Love You Anyways (13 page)

She sat up and leaned over. A very dominant move. She kissed me harder, pushing me back and climbed up on me as she continued to kiss me. Urgency, desire, and need was felt in each stroke of her tongue. I took her face in my hands and pulled her back gently. “Baby, this…”

“Will you tell me no Lucas?” She lifted her shirt and her
breasts were lit up by the moonlight peeking through the window. “If I ask you to bite them will you tell me no?”

“I really think it is best we talk through some things…”

She leaned over pushing her breasts against my face.

“I have no desire to talk right now. This is what I want. Don’t tell me no.”

I have no idea where the fucking strength comes from when it comes to her but this wasn’t right. “I want this to be right baby.” I held her breasts in my hands and pushed her up.

“Does it feel wrong?”

“You tell me Tessa. Tell me that this isn’t gonna be a one night thing, because you and I both know that when, either of us is hurting, it’s this comfort we seek.”

“Then we give it to each other.” She reached down and stroked me over my boxer briefs.

“And no one else. I want this time to be forever, I want…”

She kissed me as she pulled my erection free. Her
tongue- tasting me, her hand stroking me against her wet panties, was more than I could take.

“Stop.” I lifted her off me. “Look at me.”

She raised her chin in the air and covered herself.

“Baby look at me.”

She turned and scowled at me and tried not to show the hurt.

“I don’t want this to be a rebound Tessa. I want it to be what it was supposed to be from day fucking one. You and I do this and it’s forever.”

“So you think it should have been like this from day one?” She hissed. “You’re wrong. Collin was meant for me…”

“Okay give it to me Tessa. Say what you need to but then you’ll listen.”

“Fuck you Lucas.” She tried to stand and I pulled her back down.

“
Collin and you were meant to be. So where Ashley and I. There are five kids between us that were absolutely meant to be. As you said a lifetime ago, we were supposed to be friends back then. That things happen for a reason. Everything Tessa. So yes, I believe without a doubt that it was written in the stars that you married a man who loved you and you gave him a love he never expected. A family he never knew he could have. He cherished you the way you deserved to be cherished. Same with me. Had I not lost you I never would have my kids. I never would have been a faithful man. But you and I were meant to be together at some point and if you can tell me I’m wrong you’ll be lying to yourself.”

“I don’t want to lie to anyone. I want to get laid. I want to escape once in a while. But if you’re not the man…”

“I’m the only fucking man for the job Sweetheart.” Okay so now I was getting pissed.

“Then shut up and fuck me Lucas. Take me away for a while. Let me get lost in you and you in me…”

“You promise me that after your done getting lost, you will look at me and know that’s also where you’ll find yourself and I am up for any fucking thing you want.”

“Lucas…”

“No damn it! You promise me because I love you so damn much, Tessa that I will not fuck this up.”

She took in a deep breath and her shoulders shook as she tried not to cry. “Don’t say that to me.”

“I can’t help myself. Because our time is now. Accept it or not. I have loved you through every part of my life.”

“I can’t say that back to you Lucas.”

“You will when you’re ready. Come back and lay down. Let me help you sleep. Tomorrow we talk about this.”

“I
can’t when I’m sober.” She laid down and yawned.

“This isn’t wrong Tessa.
Don’t hide behind the 'I was drunk' excuse. When you’re ready I will be there, hard as fuck and ready to fuck you through whatever it is you need me to.”

~

She woke after I had been awake for almost an hour. Her body was draped across mine.

“Oh God…”

“No Lucas. Good morning Baby.”

“Lucas this, this was a bad…”

“Nope.” I kissed her and she pulled back.

“I can’t do this Lucas.”

“Tell me why?”

“I’m not ready. My kids, your kids…”

“This is about you and me.”

She closed her eyes and tears fell.

“Please don’t cry…”

“They’re going to be so disappointed in me.”

“Tell me what to do to make it easier.”

“Pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Baby, the only thing that happened was a lot of kissing, some arguing, and I told you I loved you and that we could take this as slow…” She rolled off of me and sat up. “Hold up.”

“No.”

“Yes.” I grabbed her chin and turned her to me. “What I’m hearing is you’re afraid of what your kids will think…”

“And yours Lucas. Plus I’m not ready for anyone telling me they love me. That’s just…”

“The truth. What you’ve always gotten from me. Listen TT…”

“Oh nice Lucas…”

“Tell me how this is gonna go but don’t walk away.”

