Lovely Shadows (10 page)

Grandpa went to bed first, leaving Luke and me with the TV. I flipped through the channels without truly noticing what was on. Luke studied me for a moment, then snatched the remote from me.

“You can never just pick something, can you?”

“Sorry.”

“Is everything okay? You've been distracted all night.”

“Yeah, I just have some things on my mind. Have you talked to Mom lately?”

“Nope. Have you?”

“No. What time is it in Canada?”

“I think she's two hours ahead of us.”

“Thanks. Nighty-night, little bro.” I kissed his cheek then sought solace in my room.

Mom answered after the third ring.

“Hey Mom, it's Jessa.”

“What's wrong?” she asked immediately.

“Nothing. Why would you assume that?”

“Because the last time you called this late, Luke broke his hand.”

“Oh.” I completely forgot. “Nothing's really wrong, per se. I just needed to talk to you.”

“Sounds serious. I'm listening.”

I told her about Levi and Aidan, without mentioning either by name, and without mentioning the fact one of them was a ghost. She waited until I finished explaining before she spoke.

“Well, honey, it sounds like you've got your hands full. You're sure both of them love you?”

Aidan hadn't said as much but still... “Positive.”

“And you love both of them?”

“Yeah. I'm pretty screwed up, right?”

“Not at all. I think you're lucky to have found two people who love you and who you can love back. What you need to decide is who you love more.”

“Well, the one is leaving soon. My problem is not knowing if I should risk losing the one who is staying for the one who is leaving.”

She sighed. “Jessa, you're young, but you're smart and headstrong. You've always went your own way. Listen to your heart. It'll never lead you astray. Sometimes the only way to get through life is by taking risks. I cannot tell you what to do. All I can tell you is that I'm here for you whenever you need me.”

“Thanks Mom. I appreciate it.”

“Hey, that's what mom's are for.”

We spent another twenty minutes talking about other people we knew in Browton. She asked about Luke; I didn't tell her about his relationship with Billie. That was up to him. I hung up with her then waited for Luke to go to bed. The second the lock clicked on his door I went up to the attic and curled up on Aidan's bed. I laid for a long time staring out the window. My mind refused to shut down. I had so many questions I wanted to ask Darren, and no idea where to start.

For reasons I couldn't explain, a part of me was extremely nervous that Darren might be the one who killed Aidan. A few things about the accident still didn't make sense to me. For one, why didn't the killer do something less difficult, like cutting Aidan's brake line? To orchestrate something as elaborate as what happened required serious thought and execution. Cutting the brake lines seemed like an easier solution.

The second thing plaguing me was the alleged crime Aidan supposedly witnessed. What happened? How had it become known Aidan reported it? Too many loose threads hung from the complicated tapestry of Aidan's death. Another question bothered me, probably more than all the others combined: Was Aidan even the real target?

8.

Even though I fell asleep not expecting Aidan to return, I was disappointed when I woke up to find him still gone. With much suspicion Luke asked why I slept in the attic. I told him to mind his own business. He walked away muttering something about girls being crazy.

So far, Billie kept her end of the deal. She hadn't told Luke about Aidan, which, even though it had only been one day, was huge for her. I appreciated her restraint. Nervous about meeting Darren, I took a long shower then fussed over my hair and clothes. Meeting Darren could be the key to everything I wanted to know. It also meant finding what Aidan needed to crossover. I settled for a mid-thigh blue skirt, a white tank top, and my blue ballet flats. Billie looked just good in her mini-skirt and low-cut shirt. She laughed when she saw what I was wearing.

“We must have had the same idea.”

I nodded. “I am not above using cleavage to get answers.”

The short trip took just over an hour. I pushed the speed limit the entire way. Butterflies danced in my stomach and my palms were sticky. So much rode on whatever information Darren gave us, if he actually knew anything at all.

We agreed to meet at McDonald's. Billie and I ordered drinks then sat in the back booth. A few minutes later, a tall well-built boy with crew-cut blond hair entered. He carried a purple rabbit's foot key chain, my sign that he was who I was looking for. I waved to him, and he sat in the seat opposite us. I studied him for a moment, trying to decide if I could trust him or not. Grandpa always preached against judging people by the way they looked, but I couldn't help it. Gut instinct told me that Darren couldn't be trusted.

We introduced ourselves. His eyes traveled over Billie's body appreciatively. Uncharacteristic of her, she shot him a rude look.

“So, you want to know about Aidan's death. Can I ask why?” Darren inquired, breaking the ice.

“Like I said on the phone, I'm conducting research on teen drivers. Aidan Summer's death is the only one in the area for the last ten years. I'm just curious about the kind of person he was—Did he drink? Did he do drugs? Did he have a girlfriend? Was he run off the road?”

“Why would you assume that?”

“I've been to Blue Rapids. That road really isn't treacherous. What would make him suddenly lose control and go over the edge?”

“Maybe something was wrong with his car.”

“He drove a Jeep. That thing is meant to handle rough conditions.”

Darren's blue eyes narrowed. “So you think he might have been killed?”

“It's a possibility.”

“Then why didn't the police think so?”

“Lack of evidence.” I took a sip of my drink.

He folded his thick arms across his chest. “So you believe the police missed something. And you think the two of you are going to crack the case?”

He seemed defensive. I looked at Billie who only raised her eyebrows.

“I'm not trying to crack anything,” I said, fighting to keep my temper under control. “All I am trying to do is find out what actually happened. Look, let's try something less stressful. How did you know Aidan?”

