Moment of Weakness (Embracing Moments Book 1) (28 page)

Roman watched me, a fierce desire swimming through his eyes as he moved forward, invading my space. Stepping back, the shelf dug into my back, and while it was uncomfortable, I refused to move forward. I couldn’t handle being rejected again. Roman’s hands gripped the shelf on either sides of my waist, his shoulders hung forward, his face level with mine. “How did it feel?”

I smiled. “A little scary, but then the fear just kind of fell away and all I could feel was a rush.”

His one eyebrow rose, and he inched closer, his chest almost flush with my own. “A rush? What kind of rush?”

I swallowed around the words lodged in my throat. Roman’s nose brushed against mine, and my strength to resist him waned.

“Let me guess.” He removed one of his hands from the shelf and trailed his finger down my neck, the rough pad of his pointer finger caressing my skin in circular motions until it landed on the swell of my breast, right above my heart. “It started here.” The muscles in my stomach twisted, and the quietness in the room enhanced the rapid sound of my heartbeat. Roman’s eyes flicked to mine. “Am I right?”

I nodded, and his tone grew deeper, sexier. “Where did it go next, Julia?” I closed my eyes and swallowed. His finger moved down my breast and across my stomach, twisting and pulling at the smooth material of my camisole before stopping at my belly button. “How about here?” The soft spot between my legs pulsed, and I clenched my thighs together trying to put a stop to the storm that was picking up inside me.

“Lower,” I dared, wanting to feel him
there.
Roman’s fingers slid down my stomach and then glided across the small sliver of exposed skin right above my waistline. My body quivered against the skin-on-skin contact, and his fingers moved to unbutton my shorts. As his breath seduced my skin, his fingers lowered my zipper. The sheer pink lace of my panties was visible and undoubtedly wet. I closed my eyes and dropped my head back between my shoulder blades, relishing the feel of him. “Roman,” I groaned, knowing I should push him away. The slow, steady pulse was now an aching throb.

Roman’s lips fell to mine, and he spoke against them. “I’m going to just take a wild guess and say that rush ended here.” His hands dipped beneath the thin scrap of lace, and the lust-induced cloud that hung over my head dissipated. I wanted him. My extremely soaked panties were clear evidence I wanted him. But I didn’t want just this part of him. I wanted all of him. And I knew he would never let that happen. My body stiffened, and Roman pulled his hand back, his eyes searching mine.

“I can’t do this,” I breathed, pushing off the shelf and moving around him. I didn’t look back because I knew if I did, I wouldn’t be able to stop this. I wouldn’t be able to let this go.

And I
needed
to let this go.

ROMAN’S HAND HOOKED
around my elbow and my entire arm tingled. In one swift motion, he spun me around and pulled me against him.

“Roman, please,” I begged him. “Don’t do this.” His hands shook as he clasped them around my jaw, and I swatted them away, turning my head to the side so I could avoid looking at him. “Is this a fucking game to you?” My hands clenched at my sides, and a pool of tears welled behind my eyes. “Do I even mean anything to you, Roman?” My voice hardened, and I pushed against his chest, taunting him. “Or am I just that piece of ass you can’t seem to tap?”

His hands flew up, gripping my arms, and I struggled to get out of his hold, punching against his chest with tightened fists. “Let me go, Roman. Let me—”

“You mean
everything
to me, dammit!” he rasped.

I froze. “What did you say?”

Roman gulped and his voice softened. “I said you mean everything to—”

I crushed my lips against his. Strong fingers gripped my thighs, and I lifted my legs, circling them around his waist. Roman walked us back to the shelf and swept the guns aside, placing me down. My lips felt the loss of his, and as he pulled back, I panicked.

No. Roman. Don’t do this. Not again.

Roman’s hands closed around mine, and he brought them up to his lips, placing gentle kisses against them. My heart was beating out of my chest as I studied Roman’s saddened expression. His fingers moved to push my hair behind my ears, and he pressed a quick kiss to my lips. “You mean everything to me, Julia.” His dark brows narrowed and his cheeks hollowed. “And that’s exactly why I can’t let this happen.”

“Let us happen,” I corrected. His tongue darted across his lips, and he turned his head to the side. Hurt filled my tone as I spoke. “So what? We just mark this down as another moment of weakness.” My chest ached. “If I’m such a damn weakness to you, then leave, Roman.”

His jaw hardened. “I can’t.”

“Why can’t you?”

He pushed off the shelf, and his shoulders sharpened as he stood up straight. “Because the threat against your father is real, Julia. It’s not a joke, and it’s not just going to disappear with time.”

My fingertips tapped against the edge of the shelf and I tilted my head. “What are you saying?”

Roman stepped forward. “I’m saying that I’m not going anywhere until I know you’re safe. Until I know that your father is safe. I’m trying to protect you.”

I shook my head and laughed. “Ending whatever this is between us has nothing to do with protecting me, Roman.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. Ending this has everything to do with protecting you.” Roman lifted my chin, and with a gentle touch, he guided it up so my eyes met his gaze. “I made a promise. I gave my word, and I plan to keep it. Even if that means protecting you from me.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Why would I need protecting from you? I know you—”

“You don’t know me!” he scolded, cutting me off.

My hands shot out in front of me, and frustration curled around my nerves. “That’s because you won’t let me.” An awful silence fell around us, and it was then my stomach announced just how empty it was.

“You’re hungry,” Roman said, stating the obvious.

“No.”

“Come on, let’s go back in. I’ll make you something to eat.”

“What makes you think I want you to cook me something to eat,” I grumbled. My stomach rumbled again, and this time it sounded like the Titanic hitting an iceberg.

