Love You Anyways (11 page)

I pulled her out by her hand.

“Were you invited?”

“I don’t know, we’ll see.” I said as I hurried to the house.

“Is that Logan’s car?”

“Oh wow, it certainly looks like it.” I pulled her behind me away from the motion light we had just triggered.

“Lucas,” she hissed.

“Hurry up, don’t want to miss the fun.”

“Oh my God,” she whispered.

I peaked in the window and red solo cups littered the table.

“Uh oh,” Tessa said covering her mouth as she giggled.

“Well now we are definitely crashing,” I was pissed.

“No wait,” she pulled me back. “He’s a senior in high school Lucas. He’ll be in college next year.”

“Not catching on here Tessa but I am freezing my ass off.”

“He’s staying the night right?”

“He is.”

“Well he’s not driving.”

“So I let it go?”

“No you call him. You ask what’s up and ask him to be responsible. You …”

“Okay fine, come on.”

As we were sneaking out through the side lawn, a car started to pull in the driveway. I grabbed Tessa’s hand and pulled her into the trees beside us.

She laughed and I covered her mouth and pulled her back against me hiding us. “
Shh.”

She leaned into me and looked up and smiled and then turned around and pulled my hand off her mouth and held it against her cheek. “Your hands are warm.”

“Just a couple more seconds,” I whispered and unzipped my jacket and wrapped it around her to stop her from shivering.

I saw Logan come to the door. He reached out and the kid handed him his keys. He stepped back and let them in. When the coast was clear she didn’t move. I gave her a few minutes and then asked, “You ready?”

When we got in the car, she buckled up as I dialed Logan and he answered on the first ring.

“Dad?”

“Yeah just wanted to see what you were doing.”

“A few friends came over. We’re watching a movie.”

“Girls?”

“Dad.” He warned.

“If there are you have condoms right?”

“Dad you can’t be serious.”

“Oh I can be. If you don’t, I can bring you some.”

I hear him cover the phone and a muffled, ‘Don’t you dare move’ and a female giggled. Then Tessa giggles and I shot her a look.

“Dad what the hell is the problem? I don’t need condoms, I have them…”

“Why do you have them?”

Tessa smacked me. I grabbed her hand and held it still.

“Dad seriously.”

“You don’t need anything distracting you. Logan you need to…”

“I’m not gonna move in with some girl cause I got her knocked up Dad.”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s what Mom said. You and Tessa a long time ago you…”

“That’s not how it all went down Logan. Not at all. She was; look apparently you and I need to have a conversation about life and love son because …”

“Why aren’t you talking to Ava about her sex life? Jesus Dad. I’m with my friends, a senior in high school. Just leave it alone. Even Mom gets that.”

“Are you high Logan because…” Tessa squeezed my hand and I closed my eyes trying to reel it in. Quite frankly I had forgotten she was here. And now she heard what he just said about my high school days and she was that fucking girl. Un. Fucking. Real!

“No Dad. I’m not. I have had a couple drinks, I’m not driving. I’m not gonna bang Sadi…”

“What? Sadi?”
Oh fuck no.
“What the hell happened to the girl from the other night?”

“She’s my friend…”

“Okay look, why don’t you try that girl instead Logan, she seemed nice.” I let go of Tessa’s hands and grabbed the steering wheel like it was some sort of stress ball and squeezed it.

“Dad, I like this girl.”

“Logan I don’t think…” Tessa smacked my stomach. “Why don’t you come home?”

“I will in the morning Dad. I’ll piss in a cup so you know I’m not doing drugs and I’ll sit on your lap and let you read Good Night Moon to me if that’s what you need…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“I’m not a baby Dad, I’m almost eighteen. I do well in school. I’m not on drugs. I play sports and I’m going to college next year. Isn’t that good Dad? Now please let me grow up.”

“I’m proud of who you are Logan. I just want you to be able to wake up tomorrow and feel proud of yourself.”

Logan sighed, “I planned to ask her out tonight.”

“Sadi? You sure Logan because…” Tessa smacked my chest again making me stop and I held it again. I looked at her and mouthed ‘Ouch’.

“Yeah I’m sure.”

“Do you love her?”

“Dad?” He whined like a little boy being asked to do the dishes.

