Love Is Fear (11 page)

“
So if they’re around and he can find them, more vampires will die?”

“
Yeah.” She crushed her lips together, biting back the words that were swirling around in her mind. She knew what he was going to say. How could he?

“
Then let’s do it. Let’s go to Roanoke and see if Peter Pan is still flying around,” Jack said, recklessly.

“
This isn’t a joke. It could be dangerous. If you put me in the same room with Lucas—” She wanted to scream. Keeping herself from saying what she wanted to say was so hard.

“
I’ll be there. We’ll go together. Rachel says it’s a terrible idea. She thinks they’ll kill every vampire they meet, especially Lucas.” And the way he said it, told her how much he liked that idea.

“
Alright, Jack. Here is the end of the line. The buck stops here. This is the big moment. I want to go back to London and go to school. I want to pretend Lucas was a bad dream. I don’t want to risk my life for some supernatural BS.” Now she leaned forward, staring at him hard so that he’d know how serious she was. She said clearly, “If I’m with him, something will happen between him and I. And I honestly believe that if we go to Roanoke it will put my life and yours in danger. Now, here is the million dollar question. Do you 
really
 want me to go?”

She prayed that he might say what she needed him to say.
He’s not the guy
. 
He won’t put me first. 
She held her breath.

“
So what, we do nothing? Stay here and hide because something might be dangerous? That’s how you do things. You run away. That’s not me. If I see a chance to help I’m going to take it. Yeah, I think we should go. Because—”

Val pushed back her chair, not bothering to listen to whatever lame-ass reasoning he was going to give her. “Well, Jack. It’s been a good trip.”

“
Wait.” He stood too, voice loud and angry.

“
No. I’m going to get another room for the night and tomorrow I’m going home. I’m going to dad’s funeral and then…shit, I don’t know what I’m doing then. I’ll pack up my stuff in the morning.”

She turned to go, rushing out of the restaurant. He caught her at the exit, his arms wrapping around her, his voice low in her ear. She couldn’t see him. Her heart was breaking, her eyes filling with tears. 
That is it. Things with Jack are over. Jesus! The relationship could be counted in hours.

“
They took everyone from us, Val. My parents and yours. If we can make a difference,” his voice wobbled, sounded rough, like he might cry too. Maybe he was, but that wasn’t enough.

She pushed away from him, hot tears coursing down her cheek. She threw the words at him violently, wanting to hurt him, make him get it. “I want him Jack. Not in a pretty romantic way, but I want to… 
own
 him. Claim him and mark him. I want him in me and I want every secret that he has. It’s 
sick
—”

“
No!
” he cut in, “You just don’t do it. It’s not hard. You put others above yourself, look at the big picture and do what you ought to, rather than what makes you happy. You just keep your legs closed and don’t fuck the monster. That’s what we’re talking about, right? You’d let people die because you’re worried you’d be his whore?”

For a moment she was speechless, couldn’t think beyond breathing. “You say these things to me…just throw them at me. Do you know how much they hurt? Do you care? I catch glimpses of you, Jack. Of the boy I grew up with and…he’s not you. You’re harder, colder. You’ve built up a huge wall around yourself and I thought I could get through it. That it would be me who you loved…. I thought maybe sex would get us there. Form that final connection where you would let me in and maybe want something else. But you don’t. You’re with me, you look me in the eyes, and yet…I know, 
know
, that I’m not enough. ”She took a step back from him, ready to turn and flee.

“
Don’t put all these fucking words in my mouth. How dare you talk like you know me. You are in my heart. I would die for you. You know that!”

She threw her hands up in the air. “I’m not asking you to die for me! I’m asking you to compromise for me. And you can’t. I know you don’t respect me and the decisions that I have made.”

His hands fisted in his hair and he looked up at the ceiling. “There is nothing else for me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I did this. Sorry I brought you here…I thought I was doing the right thing. Being with you so you wouldn’t be with him.”

Her throat was choked with tears and she had to wipe her nose on her hand
, 
she was crying so hard. People passed by them, staring and then looking away the moment they got close.

“
Oh God, Jack. Really? The only reason you’re here with me is to keep me from him?” she said and felt like she was choking. She backed away and left him behind.

Chapter 
12

She’d left him two days ago. Jack could feel himself sneer in self-loathing. Self-hate that reached into his gut, grabbed a hold of his nuts and left him feeling like, shit, who knew what the hell he felt like, he just needed another fucking drink.

No, he was a shit. He glared down the bar at the bartender, who squinted back at him, leaving Jack to wonder if he might get cut off soon if he wasn’t careful.

There were always more bars. Always more drinks. Always more vampires. But only one Val. And one person left in his family. Unfortunately, it was the same one person.

Jack wasn’t quite sure how things had gotten so messed up. One moment they’d been having a conversation and while he wasn’t happy about it, he knew he was keeping his cool. Being methodical and practical.

And then…then he told Val to keep her legs closed.

California was six hours away by plane
, 
but it felt like another lifetime. He wished he could go back in time and change things. The bartender finally came down and gave him a refill. Whisky. He didn’t care what kind. Whether it was cheap or expensive. Single or double. He just wanted it to burn. And to keep on coming.

She might never forgive him. And why should she? He’d been an asshole. In fact, he’d probably accomplished the one thing he didn’t want to. His whole agenda for coming here had been to keep her out of that fanger’s bed. One goal. And she was probably fucking him right now.

How could she make such a piss-poor decision?

“
Buy a girl a drink?” He exhaled sharply.