“You may not. But your stomach sure does.” Roman held his hand out for me to grab.

Screw you, stomach! Screw you!

Waving Roman’s hand away, I scooted off the shelf onto my feet. Roman fell in step behind me, and my mind tried to process what had just happened between us. Roman wanted me. He just refused to have me.

Turns out Roman could make one hell of a meatball sandwich, but I refused to admit just how much I enjoyed it. After spending the majority of the afternoon in the kitchen, we ate our lunch on the large wooden deck that overlooked the lake. The warm sun beat against my skin, and the smell of fresh pine filled the air around me. The entire time I had been here, it never occurred to me how far away from home I could be.

I leaned forward on the wooden Adirondack chair and rested my elbows on my knees. “Why did you bring me here?”

Taking a bite of his sandwich, Roman turned to look at me and then back at the lake. When he finished chewing and swallowing, he lifted his one shoulder in a shrug and then said, “You were drunk.”

I took a sip of the freshly brewed tea Roman had made and concentrated my attention back on the calm water. “It’s not the first time I’ve been drunk.”

“I know, but I had trouble getting you to the car,” he laughed. “I wasn’t going to even attempt trying to get you to your bedroom.” He paused for a moment and then his voice went serious. “And I was worried about you. I wanted to stay with you, but something told me your father wouldn’t take lightly to finding me in your room.”

I smiled. “So did you?”

He looked over at me, and his eyebrows narrowed in confusion. “Did I what?”

I ran my tongue along my lips trying to relieve some of their dryness. “Stay with me.” He gave a small nod, and there was no stopping it. My heart fell further.

“I didn’t stay long though.” His lips quirked up into a grin, and he brought his cup up to his lips. “Your snoring made it impossible to sleep.”

My mouth fell open, and my head jerked back. “I do not snore.”

“Oh, I can assure you, Miss Parker. You snore. And it is
loud.
I’m talking freight-train loud.”

Standing up, I shrugged my shoulders. “Well, if I was snoring it’s your fault. Your awful body odor was probably suffocating my nostrils making it hard to breathe.” I walked over to the garbage and tossed my paper plate into it and then rested my back against the deck railing.

Roman did the same and then moved in front of me. His hands fell to the railing on either side of my waist. “My awful body odor, huh?”

I shook my head up and down in a vigorous motion. A deep belly laugh rumbled his chest and a genuine smile spread across his face. Being around him was easy. He made me laugh, made me smile more times than I could count, and he made being alone—less lonely. Our moment of laughter passed as quickly as it came, and when Roman realized how close we were standing, he backed away. He rubbed his hand against his jaw. “I should get you home.”

I didn’t want to go home yet. I wasn’t ready to leave Roman, and for the first time this entire summer, I felt free. Free of my past and free of worrying about the future. “If it’s okay with you, I’d like to stay and watch the sunset.”

“Okay,” he said, resting his elbows on the railing beside me. “Can I ask you something?”

“Go for it. Not answering is the worst that can happen.”

“You’re not interested in taking over any of your father’s businesses once he retires?”

Okay, that question came from left field. I thought about his question and then said, “If you would have asked me that a month ago, I would have said no. My entire life I was so sure of what I wanted to do. So sure that the business world wasn’t for me. But now, I’ve never had more doubt.” My fingers traced the grain of the wooden railing, and I wondered if I should continue. But that was the thing about Roman. I could tell him anything, and he’d listen. He always listened. “I realize I’m majoring in a career choice that was only fueled by my mother’s death. It’s not that I don’t want to help people, but I think I was more determined to try and use it to come up with answers surrounding her death, and I’m just now realizing I’ll
never
have the answers.”

Roman’s head hung between his shoulders and I knew he was trying to figure out what to do or how to respond to what I just told him. “His will doesn’t include me in it.” Roman looked over at me, and I almost giggled at the shock on his face. “I mean, I’m in it, obviously. I wouldn’t have to work a day in my life if I didn’t want to, but the businesses, all of them would either go to Grant or the shareholders.”

“Has it always been that way?”

I shook my head. “No. He had it changed a year ago. We fought about it. And I made it clear, I didn’t want to inherit any of it. You can imagine how disappointed he was. I mean, what father wouldn’t be. Your only child not wanting anything to do with the businesses you built from the ground up.”

“I thought your father inherited most of them from his parents?”

“Yeah, originally. But nearly all of them have been broken up and sold off. The majority of what is left are businesses my father created. Only a few are joint ventures between Grant and him.”

“Does Grant know? I mean, about you not inheriting any of it.”

Lifting on my toes, I scooted onto the railing, allowing my feet to dangle. “Nope. Lacey’s father advised against it. The only people that know are me, my father, and Lacey’s father . . . and well, now you. But I trust you won’t say anything.” I winked at him.

“Of course not,” he said, staring back out at the lake.

As I sat there and watched him, I thought about his family and how much guilt he had carried with him for the past fifteen years. It all started making sense. “You think you somehow failed them, don’t you?”

He looked over at me, every muscle in his face lax. “Failed who?”

“Your family. It’s why you do private security, isn’t it?” I gave him a moment, just in case he wanted to respond, but when he didn’t, I kept talking. “You protect other people because you couldn’t protect them.” Standing up straight, Roman turned his gaze away from me. His shoulders stiffened, and his hands gripped the wooden deck railing. Scooting over, I rested my hand on the railing and brushed my fingers against his. “I know there is still a lot I don’t know about you, but what I do know is you have a heart like no other. Your heart bleeds, Roman, yet you still manage to wake up every day and live your life.”