“What?”

“You and I. What do you need from me…”

“I needed to get laid last night but apparently you weren’t up for the job.”

I chuckled and she looked at me in the pissy Tessa way that honest to God, turned me on even more. “You know I was up for it. You had my cock in your hand and…”

“Shut up Lucas, God.” She covered her face and I wasn’t sure if she was laughing or crying.

I pulled my hand away and her face was bright red. “Whenever you need to get laid I’m all in. But just me. And let me tell you something. This can be between you and me for as long as you need but I will not share you and I will not hide forever. I love you Tessa.”

“Stop saying that,” she
whispered.

“No,” I whispered back.

A shy little smile played on her lips. I grabbed her, pulled her on her back, and held my body over hers.

I kissed her hard
, holding her hands above her head as she squirmed beneath me. “Lucas Links reporting for duty.” I said against her mouth and she laughed.

I kissed her and rolled off and held her hand.

“You’re in charge here Tessa Ann.”

She rolled to her side and looked up at me. “No one knows.”

“Not until you’re ready.”

“I call the shots.”

“To some extent.”

“Oh here we go,” she rolled her eyes.

“We won’t talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable. I get to see you at least every other day. You can’t tell me not to say I love you. And you can’t…”

“Damn Links, this sounded fun now
you’re getting all needy,” she poked me and laughed. “Maybe I should find some other boy toy.”

I tried to act like I was not irate over that comment but I was. “No fucking way.”

I pulled her on top of me and pushed her up to a seated position.

“This is the last dick you’ll be riding
. Do you understand?”

“I thought I was in control.”

I grabbed her hips and pushed mine against her. “That’s yours and yours only. My heart is too, so don’t fuck with it Tessa.”

She nodded and closed her eyes. I pulled her hips forward again and then back.

“I cannot wait until I get my first booty call Baby.”

“What if I’m never ready Lucas?”

“You will be.”

The door flew open and Tessa jumped up and off of me.

“Well what have we here?” Jade laughed as she walked in and sat on the bed.

“So much for that,” I whispered to Tessa.

“I’ll kick your ass if you say a damn word Jade.” Tessa snapped.

“Did it feel the same as before? Did you find the old groove you two use to rock to?”

“He told me no,” Tessa scowled at her.

Jade laughed and stood up. “I was gonna tell Tessa breakfast was ready. I’ll go let Ryan know she brought a plus one.
”

Chapter 14

Feelings

Logan was home earlier than expected. By one
, he and I had been at the gym and went out to lunch. By two, he was ready to take a nap. I sat down at my desk to see what my week looked like. Things around here were about to change.

Most of the time I could handle things from home. Now I would have to fly to Jersey when I was needed in the office. Ashley wouldn’t be available and I sure as hell wouldn’t ask her to be. I decided if I flew in I could be back leaving him no longer than an hour to have to be home alone.

I looked at the jobs we had going for the next two weeks and sent messages to the foreman of each job. An hour and a half later I had everything set for the next three weeks and then Logan and I would be taking off for Spring break. I was hoping to get Ava there for part of it. I hated their school schedules being different.

As much as I tried not to think about Tessa I couldn’t stop myself. Last night was amazing. Holding her, kissing her,
and telling her I loved her even though she didn’t want to hear it. I sent her a message.

-Hey there
. Just wanted to know how you were feeling…LL

I felt like a damn kid waiting for her reply.  One that didn’t come.

After an hour I called Ryan. “Hey man what’s up?”

He laughed, “Not much.”

“What’s so funny?”

“You, Tessa, this whole thing.”

“Why is it funny?”

“Well Jade just got off the phone with her and…”

“I’m not calling about Tessa.” Okay so I was but I certainly didn’t want them to know what a bitch I was being.

“Oh no?” Ryan chuckled.

“No. I was going through my schedule and I had a few questions.”

“Ok, what are they?”

It took me a few minutes to come up with some sort of bullshit. “If I need some help can you guys help me out?”

“Why don’t you text Tessa and see if she can…” Ryan started.

“Fuck you man.”

“Don’t bullshit me then.”

“Why the hell is she ignoring me?”

“She’s still healing Lucas.”

“Uh huh. Great. This is fuckin ridiculous.”

“At least she’s talking to Jade now. She wasn’t saying shit before.”

“She should be talking to me.”

“Lucas come on
she…”

“I gotta go, talk to you soon man.”

