LOVING ELLIE (5 page)

About a week after Jarrett’s memorial, when visits from neighbors and friends tapered off, she was left to deal with the unexpected loss of her closest friend all by herself.   

It was so unfair that her son would never have the chance to know his father.  Jarrett had loved their child from the moment he’d found out she was pregnant.  Unlike her parents had her.

“Ellie?  You okay?”

She looked up to find Lucas standing beside her.  Her hand fell away from her stomach as she met his worried frown.  “Just a little tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Let’s get you back to the house to warm up before I take you into town.”  He clapped his hands together, knocking the excess snow from his leather gloves.  Then he slid a supportive arm around her waist.

She looked down at his gloved hand on her waist.  The gesture, though well intended, felt almost too intimate, too easy between them as he walked her back to the house.

“So did it pass inspection?” she asked as they stepped up onto the porch.

“Never doubted it would,” he answered with a smile.  “I helped Jarrett build it.  That doesn’t mean years of harsh winters couldn’t have taken their toll on it.”

“And they haven’t?”

“Solid as a rock.”

“That’s a relief.”  She never realized there were so many things that could nickel and dime a person to death, but she was learning fast.    

A car turned up the long, winding drive, drawing their gazes that direction.

“It’s Blaine,” Ellie said, raising her hand in a friendly wave.

Blaine Cooke, Eagle Ridge’s sheriff, had been Jarrett’s closest friend.  Like her, he’d taken Jarrett’s death hard.  Especially since he’d had to be the one to drive out to the ranch the night of the accident to deliver the devastating news to her.

“I know,” Lucas answered beside her.

Of course he would.  The sheriff’s car was a dead giveaway.  She walked out to greet her company, Lucas following closely behind.

Blaine cut the engine and then stepped out of his patrol car with a smile.  “I’ll be darn,” he said, looking past her.  “Lucas?  Is that really you?”

“Been a while,” Lucas replied as he stepped forward to shake the sheriff’s hand. 

“Too long.  But at least you’ve finally come home.”

“Not permanently,” Lucas stated.  “I’m here to settle Jarrett’s estate.”

Blaine’s expression sobered at the mention of Lucas’s brother.  “I’m real sorry about your loss.”

Lucas nodded.

“Jarrett was my best friend,” he said with a heavy sigh.  “Still can’t believe he’s gone.”

“That makes two of us.”

Both men stood a few inches over six foot in height, but where Blaine was lean Lucas was broad shouldered with thicker muscles.  No doubt from spending so much time working with horses and whatever else he did back in Brazil.  

The young sheriff turned to her and tipped his hat.  “Morning, Ellie.”

She offered a warm smile.  “Morning.”

“Sorry I’m late.  Had a stack of paperwork to catch up on first.”

“I can feel for you there,” Lucas said.  “Never been much of a behind-the-desk sort of man either.”

No, she couldn’t see Lucas spending hours behind a desk.  He was the kind of man born to spend most of his life outdoors.

Blaine nodded.  “As much as I like my job, I’d rather have splinters shoved under my fingernails than sit around doing paperwork.”

“What do you mean you were late?” Lucas asked as if the question had just settled in his mind.

“Blaine has been helping me see to the animals in the morning since...” Her words trailed off.  She didn’t need to finish.  Couldn’t. 

He nodded in understanding, his dark gaze shifting back to Blaine.  “I appreciate your lending a hand around here.  Ellie tells me she’s been trying to run her coffee shop and take care of things out here at the ranch.”

“Not trying,” she corrected, wanting him to know that she was fully capable of handling things with or without help from anyone else.  That’s not to say Blaine’s help wasn’t appreciated.  It was.     

“She’s a tough lady,” Blaine noted with admiration in his gaze.  “I don’t know many women in Ellie’s condition that could have done what she’s done.”

Her condition referring to her pregnancy.  What was it with men thinking pregnant women were helpless creatures who couldn’t survive without them?

Lucas frowned.  “She shouldn’t have had to.  I should have been here taking care of things.”

“He just found out what happened a few days ago,” she explained in Lucas’s defense.  She owed him that much after the unfair way she’d treated him the night before.

Blaine nodded.  “I wondered why you hadn’t made it back for the service.  Figured nothing would’ve kept you away.  Something had to be up.”

“If I had known I would have been here.  I was in Argentina on business and never got any of the phone messages Ellie left for me.”

