Needing You (17 page)

“Where the hell have you been Harper?” he yells as soon as I close the door.

“Away from you! Why are you still here?” I yell back.

“We need to talk,” he states in a demanding tone.

“Tucker, you can save it. I don’t want to hear anything you have to say,” I hiss at him.

“Well, I’m not leaving until we talk,” he says, now in a softer tone.

“It looks like you’re going to be sleeping on the couch then because I’m not talking to you,” I state and then start to walk back towards my bedroom. 

Before I make it to the door, Tuck tugs on my arm and turns me to face him and says, “Please Harper, just listen to me,” he pleads.

I know I shouldn’t give in but damn if he doesn’t look sexy, looking all sweet and pathetic at the same time.  I can see the pain and hurt in his eyes and his boyish charm is winning and damn him for that.

I turn around and head back toward the couch, “Fine, talk…I’m listening.”

“Thanks. I want to start off by saying that last weekend is not what you think. I was not with Mona, not sexually….hell not in any way.  I did have a frat house meeting like I told you, and then afterwards everyone decided to go to a different house to party. I got a call and had a situation I had to handle. I would have called you, but you don’t own a damn phone and I didn’t have time to run out to the bar to tell you and then get to where I needed to be. I’m sorry,” he said breathlessly while looking at me straight in the eyes.

“Tucker, where did you need to be? What so was important?” I sat staring at him, waiting for yet another excuse.

“It was just a situation I needed to handle.” I say softly then look down towards the floor.

“Is that the same situation where you had a cut on your eye along with a bruise?” I state more than ask.  The look on his face is wow, clearly he’s shocked because the bruise is long gone and the cut is pretty much nonexistent.  Before he can say anything I start, “I saw you on campus during the week, I saw it. I just don’t understand why you felt the need to stay away from me. I don’t get it,” I say frustrated, because I don’t understand.

“I wasn’t trying to stay away. I was just angry and I knew you’d be pissed and the longer I went without talking to you, the harder it got to come and apologize. I am sorry I am.  I’m an ass,” he admits shaking his head.

“You got that right. I don’t want to go back and forth with you like this.  Hell we fight and we aren’t even in a damn relationship, so clearly something’s not working. Wouldn’t you agree?” I state looking at him, waiting for him to look me in the eyes.

Tuck is looking straight at me, “Harp you’re right. But it’s not working because we don’t trust each other. Hell you thought was I out with Mona because of a damn comment she made, so clearly you don’t trust me and I get it, it’s partly my fault.”

“Are you serious right now? You tell me you’re coming back and never do, you disappear, you let me stranded at a damn party, what am I to think?” I yell.

“I already explained the party. Damn, yes I was wrong because I bailed last Saturday and I was wrong for that,” he says clearly frustrated.

“What did you have to do last Saturday that you just left like that?” I ask again, looking at him for an answer.

“I had to handle a situation, I’m sorry Harper,” he says while he continues to look anywhere but at me.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it; you had me fucking worried something happened to you.  Hell, I walked to your damn frat house to make sure you were okay but it was dark and your car was gone. For days and days I fucking worried and thought the worst until I heard someone on campus say they talked to you.” I scream at him. I can feel my eyes start to get watery, but I will be damn if he sees them, so instead I get up and walk towards the kitchen.

“God Harper, I’m sorry. I should have made sure you knew I was fine. I didn’t even think that you would think something happened, shit Harper.” He stops talking and is running his hands down his face clearly at a loss of words.

“Well now you know.” Before I know what’s happening, Tuck is up and moving and has me wrapped in a hug, “I’m so sorry, I’m not used to people worrying about me and I didn’t think, shit, I’m sorry. I can’t say that enough, but damn I mean it. I never meant for you to worry,” he says while squeezing me tight to his body.

I don’t say a word because what is there to say.

He takes my face in his hands so I’m looking into his eyes when he speaks to me, “I messed up.  I am going to talk to you and tell you shit that I don’t talk about.  I want you to trust me and open up to me and I am going to start doing that with you.”

