My Only Regret (Twisted Fate Book 1) (28 page)

“Is something wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, concerned.

“Of course something is wrong! My marriage is falling apart! I've literally been fighting to keep my head above water. I was involved in an accident,” I admitted, and just like that the sobs broke free, filling the room with their pitiful sound.

“What kind of accident? What happened, are you alright?”

“I am now, but it was pretty serious. Steve attacked me at knifepoint in the park. I was in the hospital overnight.”

“What the fuck! Where the hell is he now? Did he hurt you? Why are you just now telling me this? Why didn’t you call me?” Anger now filled his voice as he fired each question at me. "I'm coming home."

“No, you don't need to do that. Steve is in jail, most likely for a long time. I have a bump on my head and a black eye. I tried calling you from the hospital but you never called me back, and then I saw you on the television, the night of the concert in L.A.”

I heard groaning on the other end of the phone. "I’m sorry about that.”
 

“Did you sleep with her?”
 

“I think we should talk about this in person,” he sighed.

“DID YOU SLEEP WITH HER?” I screamed.

“Rhyann, I’m not having this discussion over the phone. You're just going to think the worst anyway.”

“Don’t bother, it doesn’t matter anyway does it? I guess you’ve made your decision. I hope she was worth it, because whatever we once shared, it’s over,” I cried, ending the call and letting the phone fall to the floor. I threw my head back, letting loose an anguished wail. My heart felt as if it had just been split open, exposing me to the ugly truth that I had always been afraid of. I was never going to be enough for him, no matter what he had said before, there would always be someone in the wings, waiting to take my place. I’d been broken before, and I knew that I would be okay in time, but things were different now because it was no longer just me that I had to worry about. I placed a hand over my stomach, looked down, and spoke to my unborn child.
 

“Looks like we’re on our own, but don’t worry, because somehow, someway, I know we’ll be okay.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

O
ne week has passed since Jesse and I last spoke, and I still haven’t worked up the nerve to tell him about our baby. I've decided to keep the baby, even though I'll have to raise the little one on my own. I found myself looking forward to having someone to take care of, someone to depend on me. A small part of me also looked at it as a way of keeping a part of him close to me. I cried nearly every day, but that would get easier with time. I moved back in with Mel and she helped me move a few things before Jesse returned.

My heart ached so much. The sensible side of me knew that we were both being stubborn and foolish. I didn't think for one minute that he wasn't still in love with me. My pride wanted me to let him go, but my heart, and the life we'd created, pleaded with me to just hang on and have faith.
 

I kept busy most days searching for jobs and spending time in the coffee house just down the street from the apartment. One morning I had just settled down and opened my computer when I heard my name being spoken.

"Rhyann, is that you?" I turned and found Alex sitting at a table a few feet away. He stood and made his way over and when he reached my table I rose and gave him an awkward hug.

"Alex, how have you been?" I motioned for him to join me.

"Good, things are really going great." He scratched his head and laughed. "Wow, I can't believe I ran into you. I'm only in town for a few more hours and stopped in for a quick cup of coffee. Gosh, Rhyann. It is really great to see you. You look amazing. I mean, really, you're glowing."

"Wow, thanks." I blushed. I wasn't about to tell him the reason for my glowing skin. Even though I hadn't been able to keep much food down, my skin had never looked better. "So, I take it you're in town on business. What have you been up to besides work?"

"Well, I've actually met someone and we've been spending a lot of time getting to know one another. So, yeah." He appeared to be nervous, like he was worried I would be offended that he had moved on.

"Oh, I am so happy for you. You are a great guy, you deserve someone who will cherish you. Listen, Alex, I want to apologize for the way I left things that night. I was pretty messed up."

"No, don't worry about it. Seriously, I think I suspected something was going on between you two. How are you doing? I heard you got married in Vegas." He offered me a goofy smile and I brought my knuckles up to my lips, pressing firmly because I wasn't quite sure if I was about to laugh or cry. I looked up and put on the bravest face I could muster.
 

"Actually, yeah, that's true. We were married a few months ago."