“Well you’re here now,” Blaine said with a comforting smile.  “How long you back for?”

“Originally, it was going to be until I met with Greg Anderson and settled Jarrett’s estate.”  His gaze shifted back to her.  No, to her stomach.  “Looks like I’m going to be here until the baby comes.”

Ellie’s eyes widened.  Surely she’d heard him wrong.  “But that’s not for months,” she gasped, a feeling of dread settling in the pit of her stomach.

“I owe it to Jarrett to be here.”

“But your job in Brazil...” she argued, her panic growing.  She didn’t want Lucas to be there.  Didn’t want him to care about the baby.  But he did, making what she had to do even harder.  Why couldn’t he be the man she’d made herself believe he was?  The kind of man who abandoned his family without any thought to their feelings.

“My boss will understand,” he assured her with a smile.

“Well, then,” Blaine said with a nod of approval, “looks like you won’t be needing my help out here for a few months.”

“No,” Lucas answered for her.  Not that she would have been able to reply.  Her protests had lodged thick in her throat.  “I’ll see to the ranch while I’m here.”

Blaine nodded.  “Good to know Ellie will be in capable hands.”

She didn’t want to be in capable hands.  Especially Lucas’s.  “I won’t be here,” she announced, drawing both their gazes.  “I’m moving back to my apartment.”

“We’ve already discussed this,” Lucas said with a frown.  “You belong here.”

“He’s right,” Blaine joined in.  “Jarrett wanted you here.  Especially with the baby coming.”

If she were keeping the child she and Jarrett created then she might feel differently.  But as it was she didn’t belong there at the ranch. 

A call came in on Blaine’s radio.

“Excuse me a sec,” he said as he returned to the car to get on the radio.

“Don’t leave the ranch on my account,” Lucas told her the moment they were alone.

“I’m not.”

“And I’m supposed to believe that?  If I hadn’t come home you wouldn’t be leaving.  Admit it.”

She couldn’t deny it.  His arrival followed by his decision to stay on had pushed her into leaving sooner than she had planned to.

“I’m not going to chase you from your home.”

“Jarrett’s home,” she countered.

“Which would have been yours, too, if he hadn’t of died.”

A silence fell between them.

Blaine returned to join them, easing the discomfort of the moment.  “I’ve gotta run.”

“So soon?” Ellie blurted out.

“Emergency?” Lucas asked Blaine.  If he’d heard the hint of panic in her voice he hadn’t reacted to it.

Blaine shook his head.  “Nothing serious.  I’m needed out at Jed Winters’ place.”

“Has Jed had another spell?” she asked worriedly.  Jed and Myra Winters were an elderly couple in their seventies who owned a small ranch a few miles outside of town.  Jed had recently suffered a stroke and had a long ways to go to recover fully. 
If
he ever did.

“He’s fine, but apparently a few of his cows have made a run for it and are at this moment tempting fate with the road-kill gods.”

“I’m glad that’s all it is,” she said, relief sweeping through her.  Mr. Winters hadn’t been to town since his stroke, but his wife still stopped by the coffee shop a couple of times a month to pick up her husband’s favorite – lemon tarts.  Such a sweet old woman.  “If you need any help, I’m sure Lucas here would be willing to give you a hand.”

Blaine snorted.  “Me need help with a couple of cantankerous old cows?  Now that’s a good one.  If you recall I run down hardened criminals for a living.  Moving a cow or two is going to be a piece of cake.”

As if hardened criminals existed in Eagle Ridge.

“At least you’ll have your gun with you in case you need to use excessive force,” Lucas said with a chuckle.

“No shooting those poor innocent creatures,” Ellie protested with a grin.

“I don’t know,” Blaine teased, looking down at his feet.  “Now that I think about it I could use a new pair of leather boots.”

“Blaine!” she exclaimed.

He laughed.  “Don’t worry.  I’ll just handcuff them and throw them into jail for a spell.”

“A more peaceful solution,” she agreed.  “How did they get out in the first place?”

He shrugged.  “The fence is old.  It’s possible one of the cows knocked a post down.”

“Unlike the last time,” Lucas muttered.

“The last time?” she repeated, her gaze darting between the men.

Blaine’s demeanor changed instantly.  His smile faded and his posture grew rigid.  “I really have to get going.”  

