Life's Next Chapter (28 page)

She puts the pictures back in the folder and closes it then folds her hands on the folder and looks at me. “I will get on this right away and see what I can do. I’m going to need the name and number of your private investigator.”

Sliding out of the chair, I pull my wallet out and give her his business card. “Here. Thanks, Beth, for doing this for Kate.”

She stands up and gives me a hug. “It’s for you, too, Luke.”

She grabs her things and we walk out of the coffee shop. I get in my truck and head to Nick’s firehouse.

TODAY IS ELLA’S baby shower. I can’t believe it’s March already. I don’t mean to be a Debby Downer, but I really don’t want to go. It makes me sick to my stomach to think the last time we were all together was Christmas Eve and we were all pregnant for at least a little while, until Beth gave birth to Maddie. I’m so very happy for my girlfriends, but at the same time, I don’t want to go shower her with pink things, knowing my baby girl will never wear pink.

It’s been a month since I last saw and talked to Luke. It’s like he vanished. A part of me was hoping he would give me a day then come back to me. I know I was a heartless bitch. I hate myself for hurting him and seeing the look on his face when I told him I didn’t love him will be the death of me. The thing is I do love him; I love him more today than I did when he first told me he loved me.

Ironically, Leah has helped me through some of it. We’ve talked a lot since I ran into her at Target a couple weeks ago. She couldn’t believe Luke and I were over.

With the girls in tow, I’m walking to my truck when I see Brody’s black Range Rover pull up my driveway. I haven’t seen Brody in months, what the hell is he doing here? I ask the girls to go play on their swing set until I call them.

Brody jumps out of the car and walks to me. He even gives me a hug, which is strange. “Kate, I’m so sorry, if I would have known sooner, I would have come by.”

What the hell?
“I’m sorry, Brody, what are you talking about?”

“The baby, Kate, I just heard from Nick that you and Luke lost the baby.”

Whoa, wait a minute I lost the baby almost nine weeks ago and he is just finding this out? “You mean Luke never told you?”

“No, he told me you guys broke up, but he never mentioned the loss of his daughter until yesterday when he handed me this to give to you.” He hands me a letter. “Kate, please go and see him. I’m so scared he will go back to what he did to cope before. He’s drinking like a fish again, and I don’t want to see him go through what he did after the war.”

“Brody, what happened to him? All he has ever called it was his dark place, how dark was it?”

“Oh, Kate, it was bad. I honestly believe, if it weren’t for Danika, he wouldn’t be here today. After he came home from San Antonio, he was in a ton of pain. He turned to the painkillers. He blocked out the pain and the nightmares with pills. Then it became pills and booze. He stopped going to his meetings and support groups. He wouldn’t look at himself in a mirror. He would only wear long sleeve shirts. His mother almost had a heart attack when he was wearing a flannel shirt at our Fourth of July barbecue. Then to torture himself, he decided to get tattoos to cover up the skin grafts. The doctor didn’t recommend it, said it would be terribly painful. I went with him to get the tribal one done first. I think the tattoo artist was crying because she knew how much pain he was in. But, he fought the pain tooth and nail, as if he deserved such torture to his body. Kate, he’s doing it again. The drinking and tattoos, I’m worried he might be on the pills again. Please, talk to him. He misses you terribly.”

I swallow the huge lump in my throat hating myself even more. “I…uh…Brody, how long ago did he go through all this?”

“It was maybe a year after he came home from the hospital. My nights consisted of me talking to him, trying to push him to get the help he needed.”

“How did he get the help?”

“Danika did it. For a young teenager she was extremely knowledgeable and brave. She held an intervention at my aunt’s house. Everyone was there, but it took Danika crying her eyes out to her dad. He finally saw the damage he was doing to his body and to his daughter. That night he checked himself into a drug and alcohol facility. This time, though I’m worried he’s putting on a good act around Danika, plus she doesn’t see him that much.”

“What do you mean she doesn’t see him? Where did he go, where has he been?”

“He’s been living on my brother’s couch. Until recently he has been sleeping on the floor at the job site we’ve been on. He’s remodeling a winter home on the beach for a couple up north. Now, do you see why I am worried?”

“Why didn’t he go back home?”

“Kate, this was his home, here with you. He wasn’t going to ask his daughter and roommates to move out. He kept hoping you would want him back.”

My chest is squeezing the breath out of me. My knees are trembling. I can only pray that I didn’t mess this up. That Luke isn’t on the pills. “Brody, you have to tell me where he is. I’ll make this right.”

He pulls out his cell phone and text me the address of the house he’s remodeling and his brother’s home address. “These are the two places he should be at. Then again, he may tell you more in the letter.”

He leans into me and gives me another hug. “I don’t know two people who are more stubborn than you two. You both love one another, be together. Who said any of this love stuff was easy, but it’s worth the fight to have it.”

“Thanks, Brody,” is all I can mutter.

Looking over at the girls, who are swinging on their see-saw swing, I open the letter. It smells like saw dust and is written in pencil. I picture it’s the pencil he sometimes perches behind his ear when he’s measuring. Or how his jeans hang so low on his waist because his pockets are full of what not while he’s working. Standing here staring at the envelope, I start to cry; I miss him so much and I love him so much. I’m scared I might be too late.

