Loving My SECRET (Corrigan & Co. Book 10) (15 page)

“What those fucking
emails did is make it even more clear to me. Forget what happened to
make you break up with me. The rest? All the talk about being proud
of me, and loving me? If I was good enough, you would have told me
that. Just one time, you could’ve told me. Instead you made me feel
insecure, and childish because I was jealous of you and the other
women, and you knew it.”

“You were jealous? I
wanted to kill that little bastard, Rick.”

“I broke up with him,
and went to you when he hurt you. When did you ever come to me when I
was hurting? When one of your women was looking me up and down like I
was lucky you were even speaking to me.”

“They never did
that.”

“They
all
did that.”

“I didn’t see it. I
only saw you, and how I had to protect myself from you.”

“That’s great. I’m
now the big, bad wolf in the situation.”

“Shit. That came out
wrong. I meant that if you saw how I was really feeling, I couldn’t
pretend to care anymore. I explained it all in the emails.”

“Stop talking about
the fucking emails!” I shriek at him, throwing my purse against the
wall. “Have you even read any of the emails?”

“No. I just wrote
what I was feeling and sent it off.”

“Well maybe you
should. Maybe you should read them, and think about how you would
feel if you were in my shoes. How for almost twelve fucking years
I’ve had to love you, and just accept the scraps you’d throw my
way. The few times you’d be sweet or romantic before saying
something to hurt me the next day. Think about how I felt when I read
you saying that you were sorry for being nasty to me, or sorry for
making me think you were sleeping with all the women you were out
with. You honestly think I am happy to know that you were just doing
it because you ‘love’ me so much? I have lived in my own personal
Hell for over a decade, knowing I should move on, but not being able
to. And now, I should just forget all of that pain, because words on
a computer screen tell me you’re sorry? Those words don’t change
what you did to me, how you made me feel. Knowing you did them on
purpose, in order to hurt me, makes it worse. So much worse.”

“Let me show you now.
I’ll show you every second of every day that I love you. Give me a
chance to show you.”

I shake my head again.
“I can’t.”

“You keep talking
about words versus actions, but I showed you my love. I came to
Mexico and showed you.”

“I didn’t think
you’d come. I knew the girls would, but not you.”

“I did come. I’ll
always come for you.”

“Was it out of love,
or was it just out of obligation because you knew I went there
because you’d destroyed me?”

“Love.”

“I wish I could
believe that.”

“Believe it. If I had
just felt bad, I would’ve shot that bastard in the head, Reina. I
emptied my clips into him while being shot because I wanted to make
him suffer for what he’d done to the woman I love. To my wife.”

“Wife? I was never
really your wife. Starting with the ring, and ending in your office,
it was all a lie.”

“Speaking of the
ring, I can’t believe you gave it away so easily,” he says and I
see he’s angry with me now.

“You knew I hated
it.”

“But it was still the
ring I put on your finger when I made vows to you.”

“Vows that were not
real. How do you know about the ring, anyway?”

“I got it back. Gave
the guy money for it, because he convinced me that he helped you, but
I have it. It’s in my bag over there,” he says, nodding towards
the duffle bag by the closet.

“I don’t want it.”

“It means nothing to
you, nothing at all?”

“For a long time I
thought it did, because as you said, it was on my finger when we were
married. In Mexico, I realized that since I had meant nothing to you,
why would the ring mean something to me?”

“Now you know that
you mean everything to me.”

“I don’t. I know
you want me to believe it, and I wish I could. One conversation and a
bunch of emails cannot erase all the years of cutting me down, and
using me.” He opens his mouth, and I put my hand up to stop him. “I
let you do it all to me, so I share the blame. That doesn’t change
the outcome. This is over, Matt. We’re over. You should get some
new divorce papers drawn up, because I no longer consider myself your
wife.”

“I’m going to
change your mind. If it takes me the rest of my life, I will make you
believe.”

“Goodbye, Matt,” I
say, walking over to pick up my purse and the contents that are
strewn all over the floor.

“One kiss. Please
give me one last kiss.”

I give him a sad laugh.
“I once asked you for that exact same thing, and you told me I was
embarrassing myself.”

