Choices

Choices

By Sydney Lane

For Shawn
and the girls -

                            Thank you for rescuing me when I needed it. Without you, I am nothing.

Copyright
@2013 by Sydney Lane

Cover image designed and owned by Melissa Storm Allen

Edited by KM Krick

Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without prior written permission of the above author of this book.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is not authorized, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Table of Contents

Prologue

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Epilogue

Acknowledgements

Choices Playlist

Sister

About the Author

Prologue

Standing at the bar, I feel eyes on me. My scalp prickles, and I take a deep breath as I look around. I scan the crowd, and I don’t see anyone I know. When I turn back to order my drink, that’s when I see
him
. Ah, here it comes. All of the emotions I expected to feel earlier, I am feeling them now. Fear, shame, pain, and love. Pure, flawed, crazy love. The music fades, and the room suddenly feels small. I don’t see anyone but him. He’s watching me watching him. And it feels like the very first time I saw him. It feels as if the rest of our story never happened. His face is blank. I expected hurt, even anger, but I didn’t expect indifference. And somehow, that feels worse. As tears prick my eyelids, I turn to Jenna. She’s watching me, and this time, she knows that I’m not OK. She squeezes my hand again. I look back, wondering if I should speak…. But he is gone.

I breathe deeply,
trying to control the trembling. “Don’t. Don’t do it, Quince. He’s gone. Let’s just get a drink, and then we’ll talk about it.”
Oh, it hurts
. Eight months wasn’t long enough.

“Quince.”
I feel his breath on my neck. I know he’s behind me. I can smell him, that distinct scent I would recognize anywhere. But I don’t want to turn around. I’m afraid he’ll vanish again. I’m afraid to face him.

As I turn
, his hands are suddenly on my shoulders, shaking me, forcing me to look at him. I haven’t spoken. I’m not even sure I can. “I hate you,” he says. I can’t breathe. I think I might pass out. Even though I didn’t think it was possible, a little more of me is dying inside. I can’t move as I am held hostage by his eyes. Indifference has been replaced by anger. I’m aware of Jenna trying to pry his hand from my arm, but I can’t hear what she’s saying.

“I hate you, Quince. I hate you because when I saw you
just now, I still thought you were the most beautiful girl in the room.” Just as suddenly as he had grabbed me, he lets me go. He is walking away, and all I know is that I have to stop him.

“
Don’t! Don’t go!” I yell. He stops, and my heart quits beating as he turns to look at me over his shoulder. My voice fades to a whisper as I plead for forgiveness with my eyes. “I choose you.”

Chapter 1

I couldn’t wait to go to college and sitting here in my first class, I am reminded that this is my first taste of freedom. As the high school valedictorian, I always sat in the front row. Today, I got lost on my way to class, so I am sitting in the next to last row. That is when I see them. Three guys are sitting near the front, and I have a clear view of them as they laugh and talk together. We sure didn’t have guys like this where I came from!

The guy on the right is cute enough. He has chin-length blonde hair, and he is almost too perfect t
o be real. He has rounded angelic features. Everything is… perfect. The guy in the middle looks like he might be tall. He has buzzed black hair, and he is gesturing like he’s telling a grand story. The corner of his eyes crinkle, and I think he must smile a lot. The guy on the left… Whoa! He is delicious with messy, black hair that is slightly longer on top. He looks as if he just rolled out of bed, and he is owning it. Just looking at him makes me believe all things really are possible.

So lost in thought, I do not realize that the guy in the middle has turned slightly, and he is watching me. As soon as our eyes meet, I try to play cool and smile, but instead, I end up looking down at my notebook. So maybe I have moved away from home, but I’m still the same girl on the inside.

I grew up in Collier, Tennessee. There isn’t much in Collier, but we are close to several large cities. If you want to go shopping, an hour drive will get you to a mall. Another hour will get you into Nashville, and you can find most anything there.

I’ve had a good childhood, but I always felt stifled in Collier, like I was being smothered a little more each day. Everyone in Collier knows who everyone else is. They think they know you when they really don’t know anything. I’ve spent my entire life proving I’m not who they think I am and pretending that I don’t care about their assumptions.

I have one older sister, and my parents are still married. On the outside, we look like a normal family, but things are not always as they seem. It’s complicated. Let’s just say that my parents did the best they could, given the circumstances they were dealt. My mom and dad met when they were teenagers, started dating in high school, and got married as soon as they graduated. My sister came along not long after, and I was born four years later. We weren’t much different from any other family in Collier until my sister got sick.

My sister, Katie
, has a sickness you can’t see. She has bipolar disorder. She looks normal, and although she doesn’t have any visible scars, she carries many on the inside. Any others, she has learned to hide. At the age of 14, she began rebelling against our parents, her teachers, and well… anyone who tried to tell her what to do. I knew she went from one boyfriend to the next. I also knew she was smoking pot and maybe using other drugs, too. She tried to commit suicide once, before they found out what was going on. Everyone in Collier expected me to grow up to be just like her.