“Blaine...” Lucas called out, the humor leaving his eyes as he watched the sheriff round his patrol car.

“It was good seeing you again, Lucas,” Blaine called back before sliding behind the wheel and starting the engine.  “Ellie,” he added with a tip of his hat before driving off through the glistening snow.

“Well,” she said, “that was awkward.”  She turned to Lucas.  “Care to tell me what
that
was all about?”

Lucas sighed as he watched Blaine drive away.  “I should have known better.”  Just as it had with the sheriff, a frown had replaced his playful smile.  “Let’s just say some old memories should never be stirred up.”

She knew that all too well.  But what did cows on a road have to do with Blaine’s sudden drastic mood change?  Deciding she wouldn’t be getting any real answers from Lucas she started back to the house.

“Where you going?” he called out.

“To get dressed for work,” she called back over her shoulder.

He went into a jog to catch up to her, his boots crunching in the snow as he moved.  “Ellie...”

She stopped just outside the front door, her back to him. 

“I meant what I said before.  I don’t want you to leave on account of me.  There’s room enough for the both of us here at the ranch, but I’ll get a room somewhere else if it will make you more comfortable.”

His leaving Eagle Ridge long before the birth of her son would accomplish that.  She felt torn.  She felt panicked.  She felt guilt.

“Try to understand I need to be here for the birth of my nephew.  Need to get to know the woman my brother loved.  The woman who will raise his child with love and tenderness.  One who will teach her son about the man who should have been there to help raise him.”

“Will you stop!” she cried out.  “I’m not that woman.”  Tears rolled down her cheeks.  “Will never be that woman.”

A gentle hand settled over her shoulder.  “Ah, Ellie, I know you’re scared.  But there’s not one doubt in my mind of the kind of mother you’re going to be.”

She spun around, his image nothing more than a blur through her tear-filled eyes as she looked up at him.  “So do I.  That’s why I’m giving my baby up for adoption.”

CHAPTER
FIVE

Blaine’s heart thudded against his chest as he neared the road block of straying cattle.  A woman, her back to him, shoved at one of the cows, trying to coax it back into the pasture. 

He blinked hard, certain his mind was playing tricks on him.  But she was still there.  A living, breathing ghost from his past.  His heart skittered wildly.

Victoria.

Long legs encased in denim disappeared beneath a light blue ski jacket that was belted at the waist.  Auburn curls danced around in the wind, glowing like strands of burnished copper under the morning light. 

She was even more beautiful than he remembered if that were even possible.  Ten years should have taken away her shine.  Made her less desirable.  Eased the hurt.  But it hadn’t.

Anger swept in to replace the shock of seeing her again.  Why was she there?  And why did she have to look so darn good?  He wanted to turn his patrol car around and drive off.  To distance himself from the only female to ever latch onto his heart.  The same one who played him for a fool and left his heart capable of nothing more than beating.

But he’d taken an oath as sheriff and he was there on a call.  Time to pull up his boot straps and do his job.  He cut the engine and stepped out of the patrol car.

“So this is what they mean by history repeating itself,” he said, trying hard to sound unaffected by her presence.

She whipped around, a slender hand going up to push the blowing hair from her face.  A soft gasp followed.  “Blaine?”

“You remember my name,” he said as he moved towards her.  “I’m impressed.”

All color drained from her face.  She grabbed at a nearby cow to steady herself.  “You...you’re still around.”

She was perceptive if anything.  “Been here since the last time I saw you,” he said without any hint of emotion in his voice.  “How long ago was that, Victoria?  Ten years?”

“Yes.”  Moisture filled her green eyes.

Guilt?  Regret?  Hardly.  He of all people knew what a good actress she could be and he wasn’t getting sucked into her lies ever again.

He stepped past her.  “I see you’ve changed your tactic.”  Kneeling, he lifted one of the cut wires in his gloved hand to study it.  “No more leaving gates open for you.  You’ve advanced to wire-cutting.”

“I didn’t...”  The protest died in her throat as he stood and turned to face her.

“Your aunt and uncle have enough on their plate without your coming back and adding to their troubles,” he said with a reproachful scowl.

“I know they do,” she replied, unable to meet his gaze.

Something stung the back of his neck.  He slapped at the throbbing spot with a muttered curse. 

“Stop that,” Victoria demanded.

