Living With Regret (33 page)

I should be mad, but at the same time, I don’t want to hold on to my anger anymore. I should walk away, but I don’t want my heart to be empty again, which is why I say the only thing my heart will allow me to. “Yes, but . . .”

A brilliant smile crosses Chase’s beautiful face as he pushes the ring up my finger, then he jumps to his feet and lowers his mouth to mine.

“No, no buts. I get it. I’m done acting like a jackass. Good or bad, you’re stuck with me. God, I love you so much, Jordan. I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you’re the happiest woman alive.”

I’ve learned a lot in the last ten years, but the biggest lesson I learned is love isn’t easy. Love isn’t always the picture perfect, happily ever after that girls dream about. Love is often complicated, messy, and sometimes unforgiving. But if given the chance, with the right person, love can complete you.

That’s what I’ve been searching for, the thing I’ve only ever found with Chase. I don’t need the perfect relationship. I don’t need a fancy house filled with extravagant things. I want real, messy, unconditional yet powerful love. And I found that. Now, thanks to Chase, I’m going to keep it forever.

From the time I was old enough to remember, my father was telling me I was put on this earth to do big things, and today is by far my biggest accomplishment. Today, I married my best friend, the woman I was put on earth to love and protect. And today is truly the start of our forever.

After Jordan agreed to marry me, our lives took a few bumpy turns. First, Jordan insisted that we go to counseling, both as a couple and as individuals. After all the hours I spent with Dr. Stein, I resisted the idea at first, but like usual, Jordan knew exactly what I needed. Following the Super Bowl, I did an interview where I told the public my personal story regarding my drug use.

My father had me convinced that I should go to my grave without ever talking about my addiction to anyone. However, between Jordan and our counselor, I began to feel a sense of relief.

For one, my story was out and not hanging over me like a black cloud. Another more amazing positive is how I’m using my experience to hopefully help others. I started The Drake Jones Foundation that allows college students and athletes that are struggling with addiction to seek—completely anonymous—counseling for drugs, alcohol or even to help with the undue stress that some feel they’re under.

When I was at Ohio State, I thought about seeking help but I was worried the school or, God forbid, my dad would find out, so I continued to hide it, which only made it worse. The foundation Jordan and I started, which is currently already open in two major cities, doesn’t require you to give your real name and is completely not-for-profit.

Before the foundation opened, I struggled with what to do regarding my role in Drake’s death. I honestly didn’t feel sitting in a jail cell for any amount of time would make a difference, other than hurt Jordan, but I still felt responsible. I decided to seek out Drake’s family and tell them what happened, but what I found was shocking. Drake’s mother was known for her own drug addiction. She died from an overdose when Drake was seventeen but not before he was addicted himself. For a very short period of time, Drake tried to straighten himself out, which is why he gave college a shot, but he was never able to stop using.

I now know from everything I’ve learned about Drake, he was going to need serious help if he ever kicked his addiction, help I wasn’t able to offer him at the time. With no known living relatives I had no one to ask forgiveness from, other than myself. In my heart I don’t think Drake would want me going to jail for what happened and I know I’ll never put myself in a position to harm someone like that again. Opening the foundation in his name felt like the best way to not only give back but to keep Drake’s memory alive.

My parents’ divorce was final at the beginning of March. My dad started out fighting my mom but after the interview I gave he stopped and gave her whatever she wanted, which was only her independence from him.

When I was playing for the Cardinals, my parents purchased a home in Phoenix but they kept our family home in Florida. Ma decided to stay in Phoenix with a group of women she’d made friends with, while my dad returned to his families’ citrus grove.

I haven’t seen or spoken to my dad in almost eight months. I think one day I’ll forgive him, but in the meantime, I’ve let go of my anger regarding him and everything he’s done. I think deep down he’s a good person that only wanted the best for me; he just went about it the wrong way.

Right now, however, my bride and I have just returned to our honeymoon suite in Honolulu where we were married.

“Thank you for today.”

“Thank you?” Jordan is standing in front of me in the strapless white dress that she wore in front of our closest friends and family. I’ve been dying to get her out of this thing ever since I laid eyes on her. “You might have been mine for a while, but today you officially became mine, so thank you,” I add with a huge smile on my face.

