Lost at School (36 page)

Kellen was skeptical. “What if they don’t?”

Mrs. Woods rephrased the question for the entire group. “What do you all do when the first solution you try doesn’t fix a problem as well as you thought it would?”

Joey raised his hand. “You try to think of other solutions that might work better.”

“So what are some other ideas for what you can do if someone is mistreating you and they think it’s funny?” asked Mrs. Woods. “So far, we have telling them you don’t think it’s funny and telling me. Any other ideas?”

“You could just tell them to stop,” said Duane.

“You could just ignore them and hope they go away,” Shawn suggested.

“That doesn’t work,” said Austin. “If they think it’s funny, they just keep doing it.”

“Well, remember, Austin, right now we’re just trying to think of as many possible solutions as we can. Some of our solutions might not work as well as some others. But we also have to remember that we’ve never really tried working on this problem as a group before. It’s possible that some of the solutions you think wouldn’t work so well would work okay if we were trying them together.”

“You could ask them why they’re bugging you,” volunteered Tina. “Maybe they just want you to notice them.”

The solution-generating continued. Eventually, the class agreed to post the solutions, begin using them, and put extra effort into responding to feedback they received from one another.

“We’ll have to see how our solutions are working as time goes on,” said Mrs. Woods to conclude the community meeting. “We have a lot more work to do, but I think we’re off to a good start. In our next meeting we should probably tackle one of our other problems. I think you all did an incredible job of working on this together.”

“Mrs. Woods, how come we never talked about this kind of stuff in other grades?” asked Samantha.

“You know, Samantha, I’m wondering the same thing myself,” replied Mrs. Woods.

The following Monday, Mrs. Franco slid a sheet of paper onto Travis’ desk while the class was doing a writing assignment.

It looks like recess is not a good time for us to talk. But I’d still like to discuss something with you. When would be a good time? Please check one:

__ Before school

__ During lunch

__ After school

__ Some other time I didn’t think of (please write here)___

On his way to lunch, Travis handed back the note. He had endorsed the “Some other time I didn’t think of” option and, in the space provided, had written in the word
Never.

Mrs. Franco shook her head when she read his response. Later that afternoon she handed Travis another note.

Why don’t you want to meet with me?

As Travis left the room at the end of the day, he handed Mrs. Franco his response. She waited until all her students were gone before opening the note.

Your just going to tell me what I’m doing wrong and tell me your going to punish me and I don’t need your help.

Mrs. Franco gave Travis another note as he entered the classroom the next morning.

I’m not going to tell you what you’re doing is wrong. And I’m not going to punish you. I just want to hear your ideas about how things are going with the other kids.

Travis did not immediately respond to this latest correspondence. But two days later Mrs. Franco found a note on her desk at the end of a school day.

Why me?

She hurriedly penned a response and gave it to Travis the next day.

Because I’d like to know more about how people in our class are getting along, and I think you probably have some good information that would help me.

At lunch, Mrs. Franco received Travis’ reply:

After school on Friday. For three minits.

She responded:

See you then.

After school that day, Mrs. Franco triumphantly showed Mrs. Woods the latest note from her new pen pal.

“Wow,” marveled Mrs. Woods. “He’s actually going to meet with you.”

Mrs. Franco grimaced. “Now I know how actors must feel before a performance. I think I have stage fright.”

“What are the three key words?” asked Mrs. Woods.

Mrs. Franco seemed puzzled. “Break a leg?”

Mrs. Woods laughed. “Empathy, empathy, empathy.”

“Right, empathy, empathy, empathy.”

On Friday, Travis stayed behind as promised. Mrs. Franco took a deep breath and took the plunge. “Travis, I know you didn’t really want to talk with me. So I appreciate you doing this.”

