Moment of Weakness (Embracing Moments Book 1) (31 page)

“No,” I shook my head slowly. “It’s not—”

“He’s lost, Julia.” He blew out a small breath and then offered the simplest of smiles.

Tears welled up in my throat and the need to find Roman was all that mattered. “I’m so sorry, Shane,” I gasped. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’m fine with being friends if you are.” I nodded, my throat too uncomfortable to speak. Shane jerked his head to the side. “Go get him.” And then I turned and pushed through the crowd. I searched for the one person that I no longer had the strength to resist. Why the hell did everyone have to be wearing a black tux? Spotting Lacey by the pool, I ran toward her, my heels hitting the ground in loud clacks.

My breath was jagged, and all I could hear was the pounding of my heart beneath my ribs. “Did you see him?” I tried to catch my breath, and she looked at me questioningly. “Roman, have you seen him?”

“Yeah, he was speaking with your father. I guess security detail is pretty tight, so he told him he could take off if he wanted to.”
No.
My hands gripped my head as I spun around. “He left, Jules. I saw him leave ten minutes ago.”

No, no, no.

“Is everything okay?” Lacey’s tone was full of concern.

I shook my head, trying to find my voice. “I have to go. I need to find him. If my father asks where I am, just tell him I’m with Roman, okay? I’m sorry. Please tell Shane I’m sorry again.”

I pulled my heels from my feet and darted back toward the house. Lacey called after me, but her voice trailed off as I disappeared through the terrace doors. My heart hammered in my chest as I ran to my room. Not wanting to waste any more time, I left my dress on and slipped my feet into a black pair of Converse. Grabbing my phone and keys from my bed, I bolted for the garage.

I DIDN’T KNOW
where I was going.

Well, I knew where I was going, but I wasn’t one-hundred percent sure I remembered how to get there. The ride home from Roman’s on my birthday was spent with my emotions all over the place, so I paid little attention to my surroundings. As I drove, certain landmarks stood out, so I knew I was heading in the right direction. I hoped I was heading in the right direction. My grip on the steering wheel tightened until my knuckles were visibly white, and my entire body shook in nervous anticipation.

I pressed my foot harder against the pedal, and for the first time since owning my car, I pushed it past seventy miles per hour. The familiar broken road sign came into view, and I knew the next turn would lead me down his secluded driveway. Relief washed through me when I spotted his Audi parked in the garage. Slamming the shifter into park, I swung open the car door, and every muscle in my body stiffened. I was here. And I was nervous.

I closed my eyes, convincing myself to relax. Dropping my feet to the ground, I stood on shaky legs, my clutch pressed between my arm and side. My feet carried me up the wooden steps, and when I reached the door, I opened it instead of knocking. A quiet stillness permeated the house as I walked through it, and when I reached his bedroom door, I sucked in a deep breath.

It was now or never. All or nothing.

My hand rested against the door, and with a small push, it cracked open. Roman sat on his bed, his black tux off and lying beside him. His shoulders hung forward, and his white shirtsleeves were unbuttoned and rolled up to his elbows, which were resting on his knees. His head was down, his fingers clenching fistfuls of his dark brown hair.

“Roman?” I called to him, my voice a hushed whisper.

Roman’s hands fell from their tight grip and his head shot up. His glossed eyes found mine. “Julia, what are you doing here? And why the hell are you alone?”

I stood by the door, unmoving. “I’m not alone. I’m with you. Why did you leave?”

He looked at me like he wasn’t satisfied with my answer and then sighed, “I had to. I needed to get away.”

“From me?” I questioned. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid to hear his response.

“No,” he paused and then corrected himself. “Yes.”

I tried not to let the hurt show on my face. This is why I came here. I needed answers. “Why?”

He pulled in a breath and then forced his gaze away from mine. “Because when I’m around you, I don’t think straight.” Walking over to him, I knelt down in front of him, wanting so badly to wrap him in my embrace. Instead, I rested back on my heels, cupped his cheeks with my hands, and pulled until his eyes locked with mine. “You shouldn’t be here.”

