Many Shades of Gray (10 page)

“Would you like for me to?”

“No, I can buy my own.”

“Then what would you like?” she asked, her voice dropping low as the lust in Simon’s eyes filled her and she trembled at the intensity.

“I want you,” he moaned as he slipped the gown from her body and lifting her, pulled it away with one swift movement. “Our love-hate relationship is beginning to make me dizzy. But I’m not ready for it to end.” He looked down at her in awe and wonder. He definitely wasn’t ready for it to end.

Simon couldn’t believe his good fortune. One minute she was hot, the next cold, and now she was hot, hot and ready for him. He lay over her, sucking her nipples into his mouth, loving the feel of her golden caramel body. She was as smooth as silk, and softer than anything he’d ever touched. And deep inside he knew she hid a secret hurt.

How he wanted to be the one to share her pain. But she wouldn’t open up to him. She’d told him about Tommy’s leaving her and he’d heard the pain in her voice but sensed an even deeper hurt and he wanted to be the one to comfort her.

Simon feared Tommy Strong. He feared Tommy would banish her pain and regain her love. He didn’t want that to happen, but he had no idea how in hell to prevent it.

Tommy was his doing, he’d brought him back into her life, but somehow he knew as much pain as he would probably feel, it would be for the best.

Whatever secret torture Janice was hiding she had to let go of before she could finally give him what he wanted. Until she told him that she felt for him what he felt for her, he would be incomplete.

He slid into her body, finding her wet, hot and ready. His flesh trembled with need. He rode her as though it were the first time, or his last. He reveled in the way he felt buried inside her, the way her body seized him, clutching him, wrapping him in her heat. She belonged to him whether she wanted to believe it or not. And he belonged to her.

He came with a guttural groan a second after he felt her writhing beneath him, clutching him in her need, her lust, and her fulfillment. He lay on her for a few long moments. “Did we just make up?” he asked, a smile in his voice.

“I’d say so,” she answered.

“I guess that means I need to go shopping later.” He smiled and looked down, wanting to make her smile. “Want to come with me?”

“Simon, you don’t have to buy me anything. In fact, I don’t want you to,” Janice answered and he noticed the slight chill in her voice. Damn. What had happened in just a few seconds to turn her from a raging inferno into a block of ice?

“I don’t understand,” he tried again. “I always buy you something when we fight. You always like it. You’ve never complained before.”

“I’m not complaining, Simon, I’m just saying it’s not necessary. You don’t have to buy me,” she said.

He rolled off her and flung his hand over his face. Only a fool wouldn’t know that that remark had come from somewhere, and he had the strong impression it had come from one Mr. Tommy Strong. The man was a fast worker, he’d give him that.

“I’ve never tried to buy you. I like buying you nice things. I like the way your eyes light up.” He laughed softly. “I like the way your greedy little fingers rip the wrapping paper to shreds. I like buying you gifts.”

“But if you give me something now, it makes it seem like you’re either paying for sex or you’re buying me.”

Simon was slowly losing patience; still, they were at a nice place. At the moment they weren’t fighting and even though Janice had said she liked fighting with him, he’d found he didn’t like it so much. He’d much rather sit and stare at her or make love to her than fight with her.

“Okay, how about a day of pampering for both of us? We’ll take a long hot shower or a bubble bath and then we’ll climb back into bed and have our breakfast brought up and we’ll stay here all day. I’ll cancel all of my appointments and we’ll just stay in bed and make plans for our future.”

Janice wanted what Simon was offering her. She didn’t want to do the things she’d promised she’d do. She didn’t need to spend the day with Tommy again. It was too soon, much too soon. Still, she’d given her word.

“I wish I could…but…I…I told Tommy I would be there early.” She saw a flash of pain, then a look of anger come into his eyes and again she wondered what was going on. He’d never acted like this before.

She took a good long look at the man she was going to marry and a shiver of recognition began somewhere inside her and wormed its way through to her brain and made her aware.

Simon Kohl was in love with her. This wasn’t what she expected. A small gasp of surprise came out before she could stop it. The thought of his truly loving her would possibly have made her happy a few days ago. Now all she could think about was the fact that her loving Tommy had not been enough. He’d failed her when she needed him most. Her chest constricted with fear. Janice was afraid for Simon to love her, afraid that once he admitted it, he would stop, that he would leave her, just as Tommy had.

“Simon,” she almost moaned. “I like us the way that we are. Don’t change it please.”

“We could have so much more,” he answered.

“Don’t, Simon. I don’t know how to give what you’re asking. I thought you understood that. I thought we were together because we each filled a need for the other. I thought what we had was…” She shrugged. “I thought it was uncomplicated.”

“My feelings for you make things complicated?”

“Yes,” she answered.

“We’re getting married.”

“I know, but still…” She closed her eyes. “I told Tommy I would work with him again today.”

“Is working with Tommy more important to you than spending time with me?” There, he’d said it. He’d not intended to, but what the hell? Might as well get it out in the open between them.

Janice got out of the bed, went to her purse and got out Tommy’s business card. She’d looked at the thing so many times that she knew the number by heart. But something told her it wouldn’t be wise to dial his number without making a show that she didn’t know it. She came back to the bed, aware that Simon’s eyes had never left her body. She slid between the covers.

She looked at the card and dialed the number, expecting a machine to pick up. She wasn’t prepared for the strong masculine voice on the other end of the line.

She felt a strange sensation in the pit of her stomach and an even stronger one on the back of her neck. That one she knew the cause of. It was her fiancé’s razor sharp gaze burning her with the precision of a laser. She was on trial.

“Tommy, I’m sorry, I’m going to have to bail on you today.”

