Love Confessed (7 page)

7
Leah

On the car ride home Ethan is abnormally quiet, leaving me to think about what is happening with my life right now. I decide to focus on the most important part of my life, the part I now feel like I’m slowly losing control over – my son. It is now becoming more clear that Ethan needs his dad around. This thing between him and Abby is so unlike him and I know it’s a phase but I wish I had more help. I wish I had somebody to go to when I am out of answers.

When we get home Ethan goes straight to his room and closes the door. Him doing this is just as unlike him as the silent ride home. I lightly tap on the door and open it to find him lying on his bed with his face towards the wall. I walk over and sit on the edge and brush my fingers across his head moving his hair out of his face.

“Ethan, baby, can you tell me what’s wrong?” I ask him quietly, looking him in the eye.

“It’s not fair mom! Why isn’t my dad here? Why does he have to stay in London? Why doesn’t he want to see me more?” he asks with a tremble in his voice. I had a feeling this was why he was so quiet on the way home tonight. Seeing Abby with Steve is making him miss Joseph. I can’t help but wonder if Steve is having the same conversation with Abby at this very moment.

“Honey, your daddy has a very import job in London and if he could be here more then he would. I hope you know he loves you with all of his heart and wishes he didn’t have to be away from you. How about we call him first thing in the morning?”

“Why can’t we call him now?” and the thought perks him up a little.

“We can’t call tonight because it’s after midnight where daddy lives and I’m sure he’s asleep.”

“Ok mom but please, please promise we will call him as soon as I wake up.”

“I promise. Now go get in the tub and I’ll get us some ice cream.”

When Ethan goes into the bathroom I pick up the phone to call Joseph. I don’t care if it’s after midnight, I’m sure he’s not sleeping. He sleeps less than anybody else I’ve ever met in my life. After five rings I’m about to hang up when he answers.

“Leah, love, how are you?” he asks and his smooth accent gets me immediately, almost making me forget why I called. I know it may sound shallow, but it was the first thing that attracted me to him and no matter how mad I may get at him actually hearing him speak always manages to calm me down just a little bit. It reminds me of the friend I once had in him, the best friend I miss so terribly.

“I’m well, Joseph. You’re son however is in desperate need of some father-son time. He’s been having some trouble with the kids at school.” I decide that the pulling the band-aid off quickly, jump in head first approach is the best fit for this conversation. I’m talking in just above a whisper because I don’t want Ethan to hear me. I want to mention my plan to Joseph before I say anything to Ethan. I need to make sure that he is okay with his son coming to stay with him for little while this summer and start planning it. I’m fairly certain that Joseph wouldn’t say no but I don’t want to mention it to my son and get his hopes up just in case it won’t work out.

“Really? What kind of trouble? That’s not like him…” he asks with a worried voice.

“Well, apparently there was some kind of luncheon for fathers and sons and when you weren’t there Ethan cried and the kids started making fun of him. So he started picking on a little girl whose mother passed away when she was born. I’m a little in over my head on all this. I’ve tried talking to him, I’ve tried disciplining him, but he really needs you Joseph. He needs his dad. I was thinking maybe he could come to London and stay with you for a little while this summer?” Please, please say yes I keep repeating in my head.

“Well…I suppose we could work something out,” he says after a long second of pondering. This is a huge step for me, letting go of Ethan like this, but I think it will be good for all of us.

“How would he get here? I don’t want him flying on his own.”

Well no shit Joseph is all I could think. I shake my head to myself. Sometimes I think he forgets that I’ve managed to keep Ethan alive myself just fine thus far.

“I was thinking that I would fly with him there and you could fly with back with him. I’d do both but I can’t take that much time off of work. He wants to call you first thing in the morning so I’ll let you bring this up to him. He will be really excited, especially if you are the one to bring it up to him.”

“Sounds great, Leah.” For just a moment he hesitates, then takes a deep breath. Crap. I wonder what he’s going to say.

“Hey listen, I wanted to tell you that there may be a chance that I will be moving to the States. I’m working my arse off to be closer to you guys. You know that I’d do anything to be in his life more and I’d like to be more a part of yours too. That is if you’re not seeing anybody. Shit, I sound like a complete idiot. When did things get so awkward with us? We used to be able to talk about anything,” he sighs, sounding defeated. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I don’t plan on being in London forever. And love, I’m really sorry about what Ethan is going through. I’ll do whatever I can to help you fix it. Mum and Dad will be really excited for you guys to visit too.”

“That’s great…for Ethan. You know that we’re just friends Joseph. Also, I actually have started seeing someone.”

I lie because I don’t want to go there again with him. We’ve toyed with the idea of “us,” skirting around the possibilities over the years. Ultimately though, he left me after sleeping with me. He chose to take our relationship to the next level then completely destroyed it. If it weren’t for Ethan, I would have never spoken to him again. Plus I’m really confused about what’s happening between Steve and I. He seemed really upset that I left after we had sex, which surprised me. If anything, I thought that he’d be grateful that I didn’t leave him to deal with an awkward morning after or ask for any sort of commitment from him. I thought a random night of fun was all he was interested in, especially since he’s friends with my playboy boss.

“Right. Well, who is the lucky fella?”

I can tell that he’s trying to hide his disappointment which is surprising because I know that Joseph’s never been short of female attention. As stupid as it sounds, my competitive side hates the idea of him winning; being the dad that Ethan adores and still being able to live up the bachelor life.

“Nobody. I don’t want to talk about him so I’m hanging up now.”

“Bye kitten.”

He uses my nickname and it makes me smile. Apparently, when I snore it sounds more like a purr, so he claims.

