Loving Her (10 page)

The problem was, I was afraid to find out what it could be.

Chapter 13

Tyler

I wasn’t in the mood, after the morning with the boys, to deal with more of a cold shoulder from my daughter. Because of the new puppy, and their fascination with her, I chalked Izzy’s silent treatment up to her being preoccupied. She was with her cousin and they always seemed to go off on their own.

I was convinced that it had to be my guilty conscience getting the best of me. Sure, I felt guilty every day for having to lie to Izzy, but it was for her own good. I didn’t become her father to ruin her life. I became her father because it was what I
was meant to do. I believed, in my heart and soul, that she was always meant to be my child. I did it to protect her and to give her the life that she deserved.

Since we had to leave that next morning, Miranda made it a point to offer my help to Colt. He was trying to clear out a
n area  in the backyard to build the kids a playhouse. Noah had a tree house at the edge of the woods, but he was having a problem allowing his sisters up there, and I think Van had a problem with them being so young and so high up in the air.

Addy was shy and refused to do things by herself, where Christian liked to explore. She was the child to walk off in a busy store and cause a commotion.

Colt and I used a tractor and the Bobcat to clear away the tree debris that he’d cut the week earlier, while John stuck around and starting splitting the wood up to be used in the fireplace when the weather got colder. He used a large mechanical wood splitter that was loud, but split the wood perfectly to fit in a fireplace. It beat using a huge axe and pulling out his back.

The twins were obsessed with watching him place a large log on the machine and watching it bust into smaller pieces. When they fell to the ground, the boys would pick them up and stack them. To them, John had become their Pop Pop. They loved doing things with him and, because he was the sheriff, they thought he was badass.

While they seemed occupied, Colt and I focused on what we were doing. We didn’t notice Noah and Izzy riding away from the house on a four-wheeler. Miranda came running out, seeming upset. She was waving her arms in the air trying to get our attention. Finally I turned off the tractor and jumped down to see what she was doing. She had become out of breath from running and hunched over. “The kids just took off on a four-wheeler.”

“So what’s the problem?”

She looked up at me and I noticed that something was very wrong. Miranda had tears in her eyes, but she wouldn’t say it. I grabbed her and looked directly at her. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

She reached in her pocket and pulled out a folded piece o
f paper. I started opening it as she spoke. “Van found this on Noah’s bed. It seems they were up all night, looking into him to see if he really existed.”

When I got the paper fully opened I saw that it was a printed obituary for Tucker Chase. Listed under family members was Isabella Chase.

I felt like I’d been stabbed directly in the heart.

As my legs began to weaken, my wife grabbed both of my arms and steadied me. “Ty, I don’t know what they know. This is all that was on his bed. It doesn’t mean anything. We can just tell her that a friend of mine had a daughter with the same name.”

I couldn’t control the emotions that were taking over. My throat burned and I fought back the tears as I stared at the obituary of someone that we all wanted to stay dead and buried. “This can’t be happening.”

“She’s curious, Ty. Wouldn’t you be?”

I rolled the paper up and threw it as far as it would go. In the meantime, Colt had climbed off of the Bobcat and come rushing over. “What’s goin’ on?”

He picked up the paper that had only traveled a good five feet. From the look on his face, I knew he was thinking the same thing as I was. “I guess they sat up last night and researched.”

“I’ll take his computer away.” Colt’s threats meant nothing. Who knew how much more they’d dug?

“It doesn’t matter. At some point she’s going to figure it out if she hasn’t already.” I ran my hands through my hair and turned around so I wasn’t looking at Colt or Miranda.

“I’ll go find them,” Colt suggested.

“No! I can’t. I can’t look her in the eye right now. I’m not ready for this.”

Miranda touched my back and I just stood there, unresponsive. “Babe, don’t get upset. You don’t know.”

I turned angrily. “I don’t know what, Miranda? I do know. I know I’ve lied to her for her whole life. She’ll forgive you, because you’re her real birth parent. I’m not. Don’t you get it? The damage is done.” I stormed off
, leaving them standing there.

When I got back in the house, I went into the bathroom and ran water over my face before sitting down on the closed toilet seat and losing it. I put my hands over my face and felt the burning tears falling down my
cheeks. I was a grown man who’d made the decision to love a little girl. I’d done everything for her, including giving her my name. How could I imagine my life without her love?

How could I look her in the eye and admit to being a liar?

How would she ever be able to love me again?

The pain ripped through me
, and I was too upset to realize that Van had opened the door and come into the bathroom. She knelt down in front of me and placed her hands on my knees. It took one look for me to fall against her and let it out. She rubbed my back and comforted me the best she could. “I told her not to tell you.”

I pulled away. “I had a right to know.”

“You don’t know anything, Ty. You’re assuming the worst, because it’s what you’ve always feared. Be rational. That little girl loves you more than anything in the whole world.”

I thought about Izzy and how Van had a similar situation with raising Noah. “It’s easy for you, because Noah’s always known the truth. She’s never going to forgive me.”

She leaned back against the wall and brought her knees up to her chest. Miranda came in the small bathroom and sat down beside her. “I don’t want to lose her.”

Miranda reached over and grabbed my hand. “Ty, that’s not goin’ to happen. Even if she figures it out, or she’s terribly mad at us, she’ll get over it.”

“When, Miranda? When she’s thirty? Do you have any idea how hard this is? I have woken up every day for almost eleven years knowing that I had her love. Imagining that gone makes me sick. I hate hurting her. This isn’t just about me and my feelings. It’s about Izzy. It’s about everything she ever believed having been a lie. Me hurting her hurts me. She deserves to know the truth. I never should have been selfish. I never should have taken matters into my own hands. If we’d just been honest, none of this would be happening.”