“Did Mr. Kohl disapprove of the late hour?” Tommy replied.

“Look, I said I’m sorry, just rearrange the store appearances. We can fit them in later.”

“Don’t you think you’d better ask your fiancé for permission? I don’t want to make plans for you to visit bookstores and have you not show up. But then, what can I expect? You’ve never given back anything to the community. What made me think you would start now? Go ahead, ask the master when you can come, and try telling me again he doesn’t own you.”

Janice knew what he was doing yet her mouth felt as dry as cotton. She also knew as loud as Tommy was talking that Simon could hear every word. She saw his eyes narrow and she opened her mouth, but he didn’t give her a chance to say a word.

“Why do you have to make excuses to him? Why can’t you just tell him that you’ve chosen to spend the day with me?” Simon growled angrily.

She knew he was asking as a request but with Tommy’s words still burning in her ears it felt more like a command, more like he believed he had a right to control her, more like he owned her.

For a moment she wavered. Then Simon looked away from her and she snapped out of it.

“Look, I said I would make up the stores we’re not visiting today. Don’t try using guilt on me, Tommy, it’s not going to work. I stayed out much too long with you last night. That was inconsiderate of me and yes, if you must know, I’m spending the day with my fiancé. Just so we’re clear on this, it’s my choice.”

The phone slammed in her ear and she smiled. Tommy had almost pulled her back into his clutches. She was surprised at the ease of his manipulation.

Her victory didn’t last long. She looked up and saw that Simon had gotten out of the bed and was staring down at her.

“Is that where all that nonsense about me trying to buy you came from?”

“Tommy knew me when I was young. We were going to do so many things to change the world. Tommy has worked very hard at uncovering families in the United States and across the world with ties to slavery. You’ve been hearing about that.” Janice hunched her shoulders.

“I’m afraid Tommy gets carried away and sees a slave master in the face of every non-black person that he meets. He’s probably more dedicated than most.” She smiled an apology. “I don’t know why he keeps trying to annoy me by saying things about you. I mean, the generous donation you gave him, that money would really help his work.”

Simon fought to keep his voice steady. “I thought he was heading up the campaign to save the bookstores.”

“He is. That’s his passion. But the history, that’s his life.”

“It seems like the two of you have stopped hating each other.”

Janice looked closely to see where this was going before she answered. “I didn’t get all of this from him. I got it from the people that work with him and the other bookstore owners that he took me to. As for the hate between us, I’d say it’s still alive and well.”

“Are you sure you want to work with him? I could find other ways for you to help the bookstores.”

“No, Simon, thanks,” she said, wondering at his sudden change of mood. “This will be good for my career. Maybe it’s something I need to do.” She laughed. “If not, I’ll write about it. Anyway, I’m not going to give Tommy a chance to say he knew I would fail, that I wouldn’t follow through.”

“Does his opinion matter?”

She studied him. His color was gray and she noticed the little twitch in his face. Something was definitely going on. She thought she’d put her finger on it but there was something more. “Simon, do you want to tell me what’s going on with you? You’ve been acting so strange now for months.”

He smiled but it didn’t go farther than his lips. “Nothing’s wrong. I guess I’m getting wedding day jitters.”

Janice laughed with relief. That made sense. Getting married was enough to make a person nervous. “We don’t even have a date set; you have a long time to get nervous.”

“A long time?” He stopped and stared. “Why a long time?”

“Do you have any idea how long it takes to plan a wedding?”

“Yeah, give me a couple of hours and I’ll have it all arranged.”

“Oh, that’s right, I forgot. Well, it still takes time to invite people, to pick out a dress, flowers, get a church, a banquet facility, and we have to decide whom to invite.”

“I don’t want it to take forever. I want us to get married soon and I don’t want a lot of people, family only. I get tired of the press in every aspect of my life. I don’t want the buzz.”

“But you made a public announcement.”

“That’s because I’m proud to be marrying you, but I don’t want the world involved in our wedding.” Simon paused and studied her. “Is a big wedding something you always fantasized about? If it is—”

“No, Simon, small will work for me also.”

There was no need to tell him that yes, once upon a time in a life far away, when she’d been a little girl named Mary Jo Adams, she’d dreamed of a big wedding. But all those dreams had been shattered. She felt a tremor steal over her and Tommy’s face popped into her mind for some reason. She thought of the picture he made sitting behind the wheel of his Explorer. The truck was so much like the man, big, strong and black.

Janice’s gaze slid to Simon’s face and she eyed him guiltily. She felt shame for her thoughts burning into her. She’d never tried to make Simon Kohl into something he was not, and she’d not given a care about the color of his skin. If Tommy Strong had not reentered her life with a bang, she was sure she wouldn’t have thought about it now.

Damn Tommy, she thought angrily. He’d always possessed the ability to have her thinking about him constantly. That was going to change.

“Janice, are you thinking about Mr. Strong? You’ve got this funny look on your face.”

“I thought we were going to spend the day in bed together. Please, for one day let’s not fight,” Janice pleaded.

“I can’t believe you don’t want to fight.”

“Believe it, I don’t, not today. I want to not answer the phone, not turn on the computer. I don’t want anything to do with work for either of us. So call your secretary and let him know.”

“Do you want to set a date today, maybe plan a visit to your parents?”

“We can do that, but not today, maybe tomorrow. I just want a carefree day.”

“To make love?” he asked.

“To make love,” she answered.

“To love me?” Simon tried, pushing farther than he’d ever pushed before.

“Don’t ruin things, Simon.”

She closed her eyes and a stab of pain pierced him. Ruin things? Talk of love would be ruining things? He closed his eyes also. “I’ve never pushed you,” he said at last.