My Favorite Senior Moments (8 page)

“It's a gas fireplace,” Fred announced. “The logs are fake. Isn't that cool… or rather hot? No need for firewood or matches, and no ashes to clean up!”

Susan looked at the box of logs she'd bought. “How embarrassing!” she said. “I didn't realize… ”

“No problem,” Fred said, interrupting her. He took his wife's hand. “I don't need wood, or matches, or logs, or twigs, or anything else to keep me warm.
You
light my fire!”

Today's Thoughts

Love one another deeply, from the heart.

1 P
ETER
1:22

Lord, may my love for others follow your lead of first loving me. You are my example and inspiration.

36

Still Alive and Kickin'

Sam pulled out
his camping gear from some years ago. His tent was still in good condition. He had a mattress and sleeping bag, a lantern, a canteen, and a small stove, along with accessories for cooking. A quick trip to the grocery store, and he'd be all set. Now all he needed was a buddy to accompany him.

He called Russ. “What do you say, Russ? Want to go camping for a few days at Lake Dorothy? It's not too far, and the weather there is about perfect this time of year. I have a tent that'll hold the two of us. What can go wrong?”

“Everything!” Russ said pessimistically. “I'm not sure I have roughing it in me anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Sam asked, his disappointment evident. The two had camped, and hiked, and rock-climbed together for decades.
Why the sudden hesitancy?
he wondered.

“What if we're swarmed by ants or a snake attacks?” Russ asked.

“You've seen snakes. What's the big deal?”

“A rainstorm could take out the tent. Then what would we do?”

“We'd pack up and go to a motel or drive home.”

“Mosquitoes. I'm allergic to insect bites.”

“Bring repellant—no problem,” Sam countered.

“I'm not sure I can handle camp food at this age.”

“Then bring the real thing, and we'll cook to your specifications.”

“I'm not as agile as I once was. I might slip and fall—and die on the spot.”

“Sure, but that could happen at the grocery store.” Sam had had enough of Russ' negativity. “Look, friend,” he said, making his case one last time, “you either say yes or no. That's it. Anything can happen at any time. You are going to die one day. Who cares where?”

Russ laughed. “Well, okay, when you put it that way, I might as well say yes. But I'm going to update my will before we go.”

“Be sure to include me!” Sam grinned, and his voice revealed his good humor. “I'll be the one who has to carry you home if you die on the trail.”

Today's Thoughts

Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.

M
ATTHEW
10:28

Lord, isn't it interesting and even humorous the way people worry about this and that when the truth is that if we walk with you we are protected in every way? I'm thankful that you will call me to my heavenly home at just the right time—your time.

Aren't They Grand?

37

It's Not What It Looks Like

Grandma Dee had
a good heart and a strong commitment to keeping the community clean and presentable. She took a long walk every day armed with a trash bag so she could pick up stray cans, bits of paper, and empty bottles people tossed aside or the wind blew in. Sometimes she invited a neighbor to join her. Two are better than one, she believed. They could collect twice as much trash, as well. One day Grandma Dee knocked on Trisha's door and invited her to join her on a walk. “Think you can keep up?” she teased. “I move pretty fast for an old lady.”

“I'll give it a try, but have pity on a 40-year-old,” Trisha teased back. “Keep checking on me just in case I drop behind.”

Grandma Dee wasn't too far off the mark when she challenged Trisha, who later admitted she returned from the adventure tired and breathless. The pace and the weight of the clutter she'd collected in her trash bag during the three-mile walk wore her out.

Trisha and Grandma pushed through the gate to Trisha's backyard. Jay, Trisha's teenaged son, met them and offered to lend a hand. He eyed the bags overflowing with empty beer cans, empty candy wrappers, and empty cigarette cartons. He raised an eyebrow. “Did you two have a good time?”

Today's Thoughts

If they obey and serve [God], they will spend the rest of their days in prosperity and their years in contentment.

J
OB
36:11

A little humor goes a long way when I'm tired and cranky. Thank you, God, for perspective and guidance.

38

Who's Older?

Jean, her daughter
Cindy, and her four-year-old granddaughter, Heather, walked into the clothing store in town. Jean was going to buy a new dress for a dinner dance. Because she hadn't purchased a fancy outfit in years, she wanted Cindy's input on what to choose. Jean and her husband, Phil, lived in the country so they spent most of their time farming and caring for their animals.

“Look at this one, Grandma!” called Heather as she fingered the lace and sequins on a long, black number.

Jean took a closer look but shook her head. “Thanks, honey, but I think I'm a bit too old for that style. My arms aren't the greatest anymore. I need a dress with sleeves to cover my wrinkles. I don't think a slit up the skirt is right for me either. I wouldn't want the veins on my legs to show.” She touched the dress and sighed. “There was a time, though, when I could have worn such a dress.” Jean nodded in her daughter's direction. “It would look great on your mom. She still has pretty arms and legs.”

“But she has wrinkles too,” Heather said, frowning. “I saw them when she was taking a shower.”

“Heather!” Cindy said, having overheard. “Were you spying on me when I wasn't looking?”

“I'm sorry.” The young girl hung her head.

Cindy slipped an arm around her daughter's shoulders. “It's all right. I'm your mom! But I didn't know you'd be telling Grandma I'm looking old. I don't have that many wrinkles, do I?”

“No. Grandma has more. Does that mean she's older than you?”

