Lost at School (17 page)

Q & A

Question:
Speaking of Plan C, are there some challenging kids who are so volatile and unstable that academics need to be deemphasized until things are calmer?

Answer:
Absolutely. Some kids simply aren’t “available” for academic learning until headway has been made on the challenges that may be impeding learning. In such instances, academics may have to take a backseat until progress occurs on these challenges. Plunging forward with academics when a kid is bogged down with other challenges is usually an exercise in futility.

Question:
In the above examples, there was more going on in the Empathy step than just empathy.

Answer:
This is an important point to clarify. While challenging kids are certainly deserving of our empathy, the primary goal of the Empathy step is to
gather information
and
achieve the clearest possible understanding of his concern or perspective.
In other words, there is a difference between an empathic statement (“That must feel terrible for you”) and a clarifying or information-gathering statement (“I’m a little confused about what you’re saying…. Can you tell me a little more about that?”). Both are wonderful, but the latter helps you achieve the primary goal.

Question:
I don’t think I do Plan A that often … but I’ve noticed that I do have a tendency to side step or bypass kids’ concerns a lot. Is that the same thing?

Answer:
Glad you brought that up. Adults do have a strong tendency to bypass, disregard, or dismiss kids’ concerns. Here are some examples of what you may be referring to:

      K
ID
:
I don’t know how to do this.

      A
DULT
:
Sounds like someone just needs to try harder.

      K
ID
:
She’s bothering me.

      A
DULT
:
Just ignore her.

      K
ID
:
This is too much for me to do.

      A
DULT
:
Oh, come on, you can do it!

      K
ID
:
Mr. Trumbull won’t listen to me.

      A
DULT
:
You know, you’re going to run into people like him in life, so it’s good experience for you to be dealing with it now.

      K
ID
:
This isn’t fair!

      A
DULT
:
Life’s not fair.

These adult responses can have the same effect as Plan A. It’s frustrating to have one’s concerns dismissed (whether one is a kid or adult), but those who have the skills to handle this frustration tend to respond more adaptively than those who don’t have the skills. And,
of course, if a kid’s concerns aren’t identified and taken into account, the problem won’t get solved and will simply reappear in short order.

Question:
Shouldn’t I still be using consequences for challenging behavior—even if I don’t think they’re working—so the other kids know I’m taking the challenging behavior seriously?

Answer:
It’s your choice, but the other kids don’t need you to use consequences to know you’re taking the problem seriously. They need to see that you’ve got a handle on the challenging kid’s lagging skills and unsolved problems and that, slowly but surely, his challenging behaviors are decreasing. You don’t improve your credibility by continuing to intervene in a way that isn’t working or is making things worse. Remember, consequences are useful for two things: (1) teaching basic lessons about right and wrong, and (2) giving kids the incentive to do well. You’ll want to use consequences if you think one or both of these things are coming into play. But, as mentioned earlier, kids with behavioral challenges already know the basic lessons about right and wrong and, because
kids do well if they can,
they already have the incentive to do well.

Question:
Should I reward a kid for successfully participating in Plan B?

Answer:
I generally recommend against it. The effects of Plan B—finally having one’s concerns identified, making headway on getting a problem solved, learning new skills, resolving difficulties without conflict or challenging behavior—these are far more rewarding (and far more important for you and the kid to focus on) than any extrinsic reward you might offer.

Question:
So Plan B doesn’t undermine a teacher’s authority with the other kids in the class?

Answer:
Quite the contrary. The other kids are watching us closely. If you intervene in a way that accomplishes the goals delineated at the beginning of this chapter, you’ll have done nothing to undermine your authority with the other kids. In fact, don’t be surprised if they start asking if you’d begin addressing their problems in the same way.

Question:
It’s a Plan A world. If we’re doing Plan B with a kid, aren’t we setting him up for failure?

