Many Shades of Gray (6 page)

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Waking from a pleasant dream Janice remembered the wonderful surprise Simon had arranged. Jay Leno. She rolled toward Simon’s side of the bed, finding it empty. Then she peeped around the room looking for him, blinking when she spotted him sitting at the desk appearing deep in thought. “Good morning,” she said.

“Good morning, baby.”

“You okay?” she asked, getting up and heading for the shower. A quick glance in Simon’s direction made Janice pause. He looked tired and worried. She watched him for a moment, then walked over to him. “What’s the matter?” she asked.

Shrugging his shoulders, he gave her a half smile. “I’m worried about some of my recent moves,” Simon answered. Then he held her gaze. “I’m just a little tense, no big deal.” He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.

“Don’t worry, Simon, you always come out on top.”

“I hope so, this is very important to me.” That was the truth. He sighed when Janice moved behind him and began massaging his shoulders. Her fingers were so gentle and loving that he trembled at her touch.

“I’m sorry, Simon, that I was so evil to you.”

“Are you trying to get me to pay for your little hissy fit?”

“No, baby, you just seem so…I’m not sure…depressed, and that’s not like you. Seeing you like this makes me worry about you.”

Simon turned catching her hand in his. “You worry about me?”

“Of course I do, Simon.”

She gave him a smile that touched his core, then turned him around and continued her massage. Every stroke of her fingers told him what she wouldn’t say with words. She loved him. There were the private moments between them that had cemented their relationships. Sure they fought, but in the still of the night they talked without the barriers between them, without Janice trying to protect herself from getting hurt.

Simon gave a sigh of pleasure as Janice worked the kinks from his body. For a moment he wished it could always be like this between them when she was vulnerable. Maybe when he found out the reason for her hurt it would happen. He glanced at his watch. “It’s getting late. Don’t you need to get ready for the show?”

“Not just yet,” Janice said, and continued kneading Simon’s shoulders. “I’m not done with you. You need me.” She dropped a kiss onto the crown of his head. “You’re more important to me than being on Jay Leno. You’re still tense,” she said. “When you’re relaxed then we’ll worry about my getting dressed.”

She was killing him. How was he ever going to relax with her sweet hands trailing heat to every cell? He took her ministrations until he couldn’t stand it any more, then pulled her into his lap and kissed the smile that lingered at the corner of her lips. “Thanks,” he murmured, gazing at her.

“For what? You’re behaving as though this is the first time I’ve given you a massage.”

“It’s the first time you’ve given me one when you’ve been angry with me.”

“I’m not angry with you any longer. Besides, you needed it.” She held his gaze. “Sometimes even for me, Simon, there are more important things than fighting.”

Her look spoke volumes, making him wish he could live without knowing who and what had hurt her so deeply, without hearing her say the words, I love you. He wished it but he wanted it desperately.

“You’re right, I did need it.” Lust quickly took over as heat pooled in his groin. “There’s something I need even more. Do you still have time?”

“I’ll make time,” Janice answered, tilting her head back for Simon to kiss her throat.

Hallelujah, Simon thought, as he ravished her throat with his kisses. How the hell could he not want to hear ‘I love you’ from her sweet lips? He moved upward, plundering her mouth with his tongue. Maybe it would be for the best if his bringing Tommy Strong back into her life would finally make her acknowledge her feelings. She moaned and he swallowed it. Oh hell yes, she was worth fighting for.

Janice stood at the doorway leading to the set of Déjà Vu. Simon had gone all out and had her booked on every show that aired. She’d already been on four morning news shows and found it exhilarating even though most people had wanted to know about Simon and how much he’d influenced her rise to fame.

It wasn’t as though any of the questions had come as a surprise. She’d known that would be the basis of the questions and she’d toughened her already tough skin to take it. The main thing was keeping her face out there, making it, showing Tommy Strong that she was everything she’d promised not to be, a full-blown diva bitch.

Janice almost grinned at the thought, not knowing why she’d thought of that, but knowing it had something to do with her seeing Tommy in her mind blown up into bits and pieces. It seemed that every word he’d ever spoken to her was now flooding back, every touch, every caress, every taste.

In the three years she’d been with Simon she’d never once thought of another man’s hand on her body until last night and as she’d screamed out to Simon to give her more, she became aware that he knew her desire wasn’t all about him. Neither of them had mentioned it. In fact, they’d both been unusually quiet the entire morning. That was one reason Janice had made love to him after massaging him. She needed his touch to keep her grounded. She’d meant it when she’d told him he was important to her. He was. Still, in many ways she longed to keep things as they were between them. Changing things meant one thing: She would eventually get hurt.

She liked things the way that they were. Uncomplicated. She’d never thought about her marrying Simon as being a complication until last night. Now she understood that he wanted more than he’d let on. He wanted a traditional marriage, yet he knew she wasn’t the person to give him that. So why was he pushing? She also didn’t understand the hurt she saw creep into his eyes from time to time.

They had an understanding. They had always had an understanding. Neither of them was in the relationship for love. Still, she wondered where Simon’s pain came from. Surely it couldn’t be from her. He didn’t love her or care enough for anything she did to hurt him.

She shivered. He’d hurt her by bringing Tommy Strong back into her life. She’d once loved Tommy Strong so fiercely that he took her soul with him when he left her. She’d forgotten all of that, forgotten how much he’d hurt her and forgotten why she’d turned stone cold. And now she feared a thaw. She didn’t want it. Her life was just fine the way that it was. She didn’t want to love, not Simon, not anyone. Not if it meant she would be hurt again.

