Living Again (52 page)

“Okay,” Kayley put her pizza down and gave him her full attention.

“Remember how I told you that Chief was kind of grooming me for a promotion?” Kayley’s eyes got wide and she nodded. “Well, the Chief of Columbia University’s Children’s Hospital called me today. He wants to interview me to run their Residency Program. He wants me to come up next weekend.”

Kayley’s mouth dropped open. “Columbia? As in New York City?”

Ben nodded. “Yes. New York City. This is one of the top Children’s Hospitals in the country. That’s not all. I want you to come with me.”

“To the interview?”

“To New York, yes. I would never take a job that you hadn’t been a part of the decision. We can look around, see what it’s like. We both have only lived in Florida our whole lives. It’s a whole new world up there. What are you thinking? Be completely honest, seriously.”

“Does this have something to do with Zoey?” Kayley’s insecurity bubbled to the surface.

“As in did she get me this interview? No. She doesn’t work at Columbia. She works at Mount Sinai. I hope you weren’t asking if going there had anything to do with her.”

“No,” Kayley said. “It just seemed coincidental that someone from New York called you after the two of you finally cleared the air. And to answer your question, I think you kind of just blind sighted me. As far as us moving? I just don’t know. That’s a huge step.”

Ben blinked. “Kay…”

She turned to him, her lips set in a thin line. “We’ll talk about this later. I’m going to clean up and give Alexis a bath and get her to bed.” With that, she stood up abruptly and left Ben sitting at the table, wondering what in the world she was thinking.

After dinner was over and they had cleaned up, Kayley took Alexis in for a bath. Sitting on the floor in front of the tub, running a toy boat around the bathtub, she thought about what had just happened at the dinner table. She was happy for him, she really was. He was a fabulous doctor and a great leader, and it was obvious that he was starting to get recognition for all of the hard work he had put in over the years. However, she had no idea if she was ready to pick up and move thousands of miles away. Florida was the only home she had ever known. And more than that, her whole family was here, and so was his. Her support system, including Emily, Rachel, and her other friends, the ones that had been there for her at the lowest point in her life.

On top of it all, Kayley was feeling uneasy that Ben still hadn’t proposed to her. He talked about being with her forever all the time, and he referred to Alexis as his, so why hadn’t he asked? They had lived together for months, they did everything like a family, yet no engagement. She was starting to think that he still had a bit of his old insecurities left. After he proposed to Zoey, things had gone terribly awry. She wasn’t sure she wanted to think about uprooting her whole life when Ben still hadn’t completely committed. He was it for her, she knew that. But she wanted the security and stability of knowing that they were going to be husband and wife.

Kayley washed Alexis’ pretty curls, growing longer every day. She was only a few weeks away from being two. She was completely potty trained as of a few weeks ago, and she had the most extensive vocabulary Kayley had ever heard on a two year old. Her large personality kept them constantly in stitches. Ben said he would have a baby with her at any time, and she wanted that, and desperately. But she also told him she wanted to be married. She tried to push away those little seeds of doubt that crept in, but every week that went by that he didn’t ask her to marry him, the more those seeds grew.
Just talk to him about it,
she told herself. But she just didn’t have the nerve to find out the answer.

Pulling the plug on the water, Alexis played until the water was gone, just like every night. Once it was gone, she would stand up and jump into Kayley’s arms. Drying her hair gently as to not tangle the curls, she kissed her little nose.

“Alllll clean!” Kayley said. “Good job, Lexi.”

“Where is my Daddy?” Alexis loved snuggle time with Ben at bedtime.

“Probably waiting for you in your room. Let’s get these pajamas on.” Kayley put a pull up on Alexis, then her pajamas.

After settling Alexis in her room with Ben, Kayley headed for the couch to wait for him. They needed to talk. She wasn’t happy about this. Not at all.

After a few minutes, Ben came out of Alexis’ room and sat next to her on the couch, his eyes searching hers. “What’s going on, baby? Talk to me.”

Kayley took a deep breath, trying to suppress the anger that was bubbling to the surface. She was scared of losing him, but she didn’t know if she could even think about moving her life to New York.

“Kay?” Ben’s voice was soft, cautious. She twisted her hands in her lap, not meeting his eyes.

“I’m angry at you,” she admitted. “I don’t want to go to New York! You know you’re going to get the job or they wouldn’t be sending you there! This is just a formality. So then you’re going to get an opportunity of a lifetime and want to move thousands of miles away, and I just don’t want to! Our lives are here! I can’t take Alexis from her family.” Kayley stood up, pacing the floor as she became more agitated. Of course, part of her anger was her insecurity about him not wanting to marry her, but she couldn’t say that to him. She’d look like a desperate, emotional woman.

“And then,” she continued. “It’s going to be something you hold over my head for the rest of our lives—if you even decide you want to stay with me—that this was a job you could’ve had, but I ruined it for you because I didn’t want to move. I’m not going to be the reason you say no, Ben. I can’t have you resent me forever.”

