Life's Next Chapter (9 page)

I turn in my seat, place my arms on the steering wheel and lean my forehead against my arms. I have no clue what to do. Over the last month he has told me he deals with PTSD, however he’s never given me suggestions on what to do. I’ve only seen a hand full of his PTSD episodes, most of the time he gets very quiet, or walks away from me, but we are in the middle of nowhere. Looking at him, his head is pressed against the headrest, eyes squeezed tight, and he’s obviously in pain. His breathing is only getting louder. Frankly, he’s scaring the shit out of me. I want to cry.

Doing the only thing that comes to mind, unbuckling my seatbelt, I kick off my boots, maneuver myself over the console, and straddle his lap. I grab his fist and gently unfold each finger, and place his hand on my waist. I do the same thing with the other hand. I feel his fingers slowly start to move. I gently rest my hands on his jaw, rubbing my fingers through his two days worth of stubble. “Luke, please look at me.” I quietly plead against his neck. I kiss him softly along his neck. He moves his head forward, and I know his eyes are open. “I’m so sorry.”

I lean back, and Luke just looks into my eyes. No words are spoken, but I can hear everything he’s saying in his touch. Moving his hands under my shirt, I feel heat against my skin. His hands are so warm; his fingers caressing my rib cage ignite feelings that scare the hell out of me, but I’ve never wanted anything more. I’m the one who jumped into his lap; I will control this situation we’ve found ourselves in. I’ll bring him back to me. I can’t stand watching him fall into these black holes. It tears my heart out. Glazed green eyes still stare at me. He hasn’t blinked, or even moved. Just his fingers are doing all the work.

I gently grab his face and press my lips against his. Slowly he opens his mouth, and my tongue plunges in, wanting to take his mind off the nightmares that consume him. Still cupping his face, pulling back, I bite his lip. “Luke, touch me!” I beg and attack his mouth, again. Luke’s one hand leaves my side, and I hear the click of the seat belt. He grabs my hips and forcefully moves me up his harden shaft. Then he pulls my shirt off, and leans me back, so he can take my body in.

“Jesus…Kate,” are the first words he says to me. He keeps rubbing us against each other, my clit starts to throb, my nipples are like stones, and my breasts are so full. He leans down and feasts on the swell of my breasts. I let out a whimper. I haven’t been touched like this in forever. I want more; I can’t stop it. Reaching behind my back, I unsnap my bra and throw it onto the seat.

Luke reaches up and palms one of my breasts then brings his scorching tongue to my other breast. His tongue licks, sucks, and nibbles on my nipple while his hand pinches and rolls the other one. He makes my body shiver as if I were stranded in the cold, yet I’m sweating from the touch of his hands. I’m going to combust. I need to feel his cock. Unbuttoning his jeans, I reach into his boxers and fist his cock. Luke hisses and presses his head back into the seat. His cock feels like granite, yet soft as velvet. I continue to pump my hand over the length of his impressive cock.

Luke looks utterly lost and in pain. I have no clue if I’m making this better for him, or worse, he’s said two words to me since all of this started. I can only hope what I am doing is making him forget the horrid visions that keep coming into his life. I scoot off his lap and kneel on the floor of the truck. The glove compartment is digging into my back, but I don’t care. I want Luke to feel something, anything to bring him back to me. After spending so many nights wondering what he would feel like in my hands and what he would taste like on my tongue, I want to taste him. With my help he pulls his jeans and boxers down over his hips. I dart my tongue along the bulging vein of his cock. He inhales a deep breath, and I take him completely into my mouth. Luke’s body flexes and his legs tense. My tongue and lips are devouring him, sucking forcefully.

He grabs me by the shoulders and gently pulls me up. He kisses me hard and desperate. He needs more, his kisses are telling me he needs more. I draw away and stare into his lost eyes.

Why can’t he talk to me? He licks his lips and I am gone. Looking down at his penis, still at attention. I unbutton my shorts and pull them off, along with my panties. I can feel his need for me; I need him. I’m in pure heaven, right now, and all I can think is I want him inside of me. I need to feel him move inside me.

Once I am in position, I place the head of his shaft at my opening, and without hesitation, impale myself on him. He growls deep into his chest. I grind into him and rock my hips. Feeling the burn in my lower stomach makes me go harder and faster. Luke lowers his head to suckle on my breast. I’m whimpering from the pure bliss of what I’m feeling. I’ve never felt this full. Luke’s cock is doing things to me that have never happened before.

I keep pushing the feel of my orgasm away. I don’t want to come, yet. I want to come with Luke. He’s giving me this hard look of fury, want, desire, and pain. I want the sparkle in his eyes to come back. I bring his mouth to mine and kiss him. Still rocking my hips hard, I kiss him slowly and softly. Praying my lips will tell him how I feel, I want him to open up to me. Tell me that what I am doing is helping him. With my lips I plead my worries to him.

He pulls back and whispers, “I’m going to come, Kate.” With those words I make my aching lower body work harder and faster. He throws his head back against the seat. Once I feel his cock enlarge, I let go and feel my world tilt as we find the release that’s been building since the day we met. I’m left sweating and trembling from the effects of a mind-blowing orgasm. An orgasm so intense my teeth are chattering and my legs are quivering.

