Living Again (39 page)

Shutting off the engine in Emily’s driveway, he still didn’t see Kayley’s car. But while he was here, he was going to have to try to reason with Emily. She was the key to making this happen with Kayley. He knew it. Walking up to the front door, he knocked gently, knowing it was about bedtime for little Cate. Within seconds, the door swung open and Trevor stood there, holding a beer and a surprised look on his face.

“Hey, Trev,” Ben said sheepishly, knowing full well he knew what an idiot he had been.

Trevor whistled. “Dude, you’re in some hot shit with my wife. Are you sure you want to be here? I just had to listen to it and I’m singed from the fire breathing dragon.”

Ben almost wanted to chuckle. Almost. If he wasn’t so damn afraid. But more than being afraid of Emily, he was afraid of losing Kayley. “I need to speak to her. Please.”

“Come on in, man. It’s your funeral.” Trevor held open the door for him. “Do you want a beer? You’re gonna want one once Emily gets out here.”

Ben nodded and Trevor headed for the kitchen. He sat on a barstool at their counter and looked out at the pool. The pool where things had really started with he and Kayley. Smiling at the memory of her nice pink bikini, the intense make out session on the pool deck, and the walls they had broken down that night, he also wondered if it would ever happen again.

“Here you go, man,” Trevor slid a beer across the counter at him. “So, is it true?”

“That I was a complete and total asshole that overreacted to something that wasn’t what it seemed? Yes.”

“No,” Trevor said. “About you and Zoey.”

Ben choked, practically spitting across the bar. “What are you talking about?”

Trevor slammed his beer on the counter, sloshing some over the edge. “Come on, don’t play games. Level with me here, man to man. Kayley saw the pictures. Emily has them on her phone. Hasn’t Kay been through enough? What was it, payback? You know full well she didn’t do shit with that Cooper guy.”

“Pictures?” Ben was totally confused. Of him and Zoey? That Kayley had and had sent to Emily? “I’m sorry, Trev. I have no idea what you’re talking about, honestly.”

Trevor walked across the kitchen to Emily’s purse and pulled out her cell phone. He slid it across the counter to him. Ben gasped. On the screen were pictures of him and Zoey, in the café at the hotel. There were five pictures total, each one taken at the precise moment that made it look like he had something going on with her. How in the hell? And just like that, he knew. Dana. She was the only one at that hotel this week that knew anything about him and Zoey, or him and Kayley. Somehow, she had done this.

“Oh my God,” he breathed. “It’s not what it looks like, not at all.”

“Funny,” Trevor said, his arms crossed over his chest. “I’m pretty sure that’s what Kayley said to you, too.”

He deserved that. He totally did. “You’re right. I don’t deserve Kayley at all after what I said to her. But, honestly, this was a total setup. This is my ex. She was at the conference I was at in New York. All we did was talk. We talked out what happened to us a few years ago, what the circumstances were around what she did. In these pictures, we’re actually discussing Kayley. She helped me see what an asshole I was being, how unreasonable. I promise, Trevor, I love her with all of my heart. I’m going to make this right. I think I know who took these pictures, and why.”

“Convenient,” Emily said, walking into the room. “Now
you
want us to listen to you after you refused to allow Kayley to explain herself, and then kicked her out of your house?” Emily went and stood next to Trevor, both of them looking at Ben like he was scum on their shoe.

Ben put his head in his hands, realizing these two people loved Kayley too much to let him near her unless he convinced them otherwise. He admired that about them, but at the same time, he felt the clock ticking. Kayley had seen the pictures. She thought he had been doing God knows what with Zoey in New York. After what he had said to her and the way he treated her, if he didn’t get to her soon, he knew his chances with her were about zero. At the look on both Trevor and Emily’s faces, however, he knew it was an uphill battle.

“Emily,” Ben started, wracking his brain to come up with anything he could say to make her understand. “I love you for being such a dedicated friend to Kayley. I would expect nothing less. You have been instrumental in our relationship from the beginning, and I can’t thank you enough for that. I deserve all of the ass kicking that you can give to me. I understand that. I completely freaked out about seeing her with that guy. It wasn’t about her. It was about my own insecurities. Me going to New York, it helped me. Seeing Zoey, talking to her, she helped me realize that I was being a complete dick. That I love Kayley and Alexis more than my own life, and I need to do whatever I can do to make it better. Now that these pictures have been sent to Kayley, it’s even more important that I get to her, try to explain, to grovel. I need to beg her to do what I didn’t have the decency to do for her- listen. I did absolutely nothing with Zoey. I have no interest in her whatsoever. Kayley is my entire heart, my soul. Without her, I’m empty. Without that precious little girl calling me Daddy, I have nothing.
Please
, Emily, help me find her. I need her like I need my next breath.”

Emily looked at Trevor and a silent conversation happened between them. “You promise you didn’t do anything with her?”

Ben stood, walking over to the love of his life’s best friend. He looked her straight in the eyes. “I. Promise.”

Trevor laid his hand on his wife’s shoulder. “Take the man to see her, Em. It’s obvious he’s in a lot of pain, and we know that she is. It’s time for them to make this right.”

Emily looked at her husband, then back at Ben. She sighed. “Okay, let’s go. But I’m warning you, Ben. She has had the worst week of her life since Alex died. I’m not going to let you make it worse for her. If she tells you to go, you’re leaving. Understand?”

Ben nodded, his throat constricting with unshed tears. He had to see her, if it was the last thing he did. “Where is she?”