My parents are the best, and I wouldn’t trade them for any others. My sister requires a lot of time and attention, so they try to make sure I know they care even when they don’t have time to show me. They just don’t understand the outside pressures I’ve had
to deal with. Each year, when I met my new teachers, I could tell that they didn’t want me in their classes. As they called role, I would squirm in my seat, nervously waiting for them to call my name. Inevitably, they would get to my name then pause to look at me as if they were sizing me up. I even had a few say, “Oh, so you’re Katie Priest’s sister.” It didn’t help that I looked just like her. So I’ve spent my life trying to just be Quincy Priest.

I’ve done a good job of it, too. I was the valedictorian of my class of 204. I had 12 years perfect attendance. I can be counted on to make the right decision every time, and I’ve certainly never been in trouble.
But I’m tired, so tired of trying to be perfect.

My sanity has
been saved by my best friend, Jenna. Beautiful, fun-loving, brutally honest Jenna. We met in third grade when her family moved to Collier. We’ve been friends ever since. We are total opposites, but it works. I am short at 5’3”. She is tall at 5’9”. I have long brown hair and large brown eyes. She has cropped blonde hair with narrow blue eyes. I like to say that I’m not very popular, but my best friend is. Everyone loves Jenna. She is my best friend, my confidante, and my girl. She has my back, and I have hers. I’d follow her to the ends of the Earth if she needed me to.

So, when Jen
na suggested that we move to the “big” city of Knoxville and go to the University of Tennessee, I did just that. I followed. I can now add roommate to the list of roles she has filled for me.

Hearing Jen
na talk and seeing those three beautiful men make me believe that I really can reinvent myself, that I really can be whoever I want to be.

Chapter 2

“
Quince, you’re never gonna believe this! We got invited to a fraternity party tonight!” Jenna squeals. Her cheeks are flushed, as if she has run all of the way to the dorm just to give me this bit of news. I don’t mention that I’m unsure how
we
got invited if I wasn’t even there. I’m just excited we’re going. It’s our first party since we got here, and I’m ready to start my metamorphosis.

“
Oh my gosh! Seriously? I don’t even know what to wear! And why don’t we study first, so we can stay out as long as we want?” I gush because I’m hoping we’ll actually have a reason to come home late. In high school, I barely dated, unless you want to call two dinners and a movie dating.

“Good idea… I knew we were friends for a reason!
You wanna know who invited us?” She asks. And for the first time, I realize that Jenna might have a date. If I’m going to be the third wheel, this may not be as much fun as I thought. She must see the hesitation on my face because she clarifies, “This really hot guy from my Lit class invited everyone, but I’m hoping to get a chance to talk to him.” And I’m sure she will. Jenna has never had a problem attracting guys. She is gorgeous with her mile long legs, beautiful face, and a natural tan other women pay for but never achieve.

“Oh, yeah?
Maybe he’ll have a nerdy friend for me,” I say out loud. Now, I’m just hoping she doesn’t pair off with someone and leave me alone at the party. But I force a smile.

“Nerdy? Quince, you never give yourself enough credit. If you’d get your head out of your books, you would see how guys look at you everywhere we go. Come. Come here,” she says as she pulls me in front of her, facing the mirror. “What do you see? Because
what I see is a beautiful girl just dying to come outside to play. She has long, wavy hair the color of chocolate and wide, innocent eyes that see too much. She is smart, reliable, and fascinating. Let’s take her out with us tonight, k?”

“Now t
hat’s
why we’re friends!” I laugh. But I honestly mean it. Jenna is a true friend, and I hope she’s right about me.

Three hours later, my books are put away, and I’m busy trying to decide what to wear. I finally decide on a pair o
f dark skinny jeans with a dressy turquoise tank. It hangs loosely in layers, and the color compliments my pale complexion. Since I’m only 5’3”, I wear heels as often as I can. Maybe I’ll look taller than I am. I put on minimal make-up, and I remember a time when Katie told me that she hated that I got the good skin. I really don’t have to wear make-up, and it’s a good thing because I don’t have time for it.

I walk out of the shared bathroom, and I immediately want to go change. Jenna looks stunning in a short summer dress and sandals. She has chosen to wear some
smokey eye shadow, and her lips are pink and glossy. I shrug my shoulders and say, “Let’s go, girl! We’ve got somewhere important to be.” We both laugh at my serious tone, and I’m relieved that she doesn’t buy into my insecurities.

We walk to the car, arms locked together, laughing at our silly selves. Once we get settled inside, we blast the stereo.