Many Shades of Gray (2 page)

He was being deliberately crude. She knew it was because she hadn’t admitted to being in love with him. Whenever the subject of love came up, Simon always behaved this way. If Janice didn’t know better, she would think he did love her. But she did know better. He didn’t love her; he wanted to possess her.

For the most part he did. He controlled her career completely. But apparently that wasn’t enough. He’d almost demanded that she say yes to his endless proposals. Sometimes she wondered why it mattered so much to him.

She watched in the mirror as he toyed with the Rolex around his wrist. His jaw was set firmly and his brows furrowed. There was something up with him. What? she wondered.

“I read the beginning of your new book.”

She wanted to turn around, to face him, read his thoughts. But she’d play it cool, behave as though what he thought didn’t matter. “So what did you think?” she asked finally as she fluffed her hair around her face.

“I noticed you wrote it in first person. Is it going to be autobiographical?”

“I guess it could be.” She smiled. “I’m not sure. I just wrote what came out. What do you think of the beginning?”

“I don’t like giving my opinion on a book until I’ve read the entire thing.”

“Simon.”

“Okay, it’s different.”

“That was my intention. I’m sick to death of writing stories with an end the reader can predict from the first paragraph. I want to write about characters that are, for lack of a better word, evil and mean. I want them to do stupid things. I want them to be human. I don’t want a hero and I don’t want a heroine.” She tilted her head just a tiny bit and smiled into the mirror. “I want the protagonist to be more like me.”

“Am I going to be in it?”

“I didn’t say it was going to be a completely true story. It’s a work of fiction.”

“In that case I’ll hold off on my critique. I have a surprise for you.” He came closer, turned her around and kissed her.

A flutter ripped her sense of calm and she hesitated before asking, “Where is it?”

“Surprises are not to be just lightly given. There has to be something leading up to it. You’ll get it, don’t worry.”

His gray eyes suddenly looked cold and he moved away from her, giving her the sense that her surprise wasn’t going to be pleasant.

“What’s up with you?” she asked, feigning a curiosity she didn’t truly feel. She’d made her deal with the devil, so to speak, and there was no going back. She’d come into this relationship with her eyes wide open. They each served a purpose for the other.

For Simon, she was exotic arm candy, his entrée into the black world, his way of proving that he was a man of the people. She almost laughed at the thought. He truly thought he was, but he would never be able to buy his way into being black, same as she could never buy her way into being white. They served as passports for each other, allowing each to travel the other’s world. At any time they could each cross back over into the world they’d come from.

But for Janice there was no going back. She was in Simon’s world for a reason, a reason known only to her. And she’d kept it deeply buried in her heart.

“Is there a chance that you could at least pretend to be happy when we make the announcement?” Simon asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Sure, I can pretend if you can.” She squared off with him. “I don’t get it. You’re behaving as though you’re angry with me and I have done nothing to provoke your anger, so either tell me what’s going on or knock it off. I swear, you’re worse than a woman having PMS.”

“Why do you risk what we have?” Simon said as he sidled up next to her, fingered the double strand of expensive pearls around her throat and frowned. “Sometimes I think you forget who I am and what I can do.”

“How can I? You remind me constantly.”

“Is that the reason you don’t love me?” he asked pointedly.

“What is all this talk of love? What’s with you?”

“I’m thinking I’m too old for this charade. I want to be happy. I want a family, I want love.”

“You have to love in order to be loved.” Janice started to walk away but felt strong hands reach out, grabbing her and holding her in place.

“Let me go,” she ordered.

“Or what?”

“Or you’re going to wish that you had.”

“As you wish,” Simon replied, releasing her, smiling at her and shaking his head in wonder. He wished he knew what the hell it was about her cold disdain that had made him fall in love with her, kept him trying to please her, trying to make her love him.

Well, actually, he knew in his heart that she loved him even if she refused to say it. And despite her public persona she proved it in the privacy of their home. No woman touched a man the way she touched him other than in love. He thought about the times in the still of the night when he held her in his arms, caressing her, and she softly shared her dreams, telling him without the actual words that she loved him. When they made love she always kept her eyes open, and for sure he saw her love reflected there.

Now Simon was after two things: He was going to make her tell him that she loved him and he was going to discover why she had thus far been unable to do so. In the next couple of hours the game would begin.

Though in the beginning he hadn’t been altogether sure that it was love he felt for Janice, it had angered him that she’d didn’t admit to feeling love for him. Maybe that was the reason he’d chased her until she ended up in his bed. At first he’d wondered what would happen if they both cared. Now he wondered what would happen when they both admitted to caring.

One thing for sure, Simon didn’t want Janice for an enemy and she sure as hell didn’t want him for one. They would settle their differences in the marriage bed. But he wasn’t marrying her until they resolved her past. He believed he’d discovered the reason why she went cold when he talked of love, why she substituted fighting for admitting her feelings for him. Well, they’d fought for over three years. It was time to end the war.

He had a test for his soon-to-be fiancée. He demanded one thing and one thing only from her and that was fidelity. Her verbal abuse and disdain he might tolerate as long as it stayed behind closed doors, and so far Janice had played her part well in public, pretending that she adored him when they both knew that wasn’t the case. Loved, maybe. That he stood a shot at. Adored? No way in hell would Janice Lace ever adore any man.

At least he was hoping that part was true. He didn’t want her giving to any man something that she couldn’t or wouldn’t give to him. In the past he had tolerated many things from her. But now it would be different. He was marrying her.