“Don’t say that. We did what we did to protect her. None of us wanted anything to do with that bastard. We did it so that she’d never have to know the kind of man that he was. You’re her only father, Ty.” Van was adamant
, and I could tell from the way she spoke about Izzy finding out not only hurt me, but the whole family. Van had so many bad memories because of that scum. She didn’t want to think about the baby she’d lost and what she had to do to survive.

“Look, I know this is more than just me. I get that we all have a part in this.
I’m not trying to be a selfish asshole.”

“Nobody thinks that,” Miranda announced.

“She’s right. We don’t expect you to not be upset, but no matter what happens, you’re not in this alone. We’ve all lived with this lie. Every single member of this family covered up the secret. This isn’t your problem to deal with alone. We’re in this together, just like when we all decided to go through with it. I think instead of freaking out, we need to figure out exactly what they know. If I have to, I can talk to Noah in private. He’ll tell me the truth if I let him know what Tucker did to me.”

“No! I won’t let you bring that back up, Van. You’ve come too far to have to relive that.”

“Shut up. It’s my story to tell. If I can help you, it’s worth it.”

“No.” I looked Van right in the eye. “Promise me that you’ll keep that part a secret. I don’t want you talking about it. I mean it, Van.”

She put her hands up. “Fine. Have it your way. I just think it would be better if she knew the kind of man she’s looking into. She’s pulled up his obituary, so don’t you think she deserves to know how he died?”

“No!” A deep voice caught us all off guard. Colt stood in the doorway and he was not happy at what his wife was willing to do for me. “You will never tell our son what you did. Your life was on the line and
it was an accident. He’ll never understand and I don’t want any of our kids ever hearing about that night. Do you hear me, darlin’?”

“Yes, I was just trying to help, Colt.”

“I get that. Ty we’ll do whatever you need, but that conversation is off limits. My wife went through hell, and I can’t have that part of our lives brought back up.”

I agreed with Colt. Van was too fragile when it came to that. She may be acting tough, but Noah finding out would change his opinion of her
, and none of us wanted that.

“Look, I don’t know what Iz knows. Obviously, she’s curious. Maybe she’ll let it go and I’m just overreacting. I think it’s a good idea if we all try to act like nothing is happening. Maybe she’ll come to me or Miranda and ask again. Until we know something, I say we pretend we know nothing about it.” I hated what I was asking everyone to agree to, but it was necessary. If Izzy was looking into Tucker, she’d be paying close attention to all of our actions. She was smart and I needed to be strong, if I wanted to come out of all of this with all of my heart still in one piece.

Chapter 14

Miranda

As much as I wanted to believe that Ty was going to be strong and pretend that everything was fine and dandy, I knew it was easier said than done.

He and Colt went back outside and got to working on the playhouse. The twins had gotten bored with helping John and decided they wanted to help their dad. Van and I made everyone lunch, but Noah and Bella never returned to eat.

He’d checked in with her through a text message, but only said that he and Bella were fishing and they’d be back before it got dark.

The girls were busy playing with the new puppy that they wanted to name Brownie. Colt was determined that the dog would have a good hunting name, but none of us were sure if he was going to win out on a fight between him and his girls.

By dinner, the guys had the whole thing framed out and the roof on. We decided it would be fun to have a bonfire in the backyard, and the little ones helped us form a teepee of wood in the perfect burning spot.

With three determined grown men working their butts off, we decided to make meatball subs. The kids loved the idea of eating outside, plus it kept the mess out of the house. My mom, my aunt
, and Van’s mom stayed inside, while Van’s dad ended up coming out and helping the guys work. They’d been inside playing cards all afternoon, but he’d been itching to get outside.

Van ran out and got them beer and aside from the sound of hammering, they were mostly laughing and carrying on together.
You give a man a beer and a friend and he’d be content for hours. It was kind of like the girls with the new puppy. They were happy, occupied and not even thinking about the sad day they’d gone through less than twenty four hours ago.

I appreciated hearing Ty laughing, considering he was so torn up over Bella.
Colt would keep him in check. All he had to do was start an argument about being better than Ty and they were bickering for hours.

I started worrying about my daughter, but it was short
-lived. She and Noah came back right before it got dark. They went inside to get cleaned up from being out in the woods. I made it a point to check her for ticks. I think that as long as I was alive, I would worry about those little creatures making my kids sick. I couldn’t even count how many times I’d pulled them off the children. Ever since Bella had gone into the hospital, I was going to make sure they never had a chance to sink their disgusting teeth into my baby’s skin.

Bella argued with me until we got into the bathroom and I started the shower.
She was beginning to develop and hated anyone seeing her body. “Mom, please. I can look myself. Just let me be alone.”

“Bella, we’ve been through this. Strip down and let me check you. Do you want to take a chance and be back in the hospital?
For goodness sakes, I’m your mother. I’ve seen everything you have and I have the same thing. How many times have you seen me naked?”

“It’s not the same,” she argued.

“Do you want to go back in the hospital?”

“No.” She pouted, but took off her clothes and held her arms up so that I could start checking her.
“Please hurry. I’m cold.”

“I’ll be quick, just stand still.”
The room was quiet, but I felt like if I said anything to her, she’d get offended and not want to open up to me when she was ready, so I stuck to the basics. “Did you catch any fish?”

“Not really. We caught some little ones, but we threw them back.
We caught some crawfish and Noah almost caught a chipmunk in his hands.”