Lovely Shadows (9 page)

“It's been awhile since we've see a storm like this,” Grandpa said.

“Cool,” Luke replied.

Grandpa didn't look as optimistic. He stood at the big picture window, gazing up at the blackening sky. The fast-moving wind rattled the whole house. Storms in general didn't bother me but there was something sinister about the weather this time. At the same time I debated calling Levi, the weatherman issued a tornado warning for our county.

“All right kids, let's go.” Grandpa ushered us down the hall and into the basement. No sooner did he close the door behind us then did every window blow apart.

7.

Or at least it seemed that way.

There was so much noise above us it was difficult to separate the sounds. I winced as something crashed. Whatever it was, I hoped it wasn't important.

Grandpa clicked on a flashlight, the bright beam illuminating the dark room. Luke leaned against the far wall picking at his nails, unperturbed by the mayhem outside. The house shook on its foundation like it was inside a snow globe in the hands of a very small child. In all my life, I don't think I had ever been so scared. Tornadoes are as common in Kansas as dust but Browton sat above the tornado alley. Very few ever came through there and especially not in mid-July.

Grandpa sighed. “Well, this is quite a storm. I remember one that blew through when I was a child. Half the town was destroyed. Crops and livestock, demolished. It was too late in the season to replant.”

“What about now?” I asked, thinking of Levi.

“No, replanting will not be an option. We can only hope for the best.”

Ten minutes after the storm first struck—it felt like hours had passed—the chaos died down. We emerged from the basement to survey the damage. Several windows in the west and south side were blown out. Paper, pictures and frames, potted plants, and other trinkets were scattered across the carpet. I begin picking things up and putting them back on the shelves. A couple of small end tables were overturned. Books piled up on the floor. Water trickled in from the rain. A long night stretched out before us.

Grandpa and Luke stapled and taped plastic over the windows while I swept up the glass. We didn't have power so we did as much as we could by the dim beams of the flashlights. Grandpa decided to save the generator to get us through the night. A shard of glass sliced my finger. I stumbled my way to the bathroom, cleaned the cut, slapped on a band-aid then went back to the kitchen to finish cleaning.

A short while later I heard someone calling my name. Then I heard someone else calling for Luke. I leaned the broom against the counter and went outside. Levi and Billie were wading through debris as they made their way to the house.

“I've been trying to call you,” Levi exclaimed as he hugged me. “Is everything okay here?”

I nodded. “For the most part. We lost a few windows but I think we're intact. How about you?”

“The storm stayed to the east of us so we didn't get much but rain.”

Touching his face, I said, “I'm glad.”

He smiled and kissed me. “Do you need help with clean-up?”

“Sure.” I looked over at my brother, who had Billie pressed up against the house while they kissed. Locating a small stone on the ground, I picked it up and lightly tossed it at him. He flinched but released Billie.

“What's your problem?” he demanded.

“For one, Grandpa is still in the house.”

“Oh, I forgot.”

Billie at least had the decency to look embarrassed.

“For two, we have a lot of cleaning up to do. I really don't want to be up all night. So...” I nodded toward the house. “Fun time is over.”

“Yes, Lieutenant Pain-in-the-Butt.” Luke snapped a sarcastic salute before marching resolutely through the side door, dragging Billie behind him.

I rolled my eyes. “How very mature.”

Levi chuckled. “Now that I've seen them together, they're perfect for each other.”

“What makes you say that?” I took his hand, and we followed after them.

“Let me count the ways: They're both immature; they both have no regard for others...”

“Okay, I get the picture.”

Billie and I took over the sweeping and cleaning while the guys finished tacking up the plastic.

“Was it a tornado?”

She nodded. “A small one, like an EF-1 or something. Dad stayed outside the whole time, just watching it tear across the back of our property. From what we heard, only a couple of houses were destroyed. Most look like yours or were completely untouched.”

She crouched down and held the dustpan for me. I swept up another pile of glass that she then dumped in the trash.

“Have you heard from Aidan?”

I shook my head. “It's only been a day but it feels like a lifetime.”

She tipped her head as she studied me. The look on her face was one I knew well, and one I rarely saw. Sometimes Billie could be an astute person.

“You really are in love with him.”

“Beyond comprehension.”

“You know, all our lives I always thought of you and Levi as a given, a sure thing that nothing could tear apart. I knew you guys loved each other before either of you did. But Jessa, even I have to admit that Aidan means something to you. I see it in your eyes when you talk about him. It isn't like he's just a random guy passing through your life; it's like he's a part of you—a soul mate.

“I know you don't believe in soul mates, but you should because Aidan's got a hold of you in ways you don't even see.”

We finished cleaning in silence, each of us lost to our own thoughts. Elder Parker arrived and whisked Grandpa away to check on the elderly members of the church. He reported no deaths, only six houses totaled, but otherwise, Browton remained untouched. Luke offered to drive Billie home, leaving Levi and I alone. Both of us were tired after all the excitement and cleaning, so we curled up on the couch and held each other. After watching Aidan vanish in front of me, then going to the crash site and talking to Margie, followed by the storm, I was wore out. My frazzled nerves couldn't handle much else. Billie's assessment of my situation with Aidan disturbed me. How could Aidan be my soul mate? I didn't believe in soul mates, and if I did, shouldn't Levi be my soul mate? It would only make sense that the guy I'm dating fill that position.

What was a soul mate? Was it someone who was exactly like you? Or was it someone who completed you, someone who was the missing puzzle piece in your life? Prior to Aidan, I felt whole. I never felt like I lacked anything. Now that he was gone, I realized just how empty my life was without him. Maybe that defined soul mates: someone who was such an integral part of you that without them, a part of you would always be missing.

