LOVING ELLIE (13 page)

“...Hello, this is Attorney Michaelson’s office.  We need to reschedule the appointment you had with Attorney Michaelson next week.  He’s had a family emergency and will be gone for several weeks.  Call us to reschedule at...” the rest of the message played unheard.  All Ellie could focus on were the words – gone for several weeks.

Her heart sank.  She had prepared herself, or had at least had tried her best to, for that appointment.  Now she would have to wait.  That meant less time to search for the perfect parents for her son. 

She wanted to scream.  To cry.  To curse in frustration.  But hunger pangs drove her to the table instead.  To the dinner Lucas had prepared for her.  She would eat away her misery.  Leaning forward, she inhaled the hearty aroma of beef stew.

Her thoughts, however, were centered on Lucas.  She’d seen so many sides to that man.  Reserved.  Determined.  Caring.  Teasing.  Playful.  The list could go on and on, but this was the first she’d seen of his domesticated side and for some reason that made her smile.  Despite the bad news she’d received from the adoption attorney’s office.

The baby kicked, widening her smile.  It was clear her son had inherited both his father and uncle’s healthy appetites.  “All right, all right.  I’ll eat.”

Ellie settled down at the table and ate a bowlful of the stew Lucas had prepared for her.  It was the best she’d ever tasted.  The man could cook.  When she’d had her fill, she cleaned up what few dishes there were and then went to her room to change.

Her clothing choices had dwindled considerably with her expanding waist.  She opted for a pair of low waist jeans that didn’t confine her ever-expanding belly and then pulled on one of her oversized t-shirts.  While there were more fashionable maternity clothes to be had, she didn’t want to spend extra money on them.  Not until she absolutely had to.  Until then, she would make do with what she had.

A glance at the clock told her Lucas had been out at the barn for nearly an hour.  Unable to get him off her mind, she slipped on her boots and coat, gathered up her nerve, and made her way out to find him.

CHAPTER NINE

The sound of the barn door creaking open stilled Lucas’s hand. 
Ellie.
  He wasn’t sure he was ready to face her after his emotional tirade in the Jeep.  While he thought the words every day of his life, he rarely spoke them.  He had killed his wife.

Ellie appeared in the tack room doorway with that beautiful smile of hers.  One that set his pulse to racing. “Hey.”

He had to admit he was surprised to see her standing there.  Especially, after what he’d admitted to in the Jeep.  Yet, here she was. He was certain she would have done her best to steer clear of him after that. 

“Did you need something?” he asked, grateful for the time he’d had alone to collect himself.

“I wanted to thank you for dinner,” she said, leaning against the doorframe.  “It was delicious.”

“Yeah, well somebody has to make sure you eat.”

“I do eat.”  She waved a hand over her stomach.  “Right here is proof enough of that.”

His gaze drifted down to the small bulge displayed beneath her open coat and he found himself fighting the urge to reach out and run his hand over the clinging cotton.  There was something so beautiful about a pregnant woman’s body.             

Tearing his gaze away, Lucas silently cursed his thoughts.  She was his brother’s fiancée.  Or had been.  He had no right to think about touching her in any way.

“You’re pregnant, Ellie.”  He returned to the task of sweeping the barn floor, trying to keep his mind off that beautiful smile of hers.  “You need to eat.”

“You sound like...” her words trailed off.

He paused mid-sweep, having heard the change in her tone.  “Like Jarrett?” he said, turning to her.  Why did her comparing him to his brother bother him?  It shouldn’t, but it did.

“No,” she replied, her smile fading away.

He’d been so sure.  “Who do I remind you of?”             

“I was going to say my mother.”  She laughed, but it was laced with pain. “But that wouldn’t be true.  She never cared enough about me to worry about whether I was hungry or not.” 

He propped the broom against the wall and moved then to take her in his arms. 

“You okay?” he asked as he reached up to brush a tear from her cheek.  It tore him up inside to see her sad. 

“I came out here to make sure you were all right, not to add to your worries,” she muttered with a soft sniffle.

“I don’t want you worrying about me.  I don’t want you worrying period.  It’s not good for the baby.”

“I know, but lately even the littlest thing can turn on the waterworks.  I’m not normally a crier.  I swear.”

He laughed at that, pushing a few wayward strands of hair from her face.  “I believe you.”

“Sometimes...no, make that a lot of times, I find myself wishing I could outrun my past.”  She looked up at him.  “Do you ever feel that way?”