*              *              *

I haven’t seen Ethan this excited in months and it makes me so happy. We have decided that I will fly to London with Ethan after school ends and Joseph will bring him back two weeks before school starts in August. It is my hope that with Ethan knowing that he will be seeing his father soon he can handle the teasing of the school kids better if it happens again. Hopefully it will stop, but if it doesn’t, at least getting to spend this time in person with his dad will make him feel more secure in their relationship. Maybe the distance will hurt him a little less.

Was I hallucinating when Joseph said he was planning on moving back to the states? I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this. I’ve been doing all of this on my own for so long that I can’t even imagine what it would be like to share Ethan consistently, week to week. I know just yesterday I was wishing I had help, but I don’t think I’m prepared for help like this. I don’t know that I ever will be. We’re definitely going to have to sit down and discuss what kind of involvement Joseph is expecting. I know Ethan needs his father in his life more but how do I go from having my son with me every day and night for over six years to just a few days a week? I can’t even think about this right now. I need some wine…

*              *              *

Saturday, means errands day. Our first stop is the dry cleaners then off to brunch with Hannah at our favorite cafe. She’s been in the final stages of a big project at the architectural firm where she works. That, coupled with her recent engagement to her long distance beau she spends nearly all of her free time visiting while he finishes up his residency out of state, has kept her too busy for our regular brunch date for the last few weeks. Honestly, she’s around all the time when I have nothing to share and now that my love life is getting interesting, we’re three weeks behind! I can’t wait to catch up with her. We finish catching up on the basics, we look through wedding ideas, and then suddenly she stops mid-sentence and looks at me.

“What, Leah? What are you not telling me? I know that look – it’s the one when you’ve got something to confess, but you’re being a chicken. Spill it.”

I look over to see that Ethan is engrossed with the book on his tablet, headphones on, completely oblivious.

“So, I ran into Steve at the office…”

“That’s kind of normal though, right? I thought he was there all the time since he’s friends with Scott. This is kind of old news, friend. Did you do your Junior High, eyes at each other, afraid to speak thing you guys do?” she asks as she takes a sip of her drink, feigning boredom with the subject she’s heard me be afraid to act on way too many times.

I check Ethan again then put my face in my hands before I confess, “Unfortunately, no Hannah. I
ran
into him. Like literally, physically ran into him.” Then I take a deep breath and decide it’s better to just spill it all at once. Hannah Black and I have been best friends for over a decade. There’s nothing we haven’t told each other, but still – I have a hard time actually getting this out. I keep my head down because, without even looking at her, I can see her expectant look, raised eyebrow, mimosa sipping face. I need to tell her, but if I see her trying not to laugh at me I’ll turn red and give up.

“It was awful, Hannah! I was horrified! He looked at me and I swear to god, he could see every wet dream I’ve ever had about him. Then, at the company party, which I looked amazing for, by the way. I’ll have to show you a picture. Anyway, we kind of hooked up and it was amazing. Like the best sex I’ve ever had. But then I freaked out the next morning and ran out. I haven’t had a one night stand since Joseph and, well, you know how that went.”

Finally I look up and see the giant smirk on her face and throw my napkin at her. Ethan looks up, decides we’re still boring, and goes back to his book.

              “OMG! You’re killing me. Please continue. What happened next?! Are you telling me he’s better than Joseph? Because I remember you saying he was the best you’d ever had. And yay you!  It’s about damn time you did something fun like that. So, have you seen him again?! Tell me, how
amazing
was this
amazing
sex you had with your sexy polished lumbersexual?!” she asks leaning in and drumming her fingers together. She’s enjoying this way too much.

              “It gets worse! You don’t even understand. So you know how Ethan had had trouble with that little girl at school? Well, it turns out that sex machine has an adorable child. Who happens to be cute little Abby from Ethan’s class
and
the one he’s been having problems with. She’s Steve’s daughter! Which, I found out only when I walked into Ethan’s classroom for the conference with Abby and Steve…” I think all of that it came out in one breath and I was so relieved when I finally stopped, even though I only stopped because Hannah is laughing so hard that she spit out some mimosa. She’s such a bitch sometimes, but I love her. “Also, to answer your question about Joseph, I don’t know if it was better than him, but certainly comparable.” I tell her knowing that she’ll never let me get away with keeping it to myself.

              “Friend, I want to hug you right now. This is the best story I’ve ever heard you tell!” she laughs at me.               After my best friend is done laughing, I am able to fill her in on the rest of my Steve dilemma.

Ethan and I stop by the grocery store for our last stop. I’m terrible at sticking to a list when it comes to shopping. Instead we walk up and down each aisle browsing the shelves for things that we need and want, all the while driving my poor son crazy. Today is no better, because telling Hannah all about Steve has got me thinking about him and trying to figure out exactly what I think about him. About it. About him and about
us.
My distraction means we spend an exceptionally long time wandering aimlessly around the store. When we finally make it to the produce section Ethan does everything he can to distract me from the vegetables.

“Mom, come here we need more bananas.” He shouts from the other side.

“Right after I grab this broccoli.”

“Aww really mom? Do we have to get broccoli? I don’t like broccoli.”

He’s making his best pouty face and I have to give him an A for effort as I make a big dramatic show of putting the broccoli in the basket. As my grand gesture of making sure Ethan can see me over-zealously put the broccoli in over the bins of fruit between us is almost complete I hear somebody say -

“Broccoli can be really good, especially with cheese on it.”

The voice is deep, familiar and has me frozen right where I stand. It has a direct line to my groin and just hearing it has my heart racing and my panties feeling a little damp.