“This is supposed to be a happy occasion.” He smiled inwardly as she eyed him with disdain. “You’re treating me as though I’m the enemy. Anyone watching this display of temper might think it was only my money that you’re interested in.” He braced himself for her expected answer.

“I have my own money,” she sneered.

“Money that you wouldn’t have if it weren’t for me.”

She glared at him and he grinned. He loved getting a real response from Janice, even if it were only one of anger. God, she was beautiful when she was angry. Simon could feel himself growing hard with wanting her. He watched as her brown eyes flashed red fire. Then she suddenly looked toward his crotch and smiled.

“You always manage to get me, don’t you?” To Simon’s surprise she walked back to him, plastered her body to his, and slid her hand down the length of him, making him groan with need. His chest tightened and his arms went automatically around her, pulling her close. She didn’t move away. Instead, she kissed him, sliding her tongue between his lips. He felt her tremble, felt the fire in her and for a moment he thought they would make love. Then she pulled away, eyed him up and down, and grinned.

“Admit it, Simon, you like our relationship just fine the way that it is.”

She tossed that wild mane of hair and walked out of her bathroom, leaving him with a hard-on. And the moment faded. She’d been merely teasing him, showing him that regardless of his money, she was in control.

Simon licked his lips. He could buy women and all the sex that he wanted. He could even buy his way into a culture that wasn’t his, but that he loved. And he could do that without Janice on his arm. But he didn’t want to. He wanted her and God help him if it wasn’t love. He wanted her and he wanted a stable family with her. He just had to make sure that her feelings for the man in her past were dead.

He took a deep breath and walked out of the bathroom. Janice wasn’t a stupid woman; she wouldn’t risk everything.

A little voice whispered into his brain that he should leave well enough alone but he’d never done things the easy way and he wasn’t about to start now. No. One thing Simon wasn’t was a coward. He allowed the sigh to escape and glanced down at his now semi-soft erection. That woman could make him hard as steel with but a touch and she could also deflate him quicker than a child could release air from a balloon.

What a life we’ll have, he thought as he walked out of the bathroom and into his future. He smiled at Janice and she smiled back and again he wondered. Maybe if he said it first. He took her arm. Maybe after they were safely married he’d tell her he loved her. Maybe.

Janice settled comfortably in her seat, wondering what was up with her new fiancé. Simon was behaving oddly and for some reason that she couldn’t put her finger on, something felt wrong with the entire reception.

The service was impeccable, as always, and the food delicious. Why shouldn’t it be? They were at one of the most expensive hotels in the world. It was New York’s best. Yet there was something amiss and she sure wished she could figure it out. For one thing, Simon had barely taken his eyes off her the entire time. He’d watched her as though looking for some clue. His mention of a surprise came to her mind but she had yet to see it.

“It’s showtime.”

As the words were whispered into her ear, the soft caress of his warm breath filled her. She looked up at the owner of the words and smiled, for the first time nervous about what she was about to do. “Are you ready?” he asked.

“I am if you are,” she replied.

Simon took the podium and Janice pasted her eternal patent smile on her lips and listened, waiting for her cue to join him.

“You’ve all been invited here today to share in my good fortune. I have proposed to the very beautiful Janice Lace and she has graciously accepted. But what you don’t know is that I am also marrying the extremely beautiful Mary Jo Adams.”

Janice glared at Simon. What the hell did he think he was doing? She’d never used her Christian name in her bio. Mary Jo Adams didn’t exist anymore; in fact, she knew for sure she’d never told Simon her real name.

Simon ignored the look of fire his bride-to-be was shooting his way and laughed at his little joke. “Don’t worry.” He put his hand up to still the rustling of people, to stop the whispering. “They are one and the same, the famed author and the small town girl.”

He grinned, exuding charm, not looking directly at Janice, wondering if she would get up and march out of the room. She might when he spoke his next words, but he had to know.

“In honor of my wife-to-be I’ve decided to invest a great deal of money in something that is near and dear to her heart: the preservation of the small independently owned African American bookstores.”

He turned back to Janice. “Darling, would you join me now?” He waited, hoping his little stunt wouldn’t assure he’d have a block of ice in his bed tonight instead of the promise of sweaty hot sex that she’d indicated would be his when she’d earlier run her hand over his erection.

He watched as she rose from the chair. Her legs, long and graceful, sent a shot of adrenaline straight to his crotch, making him hard. He saw her swipe gently at her lips with the soft linen napkin, knowing she was stalling for time. Ah, if only he could be that napkin he thought for a second, and felt another quickening in his groin.

Janice sidled up to Simon and smiled even though her eyes glared at him. He laughed and kissed her right there at the podium, ignoring her rule against overt public displays of affection. Breaking off the kiss, he anchored his arm around her waist and pulled her closer than she wanted to be to him at the moment. When she squirmed, he pulled her still closer and kissed her again. “You’re not going anywhere,” he whispered.

“I’d now like to ask the representative for AABU, African American Bookstores United, to come up please. On behalf of my bride and myself I would like to donate one million dollars for the purpose of keeping AABU going. Please, everyone put your hands together for Mr. Tommy Strong. Tommy, would you come up here, if you would be so kind?”

He turned to Janice. “Smile pretty,” he whispered, and released her in order to clap his hands. He saw the first clink in her armor, the slight tremble of her fingers as she followed suit and began clapping, but as though she’d forgotten how. Waves of anger from her washed over him but this time it didn’t give him the high it usually did.

There was something lethal in her look as she eyed the man walking to the podium to receive the check. It was what he’d been waiting for. In the eyes of his bride-to-be he saw hatred for the man and Simon smiled, a genuine smile, ignoring the fact that Janice’s anger also included him.