Love & Hate (Book One: Hate) (22 page)

I blush and shift my gaze away from him. Cutter climbs in the bed next to me and gently tips my chin so I am looking at him again. I think he is going to say something to me but instead he slowly starts kissing my cheek. He trails kisses along my cheek by my ear to the side of my neck.

“
This has to go darling.” He whispers in my ear as expertly undoes the clasp of my bra. “These too.” He leaves my side to slide my panties down my legs. I feel totally exposed but I don’t freak out because it’s Cutter who is seeing me this way. I want him to see me naked. It turns me on to watch him look at me hungrily. It was never like this with Jasper. I never got completely naked and I never would have felt comfortable to allow him to undress me. I know the difference now is I’m in love with Cutter.

“
Cutter…” I say as he lightly kisses my neck.

“
Hm… what baby.”

“
I’m ready.”

“
I know baby I’ll get there in a minute.” He doesn’t get what I’m saying.

“
No, Cutter I’m ready. I want to…” I can’t say it.

He pulls back from me instantly and looks at me quizzically. “Are you sure?”

I shake my head yes.

“
I need you to say it baby. I want you to be sure about this.”

I take a steadying breath and work up the courage to ask this gorgeous man to make love to me. “I want you to be my first Cutter.”

He makes a low noise and then locks his lips to mine. “I don’t want to hurt you Paige, but your first time is probably going to hurt. I need you to tell me if it’s too much and I’ll stop, okay?”

I shake my head yes. I’m a ball of nerves now but Cutter reassures me by kissing me lazily. We kiss like that for a long time before he pulls away from me and leans over the bed. I see him grab his jeans and pull out a foil package. He places it next to us on the bed.

“
Are you on birth control?”
Uh I’m a virgin why the hell would I need birth control?

“
No.” I give him a look of complete confusion.

“
You’re going to need to do something about that and soon. I want to be with you Paige and I need there to be nothing between us.” His eyes are hooded but they shimmer with his confession.

“
Okay.” I say simply. I’m totally astonished by his words.

Cutter hovers over me and with one hand he grabs the condom and rolls it on. I watch him do this and I start to freak out a bit. I feel my heart thump wildly in my chest.

“
Paige, look at me.” I do as he requests. “I’m going to go slow baby but I need you to tell me if it’s too much.”

He lines our bodies up and I close my eyes. I don’t know what I’m expecting but I’m terrified nonetheless.

“
Paige, open your eyes sweetheart. I need to see that you’re okay.”

I slowly open my eyes. Cutter is watching me. There is a mixture of hunger and pain in his eyes. I gaze into his eyes as he gently slides into me ever so slowly. Cutter pauses letting me adjust to his intrusion. He looks at me questioning if he can continue. I nod my head.

Cutter pushes forward, forcing me to take more of him until I feel hard pressure which stops his movement. It’s uncomfortable but not unbearable.

“
Do you trust me?” I can tell he is struggling to hold back.

“
Yes.” I pant.

Cutter slowly pulls back out of me leaving me confused. I’m about to protest his retreat when I feel him surge forward. There is distinct snap and it hurts. There is no doubt about that, but it is immediately replaced by pleasure as Cutter enters me fully and stops.

“
Paige, are you okay darling? I need to move but I want to make sure you are okay.” There is still pain etched in his face.

I totally intend to answer him but instead I let out a low moan and move against him.

He lets out a light chuckle at my response and begins to move inside of me. He goes slowly as if he is trying to soothe the soreness. It works and I find myself matching his thrusts lightly with my hips. When my body responds to his, he begins to increase his speed little bit by little bit. It feels amazing and I let him know this by grabbing his back encouraging him to go faster.

I feel a low burn in my center that continues to grow. I have felt this burn before but this is much more intense. It feels like Cutter is actually melting me from the inside out. I know I’m on the verge of coming apart. I grab madly at Cutter’s back and he growls in appreciation. I can tell he is close as well. I become embolden by Cutter’s growls and grab his butt grinding him into me. This makes him curse and he drives into me so hard I come instantly. He follows me cursing intermixed with “I love you.”

Cutter falls in a heap on top of me and attempts to slow his breathing. We lay locked together for several minutes before he leans back and begins inspecting my body. What he is looking for I don’t really know but I begin to feel embarrassed.

“
I’m sorry I was too rough darling. Does it hurt bad?”
He thinks he hurt me?

“
I’m fine Cutter, really. I’m not hurt.”

He looks at me skeptically. “Are you sure? I was trying to go slow but I just lost control. You get me so worked up.”

“
Stop it. I’m fine. In fact I really enjoyed it until you started freaking out just now.” He is pissing me off. He is ruining my amazing high with his unwarranted concern.

He must get it because he stops looking me over and looks at me sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

“
It’s okay.” I tell him and my annoyance subsides.

Cutter rolls off of me and hooks his arm around my waist pulling me so my backside is against his front. “I love you Paige. I love you so damn much.”