“I live it every day.” But the past was always there, riding his heels. 

“At least you’ve known what it’s like to have people love you.  To really care about you.”

“Jarrett loved you.”  Those words were more of a reminder to himself, but that didn’t keep his hand from moving in a slow caress along her face.

“He was my friend.”

“I care about you, Ellie.”  It wasn’t until that moment that he realized just how deeply.  There was something about this strong, beautiful woman in his arms that touched a part of him he’d forgotten existed.

“I care about you, too,” she said softly.

Lowering his head, he kissed away the salty tears sliding down her cheeks. 

A soft whimper escaped her parted lips, breaking his already weakened resolve.  Releasing his grasp on the broom, he let it clatter to the floor and captured her face between his hands, covering her mouth with his own.

Not a hard, hungry kiss, but slow and tender.  A kiss shared between two people who had loved and lost.

She rose up on the toe of her boots and wrapped her slender arms around his neck, leaning into the kiss.

Closing his eyes, he savored the feel of the warm, very feminine body pressed against his.  The scent of her.  A solid thump against his lower abdomen had his eyes springing open.

The baby.

Shock registered through him.  What was he doing kissing Ellie when she was vulnerable and clearly not thinking straight?  And she wasn’t the only one.  Ellie had his own thoughts running wild. 

He set her away from him.

She looked up at him, her eyes dazed.

Lucas raked a hand back through his dark hair.  “I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have done that.”  Yet there was no denying that she had managed to touch a part of him that had been closed off for three long years.

“I’m glad you did,” she admitted, looking down at the floor.  “These past few weeks have left me feeling numb.”  Her gaze lifted, meeting his.  “You make me feel again.”

She had done the same to him.  His attention strayed once more to those soft, sweet lips and all he could think about was kissing her again.  Lucas forced his gaze away, looking anywhere but at that very tempting mouth.

“Glad you liked the stew,” he said, desperate to redirect his thoughts.  And talking about beef and vegetables was a sure fire way to get his mind off of the kiss they’d just shared.

“It was really good,” she said. “Be careful, Lucas, or I might try and hire you on at the coffee shop and turn it into a diner.”

“Not unless you’re willing to risk going out of business.”  He was teasing, however true the statement.  “Ellie...”

“Yes?”

“I’d like to help.”

“At the coffee shop?”

He shook his head.  If only it were that simple.  “No.  I want to help you choose the people who will be raising my brother’s son.” 

Her eyes widened in surprise and perhaps a little relief.  “I thought you were against my giving the baby up for adoption.”

“More than you could ever know,” he replied.  It was killing him. 

“Then why offer?”

“Because I need to know he’s going to be cared for.”  She of all people had to understand his reasoning.

“I appreciate the offer, but-”

“Don’t shut me out of this, Ellie,” he said, his voice taut.  Because that’s what she had been about to do.  He sensed it.  “I know you’ve always done everything on your own, but for Jarrett’s sake let me be a part of this.  You and I both want what’s best for your son.”

She looked up at him for a long while not saying a word.  Then she looked down at her rounded stomach with a sigh.  “Fine, but I have the final say.”

The final say.
  At least, Ellie was giving him some choice in the matter.  It was more than his wife had given him when she’d convinced him it was safe for her to have a baby - his baby – when Anna’s doctor had advised her against doing so because of her heart condition.

“Lucas?”

The past faded away and he found himself looking into Ellie’s questioning gaze.  His thoughts returned to the matter at hand.  Ellie’s child.  He had to admit he was more than a little surprised that she had agreed to let him help with the choosing of the adoptive parents, considering his feelings on the issue, but he didn’t feel like celebrating his victory either.  He understood what led Ellie to the choice she intended to make, but he didn’t have to like it.

“You won’t regret this,” he promised.  But she would regret giving up her child.  Hopefully she would realize as much before it was too late.  “So what’s the next step?”

A frown moved over her face.  “Finding another lawyer who handles private adoption.”

“Another lawyer?”

“I had a message waiting for me on the answering machine.  It was from the adoption lawyer I was scheduled to meet with next week.  Apparently, some sort of family emergency came up and he’ll be out of the office for several weeks.”

Good.  That would give him more time to get Ellie to reconsider her decision.  “So it’s delayed a few weeks.  It’s not the end of the world.”

“Maybe not, but it does mean less time for me to find the perfect family for my son,” she said with a deep sigh. 

