Lifesong (8 page)

“But isn’t going feral better than dying?”

“Going feral is only temporary, Emma. Going feral for a guardian would be like you losing your memories or the ability to speak. It’s something we all fear, but so long as we serve the Earth and heal her wounds, we remain—or at least some part of us does.”

“Do you ever get tired of waiting?”

“Waiting for what?”

“For the end? How can you save the Earth when it’s just going to happen again?”

“We don’t look at it like that. Humans aren’t the only ones facing their end. The Earth only targets humans with its rage because there’s no one else to blame. If the humans were ever to die off, the world would either feed on other species or fall into itself. So you see, even though the humans were the ones who built the machines, they aren’t the only ones in danger of losing themselves because of their greed.”

“That’s terrible.”

“This is why guardians are so important, and why my bond with you is so special.”

“Even if you die because of it?”

My heart suddenly felt heavier than before. “If I could spend an eternity with you, I would, but after being alone for so long, after being without a mate, I guess what you said earlier was true. There will come a time when I am too tired to care about the world.”

“And after a century, you’d still give up love to save it?”

I sighed. “I know it sounds twisted, but what about those who haven’t had a chance to feel love? What about those who will never feel love unless we do something to stop this? Doing anything else would be selfish.”

“But you’ve already waited so long to find love again,” Emma said, her voice hoarse. “It isn’t fair.”

“It’s the way things are.”

Emma stepped into my arms, placing her ear against my chest. When she spoke again, her voice was lower than before, “What about Zarrius? Did you find him?”

Her words suffocated me, and I struggled to speak. “I-I lost his trail along the western ridge. I’ll look for him tomorrow.” Another lie. Unless he came back to the house, I couldn’t see any reason to go after him.

Emma bobbed her head and closed her eyes. “Promise you won’t let him get away.”

I swallowed so hard she probably heard it. “It’s not as easy as that, Emma. The pack needs an alpha.”

Our eyes met. “Can’t you be the alpha?”

I was shaking my head before she could finish. “They need someone a little more permanent. Besides, my responsibility is with you now, not the pack. I can’t afford to take over Zarrius’ rank, not when I have to look after you.”

“Who says I need protecting?” Emma teased.

I leaned my head against hers. “I’ll look for him tomorrow. I promise.”

Emma curled up against me, and I cradled her in my arms. If one of us was better suited to being an alpha, it would be her. Emma’s voice was always so confident compared to mine, and her eyes were fierce and commanding without her having to say a single word. Still, I knew I had to protect her and promised to go looking for the alpha in the morning.

Chapter Ten

Emma

Heavy streams of water beat against my back before pooling around my feet. I waited for Tucker’s words from earlier to dribble down the drain, through the pipes and under the house until they were gone. The words were still there, playing in the back of my mind.

I pressed my palms against the shower wall and did whatever I could to keep them flat. It didn’t do a damned thing for my foul mood, especially when I knew he was sitting right outside the bathroom door.

It was the first time I sort of wished I was back at the ward, in my cell without the company of others. At least then I’d been able to keep my thoughts straight without someone else influencing them. I couldn’t understand why he was so willing to give up on everything, to give up on all of this, just so I could have another chance at love later on.

“I don’t want a second chance,” I snarled as tears pricked at the backs of my eyes.

I preferred this life, the life I had, over some other life I’d have as a guardian. And even then, according to Tucker, I’d fall in love, only to have to give up on it yet again. It wasn’t right. People were supposed to fall in love. They were supposed to stay in love and die together.
Still in love.

My heart beat inside my ears. If the hot water hadn’t turned my skin red before, it was now. I hated Tucker for imprinting on me, for bringing me to the pack’s house and expecting me to give up on what we had—what we could have if we let the Earth die. I didn’t have to worry about the Earth’s anger. I wasn’t a child anymore. I didn’t plan to have children, and by the time the Earth did decide to die, it’d be generations from now. It wouldn’t affect us at all.