“Be smart and be safe okay?”

“Yeah, you too.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.” And he hung up.

I looked over at Tessa, “Sorry about…”

“Don’t be.” The pressure of a truly uncomfortable situation was eased when she laughed, “Sadi?”

“I know what the hell?”

“She was a kid. I’m sure she’s happy now.”

“We were kids.”

“Yes we were.”

“Look Tessa, I don’t know why he said what he did but I’m sorry.” Sorry doesn’t even begin to describe what I was. “Ashley should have never…”

She shook her head from side to side. “Kids hear what they want, I’m sure that’s all it was.”

“Sure, but still, he doesn’t need to know any of that. That’s…”

“Our pictures are in the year
book. They can find them in the library. Our name is on the plaques with pictures of homecoming Kings and Queens. It’s not like it’s top secret stuff Lucas. No big deal.”

“It is a big deal. I don’t remember seeing, ‘oh her, he fucked her and knocked her up…’”

“Lucas…”

“No damn it. I loved you. You loved me. That’s not why we lived together, built a home together. That’s…”

“Harper knows.”

“About us?”

“About the miscarriage. I told her when she lost her child. It’s not the same but I wanted her to know. I hope that doesn’t upset you.”

It did upset me that it still hurt her. I thought about it often but knew that if I dwelled on it that feelings would be dredged up that didn’t need to be. Things I couldn’t change, things that distracted me from what I have now. Regardless of how messed up the past was
, I still had Tessa’s friendship and two beautiful kids. Ones I never thought I deserved.

I must have been quiet too long. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.”

“No Tessa, that’s not what I was thinking.”

I looked at our still linked hands and she did too. “Sorry about that.” She pulled her hand back.

“No way Tessa, don’t be sorry.” I kissed her hand and let go. “We should probably get out of here and get you home.”

“Yeah.” As I pulled out onto the road she reached back over and held my hand. “You’re a good friend Lucas.”

I gave her hand a squeeze and drove into the darkness hoping that someday soon I could drive her back into the light.

Chapter 12

Lake Watch

I looked at my reflection as I looked into the mirror in the bathroom getting ready for the wedding. I saw a few lines beside my eyes that I hadn’t noticed before, and a few gray hairs, they were also new. I grabbed the tweezers and pulled them out promptly. They had no business there.

Logan walked in fussing with his tie, “Dad I can’t get this.”

“Come here. Okay show me how you’re doing it.”

Logan started the process.

“You only crossed once. You have to do it twice. Try again.” He tried and succeeded but it was too short. “I got it.”

As
I tied my sons tie, I chuckled.

“You’re laughing at me.” Logan groaned.

“No buddy, laughing with you. I remember my first formal event. It took me hours to get it right. I was so pissed at the tie that I called and told my date I wouldn’t be there.”

He laughed, “Why didn’t you have Grandma do it?”

Because she was loaded, so fucked up she couldn’t function
. “She was busy.”

“Did you get it or did you did you really blow her off?”

“She called crying. I called Tommy. He helped me and all was well. There, all done.” I stepped back and watched him admire the tie in the mirror. Then looked at himself and smiled which made me laugh.

“What? Look at this face, perfection Dad.”

“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree boy.”

He stood and watched as I tied my tie. We both buttoned our cuffs and started to turn and leave when Ashley walked in.

What the hell was she wearing
?

“Can I use the bathroom a minute or are you two going to be awhile?” She asked.

“All yours,” I said as I walked by skeptically eyeing the wife.

“What?” She half hissed.

“Nothing Ash, you look nice, that’s all.”

I had never seen her in such a tight dress, or one as low cut. She did look great. I wouldn’t be banging her tonight but someone should.
Bitch!

~

The wedding was perfect. Just family and a few close friends and very elegant. It was amazing to watch Harper smile. She deserved it. So did her husband. Watching them made me believe that love could overcome all things.

My girl looked to beautiful
, always did but today she looked like a little woman. Maddox’s groomsman was looking at her in a way that annoyed the fuck out of me, but who could blame him? She was petite like Ash, but to damn curvy. She also shared the same facial structure as her mother but her eyes were a green like mine, her lips were mine, and her skin tone was mine as well. I hated that she was too damn beautiful. But the girl had my spunk too. She would make a damn good lawyer.