Luke still has his head back against the seat.
Shit!
Grabbing his face with both of my hands, I pull him to me. Eye to eye, I command, “Luke Ashton, don’t you dare shut me out. I’m here for you, please talk to me…say something?” With begging eyes I plead with him.

“Sunshine…mine…you’re mine!” he proclaims, and I’m stunned. Not what I was expecting he would say.

“I’m sorry about the song and making you go…there. You scared me when you wouldn’t talk to me. What do you want me to do when you have these triggers? How can I help you?” I plead to him, wanting some direction of a way to help him cope.

“Sunshine, I don’t want you to be scared. Please know I will
never
hurt you. What you just did helped me. Thank you, baby,” he says, kissing me on the forehead. “Got to say, this is not how I wanted our first time to go. I want to kiss every inch of your body, want to worship it. You. Amaze. Me. Kate.”

Kissing him back, I reply, “You’re pretty amazing, too.”

I end up having the worst leg cramp, so I open the door, still naked, and stand against the truck, getting dressed. Luckily the road we’re on is ‘no man’s land’ and we weren’t sticking out like a sore thumb, but I gave Luke a great laugh. Walking around the truck, I hop back in, slide my boots back on and get us back on the road; we delayed our travels by almost forty minutes. He holds my hand again, and smiles at me.

“I want to take you and the girls out.”

Looking at those sparkling green eyes, I’m stunned, “You do? Like a date?”

“Yeah, like a date. With the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on and two of the cutest girls I’ve ever met.” I just smile; smile that this man wants me in his life, along with my girls. I still have reservations about starting a relationship. As much as I want to be with Luke, commitment scares the shit out of me.

“Luke, my life story is crazy and complicated, why would you attempt this?” I ask.

“Sunshine, we can’t erase our past, but we sure as hell can turn the page in your story and create our own crazy, happy life together.” He knows exactly what to say and when to say it. I have to tell Beth that I think I have turned the page in my life. Now, I’m entering my
next chapter
.

I WENT SOLO for the second trip to Ocala with just my runaway thoughts to keep me company. I told Luke to stay and finish his work in the clinic. The girls need to be picked up on my way home anyway. I blare the radio, hoping to drive out the absurd thoughts going through my dense head. I can’t believe what I did. Look at me, I haven’t been alone with a penis in forever and the first thing I do is impale my body on one. What the hell is wrong with me?

After my little wham bam with him, Luke didn’t talk much on the way back home. He’s probably thinking I’m the biggest slut ever. Give me a tormented man and the one way I can think of bringing him out of his ordeal is to slide up and down on his cock.
UGH!
I’m completely screwed in the head when it comes to men. Luke isn’t going to want anything to do with me.

The drive was hell, my stomach was in knots and I developed a pounding headache from the tension I was wallowing in. Finally, after the almost two hour trip, the rest of the horses were unloaded, fed, and hydrated. Getting back into the truck, I look at my phone and there’s a text from Luke.

Luke:
Have dinner with me tonight?

What, he wants dinner with me? I swear, I can’t read this man.

Me:
Really?

Luke:
Yes, really! I know we did things backwards, but I want to take you out on a date.

Me:
Give me a minute to call my grandparents.

I call my grandmother to check in on the girls, and to ask if she and my granddaddy are up for keeping them one more night. She was getting concerned, so finally, I confessed to her I had a last minute date. She squealed with excitement! “Yes, dear, I would love to have the girls for another night. We’re making oatmeal cookies as we speak. You want to talk to them?”

Nana is the epitome of what a grandmother should be. She does all the cliché things grandmothers are supposed to do. I remember the endless baking, painting, sewing, and gardening she did with me. She continues those activities with my girls, and my baby girls are blessed to have her.

I talk to my girls, informing them they get to stay one more night. Julia is her hyper self, squealing and most likely jumping all over the place. I could hear Granddaddy reprimand her. Granddaddy is as cuddly as a teddy bear, but ferocious as a Grizzly bear. Let’s just say, my Granddaddy put the fear in me, and any boy that ever came my way. That’s why I didn’t have my first real boyfriend until college, where I was a couple hours away from him. My grandparents are a great balance. They instilled values in me that I carry on to my girls. After a ten-minute conversation with them, I reply to Luke at the next red light.

Me:
We’re on for tonight. I should be home in an hour or so. Are you still at the clinic?

Luke:
No, I am home now helping Danika pack.

Me:
If you want to spend more time with her, we can do this another night.

Luke:
No, I want to see you and take you out. Plus, she has some sorority thing.

Me:
I’ll call you once I get home. Getting on the highway.

Luke:
Drive careful, sunshine

I can’t contain my smile as I floor it home. As soon as I walk in the house, I call him to find out what I should wear. He tells me something dressy, but not too dressy. He just wants to see me in a dress, I think. The poor man has seen me at my worst most of the time.

Let’s not talk about me tearing apart my closest to find something that will bring him to his knees. Settling on a cobalt blue mini dress. Ella picked it out for me for my thirtieth birthday celebration. I don’t think I have worn it since. Throwing the dress on the bed, I walk into the bathroom for a much-needed hot shower, where I lather, scrub, and shave everywhere. I blow dry my hair and curl it in big loose waves. I actually apply make-up. Ella would be so proud. I give myself the smoky eye look, pink blush, and pink lip-gloss.