh.

“Damn I was right; you are going to be the death of me Harp. Christ, I’m going to need a cold shower,” he says with a smile on his face.

“Sorry,” is the only thing I can think to say.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, I am not sorry as you can tell,” he says with a laugh. “Just give me a few minutes.”

“I’ll go into the living room while you finish up in here,” I say with a giggle and head out of the room as fast as my legs can carry me.

Tucker

Shit, what the hell was I thinking kissing her like that?  As amazing as it felt to feel her beneath me, I know I won’t be able to give her what she wants.  Yeah I know, I’m an ass.  I want her to realize not all people are pricks.  Clearly, she’s been hurt before and I will get to the bottom of that soon.  I will protect her any way I can.  I feel like I need to.  I know she’s an independent person, but hell, everyone needs help sometimes right? 

So yeah, I’m a selfish bastard!  I can’t stop thinking about her and kissing her and damn, how I would have liked to rip her clothes off and fuck her till the damn sun goes down, but Harp’s not that type of girl.  For a second there, I think she wanted me to go further, but I won’t, not till I know what the hell happened with her family that makes her so reserved from people.  I can’t trust that she won’t run off and then I’m back to where I started. 

Harp is different, I know this, she’s special.  I knew the first damn day I saw her that she was different. Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t intentionally run her over, but I was pretty happy to see she was the one I did in fact run over.  Too bad for me she left as fast as she could.  That didn’t stop me though, no…instead I try running with her and I think it was her “piss off” attitude that made me interested.  Truth be told, it was the look in her eyes that said everything I needed to see. I could tell something or someone troubled her and I know that look because I have it myself, so it makes her interesting. I want to know what secrets she’s carrying. She’s a beautiful girl and most guys want to hit on her, but I took care of that shit right off the bat.  If I wanted to get to know this girl, I needed to make sure I didn’t have competition.  So instead of thinking to myself right now, I should be out there talking to her. Damn me to hell sometimes.

Chapter 20

“Okay Harp, I think it’s time we talk.  I told you about my past and I want you to open up to me some too,” Tucker says as he’s walking into the living room.

“R-Right now?” I stutter nervously.

“Yes, right now.  I want you to trust me and know that I am here for you.  I want you to open up to me.  I’ve waited for you to bring it up, but obviously you haven’t so here I am, asking you to open up to me, let me in,” he says looking at me with all seriousness.

“I hate this, God I hate this,” I can feel my eyes build up with water, but I won’t let the tears fall.

“Harp, I’m here with you,” he says as he wraps an arm around me.

We sit on the couch and I know I won’t be able to look him in the eyes as I tell him this sick sad story about my life.

“Here goes nothing. Tuck…first off let me say that growing up was normal for me. My older sister Allie and I got along great and our parents were awesome, at least I thought they were.  The older we got, the closer Allie and I became. She was my best friend. Even though I was two years younger than her, she always included me in things and I was friends with all her friends.  Allie was outgoing, the hot cheerleader that all the guys wanted, she was funny, and always happy.  She loved life.  Then one day things just changed with her. I didn’t know what happened, but she wasn’t that happy-go-lucky girl she used to be. I tried to talk to her numerous times about it, but she wouldn’t tell me anything specific.  She became this different person for so long and I never understood why.

Right after Allie turned seventeen, she killed herself.  I’ll never forget it, that vision is engraved in my brain.  My mom found her in her bedroom with a pill bottle in her hand and the knife lying by her body with blood surrounding her.  When I saw her, I couldn’t understand why.  My parents called 911, but it was too late, she was gone before they arrived at the house.  I was so mad at her because she was my sister, my best friend, and she left me and I never knew why.  She didn’t leave a note or anything, so I was lost for a while. Things were never the same in our house. My mom took it pretty hard obviously, and she started to drink more; my dad well, he would never talk about Allie, and if someone mentioned her name, he would get angry and change the conversation.

For months and months I was angry and my mom decided I needed to see a therapist, so I did.  I couldn’t come to terms with why my sister died.  Then I found her journal.  My sister wrote down everything that happened in her life.  That thing was her prized possession. I forgot about it, but then one day I came across it by accident. I knew I would find out something within that book that would tell me what happened or what changed.  After reading page after page, day after day, I found it.  It was right before she turned fifteen years old, the words she wrote I couldn’t comprehend what I was reading.  I wouldn’t tell anyone what I found in her journal and I couldn’t stop myself from reading more and more. I’ll never forget the words she wrote, “April 12, 2010, my world changed today, today was the day my father raped me for the first time.” 

I knew I had tears streaming down my face and I could feel Tuck tense beside me, clearly not expecting to hear what a monster my father had become, but I continued with my story.

“I read page after page of how my father would rape her time and time again.  He did this so many times I couldn’t believe it, my father, our father, how could he do this to my sister, our family.  In Allie’s journal there were numerous times where she would tell someone, but nothing ever came of it and when my father would find out, he would punish her even more. Making her pay for what she did…Tucker I counted, she told ten different adults over the course of two years and no one did a damn thing.  Her last entry was the day she committed suicide and she wrote how she couldn’t take it anymore.  That today was the last time she told someone who told her that making up something about someone could ruin their reputation and that she should think before she speaks such nonsense.  She didn’t know how to make it stop, so she did the only thing she knew how and took herself out of the picture.”

The tears don’t stop or slow down as I just told him one of the worst days of my life.  Tucker just holds me in his arms and rocks me back and forth.

“Harper, I am so sorry that your sister had to endure that, she didn’t deserve it.  I’m sorry you lost your best friend, your sister all at once,” he says sweetly as he’s rocking me in his arms.

I stay in Tucker’s arms and eventually I fall asleep because the talk wore me out. I wake up sometime later to realize I am in my bed with Tucker still wrapped around me.

“Hey Harp, I’m right here,” he says a bit worriedly.

“How did I get into my bed?” I ask confused.

“After you fell asleep you didn’t look comfortable, so I brought you back here where you would have more room.  Are you hungry?” he asks sweetly.

“Not really. Thank you for staying with me,” I tell him.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” he says smiling at me. 

“Can we not talk about my family anymore right now? I think I’ve had enough for one day,” I ask looking hopeful at him.