Many Shades of Gray (18 page)

His eyes closed and Simon fought with the demons that were now controlling him and lost. He kissed her, hard, brutal and demanding, not waiting for her to grant him entrance into her mouth. “I’m not a kid,” he said when he finally let her go. “You play with fire you’re going to get burned.”

“What’s wrong with you? You‘re acting like a madman. You can’t just treat me any way you please,” Janice said indignantly.

“And you can’t treat me any way you please,” he answered her.

“What do you think I did to you?”

“For starters, get rid of that sarcastic tone. Did you think I was blind? I saw the way you kept looking at Tommy. What was that about? You were behaving as though you needed his approval to come near me.”

“I don’t need Tommy’s approval and I don’t need yours. I’m my own person, Simon. If you don’t like it why don’t you drop me off at a hotel and let’s end this now.”

“I’ll drop you off when we get home and if you want to leave, you go. I’m not going to try and stop you.”

“I’m relieved to hear that, since you have no right to stop me. You may be rich, Simon, but there are laws to govern you also. You don’t own me. I’m not your slave.” She saw the muscle twitch in his temple, saw the pain that crossed his face and she stopped.

“Tell me something,” Simon said quietly. “Why all of a sudden whenever we fight do you say I don’t own you? I’ve never behaved as if I did.”

“I don’t want you thinking that you do,” Janice hissed.

“That wasn’t the answer to the question. Why do you think that? Why do you even say it? Have I behaved in that manner toward you?”

“Simon, it’s not as easy for me to be with you as you might think.”

He cocked his head to the side, frowning, and waited.

“I know what people think,” Janice said, her voice no longer hostile but quiet, pleading for understanding.

“What do they think?” he asked.

“That I’m with you because of your money.”

“That’s partly true,” Simon said, ignoring the denial on her face. “But if I don’t give a damn about it, why should you?”

“I’m not with you because of your money, Simon.”

He raised a brow. “If you’re not that’s news to me and to everyone who ever asked you about our relationship. You think I haven’t heard what you said to people, how you explain us? You shout it out for the whole damn world to hear and now you give me some lame ass excuse that you’re concerned that people think you’re with me because of my money. Bull! Think of another reason.”

“I’m not with you because of your money,” Janice repeated, this time more insistently.

“Then why don’t you tell me why you are.” He was hoping that she’d say love but wasn’t about to place bets on it.

“We each have our reasons.”

“I know mine. I want to know yours. Tell me, Janice Lace, why are you with me? Why the hell did you agree to marry me? Why did you say you would set a date, then behave as if it was no more to you than a hair appointment? I’m damn well more than that. If not, then maybe we are making a mistake.”

“I don’t know why I’m with you,” Janice finally said, so softly that he had to strain to hear her.

He sucked in his breath. This he’d not expected. “You can’t think of one reason for marrying me?” he asked, holding her gaze.

“You asked me.” She looked out the window. “You demanded it.”

He couldn’t believe it, not her words and not her manner. He knew why she was marrying him even if she refused to acknowledge it. She loved him. But he didn’t know how long he’d be able to take this. He was not going to be reduced to a wimp for anyone, not even Janice Lace. He started driving while he thought of what to do next. The next move would have to be drastic, something to show her that he meant business.

“All of this and you think I treat you like a slave,” he said, not looking in her direction, not speaking to her as he drove back to the mansion.

Simon popped the trunk, got out the mountain of books and carried them in. Janice had already gotten out and walked into the house. She needed to be taught a lesson. He was a man and there was just so much nonsense he was willing to take before he started fighting dirty. He’d reached his limit. No more. He was now willing to fight dirty.

Simon stopped in the foyer to give instructions to his assistant to pack his bags. He pushed the buzzer for the chauffeur, then placed a call to Harold to give him further instructions, filling him in quickly.

“Harold, if Janice calls, if she asks for me, tell her the jet is fueled and ready,” Simon muttered, ready to end the conversation.

“What games are you playing, Simon? If the two of you had a fight why don’t you just stay and work it out like a normal couple? How the hell is flying halfway around the world going to solve anything?”

“I’ve heard absence makes the heart grow fonder. I’m ready to check out that theory.”

“But if she doesn’t ask for you? What if she doesn’t care that you’re gone—”

“Look, let’s move on,” Simon said, interrupting the man from saying more. “Have you heard any more on that other matter?”

“As a matter of fact you were right. An investigation has been launched into your family’s history.”

“Damn,” Simon muttered angrily. “He started it.”

“At this point it’s an unofficial investigation. But I did manage to get the name of the man who asked for it.”

“Spit it out,” Simon almost yelled. “Do you think I want the suspense? Just tell me.”

“Tommy Strong, as you thought all along.”

“Have you taken care of things?”

“Of course. No one will uncover a thing. You have my word on that.”

“You’d better make sure or your word will not be the only thing that I require.” Simon allowed his unspoken threat of firing Harold to lie between them for a moment. “Harold, I don’t mean to treat you like this, but this is important.”

“I know that,” Harold answered, his voice offended. “I’ve always known how important this matter was to you. Simon, please, may I say something?” He asked for permission rather than just giving Simon advice, as he usually did.

Simon hated that he’d talked so brusquely to the man. Still, he was the boss and he had to let Harold know just how serious he was. “Go ahead,” he said.

“Try telling her, tell Janice, before she finds out.”

“I thought you said that would never happen.”

