My Stupid Girl (46 page)

“I haven’t seen her yet, but she told me
yesterday she was coming.” He straightened an already straight chair, avoiding
eye contact. Whenever I mentioned her, everyone got nervous. First Evelyn at
Isaiah’s physical therapy, then Michelle when we were egging Rachel’s car, now
Sean. The thought of everyone knowing more about Lucy than me made me sick to
my stomach. So I pushed it down and decided to ignore it and believe that he
really was just straightening a chair.

“Hey man.” Isaiah came over and hugged me. 

“Looking good, gimp. How are you feeling?” 

“Well, my muscles are still sore, but I’m
pretty much healed up. The skin looks amazing, it’s like a road map of Rhode
Island or something.” Trust Isaiah to make a joke of a gnarly injury. He looked
over at the stage then looked back at me quickly, hoping I hadn’t seen his eyes
wander over to Evelyn. 

“So, you guys officially going out yet?” I
punched his shoulder as I spoke. He grimaced and looked at his feet. 

“No. I don’t think so anyways.”

“You don’t think so?” I started laughing at
him and he shot daggers at me. 

“I took her to this movie. It was about
zombies. I think she got sick afterwards.” He laughed.

“So you took her on a date?”

“She made me, but I got to pick the movie.”
He winked at me and looked back over his shoulder in her direction. She was
looking back at us as well, scowling as usual, at Isaiah. “She is crazy, if you
ask me. She’s gotta’ be just messing around with me. Or thinking there’s some
fuzzy-puppy-nugget of goodness hidden somewhere. Nuts, right?” His eyes studied
me seriously. It was a rare occasion when Isaiah asked a straightforward
question.

“Awww, but then she’d be right. You’re
secretly a puppy-dawg eatin’ cotton candy.” Isaiah grimaced but I had to keep
going. The opportunity was too good to waste. “Maybe she just likes you because
you won’t give her the time of day. That kind of thing freaks pretty girls out.
It means they have to win you with more than their good looks.” 

“In that case I’m going to go slap her
gorgeous face.” He winked at me again and limped off towards Evelyn. As I
expected, he did something completely opposite from a face slap. I watched him
all the same. He bent down to pick up something Evelyn was pointing at, then
followed her towards the entrance. She stopped where I was standing and smiled
so kindly at me, I was about to introduce myself, thinking we had never met. 

“David, I’m sorry about your grandma.” She
reached in and took me in her arms for a hug, her little body feeling like a
toothpick.

“Thanks, Evelyn.” I gulped. Isaiah was
looking at the back of her head with a mixture of confused longing. She patted
my shoulders comfortingly then spun her little body around and linked arms with
Isaiah, who instantly shook her off, but followed her out of the room, still
carrying her things. Like a puppy dog.

“Well, looks like things haven’t changed
much,” I said to Sean, who was still straightening chairs. The last time I’d
been here had been last year, with Lucy. 

“A-huh,” Sean said, not looking at me,
still investigating a nearby chair. 

“David.” A hand cupped my shoulder and I
turned around to my Uncle John. “People are starting to arrive. We need to
stand by the door and greet them as they come in.” 

“Okay.” Another flitter of hope bubbled in
my stomach. Sean had said Lucy was coming. I just needed to see her so I could
stop obsessing. I was starting to get on my own nerves.

I greeted about eighty people. I knew
probably three of them. My birth father and step-mom came, which was wonderful.
Dillon ran into my arms and gave me a big hug, trying to squeeze the breath out
of me. 

“Hey little man, you’ve gotten big!” I
ruffled his curly black hair.

“I’d growing, and so big big big.”

“You sure are, buddy.” I got a kiss and a
hug with little fat arms before he reached back for his mom. Marty hugged me
and kissed my forehead.

“David, we are so sorry.”

“Thanks for asking us to come.” My dad
reached in and took me into his arms. I needed it. I relaxed, letting down a
wall that I had been keeping reserved for Lucy to help break down. But I was
started to get really angry that I hadn’t seen her yet. I knew that it wasn’t
going to do any good. Seeing her wasn’t going to fix anything, especially not
after so long. And she didn’t owe me anything. And whatever kind of expectation
I was having right now was purely something that I had made up on my own. But I
was still kind of angry.