What about the guardians? What about the wolves?
Damn them and their precious laws.
I preferred it when I’d been back at the ward. Things had been a lot simpler back there. There’d been no pack, no crisis. All I had to do was obsess over a wolf—a talking wolf—but still just a wolf. One wolf.
One.
Ever since I learnt about the guardians, things had got way too complicated. Even for me.

I exhaled a breath into the humid air to release the tension in my chest. Condensation streaked down the tiled walls like tears. I held mine back. I knew sitting around and waiting for the world to end wasn’t really an option, not when I had the power to keep it from happening. That was why Tucker was so open to the idea. So calm.
He’d seen this happen once before. He’d probably had the same thoughts about his guardian when he was still human.
He gave up on love so he could find it again.

This whole thing made my head spin, but somehow I understood why Tucker had said what he did, and in the end, I couldn’t blame him. He hadn’t had to tell me any of the things he did, but he’d done it anyway. Either out of concern for my wellbeing or knowing how much his loss pained him, he’d told me. And, at least for now, we could enjoy one another’s company. There would be no surprises. I only hoped when the time came, I’d be ready to let him go, to sing to the Earth and become a guardian.

* * * *

Tucker

Emma hadn’t spoken a single word since before she’d got in the shower, but I could tell what I’d said earlier was still lodged somewhere in her mind. Her body tensed whenever she looked at me, and she went rigid when I tried to tuck her into bed. It wasn’t her fault. I shouldn’t have told her.
If I’d kept it to myself, I wouldn’t have had to see her like this, in so much pain. It was clear to see I was the one who'd put it there.

But that’s not what you’d want.
Given the choice, I would’ve wanted Ika to warn me so we could’ve enjoyed our time together in some other, more meaningful way. I wasn’t sure what it would’ve been, but I knew telling Emma now was better than her finding out later on.

After tucking the blankets around her, I changed into my wolf skin and curled up at the foot of the bed. I waited to hear her breathing slow, to hear her fall into dreaming, but she stayed awake.

I crept up to the middle of the bed and nuzzled at the back of her neck. When she stirred, I settled down behind her, resting my muzzle against her cheek.

“What keeps you awake?” I asked, grimacing when my tail flopped on the mattress behind me.

Emma placed a hand on my nose, walking her fingers up my muzzle to scratch me behind my ears. “You should stay like this more often.”

“What, you like dog breath?” I rumbled.

“I don’t mind it.” Emma shrugged and curled her arms to her chest. “It feels right—you being like this.”

I relaxed, getting as close to her as I could. “But this is only half of me.”

“You said you were a child once. How old were you when you found your guardian?”

“She came to me when I was five. Back then, the Earth faced other dangers, apart from the human race. That’s why Ika came to me. I found her when I was nineteen.”

“So, you were a boy for nineteen years, and you’ve been a wolf for how long?”

My ears flattened against my skull. “One hundred and fourteen years.”

“Then, wouldn’t it be right for me to love the wolf, the older part of you, more than the man you used to be—the one I’ve never met?”

“I guess you’re right. I’d never thought of it like that before. But then, does this mean you’re in love with me, or the idea of me?”

Emma rolled over under the covers, lying on her back before resting a hand on my scruff. “I love all of you. I don’t care what you are—your eyes are always the same. You are my wolf, just as much as you’re the man I’ve slept with. So long as your eyes are the same that will never change.”

“You know, you’re very poetic when you get worked up.”

“Blame that on having nothing better to do than read for the last six years.”

“You didn’t have television?” I lowered my muzzle onto her chest, breathing in her shampoo and soft skin.

“We did, but what was the point? They kept the news on all the time. Always the same—always a child missing.” She shook her head, as if to wash the thoughts away. “I hate them. I hate being
one of them.
”

I adjusted my weight so I could rest a forepaw on her. Gods, I wanted to shift right then and take her in my arms, but keeping to my wolf skin felt better, like it was the right thing to do. It was what she needed—for me to be her wolf by still being a wolf.

“You aren’t one of them, Emma.” I sat back on my haunches. “Your heart is anything but human.”

Emma’s eyes softened and she reclined on her pillows. “You make a very good wolf,” she mused, brushing a hand through my neck fur.