"Holy shit! Congratulations!" He stood and gave me a big hug then sat down and took my hand in his. "I truly hope you two are happy together."

"Thank you. That means an awful lot right now." I choked out a sob and brought a hand back to my mouth.

"Rhyann, what's wrong? You can talk to me." He encouraged, placing his hand on my back to comfort me.

"Well, my marriage appears to be hanging by a thread, I found out that I'm pregnant, and I miss my husband. I love him, but I think I may have lost him."

"Whoa, wait a minute. It can't be that bad. Surely he won't leave you and the baby alone. I heard the things he was singing to you. He loves you, that was obvious."

"He doesn't know about the baby." I said, softly.

"Oh, Rhyann." He put his arms around me and simply held me, and I had been so hungry for human connection that I couldn't bring myself to let go. I cried on his shoulder as he ran his hand soothingly over my back.

When I finally pulled away I shifted my gaze to the window and to my surprise I saw Jesse standing there, watching us. When his eyes met mine he shook his head and turned away, heading back down the street.

"Wait!" I yelled out, even though I knew he couldn't hear me. I grabbed my belongings and chased after him, leaving Alex to stand there looking after me as I struggled to get out the door. By the time I reached the sidewalk he was nowhere in sight. My eyes frantically searched both sides of the street, desperate to locate him, but to no avail.

"Fuck!" I threw my head back and shouted up into the sky.

Heads turned my way as I cried alone in the street. Even though my interaction with Alex had been innocent, I knew Jesse would jump to conclusions, the same way I had with Amber. It seemed that no matter how much we loved each other; trust was something neither of us was fully capable of.

I walked home and spent the next two days in bed, crying and thinking about my lonely future.

T
he following Saturday morning I decided to get out of the house. Sitting around the apartment wasn't doing my body, or my brain, any good. That afternoon I called Mel and asked her to take me out for a night on the town, as luck would have it she didn’t have plans with David.

She arrived home promptly at six-thirty and I opened the door before she had a chance to knock. “Whoa, you look great girlfriend.”

“I’m ready for a night of laughter. I'm tired of being sad.” There was no way in hell I was ready for this, but I couldn’t stay locked up inside any longer. I had cried until I feared I would end up dehydrated, then managed to cry some more. My heart ached with every breath I took, and I wanted desperately to crawl in a hole and die, but I knew that I had someone else depending on me now, so I had to be strong, even if it killed me emotionally.

“Sweetie, I am so happy for you. This will be good. You'll get out and meet some new people.” Mel had been thoroughly pissed at Jesse for not coming to see me after the tour ended. She bitched at David about it and he told her that Jesse was keeping his feelings tightly guarded but he also had said that Amber had only been with them briefly that night at the Staples Center. "You know, if it makes you feel any better I've heard that he has been just as miserable. David said he's practically living in the studio writing songs. She hasn't been with him, in case you were wondering." I could only nod at her, unable to form words, but my heart leapt for joy knowing that he was hurting too. If he was hurting, that meant he still loved me.

An hour later we were sitting in a nightclub with two of Mel’s co-workers. They knew all about me working for Jesse and unfortunately wouldn’t stop asking me questions about him. Thankfully, Mel hadn’t told them about our marriage and I was hoping that they wouldn’t recognize me from photos that had leaked after Vegas. I had carefully chosen a wide bangle bracelet that covered the small tattoo on my left wrist. Once I met them I knew anonymity wouldn't be an issue, these two were about as dumb as rocks.

“What was he like every day? Did he ever make a pass at you? I hear he is such a man whore. I’ll bet he smells good.” The girl named Sherry wouldn’t shut up. I tried to smile and give short simple answers, hoping they would be appeased. What I truly wanted to do was throttle her right there on the floor of the nightclub.

“Did you ever see him naked. You know, like when he came out of the shower or something? I've heard that his penis is huge!” Heather shrieked. "Oh my God! A friend of mine once told me that her cousin gave him a blowjob after one of his concerts before he made it big. She said he was like the best ever." Heather was the receptionist at Mel’s office, and she was fast becoming my next target. The longer she ran her mouth, the more she resembled Amber, and I dreamed about throttling that bitch on an hourly basis.

