Love You Anyways (16 page)

Chapter 17

Over Again

It had been two months and seven days since I had seen or heard from her. Jade continued to update me on all the places Tessa and her family were traveling around the world. ‘They were closing a chapter of their life.’

After a week of not hearing from her I stopped responding to Jade. I even stopped going there. I made my trips into Jersey and took care of business. Around the house I was fucking super Dad. Pretty sure I was getting a cape that said so for Father’s Day. Logan picked on me at first for cooking so much but then his buddies started coming over and eating dinner with us. I was a damn good cook.

Cooking wasn’t my only talent; I could go through a room in seven hours and completely remove Ashley’s belongings. I had a moving trailer delivered that I would fill with all her shit and ship everything to her when I was finished.
Bitch!

The other thing I became good at was tracking concert activity for
The Brody Hines Band
. Maddox and his father were on tour and Tessa went with Harper to all of the concerts. There were pictures everywhere online and in the news. Zach Taylor was an old band mate of Maddox’s and he was around a lot. More importantly, there were a lot of pictures where he and Tessa seemed to be in deep conversation and his fucking arm was around her. One that still haunts me was his arms surrounding her and holding her head against his chest. I didn’t like the mother fucker. And I wasn’t all too happy that she looked so fucking comfortable with him.

I stopped paying attention because it hurt, not just emotionally but physically. I could easily do the same shit. I received messages daily from the ladies offering all sorts of shit to get me
through my rough time.
The thing is they had no clue how rough it was. I loved a girl whose life had just completely been destroyed. A girl who I knew belonged to me. A girl I fucked over many years ago and wanted to right the wrongs. A girl who knew the same fucking thing but felt guilty about her feelings.

Ava was able to meet her brother and me in Mexico and regardless of the cloud over my head that now accompanied me everywhere, we had a great time. When we weren’t snorkeling, exploring the Mayan Ruins, or going into town to shop, yes Ava’s idea, we were sleeping, eating, and laughing.

One night we went out dancing and my children pushed me into dancing with a beautiful woman who kept asking me to dance. She and her friend also asked if I was single. Yeah both, as in at the same time. I politely declined. No second guessing either. I wasn’t interested in anyone else but Tessa. I was actually anxious to get home.

Ashley hadn’t seen Logan in a month and was calling him less and less. He called her twice a week
because I insisted. He had less than a month of school. Graduating second in his class and get this, he was going to Syracuse University to play ball, my Alma Mater.

Ava was coming home for three weeks before continuing on with her schooling. She was excited about planning her ‘
baby brothers
’ graduation party. But first it was to the Cape with the Brooks and Abraham crew to celebrate Collin’s life.

I told Ava I wouldn’t be able to attend and she was pissed. But I made some damn excuse about work so I think she bought it. Then two days later I get a text.

Why aren’t you coming?...TT

I tried to make her wait for an answer but I couldn’t do that to her.

Busy…LYA

Okay…TT

Two minutes later the phone rang and it was Jade.

“Hello.”

“Are you that fucking pig headed or are you just stupid?”

“If she wants to talk to me have her call me.”

“You’re pretty damn stupid Lucas.”

“Thanks Jade. Nice chat. Goodbye.” I hung up the phone and changed. I needed to run. To scream, to fucking breathe.

I looked at the clock and realized I had about three hours to kill before Logan and I were gonna pack up and head out to Jersey. I had some things to do to make sure my schedule this summer could be handled from home as much as possible. I had time for a run and a shower and then the trucking company would be picking up the trailer and take it down and park it in front of the Jersey house.

~

I was running slower lately. I really hated depression. I knew its symptoms well. I wasn’t talking to anyone about this. I was anxious and having fucking chest pains caused by anxiety. Over twenty years ago I felt it, but worse. The first night Ashley came to me; I was sitting with a pile of coke big enough to numb everything permanently and a bottle of Jack in my bedroom at Dad’s. He and Audri had my sisters on vacation so they wouldn’t have to deal with it.  I was done with football, Tessa was pregnant and happy and I had been putting on the best front I could. It all hit the first night of deer camp when I invited her and her hubby up. Watching them together was enough for me to head to Jersey; pretty damn sure I was done. I was over it all.

Now it was different
, I had kids. I had accepted responsibility for my actions back then and with Ashley’s help, I moved on. Ash…I am sure, when this anger goes away, I will see what it is I did to deserve her shitting on me, but right now, she was Bitch. Nothing more, nothing less.

I pushed myself to go five miles out. I needed the mood boost those endorphins would release. Logan and I mapped it all out. Different land marks represented mile marks. I was at three pushing hard to four when I just couldn’t push anymore. I turned and jogged towards the house
, dragging ass. I knew I pushed too hard but again I was seeking that high. One no drug, pill, or drink could give you. All natural baby.

I nearly tripped over my own feet and looked down at the untied laces of my shoe and stopped to tie them when I heard a vehicle approach and pass. I looked up and it was Tessa’s, she stopped and leaned out the window.

“You okay?”

I nodded.

“Want a ride?”

I shook my head no
, trying to catch my breath as I walked towards the SUV.

“How long are you going to stay pissed at me
, Lucas? I may not be ready for everything you want,” She jumped out and slammed the door. “But I still need my friend. So would you stop please?”

The plea in her voice cut me and I reached for her
but stopped myself.