Answer:
First off, don’t be so sure it’s a Plan A world. In fact, it’s worth pondering which skill is most important for life in the “real world”: the blind adherence to authority trained with Plan A, or working things out with people in a realistic and mutually satisfactory manner trained with Plan B. I humbly (but predictably) suggest that it’s the latter. Second, the reason you’re doing Plan B is to teach the kid the skills he lacks so he can handle problems he’ll face in the real world, just as you would with any other developmental delay.

Question:
For how long do the adults need to do Plan B with a kid?

Answer:
Certainly until the high-priority lagging skills have been instilled, the most important unsolved problems are resolved, and the kid’s challenging behavior has been dramatically reduced. But as you’ll read in
Chapter 7
, there are many good reasons to keep using Plan B, not just with a specific challenging kid but with everyone in the class.

Question:
Is it really fair to expect teachers, who are not trained as mental health professionals, to use Collaborative Problem Solving?

Answer:
I don’t know what’s fair. I do know that teachers already have a lot on their plates. I know that an astounding number of challenging kids are needlessly slipping through the cracks and losing their futures. And I know that a mental health degree is not a prerequisite for using Collaborative Problem Solving. Teachers have always taught nonacademic skills to their students, skills related to handling life’s social, emotional, and behavioral challenges. It’s just that some kids and some challenges require that teachers have a different mind-set and skill-set. What are the key qualifications for helping kids with behavioral challenges? An open mind, a willingness to reflect on one’s current practices and try on new lenses, the courage to experiment with new practices, and the patience and resolve to become comfortable with using the ALSUP and Plan B. If it makes you feel any better, most mental health professionals don’t have training in Collaborative Problem Solving, either.

Question:
It seems like you think teachers should be all things to all kids.

Answer:
Not so, but this is a group of kids you could really help.

Question:
Are you telling me I have to adjust what I’m doing for every kid I teach?

Answer:
Not every kid—just the ones who are having trouble meeting your expectations.

The Story Continues …

“Is he here yet?” Mrs. Franco stuck her head inside Mrs. Woods’ classroom after school on Friday afternoon.

Mrs. Woods looked up from writing comments on a student’s paper. “No, not yet. Seems to be a pattern.”

“Gotta feel for the man, though,” said Mrs. Franco. “Apparently he’s covering three schools. That’s a lot of kids.” Mrs. Franco spotted Dr. Bridgman walking briskly toward her. “Wait, here he is now.”

“Good afternoon, ladies,” said Dr. Bridgman. “Sorry I’m late. This still a good time?”

The two teachers nodded.

“Good, because I was thinking that it might be a good idea for Ms. Lowell to bring Joey in early Monday morning to meet with me and Mrs. Woods, and I want to make sure we’re ready.”

“Ready for what?” asked Mrs. Woods.

“Well, like we discussed, it would be good to talk with Joey about what to do the next time he gets confused about an assignment,” said Dr. Bridgman. “You know, so it doesn’t turn into a mess.”

“That would be good,” said Mrs. Woods. “So, what’s he supposed to do?”

“We don’t know—we haven’t done Plan B with him yet,” said Dr. Bridgman.

“Ah, yes, you mentioned this Plan B thing the other day,” said Mrs. Woods. “I’m looking forward to watching you do it.”

“Oh, um, we’ll need you to do more than just watch,” said Dr. Bridgman. “See, it’s you and Joey who have to agree on a solution.”

“Darn, you get to have all the fun,” smiled Mrs. Franco.

Dr. Bridgman explained Plans A, B, and C, along with the three steps—Empathy, Define the Problem, and the Invitation—of doing Plan B. He also distinguished between Emergency B and Proactive B, and described the advantages of the latter. When he finished, he asked, “So should we give it a quick run-through? Because eventually it won’t be me solving these problems with him, it should be you both.”

Mrs. Franco looked at Mrs. Woods and laughed. “He’s trying to turn us into psychologists.”

“Oh, you don’t have to be a psychologist to do Plan B,” insisted Dr. Bridgman. “You probably do Plan B all the time with your husbands.”

Mrs. Franco laughed again. “I don’t work things out with my husband. I just tell him what to do.”