Levi twirled a strand of my hair around his finger as I thought things out. Obviously, breaking up with Levi would be stupid. Aidan wasn't here, and I didn't know if he'd ever be back. Even if he did come back, he would still one day leave again. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't comfortable cheating on Levi, yet I didn't want to be without him, either.

It wasn't a matter of wanting my cake and eating it, too. It was wanting what I could never have because life wasn't that kind.

Levi left an hour later. When it became obvious my distractions weren't going away, he left me to my thoughts. I appreciated his understanding; still, without him there to provide a buffer, my thoughts were overwhelming.

Grandpa returned before midnight, exhausted and hungry. I made him a sandwich and poured a glass of milk. He consumed his snack then retired for the evening. Luke shuffled in the door a few minutes later, bleary-eyed and grumpy.

“What is your problem?” I asked, noting that he was almost fifteen minutes late.

“Ever since I dropped Billie off, I've been helping people move debris. Honestly, just because I'm Paul Grace's grandson doesn't mean I want to be charitable. Sometimes being related to him sucks.”

“Oh, stop whining, Luke. Helping people isn't a horrible thing.”

“Right, but do you ever notice that when we need help, it's the same five families every time? Yet Grandpa makes it a point to visit and help everyone he can.”

The kid had a point; I just didn't feel like arguing.

As the early morning hours arrived, I tossed and turned in bed, unable to get comfortable. Without the air-conditioner working, my room was hot and stuffy. I threw open the window and pressed my face against the screen. Cool air blew in, caressing my skin. I luxuriated in the comfort of not feeling sweat sticking to me. For the first time all night, I felt peaceful.

I still couldn't sleep.

Grabbing a flashlight I made my way up the tiny stairway to the attic. I found Aidan's blanket nestled between totes of Christmas decoration under the window. I curled up on the blanket and brought the fabric to my nose. More than anything I wanted to smell him, to have some kind of evidence that the last six weeks weren't some crazy dream. Maybe if I just closed my eyes and thought of him hard enough, he would magically reappear.

It didn't work.

I woke up to sunlight pouring through the window. My muscles protested from a night spent on the hard floor of the attic. Much of my slumber had been spent dreaming about Aidan. Somewhere throughout my unconscious state I had been aware that Levi was who I should be dreaming of; my subconscious just didn't care. After another look through the attic, I went back down to my room. Still no sign of Aidan. Two days without him, and I felt shaky like a drug addict in withdrawals.

I couldn't justify another trip to Blue Rapids so I resorted to phone calls. After eating breakfast alone, I surfed the internet for the numbers I needed. Six were disconnected; two were wrong numbers; five were answering machines; one was an old lady. That left four options for me. I dialed the first number, Greg Bryant. A young girl answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hello. May I please speak with Greg?”

“My daddy or my brother?”

“How old is your brother?”

“Twenty-one.”

Bingo! “Your brother please.”

“He's not home. Daddy says he can't come back.”

“Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah. Do you want me to sing you a song?”

“Maybe some other time, sweetie. Have a good day.” I hung up the phone and put a question mark next to Greg's name. The next person on the list was Valerie Short.

“Hello?” the lady on the other end snapped.

“Yes, I'm looking for Valerie.”

“What do you want with her?”

“I'm looking...” Crap! I hadn't thought have a story ready. “I'm a reporter for one of the local newspapers...”

“Which one?” I heard her filing her nails.

“The Topeka-Capital Journal,” I replied.

“Why does the Topeka Journal want to speak to my daughter?”

“We're running a feature on teen drivers. A nineteen-year-old Aidan Summers”—my heart gave an extra thump—“died while driving. We were curious if she had any comments about the accident.”

“She doesn't.”

“If I could just speak with her...”

“No, you can't.” She slammed the phone down.

I stared at my own phone in disbelief. Seriously, what was the harm in talking with Valerie? From the lady's reaction, obviously there was a lot of harm. I put several exclamation points next to Valerie's name.

My next call to Larry Miller proved to be as fruitless as the other two calls. However, Darren Foster seemed more than willing to tell me anything I wanted to know. We agreed to meet the next day in a town halfway between Blue Rapids and Browton. Jubilant at finally making some progress, I called Billie to relay what happened.

“Can you come?” I asked.

“As long as we're back by six. Luke and I have a date.”

“Yeah, I know. He's been rather...happy.”

“Me too.” Her voice took on a different, almost dreamy, tone.

“Whatever. I'll pick you up at nine. We should be home by five at the latest.”

“Cool. I'll see ya tomorrow.”

“Later.”

The day passed far too slowly for my liking. The glass company showed up after three and replaced the windows. I watched TV while they worked. The latest segment of Oprah dealt with speaking with the dead. Some medium talked about how he could connect people with their deceased loved ones. Ever the skeptic, I watched the episode with much reservation. I had to give the guy credit for his smoothness. He asked questions that kept the audience members talking. Then he used the information against them, claiming it came from their dead aunt, grandfather, or cat. I laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. Nothing this guy said about ghost was true. I had real experience with ghosts. I was in love with a ghost. A ghost that might never come back.

That night I avoided going to bed as long as possible. I planned to sleep in the attic. The longer I went without seeing Aidan, the worse my longing grew. I missed his voice, his presence, his stories. I missed seeing him hover everywhere I went. True, I wanted my life back, but without Aidan here it didn't seem like much of a life. I couldn't expect him to stay with me forever. He needed to crossover, and I need to live my life with Levi. Even then, I wondered if Aidan would ever be gone from my life. He owned such a huge part of my heart, and I didn't think I'd ever get it back.