“
You know, I didn’t think this night could get any worse,” Jack said.

He heard her make a noise, like a petulant growl, before saying, “Don’t be that way, Jackie. You may have girl problems, but it’s not me that’s the trouble.”

He turned on the seat, arm on the bar and hunched over slightly, looking at Rachel over his glass as he swallowed his drink. “Am I dead? Are you the welcoming committee from hell?”

She waved her fingers at the bartender and he hurried over. “I want what he’s having—” she flashed Jack an inscrutable look, “—and so does he, his glass is empty.”

The bartender scowled at Jack. “He’s had plenty.”

Rachel leaned forward and Jack saw the moment it happened, when the barkeep looked into her eyes and got trapped in her gaze.

“
Give him a drink,” she said in her husky voice and the man filled up Jack’s glass without complaining.

The bartender walked away and Jack grabbed her arm, fingers biting into her cool flesh. “Don’t fucking do that. You hurt anyone else and I’ll kill you.”

“
That train has sailed, my friend.” She took a sip. “I was killable by you and your—”she looked at him insolently, gaze raking him from head to foot, lingering on the center of his body before she made eye contact again, “—little stick, but now, let’s just say I got promoted. You can try to get it in me, but—”

Jack stood, pulled out his wallet and found his cash, throwing fifty dollars down on the bar before walking out the door. He remembered meeting Rachel at the elevator and didn’t want to go that way, so he pushed out a side door instead, heard the pounding of the ocean, could feel the spray on his cheeks as he stalked out into the night.

He looked at the sky. No stars. Too many clouds. The night was warm and he was glad, happy to be alone. After a few minutes he hit the dark of the beach, all the lights fading behind him. A woman was sitting out there all alone.

“
Jesus fucking Christ! Take a god damned hint!A guy ditches you at the bar, it means he’s not interested. Leave now
, 
or else.”

She snorted. “Or else what? You punch like a girl.”

“
Don’t. Don’t push me.”

There was a huge, empty moment where she didn’t say anything and the only sounds were the ocean waves crashing against the rocks. It was almost like he heard her though, promising to push him. As if he had spoken a dare
, 
and all she wanted was to push every button he had.

Rachel stood, dusted the sand from her palms. “Yeah, the surliness just won’t work with me. I know you’ve had a rough few days, but I’m not your bitch. Not your whipping boy. Not your girlfriend. Geez, you didn’t even buy me a drink. Ask me what I want and then I’ll leave you to sulk. Or is it a pout. What’s the status of your lower lip? If it’s jutting out, then you’re pouting.”

His fist flashed out of the night, close to her jaw. She turned her head a little. As if meeting him for a kiss on the cheek.
She let me hit her. Why? 
She pushed back, lightly, using just enough force to make him lose ground.

Her low laugh washed over him. She was happy. Pleased that he had lost control and punched her. 
God. How could I do that? She’s a woman. No, you fucking moron she’s a vampire bitch who deserves to die. 
One he seemed unable to kill. 
No. Once the timing is right, I’ll do it.

“
Punch me again and we’ll have this out Jack. Is that what you’re looking for?”

Jack stopped. His breathing was harsh, and she could feel the warm puffs of his breath on her face, smell the alcohol on his—blood.

She could smell his blood.

He must have caught his knuckle on her earring. The physical reaction to the smell of his blood was worse than any punch. His scent. The vitality of him. Her desire for him assaulted her, ripped her defenses down, stripped her bare.

If he told her to kneel, she’d do it.

If he told her to lick it off of him and suck him dry she would.

She didn’t breathe. Didn’t dare. Didn’t look down at his hand, either because she couldn’t bear to see his shiny essence glinting at her in the night.

So fucking weak. Don’t step back. Don’t give him a clue. Stay still
. She took a step back.

He didn’t seem to notice.

“
I need a favor,” Rachel said, and stood a little straighter. She sounded calm, collected.

Good.

Jack laughed, like he’d found out he’d won the lottery and been diagnosed with incurable cancer in the same breath. “Oh God. That can’t be good.”

“
You’ll probably get to kill something,” she said.

“
Who? What? Why me? Shit, let’s just go for all five—who, what, where, when, why?” He sat down on a nearby rock, moving carefully like the truly inebriated do.

“
Some evil people. Monsters. San Jose. Soon. Because.”

He gave her a look of disgust. She could see it even in the dark, might have felt it even without her heightened senses.

“
Why me?” Jack asked, extending one leg out and leaning back on both arms.

“
I need backup.”

“
Get Lucas to help you.”

“
No. I owe him enough. I don’t want him involved.”

“
Real friends wouldn’t use it as leverage later,” he said snidely.

She chuckled. “Lucas isn’t a real friend. He is my Lord and Maker. Big difference.”

“
Lord and Maker. Creepy. He’s your best chance at success if you need firepower. Ask him.”

She looked down, kicking her foot on the ground. Her words were quiet. “He can’t know. It’s too important and I want to keep her away from him.”

“
Her? New girlfriend?” He asked and couldn’t stop the unhappy laugh that came out.

“
No. Niece, actually.”

He grunted. “Niece? How is that possible?”

“
Witches are long lived. It’s my sister’s daughter. I want to get her out of the coven.”

“
Why?” He shifted, resting his hands on the rock behind him.

“
People don’t know witches. They are not like their image. None of this granola-eating, white-magic, love-the-earth, blessed-be, crap. They’re evil. Like Wicked Witch of the West after she ate Toto for breakfast, evil.”