Love Me Not (21 page)

She paused. I couldn’t tell if she was mad or not.

I pushed forward. “Just give me a chance to prove it, and if I’m wrong, I’ll happily apologize.”

“How are you going to prove it?”

“By getting him to talk—and you can listen out of sight. He won’t know it has anything to do with you. I’ll even be nice.”

She didn’t say anything.

“I won’t ruin your party,” I said. “I know you like him. I won’t hurt your chances with him—that’ll be for you to decide.”

A pause. “All right,” she said. “What do I need to do?”

“Your mom gave you my number, right?” Elizabeth had asked if she could, just in case something happened. I think it was because she didn’t trust dipshit to be there if Rachel needed something, like if she needed a ride or whatever.

She nodded.

“Go upstairs to a quiet room, call me, and I’ll put my phone on speaker and put it in my pocket. I’ll lure him in here to talk.”

“You’re sure he won’t know?”

“Just make sure your end of the line is silent.”

She nodded, still seeming a little hesitant, and walked out into the hall toward the stairs. Once she called and I had my phone set up, I returned to the living room to mingle.

A couple girls approached me, and we chatted. I made eye contact with the girls closest to Brandon, and they joined me as well. In those few minutes, I learned I still had charm. I had them smiling and laughing and, above all, flirting. Peripherally, I noticed Brandon’s posture stiffened in obvious annoyance.

A few minutes later, I excused myself and went to the library. The girls pouted and tried to get me to stay. Perfect.

Just as predicted, Brandon followed me. This was going to go one of two ways. Either he’d beat his chest, try to assert his position as alpha male, or he’d buddy up to me and try to learn my secrets.

“Hey, man,” he said.

I turned to look at him with a bored expression.

“So, how do you know Rachel?” he said.

“Distant family friends. Our moms went to high school together. I happened to be in town and got volunteered to help with the party.” I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t let him think I was interested in Rachel and risk his getting territorial.

He nodded, as if he gave a shit how I knew Rachel.

“Well, see you, man.” I turned. He let me get a few steps.

“Can I ask you something?”

I looked back at him. “Yeah?”

“So, uh…how’d you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Come on. You walk in, and all of a sudden they’re flocking.”

I grinned.

He waited.

“You don’t need to learn that shit. You got Rachel, right?”

His lips upturned smugly. “I got her in the bag, if you know what I mean.”

The dick was willing to lie about her, ruin her reputation. I knew Rachel was a virgin, even before Elizabeth said it. I swore I could smell it on them, like that slight smell of fresh fruit before it’s consumed, the sweet scent dulled by the protective outer skin.

“So, you don’t need to charm anyone else,” I said.

“Shit, man, I got them all panting for me. I screwed that blonde chick, Tabitha, last weekend.”

“You want a bigger flock, then.”

“I want a fucking harem.”

Keep your shit together, Heath. You promised Rachel you’d be nice.
“Looks like you’re on your way.”

Quick footsteps on the stairs.

“How’d you get them to walk over to you?” he said.

I paused a few seconds, and then the door opened.

“There you are,” Rachel said with a smile.

Brandon stepped forward.

She took my hand. “I’ve been looking all over.” She pulled me toward the door.

“Nice to meet you,” I said to Brandon while I let Rachel lead me.

She pulled me into the kitchen around the corner and stood on her toes to hug me. “Thanks.”

I kept my hands high on her back, carefully appropriate, how a brother would hug his sister. “You’re welcome.”

She stepped back. “I can’t believe I fell for his crap.”

“Beware of the charming ones.”

“Like you?” she teased.

“Especially me.”

She laughed. “You’re right about your one skill.”

“I told you.”

She laughed again, louder.

“Are you ready for cake?” Elizabeth had come in. She was smiling. I had the feeling she’d heard Rachel’s and my conversation.

“Yup,” Rachel said and started toward the island where the cake sat.

“Uh-uh,” Elizabeth said and took her shoulders to turn her around and guide her away. “I’ve got everything. You go be with your friends.”