His words sliced across my chest, but I ignored the bleeding. “Why? Because you don’t want me here or because you’re afraid of what may happen if I am?”

Roman licked his lips, his hand wrapping around my arm. He attempted to lift me to my feet. “Let’s go. I’ll take you home.”

I pulled from his grasp, my chest rising and falling in rapid movements. “No. I’m not going anywhere until you give me an explanation.”

His green eyes flashed with annoyance. “What explanation?”

“The one that explains why you’re trying to fight this.” Roman shot off his bed and stalked toward his dresser, presumably to grab his keys that rested on top, but then his hands fell flat against it as though he was holding it for support. His shoulders tensed. “This thing between us. Why are you trying so hard to fight it?”

“Because I have to!” he shouted, spinning on his heels to face me. I flinched at his sudden movement. His raised voice echoed throughout the room, and his shoulders fell with the fight that was leaving him. “You don’t know me, Julia, and if you did, then you wouldn’t be here right now,” he sighed, followed by a forced swallow. “I’m not who you think I am.”

I moved in front of him, and although I was much shorter than him in just my sneakers, I stood tall. “Then show me, Roman.” A thin layer of sweat coated my palms, my gaze hardened, and my voice grew with emotion. “Then show me who the hell you are because dammit—I showed you me!”

Roman attempted to push off the dresser, but I planted my hands against his chest and pushed him back. My throat burned and even I had a hard time recognizing my loud tone. “I showed you every part of me! I let you in, Roman . . . I let you in, and I don’t know how to let you out!” I admitted.

I closed my eyes and bit my lip, trying to regain some civility. “I tried . . . I’ve tried to let you out but I can’t.” Forcing my eyes back open, I pinned him with my stare. “And I don’t want to, Roman.” His expression softened, but I wasn’t sure he was hearing me the way I wanted him to. A large lump lodged itself in my throat, and I was sure it was my heart, because I could no longer feel it beating against my chest.

“You’re the only person who truly knows me. Who can look at me and know what I’m thinking—feeling—without me having to say a word.” I moved my hands up his chest and ran them along the smooth stubble that covered his jaw. “You’re the person who found the broken pieces of my heart, Roman. And you know what. You fixed them. You slowly put them back together until one day I realized it was no longer just half my heart that was beating. It was my whole heart.” I took a breath and then blew it out; his eyes pleaded with me to stop, but I kept going. “My heart beats because of you—
for you.
”

I pulled my hands from his face and took a step back, allowing him space to breathe, to understand what I just said to him.

“So if I’m not good enough for you—if I can’t do the same for you . . . then I’ll go.” I crossed my arms over my chest trying to hold myself together. My voice shook. “I’ll walk out that front door and write this off as my final moment of weakness.”

An uncomfortable silence filled the room, and as I stood in front of him, several long moments passed between us. He stared at me, and I realized I was waiting for something that wasn’t going to happen.

Say something, Roman. Please. Please say something.

Pain wrapped around my heart, spreading through my veins, paralyzing every inch of me. Roman stood still, not moving, not saying anything. I came for answers, and while I just ripped my heart open to get them, I had them. Maybe I had them all along, but just refused to see it. Roman began to blur, and I blinked trying to hold off the flood of tears I knew were coming. I swallowed around the burn in my throat, and without saying anything, I turned on my heels. I walked and as soon as I reached his bedroom door, I ran through it.

My hand grabbed the handle of the front door, and as I yanked it open, it slammed back shut. Roman’s hands spun me around, and he advanced against me, pinning me to the door. His hands grabbed at my face, and I fought to look away from him.

“Look at me,” he demanded. I shook my head but opened my eyes like he asked. His nose slid down along mine until his mouth rested just above my lips. “I left because seeing you with Shane . . . it fucking killed me, Julia, and I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t act as though you mean nothing to me, because goddammit, I wasn’t lying when I said you mean everything.” His thumb brushed across my cheekbone. “I was content with my life. But then I met you and suddenly I hate who I am—who I no longer want to be. I want to protect you from everything, including me. But I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to protect you and love you.”