Another worry she didn’t need in her already stressful life.  “I have an appointment with Greg Anderson next Thursday.  I’m pretty sure he handles private adoptions.  You could go with me and we could ask him about it.”  The offer was out before he thought better of it.  So much for delaying things.

“Do you think he would mind my coming with you?” she asked hopefully.  “I’m sure he didn’t set aside any extra time for your appointment.”

“Greg’s an old family friend.  I’m sure he’ll make the time as a favor to me.”

She stepped forward to throw her arms around his neck in a grateful hug.  “Thank you, Lucas!”

His nephew wouldn’t be thanking him.  Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.  The decision was Ellie’s to make.  He had no rights to the child she carried.  Fighting her on this adoption issue would only add stress to her pregnancy.  And alienate him from her trust in the process.  No, all he could do was hope time would change her mind. And time was something they were quickly running out of.

                                                        *              *              *

Ellie glanced out her bedroom window toward the distant barn, caught up in the memory of Lucas’s kiss and the feelings he had awakened in her.  He had yet to return to the house.  The same could be said for her thoughts which kept drifting back to the barn with him.

Turning from the window, she crossed the room to stare at her reflection in the full length dressing mirror that hung behind her bedroom door.  Pivoting to and fro, she studied the ever-changing curves beneath the straining cotton of Jarrett’s flannel shirt and her jeans.  Jeans that she now had to wear with the top button undone.  She was a little over seven months pregnant and as big as Jarrett’s milk cow, Flo.  She couldn’t be any less desirable.  So why had Lucas kissed her? 

She frowned and opened the door, making her way out to the living room to sit by the fire.  She eased down onto the sofa and then, after tucking her feet under her, reached for the throw.

Lucas had taken her completely by surprise when he’d asked her to let him help in choosing her son’s future parents.  She had expected him to fight her until the bitter end.  Maybe her pointing out that he was in no position to raise a baby on his own had finally sunk in.  Or maybe it was her emotional breakdown where she revealed her painful past to him.  Whatever the reason, she was grateful.

The kitchen door banged shut.  Lucas had finally returned.  Her heart skittered wildly.  A second later, came the sound of his boots dropping onto the linoleum floor by the back door.

They were going to be a team now, working together to do what was right for her son.  She had to stop thinking about his kisses.  It was a distraction she couldn’t afford.  Not now. 

“Ellie?” Lucas said, seemingly surprised, when he stepped into the room.  “I thought you’d be in bed by now.”

Thought or hoped?  Did he regret the kiss they’d shared out in the barn?

“Not yet,” she replied, her gaze fixed determinedly on the fire in front of her.  “I’m just sitting here enjoying the warmth.”

He walked past her to place another log in the hearth and then settled into the Lazy-Boy next to the sofa she was curled up on. 

Just then, the baby kicked hard, making Ellie gasp softly.

Lucas’s head snapped around.  “The baby?”

She nodded with a smile, placing a hand on her stomach.  “I swear I’m carrying an NFL place kicker.”

“Or he’s part mule,” he said with a chuckle.

She glanced up to find Lucas’s gaze pinned to her hand, watching, almost longingly, as she caressed the bulge under her shirt.  “Would you like to feel him kick?”  

His gaze shot up to meet hers, and there was a flare of something close to panic in his eyes.  Unusual for a man as confident as Lucas.  Then again babies made some men uneasy.  Maybe he fell into that category.

“I promise he won’t bite,” she teased.  “Come on.  See for yourself.”

He moved to kneel on the floor beside the sofa, but he made no attempt to touch her.

“Lucas, it’s all right.”  She reached for his hand and placed it over her stomach, laying her hand atop his much larger one.

The baby kicked again and Lucas closed his eyes with a heavy sigh.  The expression on his face wasn’t one of wonder, but one of pain.  Had she made a mistake by letting him feel the life growing inside her?  Would he now regret his decision to help her with the adoption?   

“Lucas?”

He pulled his hand from under hers and turned to sit with his back against the sofa.  “I’d forgotten what it felt like,” he said, head hung, eyes still closed.

“Forgotten?”

He nodded slowly.  “My wife was pregnant when she died.”

She gasped, stunned by the revelation.  Tears filled her eyes as she looked down at him.  “Oh, Lucas, I’m so sorry.”  No wonder he’d been so adamant about her taking care of herself and the baby.  She leaned forward to wrap her arms around his broad shoulders.  “I would never have offered if I had known.”