“Yes,
ma’am.
” Rachel grinned as she went back to the living room. I was glad she didn’t seem upset about Brandon.

I stood on the other side of the island and helped Elizabeth light the eighteen candles.

“Thanks,” she said. I knew she was thanking me for much more than the candles.

“Anytime.”

The rest of the party was smooth, even while Brandon sulked when Rachel ignored him. She did scream when Elizabeth gave her the car. The day was actually kind of nice. I hadn’t had that in awhile.

It all ended too soon. I dreamed about Kimber again that night.

Chapter 36

Blackness

She plagued me, and she wasn’t letting up. It was like she knew how much I wanted her and used that to torture me.

“Heath,” Kimber said.

I looked around, but I couldn’t see anything, no exit, only black expanse. It was like being trapped in a sea of nothing—I could move around, unbound and unhindered, but there was nothing to escape to.

“Heath,” Kimber said again.

I wouldn’t look at her, still searching for an exit. I knew it was another dream, but even knowing that didn’t lessen my panic.

Then she touched me, and as if by command, I turned to her. It was like the first time all over again. All I could see or comprehend was her beauty, the way her green eyes showed me the way to her soul, her kindness and spunk, her love and pain. She was the only thing I wanted from life, and she was the one thing I unequivocally could not have. It was like the Earth’s attraction to the sun being forbidden. I had no power to stop my desire for her and barely enough self-control to stay hidden. I only found the self-control to hide from her because I’d not cause her any more pain. She needed to forget me.

Her hand moved from my arm to my neck. Her thumb brushed along my jaw.

“Please don’t,” I said.

Her thumb continued to brush along my stubble. “Why haven’t you been shaving?”

Because I didn’t give a shit anymore. Elizabeth said I looked good with stubble, so I figured people might think I didn’t shave on purpose. But the real reason still remained—I simply didn’t give a fuck.

“You never did talk much,” she said.

“I talked too much with you.” That was one reason why this was so damn hard—she knew me better than anyone, and she rejected me. I trusted her judgment.

Her voice was soft, too soft. She was killing me. “You’re beautiful, you know.”

Fuck
. I closed my eyes, trying to block her out.

“Your jaw,” she said, “the way your lips pull together at the corners like a sad bow, and your eyelashes…” She touched my cheek and then drew one gentle finger across my eyebrow. “You look like you’re flirting when you simply blink, when you look down, as if hiding your eyes behind your lashes, as if you’re hiding where your gaze drifts.”

“Please,” I murmured.

Her hand drifted lower, across my shoulder to my chest. “Heath.” The slight raspiness of her voice was seductive.

I opened my eyes, still nothing surrounding me, just Kimber.

She looked up at me with an unaffected gaze, as if she wanted more than anything this one request. “Will you kiss me?”

I tried to pull away, tried to look away, tried to run.

She had me trapped. Even if I ran, she was right here with me, my constant, unyielding plague. There was no escape, no way to fight her.

She stood on her toes, and I leaned closer.

Our lips touched.

Her warmth shot through me, filled my head like alcohol. I managed to keep some self-control and kissed her only lightly.

She whispered against my mouth, “Your lips are soft.”

I pulled her into my arms and kissed her deeply. I wanted us to melt together, inseparable, permanent.

Then there was only blackness, no warmth, no Kimber. Everything was gone.

I looked around wildly, and then I ran, searching. I ran for miles.

Then I was awake and sitting up in bed. I looked around in the darkness, trying to see her.

“Kimber,” I called.

Nothing.

“Come back.”

I stood from the bed and looked around the bare room, nothing but a bed. “Please, Kimber.”

I didn’t know where I was, what had happened. The only thing in my mind was her face, the sound of her voice, my desperation to have her. All I knew was she was necessary.

The window caught my eye, the view. There were trees and a sidewalk…the sidewalk I ran every day.

I remembered where I was, that Kimber wasn’t here, had never been here, would never be.

I dropped to my knees and bowed my head, praying for help, begging.

“Please, God,” I said. “Please make this stop.”

Chapter 37

Judgment

“Heath,” Marie said as I walked out into the hall.