I don’t say anything; just nod my head, which is still in Tucker’s hands. He takes that as his cue and begins opening up to me. He takes a deep breath first and says, “I’m not a good guy Harp, and no I’m not proud of some of the shit I’ve done, but I can’t change the past, I can only change the future.”

I just nod my head that I understand that. He takes my hand and pulls me back in the living room towards the couch and we both sit down and he continues, “I don’t get along with my family any longer. The only person I speak to is my baby sister and that’s because she needs me. I have a mom, dad and an older brother Trent and then a younger sister Tessa. As much as I say, I’m not the cause for my family falling apart. The majority of my family would disagree, which is why I no longer speak to any of them except for Tessa.”

Tucker takes another deep breath and I cut in, “You don’t’ have to tell me any of this,” I say softly while looking into his deep chocolate brown eyes.

He responds quickly, “Yes I do. I need you to understand why I treat women like shit and why I don’t stick around to deal with it.” 

“Okay,” is my only response.

He continues his story, “Growing up we had a great life, and everything was well-taken care of. We didn’t need or want for anything. Yes, we were spoiled. My mom was a stay-at-home mom and my dad was a lawyer who worked late at times. He was great at his job and people loved him. Everyone was envious of the family, my family. For years, everything was great.  We were a picture perfect family.  When I was 16, I started dating a girl in high school.  We did everything together and my family loved her.  We dated for three years and talked about going to college together and hell, we even talked about marriage and kids.  One night we were talking and she was really upset and I couldn’t figure out why, finally she told me she cheated on me one time after we first started dating. She kept apologizing and crying and all I could ask was who, who did she cheat on me with?  Never in my wildest imagination would I think I would ever hear my brother’s name come out of her mouth. But it did, she said Trent.  She lost her virginity to my fucking brother while she was dating me.”  Tucker stops and takes a sip of the water sitting on the coffee table.

“Tucker, I am so sorry I couldn’t even imagine.” I say, shocked at his admission of what his brother did to him.

He looks at me, “That’s not even the worst of it.  After long talks we had and her crying and begging me to forgive her I did, because I’m stupid and in love with this girl.  Things were different between us though and even when she came to spend the holidays with my family, things were awkward.  I already had it out with Trent, but the rest of my family had no idea.  I’m not sure if it was the hostility I had towards her and Trent or just that I couldn’t look at her the same way knowing what she did, but I was pulling myself away from her a bit. As much as I loved her I hated her for what she did to me. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn my lesson. (He says continuing to shake his head).

I was out with some of my buddies’ one afternoon playing ball and she told me she had plans, so she wouldn’t be there, no big deal right? Wrong.  The guys and I ended up finishing early so I headed home.  Mom took Tessa shopping for the afternoon and Trent went back to school, so when I entered the house and heard voices, I was a bit taken back. I walked up the stairs to my parents’ bedroom; before I could even get to the door, my girlfriend walked out naked with my dad’s arms wrapped around her.  Not only did this bitch sleep with my brother, but my fucking dad too,” he says in an angry tone.

I gasp, because I cannot believe the words that just came out of his mouth.  His ex-girlfriend slept with him, his brother, and his father. That’s just disgusting. Who does that?  Ewwww.

“Tucker…”

“No Harp, let me finish please,” he asks pleadingly.

I nod my head for him to go ahead and to let this mess all out.

“I punched my dad right in the face, told her what a slut she was and walked out of the house, got in my car and left.  I went to Park’s house and got shitfaced. At the time, it felt like the best thing to do, drown my sorrows.  At that time, we were still real good friends. He let me crash at his place for a few days and I filled him in on the shit that happened. He talked me into going back home to confront my dad and so I did.  I did it right in front of my mom so she could hear and see what a dick she married,” he says with a slight laugh.

“Unfortunately for me, my mother sided with my cheating ass father.  Saying that it was my fault I brought that girl into our home and into our family.  My mom told me I brought that temptation around my brother and my father, so what was I to expect. Harp, I was so pissed. She knew that bitch slept with Trent and never told me…for years.” Tucker’s voice rises at times and I can see and hear the pain that this has caused him and I can see how it still hurts him to this day. I don’t say anything; just continue to stare into his eyes and face, as he continues.