Darren relaxed. “He dated my sister for about a year. She cheated on him with another dude, my best friend Andy George. Aidan was a decent guy. In my opinion, she messed up a good thing. I love Andy like a brother but he is a jerk. He cheated on my sister about two weeks after they started dating. Now she has a kid with him, and they're constantly on and off. Aidan's death hit her hard.”

I leaned forward. “Why do I get the feeling you really don't like Aidan?”

“Honestly, he treated Amber well, but he was a self-righteous punk who thought he was better than everyone else. His whole family was that way. I tried to date his older sister Laura but she wouldn't give me the time of day.” His lip curled in a sneer.

“Do you see the family now?” asked Billie.

“Every once in a while. The brother is in Iraq. His mom doesn't come out much. His older sister is in college, and his younger sister is a senior in high school.

“Where is Laura?”

“In college. She attends Washburn University in Topeka. She's home for the summer, actually. I saw her last week. Looks just as good as she did two years ago, still as pretentious as ever.”

I pondered this for a quick moment before turning my attention back to Darren.

“What happened to the dad?”

“He went back into the service. He pushes papers and does enlistments. He's not officially active. Word is he can't stand to be at home where Aidan isn't.”

“That's understandable,” I said.

Darren looked at his watch. “Listen, I need to jet. I hope I was of some help.”

“More than you know.”

He shook our hands then stood up. “Can I give you girls a piece of advice?”

We nodded.

“Just drop this mess, okay? You're digging where no one wants you. Both of you are gorgeous”—“well, you're just plain sexy as hell”, he said, pointing at Billie—“and I'd hate for something bad to happen to you.”

“Thanks, but I think we can take care of ourselves.”

He shrugged. “Can't say I didn't warn you. Oh, and this meeting never took place. You never met me. Make sure you lose my number.” With that, he strode out of the restaurant.

Billie and I stared at each in wide-eyed amazement.

“That was terrifying!” she said.

“I know. Look, we have to keep digging. We're close. I can feel it.”

“Are you crazy? I know you
think
you're in love with Aidan, but are you willing to die for a dead man?”

“I have to find out what happened to him, Billie. Look, put yourself in my shoes. What if this was about Luke? What if he was dead?”

“That is totally not fair.”

“You're right, it's not, but how much of this is fair to Aidan? I can't give up now. If you want out, I won't hold it against you, but I'm going to keep digging until I find the truth.”

“I think you're playing with fire, Jessa.”

“I'm willing to take the risk.”

She sighed. “I've never abandoned you before. Just tell me what to do next.”

The only thing we could do was go back to Browton. I dropped Billie off then went home. I sat down at my desk and made another list. This one included Amber, Darren, Andy, and Laura. I didn't know Aidan's other sister's name so I ran downstairs, booted up the computer, and clicked on Aidan's obituary, which I saved in a separate folder. Besides Laura, there was Mary and Ryan. I scribbled the names down on my list. I hated the thought that I might have to bother his family, especially when the grief was fresh. However, I knew perseverance was going to get me through this.

I quickly prayed the serenity prayer then crossed myself. I wasn't prone to praying, and since I wasn't Catholic, I never crossed myself. However, I was willing to do whatever I had to for a little bit of luck.

I spent the rest of the afternoon locating phone numbers and addresses.

I clicked off the computer and sighed. I missed Aidan. Strange that only a week ago he was this “thing” I barely knew. Now he was a living, breathing person. He was someone I loved and cared about. He was someone I wanted to kiss and hold and touch. I wanted to spend eternity with him. The strength of my feelings scared me. Eternity with Aidan was not possible. I couldn't plan any kind of life with him. Even more bizarre was how rational I was about the fact I had a ghost in my life.

Everything I'd ever believed in—or not believed in, however you chose to look at it—felt like a cosmic joke. Only, I wasn't laughing. It was a cruel kind of fate to love someone you could never be with, to have a soul mate whom you couldn't live and die with. Aidan was just a spirit. He wasn't alive anymore. His heart didn't beat, his pulse didn't race. But he could touch me, and kiss me, and ignite a smoldering fire that burned me. He was someone I couldn't live without now that I knew what living with him was like.

Levi and I joined Luke and Billie on their date. We went to the arcade then stopped at Dairy World. A bunch of people from school were there. After the initial shock of all the new relationships wore off, we got into a heated game of volleyball. Becky, Lindsey, Miles Young—Luke's best friend—and Paul Tyler took the net opposite us. Halfway through the match, Billie, fed up with Becky's nonstop complaining about Bryce, delivered a spike that hit Becky in the face. Becky's nose swelled up like a bee sting. Through her tears she tried cursing Billie but the pain was too much. As she hobbled off in search of ice, we all dispersed in different directions. Levi and I went to the orchards once more. We alternated between kissing and talking. Levi kept trying to push me, though not forcefully, but I couldn't get in the mood. I couldn't stop thinking about Aidan.

I pulled away from Levi and sat up.

“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly.

“I'm fine. I'm just getting hot.”

He grinned. “That is the point, isn't it?”

I smiled. “Yes, it is. You just do it so well. I need to cool down for a minute.”

We watched a rabbit hop across the lane and disappear into the trees. Somewhere close by, an owl hooted.

“Hey, I wanted to talk to you about something.” He twirled a strand of my hair around his finger.

“Okay.” I felt inexplicably nervous.

“Well, I've been wondering...Where do you stand on the whole sex before marriage thing? I mean, do plan to wait until you're married, or until the right moment, or until the right guy? ”

This wasn't the conversation I expected. I stared at him. “Where is this coming from?”

“We've known each other our entire lives. We've gone through all the normal phases of a relationship.”

“You mean, we were friends first, then we dated and fell in love?”

“Yeah, exactly. I guess I just wonder if sex is all there is left. You know, if we have sex then what?”