“Never say never. It won’t happen on my watch as long as I’m alive. But I don’t want to be the last barrier of defense for you. I want you to bring this out and live with it. Then it won’t have the power to hurt you so much. People will understand and they will forgive. You’ve been a generous benefactor and people will shove anything away as long as it’s backed by the color green. Tell Janice if you’re going to marry her. For God’s sake, tell her.”

“Do you want to know what she’s been asking me lately?” Simon dropped his voice, the pain in his chest burning him like hot coals. “She’s been asking me if I thought I owned her, telling me that she wasn’t my slave. She’s the one who owns me. Tell me she hasn’t treated me like her slave for the past three years. I’ve gone along with her nonsense because I love her, because at any moment I thought there was a chance she’d come to her senses and stop talking crazy. And your advice to me is to tell her. Do you really think I’m going to tell her now?”

“Do you think she knows?”

“No, but I do think our friend has been putting ideas into her head.”

“Simon, maybe if you gave him—”

“Please don’t say more money. The fool tore up a check for a million dollars and you can bet by now he’s told Janice. Who do you think will look like the good guy in her eyes, and who the villain?”

“She’s marrying you.”

“That doesn’t matter, we’re not married yet. Besides, she has a past with him, and I can’t get her to open up about it.”

“Is that why you brought him back into the picture, into her life?”

“I just wanted to make sure what she felt for him was dead.”

“And is it?”

“I don’t know. It seemed so initially, but it looks now as if something has been awakened.”

“And you think now is a good time to leave her alone?”

“Are you saying I can’t trust my fiancée?”

“I’m saying you’re asking for trouble leaving her alone with a man who’s out to destroy you, a man with whom she had a long term relationship.”

“I don’t believe she’ll cheat on me, I trust her. I know she loves me, regardless of what she says, and I know she knows just how important fidelity is to me.”

“What if you’re wrong?”

“If I am, now’s the time to find out, only I don’t think I am.” Simon was suddenly tired. “Listen, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I just want you to know if Janice calls anytime, day or night, make sure she knows I left a way for her to come to me.”

“When are you coming back?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“On who gives first.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Sure you do,” Simon teased. “If my beautiful fiancée does as I want and gives in, she will come to me and who knows if I will ever come back. But if she doesn’t, then when I can’t stand being without her I will return home.”

“Good luck.” Harold offered.

“Thanks, I have a feeling I’m going to need it.”

Amazed, Janice sat at the end of the bed eying the more than two dozen boxes stacked neatly along one wall, all addressed to her. She pulled one African American oriented magazine after another from the boxes, knowing that Simon had made this happen.

She curled on the bed, wondering where he was, why he hadn’t followed her up the stairs to finish the fight. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry but she didn’t know if she would. Simon wanted something from her that she no longer wanted to give. He wanted one hundred percent of her. She was willing to give him seventy-five. She feared she’d lose herself if she gave more.

She’d loved Tommy so much that when he’d abandoned her she’d lost her soul and herself in the process. She could not give Simon that power over her. She knew he loved her and she loved him. Janice wanted to have what they’d agreed on three years before: an uncomplicated relationship. It was Simon who worried her. When she admitted that she loved him, how long would it take before he stopped loving her, before he also broke her heart? Janice flipped the magazine on the bed angrily. Simon was the one who’d changed everything, she thought. She’d stuck to the original plans.

Damn, she thought as she leaned over and picked up another magazine. What a mess. Though she hadn’t told Simon she loved him she knew he already knew. The only thing standing between them was her unwillingness to confess her love for fear of being hurt again.

* * *

Simon came quietly into the bedroom and stood watching as Janice rifled through the boxes. God, how he loved her.

He knew he was about to gamble with his future, but he had hope. She brought her eyes upward. He waited, maybe for a thank you, maybe for an apology. When she remained silent, he began to move around the room.

Her eyes followed him and he sighed, wanting to do something to make her crack, make her act as though she were alive, as though she gave a damn. He opened a drawer and slammed it with so much force that he thought it would splinter. Then he turned to face her. He wished for a moment that his assistant had had to go to his bedroom to pack his bag; then Janice would know just how serious he was. But the majority of his clothes were in a downstairs bedroom since she used every spare inch of space for her clothing.

“This won’t happen again,” he said quietly, refusing to yell. “I will not come last on your list. I don’t care if you think I’m trying to own you. I’m warning you.” He saw her eyes change from the soft misty brown, saw when she began glaring but he didngive a damn. He was going to continue.

“This game we’ve been playing, the two of us.” He used his fingers to make a see-sawing motion between the two of them. “It’s over. I’m not going to continue substituting fighting for the things that I want.”

She opened her mouth and he held up a hand. “Don’t say anything or I might say something I’ll regret.”

Simon was surprised that Janice did as he demanded and didn’t talk. He saw her eyes go to the books. He didn’t want her gratitude, not for something that was easily accomplished with one phone call.

He pointed at the magazines. “Don’t let that be an influence on your feelings. It wasn’t done to make you feel something that you don’t.”

With that he went into the bathroom just to give her time to say something that might stop him from leaving. But she didn’t. She watched as he left their room and his heart broke thinking that even if she knew what he was about to do she still might not do anything, that she would let him walk out.

Three hours later when he was in the sky flying away from her, he realized that Janice didn’t know that he had left town, let alone the country. Since she’d not bothered to come down, she’d not seen his bags loaded into the limo. He wondered how many days it would be before she noticed that he’d left his cell phone on the vanity in the bathroom. How many days would it take before she noticed he wasn’t in the bed?