“In the end, my dad ended up leaving my mom for Bianca and my mom blamed me for destroying our family because I dated Bianca and brought her into our family.  My relationship with Trent was never repaired, because well, he honestly didn’t give a shit. My baby sister Tessa went in the opposite direction and turned to drugs as a way to cope. She has her own issues, but losing her family to a girl that dated her brother was hard for her. At the time she was only sixteen, so moving and losing everything she was used to was a hard adjustment for her.  She’s gotten into trouble, hung out with the wrong people, got into hard drugs and always calls me when she’s in trouble,” he says looking at me with pain and sorrow in his eyes. I just want to hug him.

“I am so sorry that your family had to go through that and that your mother acted that way,” I say sympathetically.

“Harp, after that, I told myself I would never allow another woman to play me like that and I haven’t.  I fuck and sometimes I don’t even take the time to learn their name because what’s the point, I’m not calling her tomorrow.  Instead of allowing a girl to use me, I use them. I get what I want and send them on their way.  I don’t hide who I am or what I do, girls know what to expect when they come to me.  It’s just easier this way,” he says with sad solemn eyes.

I’m confused a little bit because this man wouldn’t touch me, yet he fucks girls and leaves them.  Finally I find the balls to ask, “Tucker, then why would you not even kiss me?” I ask a bit on the quieter side.

He looks at me confused, “Harp, you’re different.  You deserve better because you’re better than a one-night stand. You’re pure and though I can see you have demons too, I could never do that to you. You deserve more….hell you are more,” he says with a sweet smile on his face while piercing me with his sexy deep brown eyes.

Shit if he only knew, I’m a whole pile of fucked-up. “Tuck, thank you for saying that, but I can’t say I agree with you,” I say sadly. 

He takes my chin and moves it so I have no choice but to look him in the eyes and says, “Harp, you deserve the best.  As much as I wish that was me right now it’s not, but I’m trying.  You make me want to try. You, Harper Mae Lane, give me hope that women aren’t all manipulative bitches,” he says with a small chuckle.

I smile and laugh with him.  “Well you are right on that one, we aren’t, at least not me.”

“Well now you can understand why I don’t trust the female species and why I treat them the way I do.  I’m not going to say it’s right because it’s not but it’s my way of dealing with shit,” he says sadly.

“I do get it now and thank you for talking to me and telling me this. I understand it’s not easy, but I’m glad I got to see a new side of you.  It’s not easy to be hurt and to move on and be okay, but you are.  You give me hope Tucker James Price.”

Tucker smiles at me and says, “I think we talked about enough past bullshit for one day, can we just hang out and talk about other shit now?”

“Absolutely! “ I say still with a freaking huge grin on my face.

And we do.  We talk about classes and homework and work.  He does ask me why I didn’t work on Saturday and I fill him in that the bar was overstaffed for the night and I told them on Friday that they could cut me for the Saturday shift, which was why I was out and about at a sorority house.  Then, Tuck fills me in on fraternity things and tells me they have a social event coming up and he would like me to accompany him.  The night goes really well after his admission of his past. 

I somewhere find the courage to ask Tuck if he would stay the night with me, he agrees and we snuggle together.  Lying here in Tucker’s arms and falling asleep feels like the safest place.  I haven’t felt this safe in years and it makes my stomach do somersaults knowing I feel this way because of Tucker Price.  I drift off into sweet slumber with Tucker’s arms wrapped tightly around me.

Chapter 19

The next few weeks fly by and Tucker and I have become a lot closer since his admission of his past.  I know I need to tell him about some of my issues, but it’s still a work in progress.  I know once he knows my past he’ll leave and I’m not ready to lose him yet. We haven’t done anything other than cuddle and he occasionally kisses my forehead. I would like to taste his freaking mouth, but he keeps saying we are taking things slow.  I get it and I’m not ready for anything sexual, but kissing is harmless right? 

Thankfully, I am doing better than I expected in most of my classes.  I’ve been studying my butt off so I am glad to see my hard work is paying off.