“Definitely! She's
my
mom. Moms come first.”

“When will you be as old as Grandma?”

“When you're as old as I am.”

Jean quickly changed the subject before Cindy became depressed. “I found a dress!” she exclaimed. “Come and see it!”

Today's Thoughts

You have been my hope, Sovereign L
ORD
, my confidence since my youth.

P
SALM
71:5

I'm so glad I can turn to you, dear God, as the years pass by or I would feel down about the changes and losses that go with aging. You, Lord, are eternal! And you've given me the gift of eternal life, for which I profoundly thank you.

39

Making a Mess

Bonnie and her
six-year-old granddaughter, Wendy, assembled the ingredients for their afternoon of baking. Flour, sugar, butter, chocolate chips, baking powder, salt, walnuts, and frosting mix. What fun! Bonnie loved having a few hours with this sweet little girl. They always had a good time turning out a delightful dessert, which they shared with Wendy's family and Bonnie's neighbors. Today it would be several batches of cookies… and maybe some fudge with walnuts.

Bonnie glanced at the clock on the oven: 3:10. They'd better get busy or they wouldn't be finished by dinnertime. She turned to Wendy. “How about you take out the mixing bowls and find the wooden spatula? I'll get the measuring cups and spoons.”

“Got it, Grandma!” Wendy got busy with her task. The phone rang, and Bonnie stepped out of the room to answer it.

A loud crash interrupted the call. Bonnie dashed into the kitchen. “What's going on in here? Need some help?” She surveyed her crying granddaughter and the disaster on the tile floor and let out a deep sigh.

“I'm so sorry, Grandma!” Wendy wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. “I was trying to take out the big bowl from underneath the little bowls, and they all fell.”

Bonnie took her granddaughter into her arms and patted her blond hair. “It's okay. They're just things. We can always buy more.”

“But I made a terrible mess,” Wendy said. “Now we can't make our cookies and fudge—and it's all my fault.”

Bonnie placed her hands on the little girl's shoulders and knelt down in front of her. “It's really okay with me, honey. And it's okay with God too. He knows we all make mistakes and messes, and he's here to help us clean them up.”

Wendy's eyes brightened. “I get it.” She smiled. “I remember when you told me that God wants us to make a mess with his love by spreading it all around to everyone we meet.”

“That's it exactly,” Bonnie responded. “Now let's go to the store and buy a new set of mixing bowls. We've got some baking and loving to do!”

Today's Thoughts

The L
ORD
is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.

N
AHUM
1:7

Thank you, Lord, that no matter how big a mess I make you are here to help me clean it up. How blessed I am to be called your child.

40

Save, Save, Save

Judy and Wayne
devoted themselves to saving everything they could for their children and grandchildren's future. “We've also saved on our spending by using coupons,” said Judy.

“Pretty soon I realized Wayne had gone too far!” shared Judy. “One day I noticed his bottle of Head and Shoulders shampoo was empty, so I tossed it into the trash and replaced it with a new one.”

The following day when Judy was cleaning the bathtub, the empty shampoo bottle fell into the tub.
How strange!
she thought. Instead of making a fuss, she simply tossed it out once again and placed the new bottle in a prominent place.
Hint! Hint!

To Judy's surprise, the next day the empty shampoo container was back in the shower. “Look, Wayne,” she said to her husband, “it's time to move on. There's no more shampoo in that old bottle. The garbage truck will be coming by tomorrow, so this is the perfect time to toss it out.”

“But, Judy, we should save it,” Wayne replied. “Maybe the kids can use it for something we haven't thought of.”

Judy sighed and then laughed. “One empty shampoo bottle is not going to save the world or add one whit to our children's lives. Enough is enough even when it comes to saving for future generations.”

Today's Thoughts

The desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.

P
ROVERBS
13:4

I'm looking at diligence, dear God. Sometimes I go overboard and slip into obsession. Keep me focused on you, and help me keep my life in balance.

41

Grandpets

Lillian was a
busybody—no question about it. The entire senior community was her domain. Some people referred to her as the “mayor of Harmony Retirement Living” because she made everyone's business her business. She tracked who died, who was married to whom, which houses were for sale and for how much, and almost everything else. She took charge of the social committee, heading up Bingo Night, the Thanksgiving Potluck, Movie Sunday, and the Summer Barbecue.

She also had a lot to say about people's decorating schemes (or lack thereof), the exterior paint color of the houses, and the landscaping. And when it came to garden art, signs on fences and garage doors, or any other bits of artistic endeavors, Lillian couldn't hold her tongue.

She nearly met her match when she came up against Roberta, who lived around the corner from her.

The women collided one afternoon when Lillian was walking her little dog, Rowdy, past Roberta's house. Rowdy got loose and jumped up against Roberta, causing her to drop the bag of groceries she was carrying. After helping clean up the spilled cans and boxes, Lillian looked up at Roberta's house and noticed a new sign on the wall by the front window:
Grandpets Welcome Here
.

Lillian blurted out her opinion. “Well,
that
sign doesn't belong on your house. You don't even own a pet.”

“My grandchildren are my pets,” Roberta replied. “They're soft and cuddly, and they keep me company.”

Lillian picked up Rowdy and stroked his back. “Well, I'll be,” she retorted. “That's the most foolish thing I've heard today. You should put up a sign that says “Grandkids Welcome Here” since that's what you have.”