Janice heard her name called and walked out onto the stage, pasting her fake smile on her lips and waving at the audience. She stopped when she glanced at the couch and saw none other than the man whom she’d been thinking of, Tommy Strong.

She stared for half a second, then sat in the seat that was offered to her. She felt Tommy’s icy glare freeze her in place and she shivered.

What the hell did he have to be so hostile about? It was he who’d hurt her, he who’d not been able to withstand the first test that was given to them. It was he who in the end hadn’t loved her enough and it was his disdain that had turned her blood into ice.

“We thought it would be nice if Mr. Strong stayed on the show to meet with you after receiving the million dollars to help African American bookstores that your fiancé gave him. He said he didn’t get a chance to tell you how much this means to him.”

For sure blood was going to pour from her ears. Janice couldn’t even tell who was talking. All she saw was Tommy. She wanted to bolt and run.

She wondered if Simon had arranged this. But he’d promised. Then again, it was he who’d arranged for her to be on the show. Her thoughts were running rampant. She sat like a statue as Tommy reached out and grabbed her hand, and acted as though he were shaking it, holding it a moment longer than was decent, stroking her skin where no one could see. But she knew he was aware of the effect he’d had on her. She watched as the smirk spread across his face.

“I was wondering if I could impose on you and ask for your personal help with the African American bookstores,” Tommy said, his voice as smooth and sweet as hot caramel over vanilla ice cream. He showed his teeth as he smiled. Janice couldn’t help staring at him. His beautiful pearl white teeth gleamed, and he had the women on the show and the entire audience eating out of the palm of his hand. How could she possibly say no?

“Of course, whatever you need me to do,” she found herself answering. She caught the flash of anger that passed over his face and trembled in spite of the warmth from the lights overhead. “I could send a box of autographed books, what ever you want.”

“I want you to work closely with me, go into the stores, drum up business. We could use someone like you for the cause. You know you’re African American, right?” he asked, as though making a joke. Janice was the only person beside himself who was aware that he meant every word.

She smiled coyly and held her arms up for him to examine. “Guilty as charged,” she said, pouring sweetness into every tart word.

“What you write now, was this always the way that you planned to go with your career? I mean, did you ever consider doing anything else?” Tommy asked.

She glanced around at the other women and saw they were aware of something, yet didn’t know what. They were hungry for blood, something to discuss on the next show, and she wasn’t about to appease their appetite. She could handle herself; she’d been trained by the best.

“I’m sure every young person has dreams that they later realize were either foolish or just that, dreams. I am doing what makes me happy. I write and I tell a story.”

“Is there ever any truth to your stories? I mean, has real life ever come into play?”

This time she held his gaze, refusing to back down. “It appears what you’re looking for is a private interview. I think maybe the ladies would like to ask me some questions.”

There, she thought. She’d put him in his place. Janice turned her head toward the women, determined not to send out any signals.

“So are you saying that you’re definitely going to help me?” Tommy ignored her request and her turned head and waited. The four women of Déjà Vu waited also.

“Of course, Mr. Strong, I’ll do whatever I can to help the community.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” he said, “because up until now your presence in the community had been limited to just your books. I’m sure everyone will be happy to know you haven’t forgotten your roots, that you’re going to work closely with me to see that the community recognizes you as one of its own.”

She narrowed her eyes and not even when the hostess decided to take control back did she stop glaring at Tommy. He’d put her on the spot, just as he’d intended and at the moment she didn’t know who she wanted to strangle first: Tommy for his undignified public attack or the women for losing control of the show to him.

Janice couldn’t believe what was happening. She’d watched the show many times. It was unbelievable that those four women weren’t peppering her with questions. What was up with them? Why had they allowed Tommy to take over their show? She glanced at Tommy, then at each woman in turn before bringing her gaze back to Tommy. It was obvious he’d made a deal with the women. She should have known.

Just because he was a gorgeous hunk of man with enough charm to get the panties off the most devout virgin with but a glance was not a reason for the women to go cuckoo.

She glared once more at Tommy, and then looked at the women. They weren’t responsible for their attraction to Tommy; she shouldn’t blame them. A whispered word or two and the most stubborn woman would change her tune, just as she had. But no more. Tommy Strong didn’t deserve her lust and he definitely didn’t deserve her ever thinking of loving him again.

When she thought she was safe and could leave the set, Tommy interrupted again, forcing her to give him her card on the air, forcing her to agree to a lunch with him the next day.

When she walked out, to her surprise Simon was waiting for her. She looked guiltily at him, feeling her cheeks warm with shame. She’d done nothing wrong, but still she felt the remorse. Janice unconsciously rubbed her palm down the side of her body. It still burned where Tommy had given her his secret caress, his signal to her when they were young that he wanted her, wanted to make love to her. She attempted to smile at Simon but saw confusion and pain cloud his eyes.

“Come on,” she told him. “We don’t have time to waste.”

“You don’t think I set that up, do you?”

“No, I don’t.” And she didn’t think it.

“You don’t have to go through with it, you don’t have to help him. You can do a couple of bookstores. I’ll come with you, that should be enough.”

“No, it won’t be enough, Simon. Did you hear him? He accused me of abandoning my roots, of not being black.”

“I didn’t hear him say that.”

“That’s because you didn’t know what to listen for. I heard him. He issued a challenge. I have to follow through with it.” She walked out the door, leaving Simon behind.

Have to or want to? he thought. And for the third time Simon wondered at the bad move he’d made. There was unfinished business between Janice and her ex. Should he allow it to play out or put a stop to it now before it got out of hand? Before…He hesitated, not wanting to even think it. Maybe he should stop it before she either realized she still loved the man or fell in love with him all over again.