Jordan’s eyes go soft. “I’ve belonged to you for almost thirteen years. Maybe I should be thanking you for finally becoming mine.”

The lust and desire I see in her eyes are as strong as ever. I tug her close to me and my mouth finds her delicious neck. “Did you see them together today?” she says with a giggle in her voice.

Jordan’s remark causes me to slow my assault. “Remember what we agreed. No matter what trouble those two cause, we’re not getting involved.”

Jordan is referring to Jake and Lacey. Neither one of us are exactly sure what’s going on with those two other than that they hook up quite often. If it’s ever brought up in front of both or either of them, they laugh it off like they’re just using each other, but Jordan believes differently. She is convinced that they are secretly in love with each other but are too afraid to admit it. Until today, I thought Jordan was exaggerating their feelings because she wants her friend to be happy, but I saw the way Jake looked at Lacey, and it was unlike anything I’ve seen from him before. Who knows, maybe there is more going on between our friends. Either way, it’s not the topic I want to discuss on our wedding night.

“Agreed. We won’t get involved in their relationship, but let’s not worry about them right now. Tonight I just want to make my beautiful wife come as many times as possible.”

Jordan’s eyes find mine and I know she’s on board with my idea. “That sounds like a fantastic plan, husband.”

I brush her hair out of her face and stare into her blue eyes. “Stick around. I’m offering up a lifetime service just for you.”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted. A lifetime with you.”

The End

First and foremost I want to thank my readers. Every friend and fan I’ve made along the way holds a special place in my heart.

I want to give a shout out to the ladies at S.A.S.S. who endlessly give up their time to help new authors get discovered. I’ll never be able to say thank you enough to this amazing group.

Edee Fallon, I don’t know what I would do without you. You are more then an editor to me. Our relationship has blossomed into a friendship, and it’s one that means a great deal to me.

Juliana Cabrera, I don’t think there’s anything you can’t design that I won’t love. Juliana doesn’t only design my wonderful covers she beautifully formats my books and answers my endless questions.

Katie Benson you have once again stepped up and read and reread Living With Regret. I love getting text from you, especially ones that have nothing to do with my books. I hope we have many more years of friendship.

I want to say a huge thank you to Judy Miracle with Wicked Babes Blog Reviews for beta reading for me. Your feedback was amazing.

I also want to thank Melissa from Booksmacked Book Blog. Not only did she do an amazing job helping me with the Living With Regret cover reveal, she’s spent endless amount of hours helping me promote not only this book, but my others as well.

Colette Trainor, thank you for stopping what you were doing and reading for me. Your feedback helped and your review was amazing.

I want to give a special thanks to Mandy Stevens who tells everyone she knows that her friend is an author. Mandy, I’ve known you since we were only five years old and I think you are simply fabulous.

“Oh, my God, she canceled.” Like normal, my mother’s voice screeches over everyone else’s. “That little bitch canceled less than ten minutes before we’re supposed to leave!”

“Leeta! Not in front of the children.” My mother’s arms flap around wildly in anger.

“James, we have to go now if we’re going to make it on time and we can’t take them.” Not that I need clarification, but her hand shoots out and points at my brother and me sitting on the sofa.

“I’ll call a neighbor to see if I can find someone to come over.”

Before my mother can start yelling again, a calm, peaceful voice speaks up. “I’ll stay with them.” Everyone in the room turns toward the beautiful lady with long black hair who mo-ments ago was snuggled up with my brother.

“Mandy, don’t be ridiculous. You don’t want to stay home with three kids.” My mother practically sneers her comment from across the room.

“Actually, Leeta, I was already feeling uneasy leaving Kate with someone I don’t know. Now that you’re asking random neighbors, I definitely feel uncomfortable. You three go and I’ll stay here.”

Uncle Marcus walks up to the soft-spoken lady. He looks at her in a way I’ve never seen my father look at my mother. “Mandy, are you sure you’re okay with this? I don’t have to go—”

“No. No. No. I’ll be fine. You go and enjoy the evening. You know how I feel about leaving Kate.”

“Okay, it’s settled. We need to get going or we’ll be late,” my mother yells, sounding every bit her normal, irritable self.

My dad picks up his keys from the table. “I left my car out front. We can just take it.”