I sighed deeply and went to go sit down in
the main part of the church where the pastor got up to say a few words. He
hadn’t known Grandma, but he had done his homework, probably getting the basics
from my friends. He said a lot of good stuff about making life count. It
sounded like something straight from my grandmother’s mouth.

I looked around and saw Isaiah, Evelyn,
Johnny, Jennika, and Michelle all sitting in a row a few back. They all looked
classy. Even Michelle had toned it down a bit in my grandma’s honor. She had
most of her makeup off, her big eyes showing and her thin lips were a color
that occurred in nature. Her round face stood out under her hair she had
recently dyed black. It was a flawless black, much like mine. She was a
beautiful girl; I couldn’t deny it. She caught me looking over at her and she
smiled at me with amazing compassion. It was strange for me to see her as a
person who cared for other’s feelings. I felt an unexplained warmth when I saw
her. I smiled back, wishing that I could make myself feel more than brotherly
love for her. It would make my life a million times easier.

“And now, her grandson David is going to
say a few words.” The pastor’s words called me forward. I looked up at him,
trying not to look startled. I’d known I was going up there. My grandmother’s
sons had asked me to be the one that spoke for the family. They always thought
of me as an outsider, which I was, but I guess they had changed their opinions
a little in the last few weeks.    

I took a deep breath, straightened myself
up, and stood. I wore a grey, three-piece suit with matching jacket and vest.
The legs felt tight, which usually never happened because I had such tiny legs.
A deep red tie added a little color but nothing gaudy. My grandma loved the
color red, so I thought it was appropriate. Our entire family wore red roses in
our lapels, as well. I walked up to the front, feeling like a fool in front of
all these people, but I wanted to do this, even though I was completely
terrified. Behind the podium, I looked out at the sea of nameless faces staring
back at me. My mouth got dry from the attention, but I opened it anyways.

“My grandma was an incredible woman.” My
voice surprised me, and just hearing it gave me some courage.

“You may not believe this, but I used to be
a bit of a punk.” A few people snickered and I didn’t have to look up to see
who they were. I felt a huge sense of love pour over me as I thought about my
friends, sitting a few rows back, here at Grandma’s funeral. Some of them were
old friends, some were new, all supported me.

“I changed when I moved in with her.” I
felt my face break into an involuntary smile at the memory of landing in her
home. “I started truly living my life when she took me in. All it had taken was
me risking my own life by going after some beautiful girl in a frozen lake.”
The whole room started laughing. I didn’t realize I was such a comedian. Stupid
small towns, everyone knew your business. Each person in that room knew exactly
what I was talking about. I started chuckling at the different memories that
were running through my mind, totally abandoning the speech I had written the
night before. 

“I went out once, without telling Grandma,
and came home at two in the morning. She was sitting in her living room, with
curlers in her hair, when I walked through the front door.” I paused for
effect. “Then she spanked me. I was seventeen years old.” I laughed along with
the crowd this time.

One laugh in particular, a familiar
obnoxious laugh, made my pulse race. It made my heart jump through my chest as
I scanned the room, looking desperately for Lucy. Finally, in the back corner I
saw a pair of the most amazing blue eyes I had ever seen. We made eye contact
but she looked down instead of devastating me with her smile, like I was so
used to. Her hair was shorter, and straight. The tips just skimmed the tops of
her shoulders. It fell around her eyes and cheeks in layers, with red
highlights that mingled with the soft brown.

Her face was rounder then the last time I
had seen her, and looked even more beautiful than I remembered. It was the most
perfect face I had ever seen. Her eyes sneaked up and I caught their gaze
again. She smiled then raised her eyebrows up like she was waiting for
something.

My stomach jumped into my throat, realizing
I hadn’t spoken in about fifteen seconds. I’d just stood in front of everyone,
my mouth probably hanging open like an idiot. I shook my head and closed my mouth.
Suddenly I had to work really hard not to cry.

