Life's Next Chapter (21 page)

DINNER WENT AS well as it could go, given how it started. The conversations went smoothly and when there was a lull, all anyone had to do was look at the girls and everyone would laugh. I’ve never been more thankful for my girls’ crazy and witty behavior. Luke ate with one hand and kept his other on my thigh the whole time. Looking around the table, at all the love everyone had for one another, pulled on my heartstrings, and made me think that next Thanksgiving we would have a baby at the table. Our baby.

William was the king of his castle. He was proud of his family and it was obvious by how proud and tall he sat at the head of the table. Marcy was on cloud nine to have her children and extended love ones by her side. Lilly and Tyler were pure professionals; you could tell they were married to their careers as well as each other. They had no clue what to say or do when it came to my little ones. Despite having the same color hair and bold green eyes, Lilly and Luke couldn’t be more different. She’s my size, and it baffles me where Luke ended up with an extra foot on her. He’s even taller than his father by several inches. Their personalities are so different; I would have loved to see these two when they were little.

Leah and Danika talked a lot. You can see they have a tight bond. Danika looks to me with pure annoyance. I feel if things progress with Luke and I, the relationship between Danika and I will only get worse. I know she knows about the baby. I would love to have been a fly on the wall during that conversation between her father and her. I know I need to talk to her.

Our ride home is just Luke and I with the girls. Danika decided to stay with Leah at her grandparents’ house. I’ve never been more relieved to be going home. The girls were already asleep by the time we left the neighborhood. Luke is deep in thought while driving. It’s times like this where I freak out the most. I’ve been with Luke for almost three months and seeing him today was the scariest I’ve ever seen him, and the thing that has me undone is I totally could see him even worse than how I saw him today.

“Can I ask you something?” I say quietly, turning in my seat.

“Sunshine, you can ask me anything?” He takes his calloused fingers and gentles brushes against my cheek.

“Okay, we’ll start with that. Why do you call me sunshine? Don’t get me wrong, I love it, I just want to know where it comes from.”

“You were the bright light that came into my life. I’ve never needed the sunlight and warmth more than I did when I met you. I never want to go back. You brighten up my days, baby.”

“Luke, how bad did it get? Because I have to say, what I saw today scared the shit out of me. I’m scared to think you might have another one of those episodes and hurt…me…or the girls…I…”

Luke cuts me off, by placing a finger over my mouth. “Kate, I.
Will. Never
. Lay a hand on you, or our children. I know I get dark and scary, but I know my limits, and hurting you or anyone I love is one of them. Trust me when I say I would never lay a hand to you. As for how bad it got, it was terrible. It’s also a gruesome story, and with what we have gone through today, I would rather not talk about it. I promise to tell you one day.”

“Well, since we are on the subject of hurting people. I think we should tread lightly about our pregnancy.”

“What the hell happened, Kate?” He grinds the words out of his mouth and white knuckling the steering wheel.

“Luke, I promised her I wouldn’t talk about her business, and when she’s ready she’ll tell all of you.” I softly respond.
Technically she only told me not to say anything to Beth or Ethan…

“Damn it, Kate, she’s my sister, and I need to know what else that motherfucker did to her.”

“Language, Luke! Geez, the girls could wake up and hear you.”

“Please, Kate, now is not the time to get all high and mighty on me. The girls have heard worse from your mouth. Now, spill it, or so help me God, we’ll go back to my parents and make Leah talk.”

“Fine. Calm down. Leah has wanted a baby for years, but Charles refused. He didn’t trust her to take a contraceptive, so while she slept he would inject her with the DEPO shot.” He looks to me with confusion. “The DEPO shot is a form of birth control injected by syringe.”

“Fuck,” Luke breaths out.

“Luke, she missed Danika’s graduation because Charles broke her foot, and killed her dream of continuing to dance.”

I let my head drop and stare at my hands absently rubbing my small baby bump. Tears form in the back of my eyes and heaviness fills in my chest. I can’t even imagine what she went through. “Kate, what did he do…what did he do to her?”

“He…he…” I start to cry, picturing myself in her situation; I can hear her words play over and over in my head. “He had a medical malpractice lawsuit against him a few years back. He barely won, but was kicked out of the prestigious medical office he worked in. He started to drink here and there. He found a job with another cosmetic surgeon, but wasn’t getting the clientele he used to have, which made the drinking worse. Leah became his punching bag whenever he had a bad day.” When I look at Luke, he’s in that dark place, but at the moment I don’t have the strength to pull him out.

Pulling into my driveway, he grabs my arm before I open the door. “When you were in the room with Leah, I talked to my dad. We are taking her home after the weekend to get her things and help her with a lawyer. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. Thank you for telling me and being there for Leah. She’s my baby sister, and I love her, but it kills me she went through this and never told anyone.”

“Things will get better.” I whisper, leaning over to kiss him.

THE LAST FEW weeks have been difficult, to say the least. I feel like the little tugboat pulling a huge cruise liner out to sea. I have a shit load of worries on my shoulders, and I don’t see any relief in sight. And the biggest worry is Danika has agreed for me to take her out for her soon to be birthday today. She’ll be turning eighteen in a couple days, so I asked her if I could take her shopping and to lunch. We haven’t talked since finding out I was pregnant, and I want her to open up to me about how she feels.