Fuck
! She looked good. Her skin was tan and her eyes were so damn blue, brought out by the blue tee shirt she wore that clung to the death of me, her tits.

“Nice do-rag.” She had her hair covered in a navy handkerchief
with fucking pig tails hanging out the back.

She smiled. “You like it?”

“Yeah.”

“So do you want a ride?”

“Nah. You headed to Jade’s?”

She looked at me without saying a damn thing for a few minutes and then down.

“Yes, she picked up some little floating tea lights for the Cape.”

“That was nice of her.” If this wasn’t awkward nothing was.

“You won’t come?”

I crossed my arms in front of my chest needing to keep them from reaching out to her. “Tessa you
…No I can’t.”

“Luke will be there,” she took a deep breath and her eyes started to glass over with tears.

“Yeah?”

She nodded and swallowed real hard.

“Look, I pushed too hard, I get that okay? I don’t want to cause you any more struggles Tessa.”

The first tear fell and I clenched my jaw.

She whispered so softly I could hardly hear her. “I really need you there.”

I felt my emotions swell up
, the threat of tears of my own, and I would not fucking cry like a little bitch.

“Why?”

She wiped her tears away and looked up at me and scowled and then turned to walk away. I reached out and grabbed her elbow, stopping her.

“You need me there?”

“Yes damn it!”

I turned her so she was facing me and held her shoulders keeping her still.

“I’ll be there.”

She reached out and hugged me and cried.

“You tired?”

“Exhausted.”

“I have two hours.”

I took her hand and walked her to the passenger side of the vehicle and opened it for her. She got in and I walked around and got into the driver’s seat and drove to Jade’s. I parked the SUV and got out. She met me at the front of the vehicle.

“Where to?”

“The couch.”

~

I sat on Jade and Ryan’s couch. She sat sideways on my lap and I cradled her in my arms. She looked up and rubbed my lips with her fingers and looked into my eyes with those pleading baby blues. I bent and gave her what she was asking for, a kiss.

She laid in my arms, asleep, for two hours. Two hours of me watching her, holding her, giving her what she needed, and all that she could handle.

When she woke up she kissed my neck, my cheek, and my lips. “Thank you.”

“Anytime Tessa.”

I helped her stand up and then followed her to the garage and carried the boxes of the candles to the back of the SUV. I looked down the road when I heard a vehicle roaring up and watched as the eighteen wheeler pulled into my driveway.

She looked up at me and tilted her head. “They’re picking up the storage trailer. I packed her stuff up and am shipping it down.”

“A whole trailer full?”

“Yeah. I don’t want any of it.”

She nodded and grabbed my hand. “I wish I could be strong for you. I’m so sorry about all of this.”

“You don’t need to worry your pretty little head about my crap. I got it.”

“I really wish I could help you.”

I smiled, kissed her hand and opened the driver’s door. She climbed in and readjusted the seat. I buckled her, leaned in to kiss her, and then forced myself to pull back. She grabbed my face, pulled it to hers, and kissed me. I couldn’t pull back and I kissed her harder. She opened her mouth letting me inside and I cautiously entered. I caressed her tongue and she did the same. When I pulled away she closed her eyes. I kissed her nose and stepped away.

“See you soon
, Baby?”

She smiled. “You better
, bud.”

I watched her pull down the road and then turned to face the chapter closing in my life. As I was walking across the yard Ryan was pulling in. I waved at him and continued to walk.

My phone beeped alerting me of a message.

-
Thank you. Weird but this song started playing as soon as I pulled out of the driveway. The radio says Come To Me by the Goo Goo Dolls.  Something about a sweetest friend and growing old. I thought of you…TT

I punched it into iTunes and bought it without even listening to it. And yes, because I was a fucking love sick bitch, I bought the acoustic version ringtone too. I set it as her message alert and ringtone.

My phone played
Come To Me
.

-Okay it was deeper than I thought so don’t listen to it…TT

-You driving…LYA

-Yep…TT

-Stop fucking texting then Baby….LYA

-Bossy…TT

-Good at it…LYA

-Lots to live for so I will accept the friendly advice. Harper is having a girl….TT

-Loving my new ringtone. And that’s great she’ll be beautiful. And holy shit I banged a grandma….LYA

-I should be scolding you! But you made me laugh and let me sleep so I’ll let it go…TT

-Stop fucking texting…LYA

“You done playing with your phone?”
Ryan was following me

I looked beside me at Ryan. “Yeah.” I shoved it in my pocket.

“You done pushing everyone away?”

I looked at him and said nothing.

“Come on Lucas…”

“Your wife is a cock block.”

He laughed and patted me on the back. “Jade loves you both. She’s not in an easy position either you know.”

“Yeah but…”

“But nothing, that’s it. She loves you both. Oh and so does your godson who is coming home and going straight to the Cape. You better be there.”

“I told her I’d go.”

“When?”

“A few minutes ago.”

“Do I need to get Luke’s bedding changed before he comes home?”

“No, but the carpet in his room may be stained.”

“Wall bang?”

“Yeah.”

“Just now?”

“No man, I held her so she could sleep.”

“Awe you’re such a sweetheart.” Ryan threw his arm around my shoulder and we walked to the house.

“Fuck you.”

“Nah, my wife may block your cock but she begs for mine. Now let’s go get that trailer out of your damn driveway.”

~

When Logan got home I was ready to go. He jumped in the SUV.