“She taught me how to live right, how to be
a good man. Every good thing I do or earn in my life will be because of her.”
My eyes were starting to swell and my throat was killing me from the effort of
fighting back tears. I had to end it, or I was going to start bawling in front
of everyone. “I just loved her very much, and I am going to miss her. She was
the greatest woman I have ever known. Thank you.” Everyone applauded for me as
I walked down to my chair. I felt grateful that they were all so gracious to
me. That speech wasn’t going to win any prizes. 

Evelyn and Rachel walked quietly up front
and sang “Amazing Grace” in this incredible two-part harmony, without any
instruments. They sounded beautiful, and both looked exquisite. Their voices
blended together perfectly, mesmerizing everyone. I barely heard them though.
All I wanted was to look behind me and see that beautiful face, those eyes,
again. I was afraid if I waited too long she would disappear, leaving behind
the little bit of my heart that I still had intact.

I glanced over at my friends who were only
a few rows behind me and was surprised to see that they were all looking down
at their hands, or trying to avoid looking at the far corner of the room. My
suspicion that they were all keeping something from me was growing. I looked
behind them, trying to see if I could spot Lucy. There was a large old man
blocking my view, but whenever he weaved I could see her. She was looking in my
direction.

Sweat was pouring from my hands and I could
actually hear my heartbeat in my ears. I was trying to figure out when I could
talk to her. If she let me, I was going to kiss those amazing lips. It had been
almost a year since I had even seen her, or talked with her. I couldn’t
remember what the big deal was in her bathroom anymore. In the last year I
thought of about thirty-four different ways I could have handled that.

When the service was over everyone was
invited to the church’s banquet hall, where lunch was laid out. I stood up
slowly, trying not to just run over to Lucy and act like a complete fool.
Funerals weren’t really the place for making a romantic scene. Maybe in movies,
but not in real life.

I turned around and saw her with our
friends. Isaiah was hugging her and kissed the top of her head. Her laugh made
me widen my steps towards her. She reached for Johnny and Jennika, hugging them
both like she hadn’t seen them in awhile. They moved to the side and I stopped
dead in my tracks. Pain rocked through my body, a pain I’d never felt before.
This was complete helplessness, the inability to change what I was seeing. A
thing that I had never expected and had absolutely no way to deal with.

Lucy was holding her back with her right
hand. With the left she was cradling a huge stomach. She was pregnant, ready to
pop. But that wasn’t even the worst part.

On the fourth finger of her left hand sat a
ginormous diamond ring. 

26. SAY WHAT, NOW?

I just stood there. Dumbfounded.

My mouth hung wide open, looking at the girl
I loved. Her pregnant stomach stretched a foot in front of her. And she was
surrounded by my idiot friends, none of whom had the decency to even look at
me. 

“Hey, David.” She stared at her feet,
letting her short hair fall loosely in front of her eyes. I backed up, taking
in my surroundings.

I was at my grandmother’s funeral. Lucy was
standing in front of me, pregnant and, I assumed, married. Or about to be. She
was also completely engulfed by my two best friends, Johnny and Isaiah, and their
two girlfriends. I must be a bigger jerk than I thought, for no one to bother
telling me any of this.

“Hey.” I said, sounding like a robot and
not even caring. 

“I, um, I think we should get in line
guys,” Sean’s voice piped up, and he led the way for everyone to follow him.
The entire group almost ran away from us, like cartoon characters whose feet
moved faster than their bodies. All that was missing was the comical music that
went with it. They bumped into each other awkwardly, trying not to look like
they were rushing away from us.

Lucy watched them do their stupid dance
till they were out of the sanctuary, until there was nothing else for her to
look at. She faced me again, her round face glowing with a deep blush. If it
were my baby she would have been the most beautiful person that had ever
existed, but it wasn’t. I felt numb.

“The service was beautiful. She would have
loved it.” Lucy’s fingers flexed, like they wanted to reach out for me, but she
was controlling the instinct. I didn’t know if I wanted her to touch me or not.
She was still Lucy, but she wasn’t my Lucy anymore. It was not a question to
mull over countless times, it was now fact.