Love & Hate (Book One: Hate) (26 page)

“
I just need to talk to her, make her understand.” I plead.

“
Cut, I love you man, but it’s not going to happen. Not today. She needs time and so do you.”

I let out a deep sigh and lean against the brick wall behind the barn. “I guess you’re right. I’ll get my chance at school in a few weeks.”

“
Yeah, about that… she decided not to go back to school. She decided to stay here and continue physical therapy. I think she already enrolled at the community college.” Jasper won’t look at me. He knows this news is not what I wanted to hear. “Look Cut, I know you don’t want to hear this but I think it’s time to move on. You are both broken, her more than you, but its time you try to heal. You need to let her go.”

Neither of us says anything for a long time. He just stands there watching me. I know I have been worrying people around me. I am drinking too much and I don’t want to be around anyone. Jasper is right I am broken.

“
I know Jasp, it just hurts like hell man. I love her.”

“
I know Cut, I know but it’s for the best. You will see.” He pats me on the back and leaves me alone to work through my emotions.

I know deep down he is right but I don’t want to accept it. I want to go back in time and never let Paige walk away from me at the party. It is my fault this happened. I knew she didn’t know the whole story about the accident with my Dad. Jasper had told me more than a year ago that Paige didn’t know. Paige’s Dad had actually told Jasper and explained to him that they didn’t want her to feel responsibility for something that wasn’t her fault, but theirs for not watching her more closely that day. When Jasper told me something had changed in me. I saw things differently; I no longer blamed Paige for my father’s untimely death. I understood it wasn’t her fault and all of my anger was misplaced. Paige was too young and innocent. It was never her fault. I was just too ignorant to see that.

I should have told her the truth. There were times I wanted to and even tried to but I was such a coward. I lied to her. I swore I would never her hurt her and then I almost killed her. Jasper is right, she needs to heal and she can’t do that with me. I’m the person that broke her. I am toxic. If I never get to talk to her again it will serve me right for what I have done. I know she hates me now and that’s okay, she should. Her hate will be the one thing that will keep her safe, from me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

J.J. Dorn lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband and terrifyingly maniacal cat, Pippa Kiddleton. She currently owns three American Paint Horses. She has been riding and competing since she was a very young child. J.J. competes on a national level with her horses. When she isn’t spending time at the barn, she is busy working on her next novel. For more information please visit
www.jjdornbooks.com
or find her on twitter @JJDorn1.

EXCERPT FROM

Coming Late Summer 2014

PROLOGUE

I’m a survivor. I have spent over a year in intense physical therapy learning how to walk again. I have gone through numerous surgeries to fix my back, and currently it’s the best it has been since my accident. I have worked hard at healing my physical ailments. My surgeon tells me he is impressed with my progress all the time. He can’t believe I am walking without a limp now. Sometimes I still have it, but it just depends on my leg strength that day. For the most part though, I walk normal. I’m not without pain however. I have numbness in my left leg continuously and pain that runs down my lower back. It makes it hard for me to sleep most nights and it’s even harder to sit for long periods of time, but I manage.

It’s not all bad though, I have lost a bunch of weight. My once curvy frame has now been replaced with a much thinner one. I might have looked like Miranda Lambert, before her recent slim down, but now I look more like Carrie Underwood. I must admit I love the new skinny version of me even if it came with a heavy price tag. I’m a new person with a new look, and today I plan to take that new look to the extreme.

“
Yes Mom, I’m sure.” I look at my Mom in the mirror she is super nervous about my decision.

The hairdresser behind me pulls my hair in a tight ponytail and I hear her scissors cut through my signature long thick locks. I know my Mom isn’t a fan of this but it’s not like I am going all Sinead O’Connor, I’m just getting a cute bob.

“
Well you certainly have the bone structure for a bob.” The hairdresser says as she begins to cut and shape my hair.

I decided on my way to Seattle today that I needed a new look before I go back to school. I haven’t been back to Washington State University since fall break of my freshman year, which was nearly two years ago. I made the decision a couple of months ago to re-enroll. I missed Pullman and I missed all my friends there. I needed to prove to myself that I could finish what I started.

For the past year and half I have been taking classes at the community college at home. I thought for sure I would lose my first semester at school but somehow my Dad finagled a way to let my professors take my final exams. My guess is he donated money to the school, but he refuses to confirm that suspicion.

I start school in a week. I was supposed to move into my sorority but it became clear very quickly that stairs and I don’t mix anymore. And the sorority house is full of stairs. So my parents, being the wealthy people they are, bought a house on campus. It’s not large or extravagant it’s a three bedroom, two bath, rambler. My parents have been busy remodeling it because as my Mother said “it wasn’t fit for her baby.” I’m sure the house will be beautiful and I’m excited to see it finally finished.

The best part of this new arrangement is that my parents invited Millie to live with me. Mills is totally stoked. She has been busy picking out new Pottery Barn furniture with my Mom to decorate the house with. I’m also excited that the house is on Greek Row. It is only a block from the sorority and it shares an alley with the main bar on campus, The Station. I know Millie and I are going to have a blast living there.

“
We will take it!” My Mom tells the personal shopper who is helping us in Nordstrom.

I look into the mirror at the person staring back at me. I don’t recognize her at all. She is gorgeous. My platinum short hair is striking against my tanned skin and I am wearing the most beautiful black Kate Spade dress. It’s simple with clean lines that accent my new thin frame perfectly.

“
I love it.” I tell them.

“
It is just stunning on you Paige. Every girl needs the perfect little black dress in her closet.” My Mom looks at me adoringly.

My Mother insisted on brining me to Seattle to buy me new clothes before I go back to school. Most of my clothes don’t fit me anymore. I have shrunk from a size eight to a dainty size four. So I pretty much needed an entire new wardrobe. Good thing my Mother is such a skilled Nordstrom shopper. She has hooked me up. I don’t know how I’m going to even pack all these clothes.

I didn’t plan on giving myself a complete makeover today. It just kind of happened that way. I sat down in the hairdressers chair and I stared at myself in the mirror thinking how much I had changed. I decided in the moment it was time to get drastic and get a fresh new look. If I was going to return to school and face my past I needed to do it looking fierce. My Mother has always taught me if you are hiring or firing, making up or breaking up, you always want to look your best. Well, I wasn’t going to be doing any of those things but I was going to come face to face with my ex, which is just as important. And when I do come face to face with him I want him to see this new me and not the once weak girl he destroyed. Before I was naive and now I am expertly aware of just how cruel this world can be. I’m sure some people would say I’m bitter but I’m not. I’m just a bit jaded, and I think I have earned that right after enduring the devastation that was Cutter Daniels.

WHAT'S NEXT FROM J.J. DORN

Love & Hate

Book Two: Love

Coming Late Summer 2014

Faith & Betrayal

(Tess’s Story)

Book One: Betrayal

Book Two: Faith