Lifesong (10 page)

I stood between them, breaking my gaze with Tucker to check on Zarrius. “But leaving him like this isn’t fair, either.”

He was going to die, regardless of what either of us did, and I couldn’t stand to watch him suffer, or to let him bleed out as we walked away. I took a breath. Then another. And another. My heart kept beating, but my entire body was numb.

Digging my nails into my palms, I took a few steps before pressing one knee into the snow. I leaned over the grey wolf, my eyes cataloguing every cut, scrape and bruise. The fur of his side was soaked with blood, and bright red muscle showed through. I set a hand on his mane, and the wolf whimpered, his breathing slow.

I took my time, feeling Tucker’s gaze on me along with that of the other guardians. My fingers found glass, and I carefully pulled it from Zarrius’ wounds. He whimpered again, louder this time, snarling around bright white fangs. He could’ve killed me right there if he’d wanted to, but he let me work.

I glanced in Tucker’s direction and shook my head. Even if we had a needle and thread, the wolf’s wounds were too deep. He’d lost too much blood. I leaned over him, staring into his dark eyes.

Tucker nudged me to move out of the way, but I stayed where I was. Remembering how Tucker had shared his memories with me back at the house, I pressed my forehead to the alpha’s. The other guardians closed in around us.

“Emma,” Tucker growled, tugging at my sleeve. “What are you doing?”

“What you can’t.”

I shut my eyes and pressed my hands into Zarrius’ fur. The wolf struggled against me.

“Show me, and I’ll let you go,” I said, staring at his eyes.

The alpha closed his eyes in understanding and opened his mind. The world went dark as a thousand small images rushed past my vision—wolves, guardians, humans and the Earth. Everything I needed to know to take his place.

I hugged my arms around his mane. “I will look after them.”

My hands shook as I moved them into place, one on the end of Zarrius’ muzzle and the other back behind his ears. It would only take one twist, timed between gasps of air—or so I hoped. I hadn’t actually done anything like this before, but I'd seen it in the movies, and they had to be right. Didn’t they?

You'll either kill him or make things even worse.
I didn't see anyone else trying to help him, so the responsibility fell onto me. Tucker was in no position to do it himself, see as he was still lying on the ground. And the others?

I bit back my tears and held my breath, focusing on my hands. Zarrius inhaled. Again—shallower than before.
You’re running out of time. Do it now!
I gripped his neck and twisted.
Please let this work.
There was no way I’d be able to try it again. Bone crunched. My stomach turned. Zarrius exhaled.

His body went limp in my arms. I’d given him what no one else could. A human to share his memories with and a release from a life that should’ve ended long ago.

I opened my eyes, throwing my arms around Tucker’s mane as soon as he nudged me with his muzzle. The guardians howled around us, and as I stood up with Tucker’s help, they bowed their heads.

Tucker lowered his head in submission. “Emma…” His voice trailed off, but we both knew what he was going to say.

I was the new alpha. My mind was too full of words to speak. I felt everything and nothing at all. This was what Zarrius had wanted all along. He’d been waiting since before Tucker and the current guardians had become part of the pack. He challenged Tucker because he was the strongest, but in the end, I was the one who’d answered his pleas.

“Now what?” Tucker asked, hesitating when the pack stepped away, opening a path for us.

“We go home.”

“All of us?” the white she-wolf from earlier asked.

“All of us.”

Chapter Thirteen

Emma

The she-wolf’s name was Luna, which was really fitting for a wolf with a white pelt. It wasn’t her given name, of course, but most of the pack either came up with new names after becoming a guardian or were given their names by the pack alpha. Aside from that, I didn’t know much about her. Not until my nightmares started, shortly after the pack’s return to the house.

My eyes shot open, jumping to every corner of the room, but the Earth hadn’t opened up or set its long roots into the house. It hadn’t stolen my wolves from me. I rolled over, coming face to face with Tucker, whose eyes were open.

“Don’t you ever sleep?” I asked, trying my best to ignore the growing anxiety from my nightmares.