“You weren’t. I
just couldn’t kiss you again. I’ll embarrass myself for you
anytime you need me to. I love you.”

I’m not being
spiteful, but I just can’t kiss him again. I shake my head as I go
to the door. “I hope you find your peace, and someone who is worthy
of knowing all of your secrets.”

“Reina,” he yells,
and I can hear the pain in his voice.

I don’t turn around,
or stop walking. The tears are flowing down my face as I pass
Kendrick, and walk into the waiting elevator. I don’t turn back
around until the doors close, and then I fall to my knees and let it
all out. The elevator doors open, and then they’re there with me.
The ten women I left in the conference room upstairs. They don’t
say anything as they sit down around me. Audrey and Ainsley have
their arms around me, and everyone else is touching some part of my
body in comfort. The doors close, but we don’t move. These women
that I’m leaving hold me and comfort me until I can’t cry
anymore, and then they stand up with me, and hug me goodbye. They
came to me once again, this time knowing I’m leaving them. I don’t
know if I’ll come back to the Society, but I know I will always
come back to them.

* * *

Matt

“We came as soon as
we could,” Aiden says as he enters my room with Nate, Jake, Theo,
and Miles. “Ellie texted me, and I got everyone together, but we
had a little trouble getting here.”

“Yeah. Ainsley shut
down the elevator that comes here because they were inside with
Reina. We waited, and then just took the stairs,” Jake tells me.

“It’s over.”

“No way, bro. You and
Reina are like the epic love story couple. Finding love, losing love,
coming back into each other’s lives, and then realizing you can’t
be without each other. It’ll never be over with you guys until you
get your HEA.”

“HEA?” Theo asks.

“Happily Evert
After.”

“How do you even know
that, Miles?” Nate asks with a smirk.

“My wife reads lots
of romance books.”

“It sounds like
you’ve been reading them, too, little brother,” I tease him.

“Hey, don’t knock
it. There’s some pretty sexy stuff in some of those books.”

“I obviously don’t
need a book. I have a trophy, remember?” Aiden says.

“How could we
forget?” Jake grumbles. His medal pales in comparison to the giant
sex trophy Ellie bought Aiden.

“Yet again, I’m
going to remind you that some of us don’t need a trophy. Or a
medal,” Nate growls.

“Then again, maybe I
do,” I say.

“It’s really that
bad?” Theo asks.

“She said she’s
done. She doesn’t believe I really love her. Why should she? I’ve
spent so much time fighting the fact that I love her. I’ve hurt her
over, and over again. How can she believe me now?”

“You’re giving up?
Seriously?” Aiden asks me.

“Fuck, no. I’m
going to show her every day. I’ve already got some ideas.”

“Um, that’s going
to be a little hard to do when she’s gone,” Miles says.

“Gone? She just went
upstairs.”

“No. She left the
Society. Alex is going to pretend to be running things, but it’ll
really be Stella and Tegan.”

“I have to go. I have
to get out of this bed,” I say, pulling wires off my body.

Kendrick runs in before
I can get the I.V. out, and pushes me back down. “Stop it, Matt.”

“I have to go to my
wife,” I tell him, pushing him back. He almost falls, but Nate
catches him.

“No. You have to get
better, and then wait for your wife to come back to you.”

We all look at him like
he’s lost his mind. Theo doesn’t have a woman, but the rest of us
know that waiting may sound great in theory, but it sucks in real
life. Nate waited, but that’s because he had done something really
bad, and he had to give Jade time to process it. And then it hits me.
I’ve done something really, really bad.

“He’s right,” I
say. “I’m sorry I pushed you, Kenny. I was just freaking out.”

“I understand,” he
says, as he re-attaches everything.

“You’re not going
after her?” Jake asks.

“No. If I do, it’ll
only make things worse. I’ve already made a giant mess of both of
our lives. I need to let Reina have her time alone, and then accept
whatever she decides.”

“So if she comes back
to town, you won’t pursue her?” Theo asks.

“Oh, I’m going to
pursue the shit out of her if she comes back.”

“It could be months,
or years,” Aiden says.

