Love Confessed (5 page)

“Steve, what are doing?” I ask in a hushed breath, just now acknowledging that the only place to go if this continues any longer is into bed..

“You really have no idea how beautiful you are do you?” is his response. I don’t even know what to say to him. Without another word his lips return to mine and this time I gave in without question. He tastes every bit as wonderful as I’ve dreamed he would. He’s a mixture of mint and alcohol, and I feel like I am tasting my first meal after starving for months. It’s even better than that, actually. He tastes like he smells, pure masculine man laced with the taste of good scotch. It’s intoxicating. His kiss is softer than I’d imagined but there is also the feeling of restraint, almost as though being this gentle takes a great deal of effort for him. He pushes me against the wall, his hands cup my face and slowly slip lower, just reaching my breast when I realize we’re still in the lobby of the hotel and stop him. “Steve, we’re in the lobby. People can see us.” I say out of breath. I’m pushing him back but I don’t want him to stop.

“Come up with me.” He replies pulling me into the elevator that is across from us. When the doors close his lips are on mine again continuing their slow torture. He leads me into his room that is just out of the elevator. The moment the door closes behind us I am pushing his jacket off while he kisses down my neck and across my collar bone. His hands reach my waist as he guides me back towards the bed. I kick my shoes off but as I do he gets tangled in the bottom of my dress and falls into the bed, for the first time letting me feel like I may not be the only one completely lacking in sobriety. His face turns red and he looks embarrassed, maybe even angry, and I can’t help but laugh. I keep laughing and slowly his playful smile returns and he lies down, pulling me on top of him.

We continue undressing each other hurriedly until soon there is no barrier left between us.  It feels amazing. He is so firm and toned, so warm and tan, and I feel so small and sexy as his big hands caress up and down my back while he pulls me up ever so slightly to meet him. We begin to move in a rhythm together while our kiss deepens and becomes more passionate. He flips us over and his lips move to my breast, while he pulls a harden nipple into his mouth and sucks. I moan and arch my back. God, it feels so good. Somehow he already knows how to handle my body perfectly and his hand moves down between my legs and starts to gently caress the most sensitive part of me.

God, his mouth on my nipple and his finger between my sex is almost enough to make me come, partly I think from the excitement of it all. Of this secret forbidden thing I am doing. Who am I tonight? I never do this. I am responsible, I am a planner, I live by a very structured routine and this, this one night stand is not something that I do but I love it. I love how it feels and have absolutely no desire to stop it.

I try to wiggle free only because I want my mouth on more of him than I can reach from where he has me pinned beneath him but he won’t let me. “No Leah, I want to do this for you. Ever since you ran into me in the hall the other day, all I’ve been able to think about is my lips and hands on you, of being inside of you.” He reaches off of the bed to rifle through his suit pocket and he pulls out a condom. I arch a brow as if to say “Really? You were that sure of yourself?” and he shrugs and says “Hey, a guy can hope.” and I laugh but my body is already craving his touch, his mouth, and on its own accord my body arches toward his, wanting him inside of me.

He rolls the condom on and slowly eases his perfect, rigid length inside of me. We both moan at the same time. The feeling is amazing and intense; I want to stay like this as long as possible. He kisses me again as we begin to move together at a perfect rhythm. He stares into my eyes, making our actions more intimate than I think either of us has intended. I feel sexy and sensual beneath him. As I get closer to my climax I run my nails down his back and he moves faster and harder, as if answering my touch with his entire body.

“God Leah, You're so fucking beautiful.”

“Oh Steve, harder. Please.” I beg.

He gladly obliges. We come at the same time and we both let out a sigh. Holy hell. That was amazing. I haven’t felt a connection like this since Joseph. He collapses on top of me and we just lay there trying to catch our breath.

He pulls out slowly and kisses me softly but says nothing. All of a sudden my drunkenness kicks in and the room starts spinning a little. He wraps his arms around me and we’re cuddled softly together under the comforter quickly drifting off to sleep.

4
Steve

All I can think in this moment with the sun barely starting to rise through the crack in the drapes, is how good it feels to hold Leah and how much fun I had with her last night. I didn’t think I would ever feel this way about another woman ever again. I mean, I’ve tried dating since Janie died but I never felt a real connection with any of the women. It was more of a way just to get Scott off my back or occupy my time when Abby was away at the farm. But Leah, man, I can’t describe it. She’s tucked into my nook and we feel perfect together.

To think that all this time I was so unsure of whether or not she realized I even existed. Now I know that she did, and that I have the same affect on her that she has on me. Either that or she’s
really
drunk tonight and has let loose. I’m not entirely sure what has caused it, but I do know that I like this Leah more than the one who tries to ignore me in the halls of her office. I’m hoping that she was sober enough to not regret what we did last night. I know I sure as hell don’t regret it.