~

I laid in bed trying my best to think of a reason not to jump in my damn vehicle and drive to her. I thought of two. Logan and her. I couldn’t push. I knew this in my head, but fuck if my heart wasn’t going crazy.

I decided to send her one last text before forcing myself to fall asleep.

-Sleep well Baby. Don’t overthink this please…LL

~

I spent the day going over bids on jobs and was about ready to lose it when I decided to book mine and Logan’s trip. I booked a
t Sandos Playacar; looked pretty damn cool and we could explore the Mayan ruins the property boasted of.

I decided to run off some of this nervous energy before I text her again. Three times without a return would piss me off…worse.

I threw on my shoes and headed out the door. I looked next door as Tessa pulled in. Now if I was a smart man I would turn and run the opposite direction but right now I wasn’t feeling all that damn smart. I ran up to her as she was about to walk in the door.

“Wait!”

She turned and looked at me. “Hi.”

“Hi? Hi? Is that all I get after the other night?”

“Lucas, it was a mistake…”

“No Tessa. There was only one mistake made that night. And let me tell you this right now it won’t happen again.”

“What are you talking about?” Tessa whispered as she opened the door.

“I told you no many years ago and that screwed everything up. I tried to be what you needed then and I wasn’t. I am standing right here Tessa, the man you knew I could be and as much as I knew I wanted to be I couldn’t. Not until it was too late. I have a second chance to love you the way you deserve me
to love you. I can right every fucking wrong. I can take away your nightmares, ease your pain, and make you love me again. I’m so sorry that you lost him, Baby. I really am…”

“Don’t. Please just don’t. I can’t betray my love for him. I can’t do that. Don’t you get it Lucas? He is still in here.” She held her hand to her heart. “There is no room for anymore.”

“You’re wrong Tessa. You. Are. Wrong.”

“Leave it alone…”

“I won’t. You deserve to be loved again.”

“So do you! I’m not the one to do it Lucas.”

“You’re the only one who can. And I’m the only one who can do it for you.”

“Not now.”

“Then when?”

“I’m here to see Jade
, Lucas…”

“She’s not here but I am. I’m standing right here. Don’t shut me out.”

Tears started falling down her face and I immediately regretted pushing. “Three months ago I lost Collin. Two nights ago I’m drunk and asking you to do me. How fucked up is that? I can’t talk to you about this Lucas because it’s about you. It’s about how disgusted I feel about wanting you because I am still grieving the loss of a man who would never hurt me.”

“I’m a different man now. I know I hurt you. I also know you’re going to try to sabotage us. Because you’re doing it right now. You’re making me doubt who I am.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do.”

“Then what are you trying to do? We talked about this.”

“You promised not to talk about anything. I can’t, not this soon. Maybe not ever.”

“Just to me? Can you talk to Jade?” She nodded and I wiped her tears. “You know why that is?” She shook her head no. “You don’t think I can handle it. You think that it’ll hurt me. It won’t Tessa. I kind of loved the guy too.”

She nodded.

“And I know he gave a shit about me too.”

“Because he knew that I did.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Like Ashley said at least he doesn’t have to…”

“Oh no,” I pulled her into a hug. “You
r guy knew I wasn’t competition. Maybe not at first but very soon after. He was kind of full of himself you know.”

She looked up. “Sure of himself.”

“Right.” I kissed her head.

“Do you think I hurt him by keeping you in my life?”

“My wife is a bitch, something I didn’t really know until recently. She said it to …”

“Make me hurt and carry her guilt.” She nodded.

“Jade?” I asked assuming that’s where Tessa got that idea from.

“Yes Jade. But she called it projecting.”

“Yeah she and I had the same conversation.”

“We aren’t supposed to talk about this.”

“What else did Jade say, Tessa?”

“She said I pushed her to take a chance with Ryan after Tommy died and it had only been four months.”

“What else?” I liked where this was leading.

“That I’m not a slut. We’d been on two dates already.”

“You and I?”

“No me and the man on the moon,” she tried to joke.

“Well we technically have been on three. The game. The elevator ride to almost have dinner with Jose. What the hell was the other one?”

“The wedding. Apparently I danced with you
, which counts.”

“And that’s three?” She nodded. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That it’s acceptable after three dates.”

I smirked and whispered in her ear, “Are we talking about sex?” She laughed. “Well th
en you’re behind because we also had dinner together, drinks, and a make out session that resulted in dry humping and some heavy petting.”