“Good thing I have a
company to run, and over a decade of emails to read then, isn’t
it?”

“Emails?” Kendrick
asks.

“I’ve written to a
dummy email account since the day I broke up with Reina. I was
writing to her, telling her things I couldn’t say. No, that’s not
right. I could say them, I should’ve said them. I just wouldn’t.
When I almost died, Aiden gave her the info.”

“She read them?”

“Yeah, but instead of
giving her peace, like I thought they would, they hurt her even
more.”

“Fuck Matt, I’m
really sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing,” Aiden says.

“You were. I have
never read over what I wrote, and she suggested I do so, thinking
about them from her point of view. Aqeelah told me to do it, too.
While I recover, and Miles runs the company for a little bit, I’m
going to do just that. Once I’m done, I hope to have a better
understanding about what I need to do in order to get her back.”

“I’ll help,” Theo
offers.

“I’m hoping
everyone will help me. Well, at least the guys. The girls need to be
with Reina, so I’ll need all the boyfriends, and husbands to step
up. Plus the Griffins of course.”

“Of course you’ll
need us,” Scott says from the doorway.

He walks in with Ryan,
Owen, and Luke trailing behind. “We have some extra chairs you guys
can bring in if you need them,” Kendrick says as he starts to go.

“Don’t go. You
should hang with us,” I tell him.

Since we’re in a
Foundation/Society hospital room, and not a normal hospital, the room
I’m in can easily seat thirty people. There are smaller rooms, but
I’m guessing Kendrick expected me to have more visitors than usual,
especially because I have at least a couple of weeks’ worth of
recovery ahead of me here. I had Aiden text all the other guys, and
Kendrick agrees to take a break once the pizza arrives. You can’t
have a bromantic time without pizza and beer. Well, water for me, but
my boys can have beer.

Hours later, everyone
but Miles has left. We all had a great time, but I know they all want
to get home and comfort their ladies. Theo has the morning shift
upstairs, so he called it a night as well. My brother and I sit in
silence for a little bit, just staring at the sports highlights on
ESPN.

“I’ve let you take
on too much,” Miles tells me, finally breaking the silence.

“What? No.”

“Yeah. I have. I
should’ve gone with you to take Dad. I know that messed you up.
He’s a close personal friend of the Devil himself, but dropping him
in the middle of nowhere could not have been easy. You’ve never
talked about it, but I know.”

“What he did to you
and Alex is inexcusable. Was I pissed? Yeah, I was. And okay, a
little hurt that someone so evil could have helped create us, and
then not care about us. But, Reina was there. She took care of me.”

“You mean you used
her for sex.”

“She offered,” I
protest, but then admit the truth. “Yeah, I used her, and I was
rough. I saw the bruises all over the next morning, and I left.”

“Shit, Matt. How has
it taken her this long to walk away from you?”

“I honestly don’t
know.”

“A better question is
why has it taken you so long to finally want to fight for her?”

My brother deserves the
truth, so I tell him. I tell him about Aqeelah’s husband, and how
it’s haunted me all of these years. How it made me hurt Reina over
and over again, and how now that she knows the truth, I realize I
should’ve told her long ago.

“Damn. You should’ve
told me, too. You needed support.”

“I just felt so
ashamed. I killed an innocent man, Miles. He was no danger to anyone,
and yet I killed him.”

“It was an accident.
You said his wife doesn’t blame you.”

“She doesn’t.”

“Is she still in
town? I’d like to meet her. I mean, if that’s okay.”

“She’s still here.
Her daughter, Neveah, wants to go to school here. Her son, Sully, is
at MIT. I’d like you to meet them. They’re amazing people.”

“
You’re
amazing, bro.”

“Hero worship this
late in life, Miles? Really?”

“You’ll always be
my hero, Matt. I hate how you’ve treated Reina all these years,
because I knew you loved her. Everything else you’ve done in your
life is hero worthy. My mom and Gram are great, but you are the only
male I had to look up to. I mean yeah, I had Gary, but I was in love
with his little granddaughter. I couldn’t exactly talk to him about
my feelings.”

“You didn’t talk to
me, either.”