I wasn’t quite as intoxicated as she was but I know there isn’t even a chance that she didn’t want this, not with the way she was in bed last night. She wasn’t the reserved, controlled, polite professional woman I’ve encountered all of these times before. She was bold. She was brave. She was so sexy, so pliable in my hands that night. She’s been all I can think about all week and I know she had to have felt the electricity between us when we bumped into each other on Monday. Then again last night. There is no denying it. Our connection is practically tangible. I’m certain this is something we both not only wanted but needed. With that thought, that feeling of perfect contentment I drift back off to sleep.

The next time I wake, it is to a room full of sunlight that has snuck through the heavy hotel curtains and is now blinding me. Oh God, my head has a dull aching in the back of it and when I roll over to look at the clock on the bedside table it reads 6:30am. It’s not until I roll back over and reach for Leah that I realize she’s not in the bed. I wonder where she went, how I didn’t hear her get up. I get up to check the bathroom hoping that she’s ok. She drank quite a bit last night and, well, if I feel like this after a couple of scotches I can just imagine how she’s feeling.

“Leah?” I lightly knock on the door and it slowly creaks open. I step inside and look around but it’s empty. I shout her name as I go to the living room area of the suite, but she’s not in there either. When I go back to the bedroom I notice her all of her stuff is gone. What the fuck? She left.

*              *              *

I have no way of reaching Leah on Saturday or Sunday, so when Monday comes around I call her office. I need to know that she’s ok and that I didn’t overstep some sort of boundary. I realize as I dial the number (the number that I had to look up because I wasn’t about to call Scott directly), that I have been making myself crazy all weekend to check on a woman I barely even know. A woman, who ran out on me after a night of, what I remember to be, incredible sex. And I remember a lot. It was so incredible, once we started touching each other, that I feel like I instantly sobered. Like I knew that I wanted to be able to remember every second of it. Jesus. I feel like my head is spinning already when, after two rings, the receptionist picks up.              

“Good Morning, Sanders and Smith Law Office. This is Kelly.” The slightly high pitched voice of the receptionist answers.

“Good Morning Kelly, may I speak with Ms. Collins please?” I ask, more gruffly than I intend to.

“I’m sorry, sir, but she is out of the office this week. Would you like her voicemail?”

Shit. No I don’t want her fucking voicemail. I’m really pissed now and honestly I’m not even sure why. It’s not Kelly’s fault that Leah ran off and left me going crazy with no way to contact her.

“Uhh, no thank you. Do you know if she will be checking her emails?”

I’m starting to feel like a desperate prick. I’m starting to panic and again, this is a feeling I don’t care for.

“Yes Mr. Cooper, she should be checking her emails while she’s out.” 
Fuck. Of course they have caller ID, I don’t know what I was thinking. Kelly’s placating tone just confirms that I sound as crazy as I feel right now so I thank her and hang up. What the hell is wrong with me? So what if she’s out of the office this week. So what if she skipped out after a night of amazing sex. I’ve done that before too, so I can’t figure out why can’t not stop thinking about her. Maybe it’s because I’ve never been the one left behind. Even so, my behavior is starting to feel a bit irrational. But for some reason I need to know that she’s ok. I need to know that I didn’t take advantage of her in her inebriated state, so I sit down and send her a quick email. Well, not a quick e-mail. The three simple sentence that I manage to put together take me an insane amount of time to type up. It takes me even longer to work up the courage to send it.  

Another unwelcome thought occurs to me just as I finally manage to hit send the send button, what if the sex wasn’t as good for her as it was for me? I haven’t doubted my abilities in bed since I lost my virginity in high school. God, what a fumbling mess that was. I’m embarrassed just thinking about it. I was 16 and had just made the football team as the second string quarterback. The girl’s name was Brooke, of course she was a cheerleader, and at the time the prettiest girl I had seen. I asked her out for a date and by the end of it we found ourselves parked in my dad’s truck in a deserted area of town. We started just by making out but it was her that wanted to go further. I didn’t even come prepared but she did. When I tried to take off her bra it snapped her back and instantly welted. I felt horrible and told her we didn’t have to do anything but she wasn’t ready to stop. Trying to take of my clothes in such a confined space was also a problem and I was falling all our just trying to get my pants down.

When I finally succeeded with the awkward show I made of undressing, the sex was really uncomfortable because I had no idea what to do with a woman. I had only dreamt about it up to that point. Needless to say that was my last date with Brooke. I decided then that I would learn whatever I needed to, whatever I could, before the next time I had sex. I needed to ensure that the experience I had with Brooke never, ever happened again. Just thinking about it makes me laugh. All of that fumbling and awkwardness and it never occurred to either of us to go lay down in the bed of the truck. Kids.

