Love & Hate (Book One: Hate) (20 page)

Jasper notices too. He looks over at Cutter and back at me. In that small timeframe everything between us is revealed. This is not how I wanted Jasper to find out but I can’t be angry about it. I can only hope Jasper isn’t either.

“
How long has this been going on?” Jasper asks looking directly at Cutter.

“
Jasp-” I start but am immediately cut off.

“
Awhile now” Cutter states plainly.
Oh hell, this is not going to go well.

“
You treating her right?”

“
Trying to.” Cutter responds dryly.

Jasper turns and looks at me. “Paige I need to talk to Cutter for a bit.”

“
I don’t think that is a great idea Jasp.” I say.

“
Sweetie its fine we are just going to have a chat and then tomorrow I expect you to bring that cute little ass back here to visit me.” I know I should correct Jasper about the comfortable way he is talking to me, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I just say okay and stand to leave.

As I walk past Cutter he stops me. “Wait for me down by the main entrance. Coop won’t bother you there. When I’m done talking to Jasp I’ll take you home.” I nod and walk past him.

I don’t know what it is but something tells me to wait outside the door a minute. I know it’s wrong to eavesdrop on their conversation but something in me is dying to know what is going to be said in that room.

“
So… you and Paige huh?” Jasper asks.

“
Yup.” Cutter responds.

“
You sleeping with her?”
CRAP!

“
That’s none of your damn business Jasper.” Cutter growls.

“
You love her?”
Oh holy hell.

“
Yes.”
Whoa what???

“
You tell her yet?” Jasper asks pointedly.

“
No.”

“
You need to tell her.” Jasper scolds.

“
You’re fucking one to talk man!” Cutter exclaims.

I’m broken out of my eavesdropping as a nurse walks by glaring at me. This pisses me off because I am trying to hear the rest of Cutter and Jasper’s exchange, but I know I’m not supposed to be loitering in the halls of the ICU. I make my way downstairs to the main entrance to wait for Cutter.

About a half an hour later Cutter emerges from the elevator and walks toward me. I can tell he is feeling better. He doesn’t look as exhausted as he did before.

He comes to stand next to me and lightly slips his hand in mine. “Let’s get you home darling.”

My parent’s farm is about fifteen minutes away from the hospital. We ride in silence both contemplating the events of the evening. I can’t wrap my mind how I went from having this amazing evening with Cutter, to being awaken to Jasper missing and now to this weird limbo I feel exists between Cutter and me.

We pull up to my parent’s house and Cutter shuts off the truck. “I don’t like you staying alone Paige.” He says seemingly out of left field.

“
It’s fine. I’m not really alone Alejandro is home.” I tell him.

He scoffs at this. “Alejandro’s house is more than two miles away from the main house.”

“
Cutter, its fine. I’ll be fine.” I say as I open the truck door and jump out.

He is next to me in a flash. “I’m not leaving you here alone Paige. I’m staying with you. If you don’t want me in your bed, that’s fine. I will sleep on the couch but I’m not leaving you here alone, not after everything that has happened.”

His eyes tell me everything. I can see the questions he wants to ask me and I feel bad for attempting to push him away. I don’t respond I just head toward the house and he follows.

To me, my house is just my house. I forget that most people consider it to be a mansion. The foyer is all rich mahogany wood and marble. The sweeping grand double staircase is set off by a huge oval table full of large flowers. It showcases the main entry perfectly. I toss my keys on the large table and start to turn on lights as I make my way through the house to the kitchen.

Cutter follows me through the house carrying our bags. I know he is taking in the giant house I call a home but I ignore it. I open the fridge and take out a sparkling water and lean against the white marble countertop. My Mother designed the kitchen and it is stunning. It is all stainless steel commercial grade appliances accented by chic white cabinets. I imagine this is a kitchen Martha Stewart would be proud of.

We stand quietly in the kitchen for a long while before I finally break the silence. “Are you hungry, you want some breakfast? I’m sure there is something in the pantry.” It’s still really early in the morning.

“
No I am fine.” He mutters.

I know he is upset about the events that transpired at the hospital but isn’t sure how to bring it up. I know it isn’t his fault that his brother is such an asshole but I can’t help the flood of memories of enduring the Daniels brother’s wrath. Cutter is included in those memories, he has always been right there by Cooper’s side as he hurled insult after insult at me.

I start to feel very uncomfortable with him being in my house. “You don’t have to stay, I’m totally fine on my own.”

“
Paige…”

“
No seriously Cutter, I’m sure your Mom wants to see you.” I know I’m not playing fair but I just want to be alone so I can think.

“
I’m not leaving Paige. I know you are upset about what happened at the hospital and so am I, but we need to talk about it not ignore it.”

“
I’m just tired Cutter.” I tell him hoping he believes it and leaves.

“
Look Paige, you need to know that after you left the waiting room I punched Coop in the face for the way he spoke to you.”
He did what???

“
Cutter…”

“
No just listen. I will not tolerate anyone talking to you like that, even if he is my own brother. You deserve respect and I will make sure you get it. I’m sorry how I treated you in the past. I’m more sorry than you will probably ever know, but I can’t take it back. All I can do is make sure you never have to endure that again. Cooper knows now that we are together and I think he understands now he can’t speak about my girl like that.”