Ben stood, putting his hands on her shoulders to stop her pacing. “Is that what you really think, that I might decide I don’t want to stay with you? Is it so hard to believe that I love you? There’s no ‘deciding I don’t want to be with you’, Kay. You still don’t believe that I’m in it for the long haul? What more do I have to do? Do you think that little of me, that I would make this decision and resent you for not supporting it?” He let go of her and turned around, blowing breath from his mouth in frustration. “I can’t believe you really think that. After everything we’ve been through. I have in no way made any decision about moving from Florida to New York. I want you to go with me and check it out, and then we’ll make the decision
together
. The way I thought we were going to be from now on.”

Kayley dropped her head, knowing that she was being ridiculous. Ben was right, and for her, this wasn’t really about the job interview. While she was terrified about the possibility about moving to New York, she was picking a fight for a totally different reason. When she didn’t respond, Ben turned towards her, standing in front of her until she looked up at him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m acting like a child stamping their foot in the grocery store. You’ve never showed me anything other than complete devotion to me and Lexi. I’m just scared.”

Ben breathed out, trying to calm his heartbeat. She had scared him to death with the way she was talking and how upset she had been. “Look at me.” He tipped her head back so he could look into the depths of the eyes he loved so much. “I would never resent you. I promise. I want to go so that I can see what they have to say, and to spend time with you. We’ll make every decision together, no matter what. We’re a family. I would never do anything that wasn’t good for all of us. I can be a doctor anywhere, baby. All I want to do is be with you and Alexis. Everything else comes second for me.”

Kayley stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his broad chest. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I’m being insecure.”

Ben rested his chin on the top of her head, stroking her back. “You have nothing to be insecure about. Ever.” He kissed her hair, relishing in her body pressing into his. “I think we just had our first official fight,” he teased. She pulled away to look at him, a small smile playing on her lips. She knew neither one of them would bring up the huge argument that had almost ruined them.

“So should we make up?” Kayley kissed his chin, and he took the opportunity to pick her up so that she was even with his face.

“Absolutely,” Ben flirted. “But first, will you please come with me to New York? I need your input, and I want you there with me every step of the way.”

Wrapping her legs around his waist, she smiled. “Yes, I will go with you. Let me just make sure it’s okay with my mom so she can keep Alexis.”

After texting her mom and her quickly agreeing to keep Alexis, she made love to Ben, trying to put the possibility of moving her whole life out of her mind and focus on showing him how much she loved him and was sorry for acting like a fool when she should’ve been proud of him.

Kayley looked up, the buildings so tall they looked like they touched the sky. They had arrived in New York about an hour ago. The cab ride from LaGuardia to their hotel had been enough to put her on edge, but standing here, watching the city buzz by her, it was amazing.

“Wow,” she breathed. The March air was cold, but she reveled in the difference of temperature from Florida.

“Ready to go in?” Ben asked from behind her. The concierge had their bags on the rolling cart and the doorman tipped his hat to them. The hospital had booked them in the Four Seasons, overlooking Central Park. As they entered the lobby of the grand hotel, Kayley gasped. She felt like a country bumpkin away from the farm for the first time. She had never seen something so beautiful. Marble columns and stairs led you to the front desk. Everywhere she looked, there was marble or glass or something equally as majestic.

She was stunned into silence at the luxury this hotel displayed, and that they were staying here. Ben walked to the front desk to check them in, leaving her wandering around, feeling like she was having an out of body experience. As much as it unnerved her, thinking about Ben getting a job offer here, she was giddy with excitement to be here with him right now. It almost felt like a honeymoon, except he hadn’t even asked her to marry him.
Stop being negative,
she told herself.
Ben loves you, and that is all that matters
.

“Let’s go break in- er, see our room,” Ben whispered in her ear. She beamed, her stomach fluttering. He laced his fingers through hers and led her to the bank of elevators.

The door opened on the 45
th
floor, and Ben held Kayley’s hand as he looked for the suite number. “Here we are.” Ben unlocked the door and held it open for her. Kayley walked into the suite and the breath left her lungs. It was breathtaking. To the left, a small living room was set up, huge windows filling it with natural light. Walking down the hall, she came to the bathroom, which was adorned completely in marble. A television was in the corner, and under it, the most amazing sunken tub. A glass shower took up a good portion of the room. She smiled as she thought of the fun they could have there. The bedroom had huge picture windows and a king size bed that looked like a soft cloud and was covered with fine linens.

“I think we can stop here,” Ben said huskily in her ear, dropping their suitcases on the floor. Nuzzling her neck, they looked out the picturesque window at the city below. He wrapped his arms around her waist, making sure there was no space between them. Her body instantly started racing at his touch, and she felt the now familiar pull to undress him and show him exactly how amazing she thought he was.

“The
hospital
paid for this?” Kayley turned her face so she could see him. He took the liberty of having her face close and planted his lips on hers. She responded instantly, her body molding into his and a moan reverberated from within her. Her question forgotten, she turned in Ben’s arms and deepened their kiss. No matter how many times they had made love to each other, to her, each time felt just as emotional and heart felt as the last. And this being the first trip they had ever taken together, coupled with the unease she had about what was happening here, she needed his touch.

“I need you,” Kayley whispered into his ear, kissing him along his neck. Her body ignited, a slow, flickering flame traveling up her entire body at each place he touched her.