“Well, I've heard that he’s great in bed, but you never get to have him more than once. He’s more of a love ‘em and leave ‘em kind of guy.” Sherry announced, knowingly, as she chewed on her cocktail straw. Sadly, I had to agree with her accurate description. He sure left me, although I must admit it was due to my own jealousy. Would we still be together if I hadn’t pushed him away? In my heart I knew the answer was yes. He had loved me, but love, or a lack of it, had never been our problem.

“I wouldn't care. I would beg him to have his way with me and say the hell with tomorrow!" Heather giggled. "Do you think I’m his type?” I rolled my eyes, frustrated beyond belief that I was allowing this conversation to continue. Hell yes she was his type. She was easy. I wanted to fucking kill her.

“Girls, I'm done talking about Jesse Montgomery. I don’t work for him anymore and he's out of my life. I never saw him naked, I don’t know his penis size, I don’t know if you’re his type, and furthermore I don’t give a flying fuck.” I exhaled and turned to Mel, who had been in the restroom and missed the entire barrage of questions but caught the tail end of my outburst.
 

“I need some fresh air.” I got up and walked toward the front door. As I passed the bar I caught a glimpse of the television. On the screen were old photos of Jesse and Amber. The text running along the bottom of the screen read:
Are Jesse and Amber an item again? Couple spotted getting very friendly out on the town in L.A. after a Twisted Fate appearance.
The entertainment reporter came on the screen and began talking. “It would appear that Jesse Montgomery and Amber Sky are trying to rekindle an old flame, but our sources tell us that Mr. Montgomery is still married. Could the honeymoon be over that quickly? Stay tuned for further details as we dig around for the juicy gossip.” And just that quickly the life was sucked out of me again, and I wanted to crawl back into my bed and hide away.

“Forget about them, Rhy. They're idiots.” Mel was there with her arm around my shoulder. “Don't believe everything you hear about him. You know the press likes to stir up shit. Come on, let’s go somewhere with less chatter.” She linked her arm with mine and pulled me out of the club.
 

When I got outside I took a deep cleansing breath before letting out an anguished cry. It seemed like all I had been doing lately was crying. What I really wanted was to see him face to face, but going home didn't seem like the best idea right now. I was too damn angry to see him.

“You want to talk about it?” Mel asked, quietly.

“Not really. It’s just hard having it rubbed in your face. I guess I just need to let him go. My head knows that but my heart doesn’t seem to want to listen.” I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation. “Gah! Why in the hell didn’t I trust him? He touches me like no one else ever has. He did things to me, said things to me. He was everything, and I let him go. I’m scared that I’ll never be able to tell him about our baby. I’m scared that if I tell him he will either stay away or come back to me out of pity." A few tears escaped down my cheek and I brushed them away angrily. "Why can’t I just forget him?”

“I don’t know. Maybe the sex really was that good,” Mel said as she bumped her hip against mine and laughed. “Probably because you still love him, and always will.”

“I do love him, with every fiber of my being,” I sighed as we headed down the sidewalk. "For the record, the sex was spectacular, and I fucking miss it."

“Oh honey, I’m sorry.” She put her arm around me and leaned her head on my shoulder. “It’ll get better. I still believe there's hope for the two of you. He didn’t fall out of love with you Rhyann, he’s just hurt and angry. It’s going to take some time.”

“Yeah, well time is taking way too long in my opinion, and I gave up on hope two weeks ago. My life will always be shit. This baby is the only thing I have left to look forward to.” I placed a hand over my stomach and kicked a loose stone on the sidewalk.
 

We walked the rest of the way in silence. Our next stop was an old bar with loud country music and pool tables. We were just finishing up with our first round of drinks, beer for Mel and water for me, when two guys invited us to play a game with them. I hadn’t played pool since Jesse used to challenge me. I brushed that memory away and decided to be bold.

“I’ll play,” I replied, walking over to grab a stick. When it was my turn I leaned over to line up my shot, aware that my short skirt may be giving the boys a bit of a show. I was hoping to use that to my advantage.