I open the envelope and lean against my truck.

I flip through the next couple pages and it is the song
What Hurts the Most.
He wrote all the lyrics out for me to read, what he felt for me. I know this song, but to read the lyrics feeling Luke’s pain is so much more. I know what I need to do. I pull out my phone and try calling him
. Damn it!
I get his voicemail. I leave a message telling him to call me. Next I call my mom, who’s going to Ella’s baby shower.

“Hi, baby girl.”

“Mom, where are you?”

“I’m on my way to Ella’s. Why?”

“I need you to take the girls for me, something has come up and I can’t go.”

“Kate, you need to put your feelings aside and think of Ella for a couple hours. I know this is hard—”

“Mom!” I cut her off. “It’s Luke, he’s in trouble and needs me. I need to fix this.”

“Alright, I’m almost to her house.”

“I’ll just meet you there. I will give my apologies to Ella about why I can’t stay. Will you bring the girls home with you?”

“Of course. Kate, are you guys alright?”

“Mom, we will be. See you soon.”

“See you soon.”

I hang up. Change of plans, girls, you are going to the baby shower with Gamma.”

They clap their hands and chant Gamma’s name over and over. I can see where I stand on the totem pole. Geez, I wish I got that kind of attention. With the girls buckled in their seats, I haul ass to Ella’s.

Once they are with my mother, I try calling Luke again. Straight to voicemail, again. He’s either ignoring me or working and not paying attention to his phone. I can either head east towards the beach for a forty-five minute drive, or I can head west toward downtown, which is a thirty minute drive. I listen to my heart; I have a feeling he is at the beach house. I program the address in my GPS and drive towards Luke.

FIFTY MINUTES LATER I pull up to the house and fist pump the air when I see Luke’s truck in the driveway. The house looks like something that should be condemned. There are boards over the windows, the stucco is chipped and covered in mildew. The roof has blue tarps all over it. There isn’t a garage door, so you can see into the garage. There are wires hanging where the coach lights should be. The front porch roof looks like it will fall any minute. There are missing stairs up to the porch. This place looks like it’s been through several hurricanes and never got remodeled.

I walk to the side of the house, where I can see the sand dunes. This place has potential; it has a gorgeous view of the ocean. I walk around back, hearing the saw going. When I turn the corner, my heart falls into my stomach. I worked so hard to block Luke out of my mind, but seeing him, it’s like I’m breathing again. I take in a few deep breaths and stare at him. He has an amazing backside. I lick my lips as I watch him bend over the saw table and cut boards. He has on a white shirt, already showing sweat through it. He has on his work jeans that are so worn and faded, but sit perfectly on those hips of his. I can see the imprint of the tape measure in his back pocket.

Once the saw turns off, “Luke,” I slowly say his name in a soft voice. He turns around and stands, stunned. He pulls his aviators off his face and carefully sets them on the table.

“Sunshine,” he whispers, almost like he doesn’t believe I’m really here. I run to him and he picks me up, pulling me close to his body. The immediate jolt of closeness and electricity between us feels like the wind was knocked out of me.

I start to cry into his neck. “Luke, I’m so sorry. Please, forgive me.”

“It’s not your fault, baby, it was mine. It’s why I never called you. I felt you hated me for not being more for you. I promise to make it better, if you’ll take me back.”

“That’s why I’m here. I need you back, Luke. I love you; I never stopped loving you. Losing Luka hurt so badly, and I felt guilty for what happened, that I didn’t deserve your love because I killed our daughter. I’m so sor…”

He puts his finger over my lips. “Don’t say it, Kate. It wasn’t your fault. It is what it is. We had a short time with her, but she will always be in our heart. I know you want me to grieve with you, but I can’t shed any more tears for her. I wasn’t built like that. I cried the moment when she was taken, but I can’t do it anymore.”

“I’m not asking you to cry with me. I miss her terribly, but I’m all right, Luke. I’m worried about you, though.”

He puts me down. He lifts my chin with his finger, and I see the beautiful green eyes I’ve missed so much. “Why?” is the only word that comes out of his mouth.

“Brody told me what you went through after you were injured. He and Nick are worried you are going down that path again. Are you?”

He steps away from me, turns around and kicks a bucket of scrap wood clear across the backyard. “FUCK!” he yells as he runs his hands through his hair. I jump as he shouts, but I know he would never hurt me. I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his waist. I push my face against his back. Even sweaty, he smells heavenly to me.

“Babe, if you’re using again, we can work it out.”

He turns back, grabs me by the waist and hauls me up against him. I wrap my legs around his waist. He pushes me against the wall of the house, hungrily kissing me. Teeth clatter, tongues wrestle, and lips become swollen by the fierceness of his kiss. He runs his fingers into my hair and moans. He pulls away from our kiss. “Kate, I’m not using pills. Baby, you are my only addiction. I need you so bad; just the image of you was what got me through the need of the pills. I did get drunk, but I needed something to momentarily numb the pain. But I never turned to the pills, and I’m not turning to alcohol either. Those were brief moments. I wouldn’t hurt you like that. I wouldn’t taint our love with that poison”