Travis didn’t acknowledge this, and Mrs. Franco continued, starting with some reassurance. “Like I said, I’m not going to tell you that you’re doing anything wrong and I’m not going to punish you. And I won’t try to help you with anything if you don’t want me to. I don’t even know if there’s anything you need help with. But I have a feeling kids in our class aren’t getting along so well sometimes, and I thought maybe you had some ideas about what’s going on.”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You don’t know what I mean when I say kids aren’t getting along so well?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’ve noticed that there’s a lot of name-calling going on and kids picking on each other and just not being very nice to one another. Have you noticed that?”

“That’s normal. That’s just how kids treat each other.”

“Oh. Does it bother you that kids treat each other that way?”

“No. It’s just normal. It doesn’t bother anybody.”

“Well, now that’s the thing. Some of the kids have told me that it does bother them … all the name-calling and picking.”

Travis smirked. “They must be wimps.”

“I wonder why it bothers them. Do you have any ideas about that?”

“Nope. It’s just how kids treat each other.”

“I guess there are just some kids who do mind it and some kids who don’t. What do you think?”

Travis was losing patience with this conversation. “I guess. Are we almost done?”

“Yes, sure, almost. Just a few more questions. Tell me, does anyone call you names and pick on you?”

“Used to. All the time. But then I got good at it so they don’t do it anymore.”

“Interesting. So kids used to pick on you and call you names a lot?”

“Yeah. Like when I was in the first grade.”

“Did you mind when they treated you that way?”

“Yeah,” Travis started but then caught himself. “I mean, not really. Anyways, I was just a little kid then.”

“But then you got good at it so they quit.”

“Yep. My father says the best defense is a good offense.”

“Yes, I’ve heard that expression before. I’ve just always wondered if it’s really true, I mean, besides in football. Because then there’s always someone getting picked on.”

Now Travis was a bit more interested in the conversation. “Well, the trick is to make sure
you’re
not the one getting picked on. That’s what my father says.”

“Let me see if I understand what you’re saying,” said Mrs. Franco, trying to get Travis’ point of view on the table. “Other kids used to give you a hard time and you didn’t like it very much, although you were just a little kid. But then you got good at giving other kids a hard time so now they don’t give you hard time anymore. And giving kids a hard time isn’t that big of a deal because it’s the way kids treat one another these days. Do I have it right?”

“Yup. We done?”

Mrs. Franco wondered if she should take a stab at the Define the Problem step. “Yes, I think we’re about done.” She decided to forge ahead. “But here’s my concern. Some kids don’t like being picked on or being called names, so there are some kids in our class who are feeling pretty bad right now. Like you used to.”

“That’s their problem. They just need to get good at it like I had to.”

“Does it bother you that there are kids in our class who feel the same way you used to?”

“No.”

“So, since we’re out of time, I’d like you to think about something. I know you don’t care that there are kids in our class who are feeling bad right now about being picked on. But I’m still wondering if there’s anything we can do so that
no one
in our class is getting picked on—not you, not them, not anybody. Then nobody would feel bad.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, let’s both think about it a little. Maybe you’ll come up with something. Or maybe I’ll come up with something. What do you think?”

Travis was already finished with the conversation. “Um, I guess.”

“I really appreciate you talking about this with me, Travis. I know you didn’t want to, but it’s been really helpful for me to understand things better.”

“Sure.”

“See you later.”

“Uh-huh,” said Travis as he turned to leave the room.

In one of her morning meetings with Joey, Mrs. Woods decided to follow up on something they had talked about previously. “Joey, I was wondering if we could get back to talking about you thinking you’re messed up.”

“OK.”

“Besides getting confused on assignments, and getting upset about it, what makes you think you’re messed up?”

Joey pondered the question briefly. “I can just tell.”

“Did you know that you’re not the only one in our class who gets confused about assignments?”

“I’m not?”

“No, other kids get confused, too.”

“I never saw anyone get confused.”

“I spend a good part of my day explaining things that your classmates are confused about.”

“You do?”

“I do. You’ve never noticed that?”