Logan drove
separate; he brought a date…Sadi. God that name still made me cringe. Even worse than that was riding with bridezilla.

“Remember our wedding Lucas?”
She asked as I off drove to the reception.

“Yes. Ava was conceived that night.”

“And you went to Tessa thinking Collin was missing. You chose her that night, while I stood in a wedding dress. After you promised me always.”

“You have got to be kidding Ash. Come on for fuck sake. What the hell is your problem
?”

“No you wait one minute Lucas! If that was Ava that had just exchanged vows and her future husband told her to give him a minute so he could get himself together when his ex-fiancée was in trouble how would you feel then Lucas?”

“Listen to yourself Ashley. You’re trying so damn hard to not take responsibility for your actions and I am fucking sucking it up! Do you think this is God damn easy for me? My wife, the woman I loved, the only person I had ever been faithful to, goes and fucks around on me and I am fucking dealing with it. I’m not calling you a whore, or kicking your ass out. I am trying to keep things normal for the kids and you just keep poking at me. How fucking long do you think I can keep that shit up?”

“However long she needs you to...”

“Enough. I’m done with this fucking conversation. Figure out how you can suck it up for your kids. I certainly am.”

She didn’t say shit the rest of the ride.

When we were at the reception she acted sticky sweet to Tessa which infuriated me, which I am sure was her intention. Tessa didn’t notice it, thank God. But Jade, well her hawk eye, was watching the whole damn thing. She looked less than impressed.

Jade and Ryan had kept my secret for a long time now. They supported my decision to try to get Logan through high school knowing damn well why it was important to me. I didn’t want Logan to fuck up and
, believe it or not, this shit fucks with kids hard especially if their parents are at odds. All I wanted was peace for them.

I was having a good time and Jade well I owe her big
because she could keep a damn secret. She had Ash fooled into thinking she was still her best bud. I owed her big for that.

Logan and his girl seemed to not be having all that great of a time. He seemed to always be with the Ross boys and the little Hines girls. I tried to strike up a conversation with her and even made her dance with me.

Logan cut in and shortly after he said his goodbyes and yes, I reminded him to use a damn condom.

Then there was my Princess Ava who was dancing with the boy they called T. A fucking drummer who had rubbed me the wrong way on several occasions. I was ready to go
cut in when Harper yelled to me and asked me to make Tessa dance.

I made my way over and told her that the bride asked me to dance with her and I couldn’t tell the bride no on her wedding day. As soon as we got to the dance floor the song
Eternal Flame
started, which just happened to be one of the first songs she and I had ever danced to.

“You look beautiful Tessa.”

“And you look very nice Lucas
. Thanks for coming.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Tessa nodded, “I know.”

We didn’t say anymore to each other. As soon as the song ended
, a fast song began and Phoebe came over and grabbed her.

“You’re not leaving the dance floor now Tessa.” And they were off.

I stood next to Alex and Phoebe’s son, Liam, and watched as the women took over the dance floor.

I swear I felt daggers in the back of my head and turned to see if I was mistaken and nope I wasn’t. Ash was pissed. I made my way to the bar and she followed.

“How long do I have to watch this, wasn’t twenty plus years enough?” Then she stormed out the door.

I saw Tessa’s father, John
, looking at me. I smiled and nodded and then followed Jezebel out the door.

“I want to leave now.” She hissed when I came out.

“We can wait until they cut the cake, then we can leave.”

“No! You think you’re having a hard time Lucas? I’
ve watched for years the way you look at her. You never stopped loving her!”

“This is not the time nor the…”

“Admit it!”

“Could you please keep it down?” This was fucking insane.

“Answer one question and then I will gladly keep it down.”

“Let’s have it Ash.”

“Are you in love with her?”

“I’ve always loved her as a friend, just like Jade, just like…”

“No Lucas, you’re in love with her. Stop being a pussy and admit it!”

“Fine if it will end this. Yes I love her, always have.”

“And the only reason we are married today is because she wouldn’t marry you.”

“Well that’s not a secret Ashley. I asked her first but I fucked that up. I take full damn responsibility. Now you should do the same
...”