Tucker yawned, sprawling out until he’d taken over more than his fair share of the bed. “You jumped,” he said, as if to explain his being awake. His eyes narrowed to read the clock behind me. “Gods, Emma. It’s two in the morning. Why in the world are you up?”

“Nightmares,” I said, surprised when my voice didn’t crack.

“They’re just nightmares, Emma. Go back to sleep.”

You wouldn’t say that if you knew how real they were. I shuddered at the thought of the Earth taking any one of us, then said, “I think I’ll get up and make some tea—clear my head.”

“All right.” Tucker licked my cheek and rumbled softly, “Don’t stay up too long.”

“I won’t,” I promised, throwing the blankets off my legs before climbing out of bed.

Tucker didn’t stir after that. Though I was sure that, if his leg hadn’t been busted up as badly as it was, he would’ve followed me. Assured he’d rest until I got back, I grabbed my robe from behind the bathroom door and made my way downstairs.

The other wolves were fast asleep in the living room, minus one. My eyes fell onto Luna as soon as I turned on the kitchen light.

“Damn it, Luna, what the hell?”

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” Luna said gently, not moving from where she stood. “Why are you awake at such a late hour?”

“I should ask you the same thing.”

“It’s my shift,” she said, matter-of-factly.

“Shift?” Having found my legs again, I padded over to the kitchen sink, filling the kettle with water before placing it on the stove to boil.

“The pack takes turns staying awake to watch after you—our alpha. It’s always been this way.”

“And what? You pulled the shortest straw?”

She shook her head. “Not really, no.” She rested back on her haunches. “No matter how long we’ve been stuck in our wolf skins, we still cling to the lives we had back when we were still human.”

“So, were you always a night owl?” I retrieved a bag of chamomile and set it along with the water in my mug to steep.

“More of a light sleeper, really.” Luna perked her ears at me. “I told you my story, now it’s your turn to tell me yours. Why are you up? I cannot honestly believe you had such a craving for tea that you couldn’t sleep.”

I nodded at that. “Nightmares.”

Luna padded over beside me, pressing her nose into my one palm. “Anything you want to talk about?”

I shook my head and removed the bag from my mug. I pulled one of the chairs out from under the kitchen table and sat down. “Just dreams.”

“Just dreams don’t keep you up, and they certainly don’t force you to make tea.”

I took a sip from my mug, swishing the liquid over my tongue as I considered my next move. Talking about anything but my nightmare seemed appropriate. My thoughts settled on Tucker and the pack. “Have you known Tucker long?”

Luna’s ears perked forward, but she didn’t speak.

“He won’t say anything,” I told her. “But I can see he isn’t happy with you. I just can’t understand why. You led me to him, and to Zarrius. He should be relieved. Is there anything about you two that I should know?”

“Finish your tea, then I’ll show you everything.”

* * * *

Luna probably expected me to head back to bed once I’d finished my tea, but her last words haunted me almost as much as the nightmare that had woken me up.

“Well?”

“You know how to imprint, yes?” Luna asked.

“Tucker has done it a few times with me.”

Luna nodded. “You also did it with Zarrius.”

“Why do you ask?”

“Before I can tell you about his disgust with me, I need to know how much he’s shown you.”

“Not much…at least, not as much as I’d like. I’ve seen a tree, Tucker, wolves and when he lost his guardian.”

“And what did Zarrius show you in addition to that?”

“The pack running together, Tucker’s bond to me…his own past.”

“Then I will show you what happened between us, which should explain why he’s upset with me. Lean forward and clear your mind.” Luna padded as close to me as she could without jumping into my lap.

I did as she asked, opening my mind like I’d done so many times before. The room flashed white and then went black. I saw nothing after that.

* * * *

I drew in a breath, testing the weight of the air before letting it back out again. The darkness around my vision began to clear, and I sucked in a breath. Luna wasn’t just showing me snapshots like Tucker had done when we first met, she was reliving her memories.
Like an old video.

Her white form was dark against an orange sky as she perched at the top of a hill. She was sitting back, almost as if she was content, but her muzzle turned down towards something I couldn’t see. Another dark shape loped up the hill to meet her. The two exchanged words and she shook her head. The other wolf ran away, his posture appearing more ruffled than before.