“Nope.”

“And I get confused about things sometimes, too.”

“You?”

“Me.”

A slight look of recognition came across Joey’s face.

“So,” continued Mrs. Woods, “you can think you’re messed up if you want to. But if the reason you think you’re messed up is because there are things you get confused about, then
I’m
messed up, too.”

Joey smiled, but the smile faded. “Yeah, but you don’t go nuts the way I do. You don’t have to go to doctors the way I do. Neither do any of the other kids.”

“Ah, the other part of being messed up.”

Joey looked down at his hands.

“Here’s what I’m wondering,” said Mrs. Woods. “We’re helping you understand why assignments are confusing for you … and what to do about it, yes?”

Joey looked up. “Yes.”

“And our signal is helping you not get upset when you do get confused?”

“Yes.”

“I wonder if you’ll still think you’re messed up if we’re successful at helping you not get confused and helping you not get upset when you do get confused.”

Joey looked at his teacher. “I don’t know.”

“I guess we’ll find out.” Mrs. Woods had another thought. “Is it messed up that you and I have our morning meetings?”

“Kinda. I mean, no one else has to do it.”

“I see what you mean. Well, we don’t have to keep meeting so often. In fact, I could use the time to plan what I’m doing with the class for the day.”

Joey looked grim. “But I like meeting with you in the morning.”

“Well, I like our morning meetings, too, Joey. I was just thinking maybe you might not want to have to come in and meet with me as often.”

“I don’t mind coming in. I don’t even care if the other kids know. Some of ’em know anyways. So if there’s a day you need to plan something, you could just tell me. I could just sit there and do something else.”

“That would work. You know, Joey, what you just said wasn’t messed up at all. In fact, it was very considerate.”

“It was?”

“Yes. In fact, I’m wondering if I need to start pointing out to you all the things you do that
aren’t
messed up.”

Joey was unenthusiastic about that idea. “You don’t need to do that.”

Mrs. Woods recovered quickly. “How about I let you know in ways that no one else would notice?”

Joey’s face brightened. “OK.”

Mrs. Franco was eager to discuss her second attempt at Plan B with Mrs. Woods. But a week had elapsed and no opportunity presented itself. Then she bumped into Dr. Bridgman after school one day. “Dr. Bridgman!”

“If only I were always greeted with such enthusiasm,” he mused.

“I did Plan B! Sort of.”

“Sort of Plan B is better than no Plan B at all. Who’d you do it with?”

“Kid named Travis in my class. A real bully, from what I can gather. But clever about it, although now I’m wondering if clever is the best way to describe him. Anyway, he wouldn’t talk to me the first time I tried Plan B. But Lori—you know, Mrs. Woods—helped me figure out what I did wrong and he actually talked to me the second time.”

“Outstanding. So what’s the ‘sort of’ part?”

“Well, we never really talked about any solutions. It didn’t get that far.”

“Hmm. So he wouldn’t talk to you the first time but he did talk about it the second time. That’s progress. A lot of times Plan B doesn’t make it through all three steps in the first go. Did you get any useful information about his concerns?”

“I think so. He said he got bullied when he was in the first grade so he decided to become good at it so he wouldn’t be the one getting bullied anymore. He seems to be getting some interesting guidance from his father, something about the best defense being a good offense. So he’s not very sympathetic to the kids who are getting bullied now.”

“Interesting. You did get some useful information. What did you tell him your concern was?”

“That we had some kids in our class who were feeling pretty bad
about being bullied. He didn’t care. What do you do if a kid doesn’t care about your concern?”

“Well, I usually assume that kids who don’t care about our concerns have spent a lot of time having their concerns disregarded. We may have to convince him that we care about his concerns before he starts caring about ours.”

Mrs. Franco considered this perspective. “Wow. I never really thought about it that way before. I guess we spend a lot of time forcing kids to take our concerns into account without returning the favor.”