I licked her on the cheek. “So would you.”

Emma

Tonight was the first time Tucker hadn’t aroused me with his closeness. Freeing. I’d spent years dreaming about the wolf who’d promised to protect me—his memory more than enough to excite me. Only now, with Tucker lying at my side, all I felt was warmth. I could’ve asked him to shift back to his human form, but it wasn’t something my body craved.

The sensation, or lack thereof, allowed me to focus on my thoughts rather than my needs, which was a big step up from when we’d first got here. I imagined what it’d be like to be a wolf, to run on four feet instead of two. It was the sensation I wanted to feel most. That and possibly the wind through my fur.

I hadn’t realised I’d spaced out until Tucker licked at my chin. “You’re awake, but you’ve stopped petting me. Where have your thoughts taken you?”

I glanced down at him, and he opened his maw in what appeared to be a smile. “You attention whore,” I teased, petting the fur along the bottom of his stomach. His head fell back onto the mattress as his tongue lolled out the other side of his muzzle. “Is this all it takes for a poor, frail human to tame a guardian?”

Tucker whimpered and closed his eyes, his tail wagging the slightest bit. “I could fight it.”

“No, you couldn’t.”

“Could so,” Tucker said, opening one eye. “But I don’t want to. Who’s to say it isn’t the other way around—that I haven’t tamed you and made you my petting slave?”

I pushed at him with both hands, rolling him onto his side. “Knock it off!” I laughed at him when he gave me
the look
. “Nope, not falling for it.”

Tucker’s neck fur bristled in a shrug and he turned onto his stomach to face me. “What were you thinking about?”

I leaned on one of my arms, brushing my forehead against him. “Oddly enough, how I’m not aroused by you when you’re like this.”

Tucker lowered his ears. “Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?”

“Both?”

Tucker sat up when I did, changing forms almost instantly. “Better?”

“That’s not fair,” I whined, trembling when he kissed me on the lips.

“Easily aroused, huh?” Tucker cupped his hand around one of my breasts, smirking when I squirmed.

“See what I mean?” I pressed my hands against his chest, playfully pushing him away. “What do you expect me to do with a naked man in my bed, anyway?”

“
Your
bed?” Tucker tried to look hurt.

“Dog eyes work better,” I warned, my smile fading when I heard something move downstairs. We both froze. “What was that?”

Tucker lifted his head, scenting the air. “Wait here.” He crawled across his side of the bed. “And lock the door,” he ordered, shifting into a wolf moments later.

I shot up from the bed and stared down the hall, watching Tucker until he was gone. I locked the bedroom door before I heard the second crash.

Chapter Eleven

Tucker

Zarrius’ scent filled my nostrils as soon as I opened the door to our room. The offensive odour wasn’t just outside anymore. The alpha’s scent hung heavily in the air, suffocating me.

The fur on the back of my neck stood on end, and I lowered my stomach to the ground. Instinctively, I tucked my tail between my legs, ears lowered in submission. It was stupid for me to submit. He’d only come for one thing.
Emma.
Closing my eyes, I focused on Emma, on her pink body, her delicate flesh and her inability to defend herself from a full-grown wolf. There were no weapons inside the house, not unless I decided to get creative.

It had never been a problem before. The pack knew better than to attack a human, let alone break into the house. I paused in the stairwell, ears perked, listening to a set of paws as they skidded across the floor. Something bumped down the hall, and I knew Emma was hiding herself in the bathroom, away from the windows and anything remotely close to the hallway.
Good girl.

Knowing Zarrius hadn’t passed me to get to the bedroom I slunk to the lower levels of the house. The smell of iron filled my nose well before I saw the blood, red puddles that stained the living room floor. I raised my tail with confidence, growling under my breath as I sniffed at the red trail.

The front window was broken, shards of glass cracking beneath my weight. Guardians weren’t supposed to be in the house without a human. It was one of our laws, but that didn’t mean a wolf couldn’t break in. And as far as Zarrius was concerned, he was above the law. He’d made that perfectly clear the last time we’d spoken and he’d mentioned his interest in Emma.