That first wolf was followed by many more, and Luna turned each one away. I might not have been able to hear their words, but it was plain to see that they were courting her—with no success. My heart dropped to my toes when I caught sight of a familiar wolf, of Tucker’s sleek coat as he bounded up the hill well after the others had left.
Please say yes, please say yes.
What was I thinking? I knew how this was going to end.

I couldn’t look away, and when Luna turned down Tucker like all the others, I could almost feel the pain in the howl he let out as he retreated back into the woods. Luna stayed there for a long while, never moving. Then, when the moon highlighted her against the snow-covered ground, she turned away, going in the opposite direction to the other wolves. She’d left the pack.

She was protecting herself.
That was all it was. It wasn’t that she didn’t love him, it was because she hadn’t been able to put herself through that pain all over again.
Just like Tucker.
The two were so similar, it was frightening.

“Is this what happens to all of the guardians?” I asked, tilting my head back to break the link between us.

“Hmm?” Luna cocked her head.

“The
fall out of love, never to love again
thing? Do you all get like that?”

“Many of us do, yes. When you look at the relationship we guardians have with our humans, it’s just one sad love story after another.”

“Then why fall in love in the first place? Can you stay out of love?”

“No. There are things even the heart can’t fight against.”

Luna showed me even more after that, getting a little more complex every night. We’d talk while I made tea to settle my nerves. Then she would begin, picking up where she’d left off the night before.

It amazed me how much the guardians, and even Tucker, had seen. But I couldn’t understand why he hadn’t shown me himself. I also wondered why Luna felt so inclined to do so. We’d only just met. Was it because I was her alpha, or was it something more?

Chapter Fourteen

Tucker

The house changed a lot after Zarrius broke in. Emma pulled up the living room carpet with the pack’s help, and we even found a spare pane of glass to place in the front window. It was far from perfect, but it served its purpose. And even though Emma had scrubbed down most of the walls along with the floors, I could still smell him, the iron of blood and wolf fur mixed with sweat.

Of course, the dog fur could easily be explained by the entire pack now living inside the house. Eight—six wolves as well as Emma and myself. I removed the kettle of hot water from the stove and filled two mugs. The other guardians couldn’t shift, and still the house felt like home.

Retrieving two tea bags from the top cabinet—green for me and orange spice for Emma—I plopped them in their respective mugs to steep. Emma hadn’t moved from her perch for most of the morning. After settling in one of the recliners we’d moved in front of the window, she’d taken out one of her notebooks and started writing down our stories.

The rest of the pack had curled up around her chair, some half asleep, but all ears perked with attention. She was smiling, and as she spoke, many of the tails in the room wagged from one side to the other as the wolves whispered amongst themselves. Leaning back against the counter, I took my mug in my palms, delighting in the warmth before sipping at the hot liquid.

I watched Emma as she shifted in her chair, and I had to bite back the urge to pounce on her right then. We hadn’t spent any time alone in over a week, but the pack was better for it. Zarrius’ passing haunted my dreams, but after Emma shared her memories of him with me, I knew this was what Zarrius would’ve wanted. It had just taken a human, and not a wolf, to realise it.

It felt odd having wolves in the house again. It was suddenly too crowded and empty all at once. I longed for the bodies that were absent—from the humans the guardians hadn’t been able to imprint upon, to Zarrius and Ika. Still, with the rest of the pack always under Emma’s feet, there were times I wanted to wish them all away.

It was common for the pack to do everything together, but spending time with Emma wasn’t something I’d wanted to share with anyone. She belonged to me just as much as I belonged to her, but ever since she’d taken her place as alpha, she’d been distracted.
You should’ve taken the offer when you had the chance.
I bit back a growl and glanced out of the back window. At least then, I would’ve been able to send the rest of the pack away. As it was, they only ever left the house to hunt, and that was only in pairs. And since I couldn’t hunt on a bad leg, they brought enough back for the rest of us.