“Are you in love with her?”

“Why are you asking me that? What’s the damn point?” I was fucking exhausted from her shit. I was so close to throwing up my hands and saying walk and don’t come back.

“The point is you ruined us! You being in love with Tessa ruined us…”

She was out of fucking control. I opened the door hoping she’d get in.

“Everything okay?” I looked back and Tessa was standing right there. So
were Jade, John, Harper, and Ava.

“Ash I suggest you get in the car and I’ll take you home.” I was not having this here. I got in the car hoping Ashley would get in. Hoping she could be a little classier than this.

Then I heard my wife say, “Your husband is lucky to be dead so he doesn’t have to watch you and my husband play grab ass for another…”

Then Tessa slapped her across the face. “Don’t you talk about Collin like that
ever!”

I was out of the car grabbing Ashley who
was holding her face.

“She’s just as crazy as the rest of the bitches…”

“Get in the fucking car NOW!” I was livid.

Ashley jumped in t
he car and shut the door. I tried to open the door and she threw it in drive and peeled out of the driveway.

I heard someone behind me and looked. Ava was covering her mouth as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“She deserves to know Lucas. You tell her or I will.” Jade yelled and grabbed Ava. “I’ll take care of the girls.”

I looked at Tessa who I knew was shocked at what she had heard, and what she had done.

“I’m so…”

“I’m sorry. This isn’t your problem it’s mine. You take care of you and your daughter.” She hesitated for a moment, “Tessa go. I’ll be in shortly.”

She started walking towards Jade, John and the girls. Fuck! I grabbed my phone and dialed Ashley.

“What do you want?”

“You on hands free?”

“What the hell do you care?”

“I have no fucking clue why I should but I do. I don’t want you driving all upset.”

“She hit me and your still there just like always…”

“I tried to get you out of here Ashley. You left me here! What the hell do you want me to do throw on a fucking cape and fly home?”

“I’m going to New Jersey…”

“Bullshit! Your daughter was witness to what just went on you’ll…”

“I’m going home to New Jersey!”

“Go tomorrow Ashley don’t fucking drive…”

“I’m going to…”

“What do you think will happen when Dad and your sister find out?”

“You are such
an…”

“I don’t really give a shit what you think Ashley but your daughter…”

“Tell her to call me.” Was all she said before hanging up.

“There’s a room upstairs. The girls are up there. A bit of privacy.” John patted my back. “You’ll take it slow.”

“What do you mean?” I was shocked as hell at what he had said.

“Lucas just take it slow.”

We got upstairs and sat down when Ava walked out of the bathroom.

“Ava I’m so sorry. I was wrong to hit…” Tessa began.

“Tessa she was wrong to say that about Collin. It’s my fault.”

“No Ava it’s not your fault.” I squatted next to her and wiped her tears away.

“Is to Dad. Harper I’
m so sorry I ruined your wedding and your prom. If you never talk to me again I would understand.”

“Don’t be silly Ava.”
Harper said.

“Fuck Harper don’t fucking take off like that aga
in.” Maddox said as he stormed

across
the room to Harper.

             
“Sorry it’s just…”

“Listen everyone. What just happened
out there is unfortunate.” I began.

“Daddy I want to leave.” Ava stood up.

“You stay and have fun Ava. I’m gonna get a cab and go deal with this.”

“Why!
Why don’t you just leave her?”

I
tried to gain some composure. “Bottom line. Your brother needs to finish school. I don’t want him distracted. When he’s graduated if that’s what I have to do then I will.”

“S
he’s been cheating on you for…” Jade began.

“Okay Jade
let’s not do this here.”

Jade looked at Tessa and then at Ava
. “Listen Ava, no one else here is gonna say anything so I will. Your Mom has been cheating on your father for years now.”

“Jade that is enough.” Lucas warned.

“Then you tell her Lucas. Do you think they don’t feel it? Your house is like a fucking iceberg.” She looked at Tessa. “You don’t seem surprised.”

“What? I …”

“Oh for Christ sake Jade she didn’t do a damn thing.” Lucas snapped.

“It’s all my fault.” Ava cried.

“No Ava it’s not. Your Mom’s been fucking around for probably half of our marriage.”