I walked down the stairs and did not look back at her. Once out of the building, I ran. Through my apartment complex and the next and then up Baymeadows Road. At first, I only passed dark windows and empty cars.

Then families began to emerge, children running, mothers laughing. I avoided them, left the homes behind.

On Baymeadows, almost to Southside Boulevard, there was a large plot of grass, the only expanse of any decent size besides the golf course. A church sat in the middle of the expanse. It was just like the ones on TV, tall and white with a steeple. I didn’t know what the denomination was, not that I’d understand the difference.

I stopped and stared across the field.

I’d never cared enough to think much about it, about the existence of God. The idea was just some vague concept to me, like scientific theory to an artist.

Kimber believed in God.

I trusted Kimber’s judgment.

For a long time, I stared at the building. Then a car honked on Baymeadows, and I looked away. Cars continued to fly by. I started to turn, to look away—until I noticed something out of the corner of my eye.

Auburn hair flashing red in the sun.

I followed. Across the grass and into the church.

She was walking up the center aisle, toward the ornate altar. It was her. It had to be.

She stopped and looked up at the cross that towered over the pulpit.

I moved closer until I was only a couple feet away. “Kimber?”

She started to turn, and I watched, waited to see those beautiful eyes. Then I was terrified. She’d yell at me, maybe even curse—she’d be hurt by seeing me.

Then she was gone.

Just like in my dream, I was allowed closer, only for her to be taken away.

I had hallucinated her. Now I was standing alone in the middle of a church, of all places. The huge white cross loomed over me as if staring…or was it watching over? Was it only coincidence that Kimber led me here?

Dammit, Heath, she didn’t lead you anywhere. You fucking imagined her.

I turned to walk out. My tennis shoes on the plush carpet were the only sound—until humming from behind made me look back. It was a sweet, heavenly sound—“Ave Maria.”

An older dark-skinned woman was polishing the pews along the side aisle. She looked up at me and smiled. Something about her smile reminded me of Kimber, maybe the honesty of it.

“Good morning,” she said. “You’re welcome to stay if you’re not done visiting with him yet.”

“Visiting with who?”

She kept smiling. “God.”

“No, um, I’m good. Thank you.”

She wished me a nice day as I left. Amazingly, the rest of the day wasn’t as horrible as the morning had been. I didn’t hallucinate anymore, and I didn’t dwell on my one-year deadline. I was able to lose myself in my story, without getting reality confused. These days were rare. I savored them.

Late that night, I lay in bed and stared out the window at the night sky, wondering who created the stars. I supposed it made sense to think there was a supreme being. The Big Bang Theory had always seemed ludicrous. All of nature, how so many things were perfectly balanced, couldn’t be an accident. Water cycled from the ocean, evaporating into the clouds, and then back down in rain. Birds instinctively knew to fly south for the winter. Men and women were attracted to each other in order to reproduce and keep the population living. Yeah, all that happened because some shit exploded in just the right way.

All that made me think maybe there was a God, of some kind.

Logically, it did make sense, and I had to admit to myself that logic wasn’t the only reason I decided to believe. I trusted Kimber’s judgment.

I was far from becoming a Jesus freak, but it was nice to feel like there was something above, something grand. It gave me hope that someone was watching over the women I loved.

Chapter 38

Paternity Test

“Are you nervous?” I said.

Elizabeth took a breath. “I’m okay.”

She obviously wasn’t, but I let her try to fool herself. Today was her divorce hearing, finally. Dipshit had been dragging it out. My theory was that he was hoping she’d crack and give in to whatever he wanted. He didn’t know her very well, even after all the years they were married.

Elizabeth picked up her purse from the hall table and opened it.

“Where’s Rachel?” I said. She was always the best subject for Elizabeth whenever she was on edge.

“With a friend. I gave her some money to go shopping.” Her keys rattled as she took them out of her bag.

“Does she know the hearing’s today?”

“I haven’t discussed it with her, but she’s not stupid.”

We walked out her front door, toward our cars. “Perhaps we shouldn’t drive together,” I said. “It might not look good.”