She looked at me and I looked at my watch. “What are your plans for this afternoon?” She shrugged her shoulders. “Well I just cleared my schedule and I am going to take you home and have my way with you.”

“Now?” Her voice squeaked it was so damn adorable.

“Yeah now. I’m gonna pick you up. You’re going to wrap your legs around me and I’m walking you to my place and taking my time reacquainting myself with every inch of your body.”

“Not in your house.”

“Yours?”

“No. Not there either.”

“You are a pain in the ass.”

“Here.”

“Luke’s room?”

“It worked before.”

“Yeah it did.”

It took no time for me to lift her up and less time for her legs to wrap around me.

My hands were up her shirt and cupping her tits before I was up the stairs. Her mouth was on mine two seconds later.

“God Baby, I love the girls.” I said as I sat on the bed and pulled her shirt over her head.

“Ladies now. Three kids later Lucas and they just aren’t the same.”

I unsnapped her bra and pulled it down her arms. “Liar.” Was all I could say before my mouth was taking in as much as I could.

She started to pull my shirt off. “Fuck Baby just rip it off.” She laughed and I lifted my arms. She pulled it up slowly. “This is no striptease
Tessa; I’m like a fuckin’ starved man in front of an all you can eat buffet. I love the girls so damn much.”

I pulled my shirt off and flipped her on her back. I leaned over and played with her rosy pebbled nipple and sucked hard on the other. “Oh God.”

I reached down and unbuttoned her pants and shoved my hand inside. “Damn Baby always so well groomed.” I took her tit back in my mouth as I ran my finger up and down her seam.

“Lucas.” She moaned and her hand traveled down my stomach and then my running pants.

I pushed a finger inside and found her spot immediately. “Awe. Oh God. Lucas not yet. Oh God don’t stop!”

I continued tapping her spot, rubbing it as she tried to control herself. “
Your right there baby, give it to me.”

“Not yet.”

I used my thumb to tease her clit as I continued rubbing her hot spot until she clenched around me. “Let go Baby. Now damn it!” I sucked her nipple hard in my mouth and she let go, shattered in my hand.

“Yes, yes, oh yes!”

She lay limp and I continued caressing her now soaked pussy and sucking and kissing her tits.

I leaned down to kiss her as she opened her eyes and smiled shyly while biting her lip.

“Good?”

“Very good.”

“We can stop. If that’s all you want…” Her hand began stroking me again. “Damn.”

“Damn.” She leaned up and kissed me as her hand continued up and down my shaft. “
You haven’t lost your touch Links.”

“Nah, my fingers just remember the best place it’s ever been.” Her thumb rubbed my head and I swear I almost came right there. “Baby you know the song
Closer to the Edge
?”

“I think so.” She looked at me like I was crazy.

“It’s by 30 Seconds to Mars. You keep that up and that’s all I’ll have for you.”

I bent down and pulled her lip with my teeth. “I don’t want it to end that quick.”

“Your pants are still on.” She pushed her mouth against mine.

“So are yours,’” I pulled my hand out of her pants.

I stood up and grabbed her pants and pulled them down. I allowed myself to take the time looking at her body.
Aged to perfection
.

“You know how beautiful you are Tessa?” I bent over and kissed her stomach.

“Your pants are still on.”

“Damn girl give me a minute to enjoy disrobing you.” I smiled at her. “I’ve wondered if you’ve changed and you haven’t.”

“I have and you’re making me a bit uncomfortable please just…”

I pulled her down so her ass was at the edge of the bed and put her feet on my shoulders. “You are bare as a baby’s ass. When did you do that?”

“Yesterday. Your pants Lucas.”

I smiled and looked up at her, “For me?”

“Lucas.”

I dropped my pants and boxers and she closed her eyes and swallowed. “Eyes open Tessa.”

I rubbed my dick up and down her seam.

“I could stay like this all day.”

“Please.”

“Let me take my time.”

I pushed in a little and she clenched, “Ahh fuck. You have the tightest little pussy in the entire world Baby.”

“Please just...” I pushed in further, “Yes, oh more please.”

“Fuck,” I hissed. “Promise me if this goes all wrong you’ll give me another shot?”

“I thought I was in charge. You said I could be in…” I slammed into her. “Ahh! Ahh!”

I stopped and looked down at our bodies’ connection. I was inside, plugged in, balls deep to a woman I never dreamed I would ever be in again.