“So let’s think about what Plan B might look like with Joey on Monday,” continued Dr. Bridgman. “The first step is Empathy … that’s where we’re trying to get Joey’s concern on the table, trying to understand. If we’re doing Proactive B, we’re making an observation. Probably something like, ‘We’ve noticed that you sometimes aren’t sure what to do on some of your assignments.’ But we don’t know
why
Joey’s not sure what to do. So we have to ask him. By saying something like, ‘What’s up?’”

“So what’s he going to say?” asked Mrs. Woods.

“Beats me,” said Dr. Bridgman.

“Well, if
you
don’t know what’s up, then how are
we
supposed to know what’s up?” asked Mrs. Franco.

“We need to see what Joey says,” said Dr. Bridgman.

“What if he doesn’t know?” asked Mrs. Woods.

“We’ll put our heads together and figure it out,” said Dr. Bridgman. “Based on our conversation yesterday, we do have some theories.”

“We do?” asked Mrs. Woods.

“Yes, I’m betting this has something to do with some of the skills he’s lacking—you know, the ones we talked about the other day—although I’m open to any information Joey might give us about this problem. But our goal with the Empathy step is to achieve the clearest possible understanding of what’s going on with Joey as it relates to his confusion over assignments. Then comes the Define the Problem step. That’s where you get your concern on the table.”

“My concern,” Mrs. Woods looked uncertain.

“Yes, what’s your concern about him blowing up and running out of your classroom?”

“Well, he just can’t do that,” said Mrs. Woods. “It’s just not OK.”

“Yes, but what’s your
concern
?” asked Dr. Bridgman.

Mrs. Woods looked a bit perplexed. “You mean … like … that he’ll get suspended again?”

“That’s what’s going to
happen
to him if he blows up again,” said Dr. Bridgman. “But I don’t know if that’s your primary concern.”

“You mean that it’s not safe?” said Mrs. Woods, looking to Mrs. Franco for help. Mrs. Franco shrugged.

“Sure, that’s a concern,” encouraged Dr. Bridgman. “It’s not safe, and we don’t want anyone getting hurt, and it’s scary for you and the other kids.”

“So those are my concerns,” said Mrs. Woods tentatively.

“I think so,” said Dr. Bridgman.

“OK, so now we’ve told him my concerns,” said Mrs. Woods.

Dr. Bridgman nodded. “Good. Next we invite him to solve the problem with us, and we’ll give him the first crack at a solution. So you’ll hear me saying something like, ‘I wonder if there’s a way for us to help you when you get confused about an assignment so you don’t get so upset about it?’”

“What if he doesn’t have any ideas?” asked Mrs. Franco. “He says ‘I don’t know’ a lot.”

“We’ll help him come up with a solution,” said Dr. Bridgman.

“So what’s the solution?” asked Mrs. Woods.

“We don’t know that yet, either,” said Dr. Bridgman. “Something realistic and mutually satisfactory.”

“We don’t know the solution?” asked Mrs. Franco. “You’re expecting Joey to tell us?” She cast a skeptical glance at Mrs. Woods.

“Well, if we already know the solution then we’re not involving Joey in crafting the solution,” said Dr. Bridgman. “Of course, if he doesn’t have any ideas, we can offer some possibilities.”

The two teachers were silent.

“How does that sound?” asked Dr. Bridgman.

“I’m glad you’re doing this,” said Mrs. Woods. “I mean, I’m just not accustomed to doing things this way.”

“It does take some getting used to,” said Dr. Bridgman. “But you probably
don’t teach reading the same way you did ten years ago, either. Plan A hasn’t given Joey the kind of help he needs. And Plan C isn’t going to give us the information we’re looking for or help us solve the problem. Which leaves us only one option: Plan B. Why don’t I call Ms. Lowell and see if she can bring Joey in early on Monday.”

Joey was watching his late-afternoon TV shows on Friday. His mom approached him warily. “Joey, sorry to interrupt your TV show, but I need to talk about what’s going to happen on Monday.”

Joey didn’t look away from the TV. “Later.”

“Not later. This is more important than TV.”