Emily put her purse on her shoulder, her car keys in hand. “Take your own car and follow me. She’s at Rachel’s parents’ beach house.”

“Is Alexis with her?” Ben had to know.

“No,” Emily said, eyeing him warily. “She left her with her parents. You two need to talk before you get that innocent little girl involved, anyway.” He nodded, following her to the front door. Trevor stopped him with a hand on his shoulder before he walked out the door.

“Pour your heart out, man. You’re going to have to give this all you’ve got. She loves you, but right now, she’s so hurt she has no idea which way is up.”

If one more word was spoken, Ben was going to collapse on the ground and not be able to get up. He was wound so tight with emotion, it wouldn’t take much more for him to lose it. He couldn’t believe he had been so stupid. If he thought punching himself in the face would do anything, he would, that’s how idiotic he felt right now. “I know, Trev. Thank you. For being a good friend to her and to me, even when I don’t deserve it.”

“We all screw up, man. It’s how you make it right that counts. Go get your girl.”

Ben jogged to his car, sliding in and starting it up as quickly as he could. Time was ticking, and the more minutes Kayley spent thinking he and Zoey were back together, the worse this was going to be. He pulled out and waited for Emily to pull out so he could follow her.

“Em, you on your way?” Rachel’s voice answered the phone.

Emily looked in her rearview mirror, seeing Ben right on her tail. “Yes.” She blew her breath out slowly. “But I’m not alone.”

“What? You aren’t alone?” Rachel paused. “No way, Em. You’re
not
bringing him here, are you?”

“It’s not what you think,” Emily explained, hoping that she was making the right decision taking Ben there. After seeing him in her kitchen, just as destroyed and hopeless as Kayley was, she knew that at least she had to help them talk, even if it only ended in a permanent breakup. There needed to be closure here, on both of their parts.

“Really? It looked pretty clear cut to me,” Rachel’s anger burned through the phone. “Kayley won’t even speak. She’s still sitting out there in the cold, staring at the water. It’s practically dark, but she won’t come in. I have no idea when the last time she ate was. Is this really,
really
going to be beneficial to her?”

Emily’s heart squeezed at the thought of Kayley going through this much turmoil again. “Rach, we’re her friends. We don’t want to see her hurt, but she
is
hurting. And she will continue to hurt until they talk and she feels at peace, no matter which conclusion she comes to. He’s frantic to see her. If you could’ve seen the guy in my kitchen, it was all Trev and I could do to not break down ourselves. I’ve never seen a guy look like such a wreck over a girl-”

“He
should
be a wreck! Look at what he did! All over Cooper James? He didn’t even
care
what her explanation was! Seriously, Em, I don’t think you’re being rational about this. What if this sends her straight over the edge and we end up having to take her for real, psychological help? Where will that leave Alexis? God, hasn’t she been through enough in one lifetime?”

Emily sighed, knowing she wasn’t going to make Rachel understand. This was one of Rachel’s main reasons for staying ‘happily’ unattached. Though she didn’t think Rachel was actually as happy as she let on. “Rach, I will be there in under ten minutes. Please don’t tell Kay we’re coming. I’m afraid if she finds out Ben is coming there, she’ll run. We need them to talk. Trust me.”

Rachel scoffed. “Whatever, Em. This is on you. I’m not condoning this at all.” She hung up the phone, leaving Emily to wonder if she really was doing the best thing for Kayley, taking Ben to her.

When they arrived at the beach, Ben scrambled from the car so fast, Emily had to hold up her hand to stop him. “Hold on,” she instructed. “According to Rachel, she’s been sitting on the beach in the cold ever since she got here. It’s now dark, and Rachel said she’s still out there. She won’t eat, she won’t even talk. This is what you asked for, a chance to talk to her. When you go back there, I want you to be prepared. You’ve never seen Kayley like this before. We have. She’s quite possibly even worse than she was after Alex died. You want to know
why¸
Ben?”

Ben scrubbed his face with his hands, his feet restless. He
had
to get back there,
and now
. “Why, Em?”

“Because Alex didn’t
choose
to leave her, to throw her out of his life without listening to her.
He died.
It wasn’t his choice. You, however, did this to her. You knew what it was going to do to her, and you did it anyway. And even though the thing with Zoey isn’t true, she doesn’t know that. To her, this whole thing has come crashing down on her because of a lunch she had with one of her dead husband’s friends, where he came onto
her
, not the other way around. She was trying to get away from him, Ben. Not that you fucking care.”

Ben gulped in air, every word she spoke hitting his nerves like gasoline to a flame. “I care,” he whispered. “I know I did this. Can I
please
go find her?”

“We’ll be in the house,” Rachel’s voice came from the dark. “And we’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that she doesn’t get any further hurt because of you.”

Ben nodded at them and headed for the back of the beach house. He could hear the crashing waves, but he couldn’t see anything. As he walked around the corner, there was a flood light illuminating the area behind the house, and he saw her. Kayley was sitting on the sand, her knees tucked up to her chin. She was wearing a hooded sweatshirt, and he couldn’t see her face. He almost couldn’t breathe he was so relieved to see her. His body shook with the anticipation of what he needed to do, what he hoped would happen. He stepped closer to her, and as he got nearer, he heard her. She was sobbing, heart wrenching, soul-breaking sobs like the night she was begging him to listen to her. He stopped, his gut twisting. All he wanted to do was walk up behind her, wrap his arms around her, and tell her how sorry he was. He wanted to beg her to still love him, to forgive him for being an absolute dickhead. He wished it could be that simple.