Releasing the cut wire, Blaine stood.  He was about to question her reaction when something struck the back of his hat.  He stood, pivoting in the snow.  “What the...?” 

Giggles erupted a short distance away.

“Blaine!” Victoria exclaimed.

“What?” he demanded, his attention forced back to where she stood, wide-eyed.

“Not you,” she said in frustration.  She pointed past him to the tiny figure racing off through the woods, slingshot dangling from his hand.  “My son.”

His head snapped around.  “Your what?”

“My son.”

“Blaine?”

Victoria bit into her bottom lip, nodding her reply as she looked up into the eyes of the man she’d never forgotten.  Never stopped loving.

Ten years older, Blaine Cooke had indeed become a man.  Her fingers curled at her sides to keep from reaching out to him.  For him.  To the memories of that summer.  His hair was shorter now, most of it hidden beneath his hat.  Even without seeing it, she knew those light brown strands still held streaks of gold. 

He shifted uneasily, drawing her gaze to the scowl that cut into his handsome face.  A face that until that day, that very moment, had been locked away in her memories and dreams.  She didn’t blame him for hating her.  She’d gone back to college at the end of that summer she’d spent at her aunt and uncle’s filled with hope.  She and Blaine had parted with whispers of love and promises of a future together. Then her entire life turned upside down.  Her dream of being with Blaine shattered with two little words ‘You’re pregnant’.    

“You and I both know there’s no way that boy is mine,” he said, his words a near growl.  “And if you think for one minute”

“I’ve never tried to claim he was yours.  I would never do that to you.”

He snorted.  “Yet you come back here with a son named after me.”

“Blaine is his middle name.”

“And his first?  After his
real
father?”

“No,” she said, looking down at the ground.  What she didn’t say was that her son’s father didn’t deserve for his child to carry on his name.  “He’s name after my father, Jacob.”

“But you call him Blaine?”

“Sometimes,” she admitted.  He had no idea how much she wished her son was his.  “He goes by J.B.” 

“And when folks around here learn his full name, what do you think they’re gonna believe?”

That I loved you.

“Don’t play games with me, Victoria.  I’m not some love-sick college kid anymore.”  He turned away, skillfully edging a cow back into the pasture it had escaped from.

“I’m not playing games.”

He glanced back over his shoulder.  “Then why are you here?  Why now?”

Her gaze drifted back to the snow-laden branches her son had disappeared through.  “For my son.”

“Sheriff Cooke,” her elderly aunt called out from the porch. 

He gave a stiff wave.  “Myra.”

“Thank goodness you came,” her great-aunt said as she tread carefully down the freshly shoveled steps and out toward the road.  “Victoria’s been trying to coax those furry creatures back into the pasture, but the stubborn things weren’t budging.  And Jed’s under the weather today, so all I could think of was to call you.  I hope you don’t mind.”

“I can get them back into the pasture, but the fence needs restrung here where it’s,” he paused to meet Victoria’s gaze, “
rusted
and given way.”

“It didn’t give way,” her aunt replied with a knowing smile.  “My great-great-nephew cut it, ornery little cuss he is.” 

“The boy did this?”

Victoria wanted to deny it.  Something she’d gotten very used to doing.  Protecting what she loved most in the world.  Her son wasn’t a bad boy.  Pain was causing him to act out.  Pain she’d caused by not divorcing her son’s father years before. 

“There’s some wire in the barn,” Myra volunteered.

Blaine shooed the remaining cows in through the open fence and then walked back to his car.  “Stand aside, Victoria.”

She couldn’t help but wonder if he was tempted to run her down for leaving him the way she had all those years ago.  No explanation.  She had just backed out of his life completely.

There was no denying that any love Blaine felt for her all those years ago was long gone.  She could see it in his eyes when he looked at her and it tore at her heart. 

“Victoria,” her aunt urged from where she stood next to the mailbox at the end of the drive.

Snapping out of her reverie, she sighed and moved to join her, watching as Blaine drove past.  He pulled off where the field ran along the road, coming to stop between the open fence posts to block any further escape. 

“He’s a good man,” her aunt whispered at her side.

Blaine stepped from the car and made his way to the barn, muttering as he went.

She spun about to face her aunt as soon as he was out of hearing range.  “When I called you about bringing J.B. here, I specifically asked you about Blaine.”