I pick her up at Luke’s house. She’s slowly moving things back into her house and packing up Luke’s things to move into mine. Before he left to go to Miami, we sat the girls down and told them I had a baby in my belly. Julia and Nicole were so excited, and they asked a thousand questions. They had Luke keeling over laughing. Such innocence and concern for us. They left the kitchen table, and ran off to their room to start making a list of baby names. I know Danika isn’t as thrilled as my two, but I just want her to be happy for her father. He deserves to be happy and know he has her support.

Luke’s at his job catching up on the work he missed when he was gone. More terrible crap went down, and Luke was in Miami much longer than anticipated. So it’s just her when I ring the doorbell. It’s pretty obvious when she opens the door that she’s uncomfortable and has no idea how to act around me.

We head for the mall. She wants to buy things for the house. Luke is leaving most of the furniture for her. She’ll be taking over the master bedroom and wants bedding and decorations to help feminize the masculine furniture. I think we bought out Bed Bath & Beyond. She loosened up and showed me her taste in decorating. We laughed at Luke’s taste in decorating and all of his
AS SEEN ON TV
gadgets. She even bought Luke the ‘Perfect Pancake Pan’ for Christmas.

After countless hours shopping and chatting with each other, we were on our way to lunch. I was starving; my morning sickness is slowly disappearing and now the ravishing hunger has arrived. Sitting down in a booth, we silently look over the menus and decide what to order. As soon as the order is placed, I dive head first into the topic I have been dreading.

“Danika, I know you know about the baby, but I want to know how you feel about it.”

“It is what it is. My dad’s getting the life he always wanted.”

“What do you mean? The way I see it, your father is adding to the life he already has.”

“I mean, I get I wasn’t wanted, but my father did the right thing by stepping up to the plate and raising me. He did a hell of a lot more than the woman who gave birth to me. It’s just I am at the age my father was when he had me. I can’t imagine having a kid now, and if I was, I think I would resent the kid for messing up my life. I know I wasn’t planned, in a sense, I know my father resents how I came to be a part of his life.”

I wanted to poke her in the forehead with my fork. What on earth has gotten into her head? Has she always had these feelings? Or is this because Luke was going to have a baby he was actually ready for? I sip my water, trying to cool off my nerves.

“Danika, do you honestly believe, in your heart, that your father resents you? From the moment he told me about you, I’ve never seen anything less in his eyes, or words, than the love and devotion he feels for you.”

“I know he loves me, and I love him; he’s all I have. But now, he is at the age where most people get married and have kids and he gets to do that with you. I’m just the speed bump that slowed him down. Kate, my friends’ parents are in their late forties, even fifties. My father is thirty-six. My sibling and my children will be closer in age than my sibling and me. It’s so backwards and sounds like a good theme for a talk show.”

“Girl, what are you smoking? Have you looked around these days? Society is a melting pot of backwards shit. Life is what you make of it, and if things are done out of the norm, who gives a fuck as long as the people in your life are loved and happy? Granted you weren’t planned, but you know what, your father made you apart of his plans and dreams. Just like I wasn’t a part of my mother’s plan when she had me when she was close to the age your father was when you were born. I know what you are going through. I know how you feel, I have felt it my whole life. The man that impregnated my mother just up and left. He didn’t stick around through her pregnancy, or even bother to see if I looked like him when I was born.

“Luckily, God knew what he was doing and made me the spitting image of my mother. My mother, along with the help of my grandparents, raised me. I don’t know who my father is; I didn’t have his last name. All I know is his name was Andrew, and I saw his wallet sized picture in my mother’s high school yearbook.”

Danika looks like she sucked on a lemon. “Seriously? You never knew your father?”

I reach across the table and hold her hand. “Swear to God. It was a tough blow when I was growing up, but I always had my grandfather to fill in for those male roles. Just like I see your aunts and grandmother have done for you.”

She places her other hand on top of mine, finally getting that I know where she’s coming from. “Wow, I had no clue.”

“You see, Danika, I don’t want to step into the role as your mother. You were raised so well in this life, you don’t need one. Your father did an amazing job raising you, and you have so many female role models around that you’re doing just fine. I just want to be your friend; for you to know you can always come talk to me, or even just hang out. I’ve had a great day with you. You’re a smart and beautiful young woman, and you have your whole life ahead of you.”

“So, you know my father wants to marry you?” She smirks at me while chewing on the end of her straw.

I laugh. “Yeah, I know. He talks about it a lot. But I rushed into my last marriage, and I’m not saying Luke would be a mistake, but I just want to focus on the baby. With Nicole and Julia I was so desperate for us to be married before the babies came, thinking it was the right thing to do. Wanting us all to have the same last name, something my mother and I never got with my father. Now, I know this baby will be an Ashton, and one day so will I, but I want to focus on the baby.”

“I just want my dad to be happy, but I’m scared he’ll fall more in love with you and the baby, and there won’t be room for me. I know it sounds stupid, especially when I’m eighteen, but it’s only been him and me my whole life. I guess I’m jealous and scared this baby will take him away from me.”