“
Cutter, I don’t want you to fight with your brother. That is your family. I don’t want to be the thing that comes between you and him.” I know he will tell me not to worry about that or that he doesn’t care. But I do care. I can’t live with being the dividing force between them.

“
Paige, I refuse to give you up so either Cooper accepts it or he doesn’t but my mind is made up. You are mine darling and I will give up anyone or anything to keep you.”

I don’t have any clue how to respond. That is not what I was expecting. The weight and the emotions of the day suddenly hit me like a mac truck. I know I’m crying and it’s going to be an ugly horrible cry but I can’t stop it. I love Cutter and hearing him say he won’t give me up fortifies that fact. I know I have been in love with him for a long time now but I have been trying my best to ignore it, not wanting to expose my feelings.

“
Paige, please don’t cry.” He says as he encapsulates my body in his huge arms, rocking me back and forth as my body is wracked with large hideous sobs.

Cutter holds me and soothes me until I finally regain some semblance of control. I know he is worried what all my tears mean. I wipe my face on the sleeve of my sweatshirt I madly threw on before we left Pullman. Cutter steps back from me and picks up our bags.

“
I think you need to rest baby, where is your room so I can put your stuff away.”

“
Oh it’s… It’s just right down the hall here.” I tell him as I make my way down the large hallway.

My bedroom is on the first floor for a reason. When my parents built the house I was just a little girl. They had asked me what I wanted my room to look like and I proceeded to tell them I wanted to live with my horse, Bismarck in his stall. They compromised with me and built my room on the first floor right next to The Biz’s paddock. They had custom floor to ceiling bay windows made with a perfect window seat so I could sit and watch Biz graze and play anytime I wanted. The Biz loves it as much as I do and spends many hours in the end of his paddock in front of the window.

As we walk into my room I spot Biz out in his field grazing. I walk over to the window and lightly tap on the glass so he knows I’m home. He lazily walks over and puts his nose on the window and I place my hand on the glass where his nose is. It’s our little ritual. I know he can’t smell me with the thick pane between us but he acts as if he can and it makes me smile.

“
Whoa. You have a horse in your bedroom?” Cutter looks a bit perplexed.

“
He’s not in my bedroom my window is in front of his paddock. This is Bismarck, he was my childhood horse. He is retired now.”

“
Beautiful.” I’m not sure if he is talking about The Biz or me but I don’t ask. I wouldn’t be offended if he was talking about him, he is very handsome and I take great pride in owning him.

“
Are you tired?” He asks as I stare out at the field.

“
Extremely.”

He walks over to my fluffy bed and pats it. “Well climb in then.” I do as he says and he pulls the covers over me like usual.

“
Aren’t you going to get in?” I ask confused as to why he isn’t climbing in with me.

“
I’m going to go crash on the couch for a few hours.”

I don’t want him to do that. I want him to get in this bed with me and cuddle. I need to have Cutter’s touch to reassure me everything is going to be okay. “Cutter please stay in here with me.”

He looks at me cuddled under the covers and then back at the door. He lets out a little sigh and then kicks off his pants and climbs in my giant bed next to me.

I know I should be excited I have a partially naked man in my bed but I can’t be I’m too tired. I drift off to sleep when Cutter snuggles up next to me and holds me to his chest. I hear him mutter something right before sleep takes over and I think he says he is sorry.

CHAPTER 20

“
What do you mean it’s a total body workout?” Cutter asks me as I tack up The Biz and another retired horse named Moses. I know he is genuinely curious about riding but I also know that he is skeptical about how much effort it really takes.

“
Look riding horses is all about muscle control. It’s better than Pilates. You’ll see.”

I convinced Cutter to go riding with me after we woke up from our much needed nap. He didn’t seem nearly excited as I was about this adventure but he agreed anyways. I lead both horses out to the pasture outside the arena. My parents own lots of acreage that is perfect grazing land for the horses and this particular pasture has a beautiful view of Mt. Baker. My favorite field is the one in front of the property that runs along our long gravel driveway. There is a creek that runs next to the fence line in the back and I love to let the horses wade through the water.

“
He’s not going to buck me off or anything is he?” Cutter asks as I hand him Moses reins.

“
Well that depends.”

“
On what?”

“
On you. Horses respond to pressure. If you apply too much pressure you will get an overreaction. If you apply too little you will probably get no reaction at all.”

“
That is not very reassuring Paige.”

I just smile at him and tell him to climb on up. He does and I fix his stirrups so he doesn’t look like a jockey. I show him how to hold his reins and explain how to use them. I know Moses will take care of him, he is the oldest horse at the barn and we use him to help break the young horses. When young horses want to spook and overreact at things in the arena we tie them to Moses and let him lead them around. Moses is an old pro and makes sure the young horses learn the ropes. He came to our family a long time ago. When my Dad bought him he was one of the top twenty horses in the nation. He is doubled registered Paint and Quarter horse making him even more valuable. Moses, however burnt out early on and has since retired.