As the week drags on, different reasons as to why she would just leave keep creeping into my mind. Mixed with the actually memories of what it was like to kiss her, to hold her, to be inside her. I can’t believe how desperate I feel to be able to experience those things again. I can’t concentrate and quite frankly everything has me on edge. Everything except Abby. As crazy as I feel like this thing with Leah has me becoming, I have to keep my shit together for my daughter. I take a few deep breaths and feel like I am finally ready to brush this off when my phone vibrates. It’s Scott so I answer automatically even though the second I do, I wish I hadn’t.

“Hey Scott, what’s up?”

“Not much. How are things going?” he asks, sounding a little weird.

“They’re fine. How are going for you?”

After a long pause he says, “They’re fine but is everything okay with Abby?”

              That came out of nowhere. He’s never been concerned with Abby’s well being and honestly why should he be. “Yeah Abby’s fine, what’s going on Scott?” I ask, wanting him to get to the point.

              “Nothing. Kelly just told me that you called for Leah. You know she doesn’t practice business law, right? Just didn’t know what was going on – wanted to make sure everything was okay with the family.”

              Shit! I wasn’t even thinking about Scott when I called for Leah. “Oh yea. Everything’s fine.” My pause longer than I intend because, hell, what do I say to her boss?! Apparently, my pause is long enough for him to figure something out.

              “Wait!” He says like there’s a light bulb going off in his head. “Are you and Leah… a thing?” His normal playboy banter is gone when he’s talking about
his
friend and, I get the vibe, something of a little sister.

              “No, no. No. We’re not. I, uh, I just talked to her about some stuff at the party that I wanted to touch base with her about.”

              “Talked, eh?” He says suspiciously.

              “Uh, yea. Talked…” Fuck. I usually consider my honesty a good thing but right now I wish I wasn’t because I’m pretty sure he knows exactly what I’m doing.

              “Steve. Come on, man. You can tell me. We’re all adults here. What’s going on with you and Leah?”

              I can’t tell him. She would kill me. I have to remind myself of this before responding. “Really, nothing’s going on Scott. Hey I gotta run, talk to you later?” I say trying desperately to end this awkward conversation. I don’t think I could have endured a second more of his inquisition.

              “Jo?” I holler down the hall to her office. “Let’s go grab a beer. I think I’m done working today.”

*              *              *

On Thursday, I receive a call from Mrs. Withers, Abby’s teacher, telling me that she has been in some sort of altercation with another student in her class. I’m pretty sure it’s the little punk kid that wouldn’t let her see his Iron Man. She has scheduled a meeting with the boy’s mother for Friday and would like for all of us to sit down and discuss what has been happening at school between the two kids. Apparently this isn’t the first time they’ve had a disagreement but this this time it was bad enough that Mrs. Withers feels like both parents needed to step in. While this does at least sidetrack me from my worrying from Leah, it only serves to make me more angry and frustrated. God help anybody who gets in my way this week. I feel like I’m one disagreement from going on a rampage and turning into a total monster. 

When I get home that night, I make Abby and I dinner and decide I should get her side of the story before sitting down with her teacher and the other parent.

“Hey sweetie, can you tell me what happened at school today?” I ask as nonchalantly as I can. She automatically jumps to the defense.

“Ethan started it daddy! He always makes fun of me and teases me. Today he took my crayons and wouldn’t give them back. So I kicked him.”

She says it so matter of fact, like kicking somebody you disagree with is a reasonable solution. Like it’s something that happens every day, like this is a normal dinner table conversation. Even though it makes me want to laugh I have to try to be the responsible role model I know that I should be.

“Honey, you can’t kick people. You should have gone to Mrs. Withers and told her he was picking on you. I’m glad you stuck up for yourself but unfortunately in life you will learn that you can’t just hit someone because they make you mad.” She looks at me with her big hazel eyes, those eyes that look so much like her mothers, and I know that she knows I’m right. I’m pretty sure she also knows I wish I could tell her to kick this little punks ass.

“Ok daddy, I’m sorry. Can you tell him to stop teasing me? He only does it because the other kids do it. It’s usually about my clothes. They say I dress like a boy, or an ugly girl.”

What?! I thought I was doing a good job dressing her. Damn kids don’t know what they’re talking about. “Well I forgive you, but you will need to tell Ethan you’re sorry tomorrow.  I’ll get you some new clothes so that’s not an issue anymore.”

“Thank you, Daddy!”

She throws her arms around my neck and kisses my cheek before getting back to her food. Man, I wish all problems in life were always this easy to solve.

At exactly 3:30pm I walk into room seven of Washington Elementary School. Mrs. Withers is there but other than that, the room is empty. I greet Abby’s teacher and shake her hand before taking a seat at one of the desks in the front row so that I can still see Abby playing on the playground right outside. I barely fit on the tiny little chairs and contemplate standing for the entire meeting. As I shift and fidget in the chair trying to get comfortable, I hear the door open and turn to look. It’s Leah.