“
I love you too.” I tell him as I sink deeper against him.

“
I’m sorry I freaked out. I just never want to hurt you.”

“
It’s alright, but if you still feel bad I know how you can make it up to me.” I press my butt against him to taunt him.

Cutter moans behind me. “Darling be careful what you wish for. You are mine and I intend to have you anytime I want.”

Warmth blooms in my lower abdomen and I rub my legs together to quench the ever growing ache that’s building in between my thighs.

“
You need to rest baby. Your body is going to be sore for a few days and it will hurt if I take you again tonight.”
Well shit there goes that plan.

I let out a small huff at his comment which makes him laugh. Cutter pulls the covers over us both keeping me tucked in close to him. I know he falls asleep quickly because his breathing evens out and I listen to his heart take on a steady rhythm. I’m too wired to sleep. I can’t get over what has transpired in these last few days. I am so happy which scares me a bit.
If this goes badly I will never recover. It will break all of me not just part of me.

CHAPTER 22

“
Hey hooker you awake?”
Shit, shit, shit, Lacey is coming down the hall.

“
Uh…” Is all I get out before the door to my room swings open and Lacey barges inside.

“
Oh hell. You did the damn thing didn’t you?”
I’m going to murder Lacey.

“
GET OUT.” Cutter says as he covers me with the blankets.

“
Easy there tiger. I’m on your side here. It’s about time someone stole that V-card she had a death grip on.”

“
GET THE FUCK OUT” Cutter growls.

“
Fine. I’ll be raiding the kitchen, so hurry up we have a ton of horses to work today.”

“
Close the door behind you.” Cutter says sternly but Lacey just struts her way out of the room purposefully leaving it open.

“
I’m sorry. She doesn’t really know about boundaries.” I tell him.

“
Apparently” he mutters.
Well hello Mr. Cranky pants.

I need to fix this and quick before he gets super moody. I have seen Cutter that way before and it’s not fun. This calls for some distraction, so I slide my body on top of his straddling him. We are both still naked from the night before and the minute our flesh touches I come alive. It has the same effect on Cutter because I feel his thick length harden underneath me.

“
Are you looking for round two baby?” He asks in a husky voice.

“
Maybe.” I reply playfully and rock my hips back and forth. He groans loudly.

“
I can hear that.” Lacey yells from the kitchen.
She is so dead.

“
I hate her.” Cutter says.

“
I know, so do I.” I tell him and I climb off of him. When I hit the ground I wince. I am definitely sore.

“
You okay? You sore?” Concern flashes across Cutter’s face.

“
Yeah a little bit. This should make riding interesting.” I give him a sideways smile.

“
Sit down. Where is your aspirin?” He climbs off the bed.

I tell him where it is in the bathroom. He returns with a glass of water and two pills. “Here. These should help. Maybe you shouldn’t ride today.”

“
Nah, I’ll be fine. I’m just not use to it yet, but I will be soon.” I tell him playfully.

“
Oh baby you will never get use to this.” He says and pushes me back against the mattress kissing me.

“
Okay seriously gross guys! Pull it together.” Lacey yells.

Cutter and I both groan in annoyance at our unwanted intruder. I know she will not give up until I go out there.

“
I have to go. She won’t stop until I go out there.”

“
Fine.”
Great, Mr. Moody is back. Thanks Lacey!

I head out to the kitchen to find Lacey making bacon and eggs.

“
You love birds done in there? We have lots to do today.”

“
Yes, I just need to go change into my riding stuff.”

“
You want some of this?” She asks tipping the skillet towards me.

“
Sure, save me some. I’ll be right back.”

When I return to the kitchen Cutter and Lacey are talking in hushed tones. I can tell he is annoyed at her. He looks as if he is giving her an earful and surprisingly Lacey just listens.
He must be telling her to knock next time.

“
Okay I’m ready.” I say to Lacey.

“
Great. I’ll go get a couple of ‘em saddled. Meet me out there when you’re done eating.” She strides over to the kitchen door that leads to the patio. Lacey always comes through this door because her family’s house is back behind my parents’. “Now don’t you jump her bones again hot stuff, I need her in riding condition today.” She says to Cutter as she swings the door shut behind her.

I just roll my eyes at Lacey’s exit and dish up a plate of food. Cutter does the same and we sit and eat at the large granite island in the center of the kitchen.

“
What are you going to do today?” I ask him.

“
I need to go home. I haven’t been home to see my Mom and she probably needs my help.”

I instantly feel guilty. I had forgotten that since we had come home Cutter still hasn’t gone to see his family. I then think about the fight he had with Cooper at the hospital and feel even worse. I hate being the thing that is dividing them.

“
Okay. Well, maybe you should stay there tonight.”

“
Are you trying to get rid of me?”
No!

“
No, I just know that your Mom needs you and I’m totally fine staying on my own.”