My breath hitched and my stomach did this flipping thing. Roman’s voice cracked and his eyes filled with pure emotion as his fingers tangled themselves in my hair. “I’m in love with you, Julia.” My heart flew against my chest in rapid beats. “I’ve fallen so deeply in love with—”

I pressed my lips against his, swallowing his words, allowing them to flow straight to my heart. Roman’s lips parted, and our tongues moved together in hot desperate strokes. I broke for air and whispered against his mouth, “I love you.” The feel of his lips smiling against my own had my mind made up. I was in love with him and I wanted him. Every part of him. My fingers gripped his collar, and I pulled him down closer. Placing kisses along his neck, I nipped at his earlobe and breathed in his ear. “Make love to me.”

Roman’s hands curled under the curve of my ass, and in one quick pull, my legs locked around his waist. My fingers raked through his hair, and his lips nipped at my jaw, my neck, my collarbone. Roman ignored my request, carrying me back to the bedroom. His hands moved up the silky material of my dress, and a cool rush of air hit my back as he lowered the small black zipper. My fingers unhooked the buttons of his white dress shirt, and when I had them all undone, I dropped my legs from his waist and pulled away so I could remove it. My dress fell from my body to pool on the floor, and shivers danced across my skin at the sight of Roman’s erection straining against his zipper.

Roman’s mouth covered mine once again, our kiss grew deep, and my fingers moved to undo the button and zipper of his pants. I yanked his pants and boxers down past his thighs, allowing them to join my dress on the floor. Standing before him in nothing but my Converse sneakers and a thin scrap of black lace held together by a few strings, I resisted the urge to cover myself. This wasn’t the first time I had been naked in front of him, but Roman had a way of making it feel that way.

I felt exposed—vulnerable, but I also felt sexy and loved. I guided my hands over my breasts, down my chest, and hooked my fingers around the strings that rested on the sides of my hips. Roman inhaled a sharp breath, his heavy lidded eyes watching every move I made as I slid the strings down my thighs. Once they were off, I sat down on the bed and slid back enough so I could raise my feet in the air.

Roman smirked. “Converse?”

I shrugged and said, “I figured I could run faster in them than heels.”

A deep throaty laugh that had my insides dancing rolled from his mouth. Roman’s fingers caressed my calves before moving to untie my laces. Pulling them off, he tossed them over his shoulder and pressed a knee down on the bed between my legs. As I slid back, Roman followed, hovering over me. My head rested against the softness of the pillow, and my thighs fell open, allowing Roman to settle between them.

Roman placed a gentle kiss on my lips and then pulled back. “God, you are so fucking perfect.” His hot breath tickled my skin as he kissed down my neck.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Mr. Hayes,” I teased. Roman lowered himself against me, his weight pinning me in the most delicious way. My entire body tingled, and when he dropped his mouth to my breast, I writhed against him. He was hot and hard, and each brush against my inner thigh had my muscles tensing in anticipation. Roman’s mouth moved down my stomach, and when he reached my throbbing center and flicked his tongue across it, I cried out. A breathy moan left my lips as he swirled his tongue in a figure-eight motion.

“Roman,” I pleaded. I didn’t want him to stop, but I didn’t want to go this way. I wanted him. I needed to feel him. All of him. “Please, Roman.” He ignored my pleas, inching me closer to my exploding point, but when I said, “Not like this,” he stopped. He hovered above me once again, and his eyes searched mine, looking for any sign of hesitation.

“Julia, we don’t have t—”

I pressed my fingers to his lips. “I want you, Roman. I wouldn’t be telling you if I wasn’t absolutely sure.” His chest rose, brushing against my hardened nipples, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I tilted my hips up, brushing my warm damp heat against him, and a pleasing groan parted his lips. “Please don’t make me beg, Roman.”