Life Code: The New Rules for Winning in the Real World (28 page)

Start by acknowledging that you are at risk, that you are a “carrier,” or that you learned what you live and you are at risk of teaching your children what you lived. Acknowledge what could contaminate your children so that you can deal with it before they start forming relationships, getting married, and having children. Seriously, are you a “BAITER parent?” Are you one of those parents who maybe was too young when you had children? Are you relationship-dependent to the point that you fear being alone and rotate partners in and out of your life, and therefore the lives of your children, creating confusion and modeling bad behavior? Do you drink too much or mess around with drugs? Are you putting your wants, needs, and desires ahead of what is in your child’s best interest? Are you fighting in front of your children or allowing them to see you being abused? If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, then you need to have a serious talk with yourself about what your priorities are and what they should be. Maybe you were hurt as a child, and if so, I’m sorry, I really am, because no child deserves that. But, and this is a big
but
, that was then and this is now. You’re the adult now and you get to choose, so choose wisely.

Stop it now. Make the decision, “This stops now. If I need professional help, I will go get it.” If you can’t afford it, go to your community mental health center. Go find out what the resources are, because in every community, there are resources available to you either
pro bono
or based on your ability to pay. You don’t need to have insurance. You don’t need to have the money for a private therapist. There are groups, support groups, parenting classes, and therapists who work on a sliding scale. Do what you have to do to stop this legacy.

This needs to become a huge priority for you. And it all flies under the flag of your job to prepare your children to prosper in the real world.

Remember how I began this book, with a promise to help you understand
how the world
really works
and
who you really are
as you go about dealing with this
real world
? Well, now you should understand why that was so important and why it required your “urgent awareness.” It’s only when you reach that understanding that you can pass on the right legacy to your children so they can reach a level of hard-earned understanding through your parenting.

And remember when I said I don’t even want you to change who you are so much as I want to
add
to who you are? If your life wasn’t where you wanted it to be when you started reading, I hope it is getting there now.

“Dr. Phil” (Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D.) is the host of America’s number-one daytime talk show and is perhaps the most well-known expert in the field of psychology and human functioning in the world today. In his 16th year on television and his 11th year of the
Dr. Phil
show, he has devoted his international platform to delivering commonsense information to individuals and families seeking to improve their lives. Passionately pursuing such topics as family functioning, domestic violence, anti-bullying, addiction, and the myths of mental illness, he works tirelessly both on and off the air. Dr. Phil has carried his message from the senate chambers of Washington, D.C., to the suburbs and inner cities across America. He is the prolific author of six number-one
New York Times
best sellers, published in 39 languages with nearly 30 million copies in print. He and Robin, his wife of 38 years and counting, along with their “wonder dog,” Maggie, reside in Southern California, as do his two sons, Jordan and Jay, along with daughter-in-law, Erica, and two grandchildren, Avery Elizabeth and London Phillip.