“Of course you did, dear,” her aunt responded with a smile.  “I would have been surprised if you hadn’t.  The sheriff was very special to you at one time if my old mind remembers correctly.”

Her old mind.
  Victoria had the urge to laugh.  Despite her advanced age and the silvery grey that now made up her once deep red hair, her aunt was as sharp as ever. 

“Aunt Myra,” she groaned in frustration, “you said Blaine didn’t live in Eagle Ridge any longer.” 

“No, honey, what I said was the
boy
you knew that summer was gone.”

“Gone,” Victoria repeated.  “As in no longer here.”

“The boy you knew that summer you came to stay with us is gone.”  Her aunt’s gaze drifted toward the barn where Blaine was lifting the latch on the door.  “He’s now a strapping young man.”

One she was going to have to face often now that they were going to be living in the same town.  One who hated her. 

“You’re doing this for J.B.,” her aunt reminded her.

Victoria nodded as she watched Blaine disappear inside her uncle’s barn.  This wasn’t about her.  She had to live with the decisions she made in her past – good or bad.  Her being there now was about healing her relationship with her son and finding herself again.  The self she’d lost ten years before when gave up what her own heart desired to do what she thought would be in the best interest of her unborn child.     

                                                        *              *              * 

It had taken Ellie nearly an hour to change for work.  Although Lucas suspected it had more to do with her not wanting to face him than getting herself all dolled up to serve coffee.  He had to admit her stalling had been a blessing.  It had given him the time he needed to digest her unexpected announcement.  Even more importantly, to regain control of his emotions.

Adoption? 

When Ellie had blurted out her decision to give her child up for adoption, his gut reaction had been to follow her into the house and pound on her bedroom door, demanding to know how she could even consider such a thing.  To give up the son she had created with his brother.  A man she’d agreed to wed.  To love and grow old with together.  But Lucas had held back.  Giving them both some space.

Besides, what would he have said to her?  Told her she had no right?  The baby was hers, and without Jarrett there to object she had every right.  No, he had to stay calm.  As calm as a man could be while his gut twisted unmercifully inside him, and find some way to talk some sense into her.

Grief made people do all sorts of crazy things.  He knew that better than anyone.  But Ellie giving up her son?  That was beyond crazy. 

He couldn’t bring himself to look at her as they drove into town.  Neither of them spoke a word, leaving tension to hang thick inside the confines of the Jeep.

Lucas forced himself to concentrate on the slick roads, relieved Ellie hadn’t insisted on attempting the drive herself.  He had enough riding his mind without adding her safety that morning to the mix.

His grip tightened on the wheel as he turned onto the main street of town.  It felt like forever since he’d been there.  A lifetime ago.  He pulled up in front of what used to be known when he lived there as The Coffee Bar.  The sign painted across the center window at the front of the tiny shop now read - Ellie’s Place.

Ruffled swags hung inside each of the large plate-glass windows and a vase of flowers sat centered on each of the windowsill between them.  The coffee shop looked more warm and welcoming than it had before, something he attributed to the feminine touches Ellie had added to it.

How could someone give such warmth to a place of business, yet be so cold when it came to the child they carried?  What he wouldn’t give to have the child he’d lost along with his wife.  How could Ellie not realize what a gift her son was? 

He turned to her, handing her the piece of paper he’d scribbled his cell phone number on before leaving the ranch.  “Give me a call when you’re ready for me to come get you,” he said, breaking the uncomfortable silence. 

“I could have driven myself,” she muttered with that stubborn tilt of her chin, avoiding his gaze.

“I’m sure you could have,” he said, trying to keep the anger he felt from his voice.  “Thanks for humoring me.”

“Don’t get too used to it,” she replied with as she grabbed her purse from the seat and let herself out.

He watched her go, thankful the sidewalks had been cleared of snow since she was bound and determined to do everything on her own.  Truth was he wasn’t even sure he could have brought himself to leave the jeep to walk her to the coffee shop door.  That would mean having to step out into his past, something he wasn’t prepared to do just yet.  Returning to the ranch again had been hard enough.

On top of hearing Ellie’s announcement that she intended to give her son up for adoption, he had to drive through town where so many things reminded him of his life before.  Stores he and Anna had shopped in together.  Seeing people moving about the main street that had been to their wedding.  To her funeral.   

Emotion clawed at his throat and anger surged through him at the unfairness of it all.  He stepped on the gas and sped out of town.