Letting Go (4 page)

Literature on healthy living, depression and childhood immunizations sat on the tables placed for those who needed something to read.

“Clarissa,” the doctor’s wife called her name. The woman reminded Clarissa of Mrs. Clause. The twinkle in her eye spoke of a love of life. When Jed stood to go back with her, the woman shook her head and patted his arm. “You go ahead and stay out here, Jed. I’ll call you back if you’re needed.”

Clarissa wanted to laugh at the disgruntled look on Jed’s face, but laughing would make her head hurt worse.

The room she was shown to was homey and sweet with pictures of past patients, cross stitch patterns and positive messages on the wall. Nothing like the sterile rooms she associated with doctor’s offices.

With his white hair and beard Doc Anson looked like a cross between Willie Nelson and Dumbledore. Nothing like any doctor she’d ever met, and she’d seen plenty over the years.
 

Clarissa sat on the table and answered his normal doctor type questions as he felt the glands in her throat, listened to her heart and made her breathe deep.
 

Then he reached in the closet and pulled out a packet of peanut butter crackers and handed them over.

“You need to eat more, young lady, or you’re going to make yourself more than a little sick. I imagine you know about that.”

She didn’t like to remember, but he was right.

“I’ve been hypoglycemic my whole life,” she admitted, trying not to remember how the sickness had been used.

The rest of the visit went as she’d expected. She needed to eat right and get some rest. Doc Anson wanted her to try natural sleep remedies first. If they didn’t work, he’d give her pharmaceuticals.

Clarissa didn’t bother telling him she’d been running on empty for years or that pills were out of the question.
 

When she tried to pay her bill, Doc Anson’s wife told her it was all taken care of, and then patted her hand like she was five years old, which should have ticked her off but only made her thankful.

She told herself that was because no doctor’s bill meant getting out of Stearns faster. But then she saw someone had dropped Mackenzie off and the little girl was there kicking her feet back and forth on the seat next to Jed, and the thought of leaving made her heart hurt.

Jed saw her first and stood, a questioning reluctance in his eyes.
 

“You going to be okay?” he asked, and she could tell asking wasn’t his forte, but he was giving her that since she was here at his insistence.

“Just need to eat more, sleep more. No big deal.” She shrugged and tried not to feel awkward. She’d been fending for herself for so long, she’d forgotten what it was like to have someone care.
 

“You can eat Mac’roni and cheese with us,” Mackenzie said, and Clarissa smiled and held up the package of peanut butter crackers Doc Anson had given her.

“I’m good for now.” She’d eaten her fill of macaroni and cheese over the years and not even Mackenzie could make her want the slimy pasta dish.

“We’ll take you home,” Jed said, even though the apartment was barely two blocks away. Her legs were still a little shaky, though, so she accepted his offer.

“I appreciate it. And I appreciate you waiting for me, and paying the bill. I’ll pay you back…”

“Wouldn’t hear of it,” he said. “We’ll call it even since you took care of Mack today.”

Somehow she didn’t think that worked out to even. But she needed the money to move on, so she agreed.

Mackenzie took her hand, and Clarissa told her heart to quit breaking, or to at least wait until she was alone.

Jed’s worried frown said she wasn’t doing a very good job of hiding her emotions.

“Really, I’ll be fine.”

He helped her into the truck, then buckled Mackenzie into her booster in the back seat. When he turned on the radio Mackenzie said “Oh I love this one,” and then started singing about daddies along with the artist.
 

“I’m sure this isn’t how you planned on spending your evening…” she started, but he waved away her words.

“Not a problem.”

Mackenzie sang louder, and Clarissa knew what she had to do.

“I don’t think I better watch her tomorrow.”

Jed looked relieved at her words, which made her stomach hurt.

“That’s wise, considering.”

“I hate to disappoint her. Today was fun.”

“She’ll understand,” he said.

Clarissa knew he was right. Mackenzie was a bright child.

When they pulled in front of her apartment, Bev hurried out of the diner to meet them. And this time, when Clarissa told Jed she could make it up the stairs to her apartment without his help since Bev was there, he let her go.

*****

The next afternoon Clarissa had just unfolded her map of Oklahoma to figure out where to head to next when a small knock on the door startled her.

She refolded the map, stuck it under the dangers of hypoglycemia literature Doc Anson had insisted she take and opened the door.

Mack stood there, a stubborn frown on her face.

“I brought you this,” she said holding out a picture of a mermaid. “And I ran away. Can I stay with you now?”

Chapter Three

Panicked, Jed met the sheriff and the after-care teacher in front of the school.

“What do you mean, she disappeared? She’s five. How can she disappear?”

The sheriff stopped him from exploding in anger. “Jed, I’ve got two deputies out looking, and we’ll have more here if we need them.”

“Have you looked all over the school? Been around the square, called...”

He stopped as he saw two figures walking their way in the distance.

One small, with mismatched pigtails. The other tall and too skinny, holding his daughter’s hand.

“Oh thank God,” he said striding forward, taking in Mack’s scowl and Clarissa’s smile and the backpack in her hand, trying to make sense of both.

When he reached them, Clarissa deposited the backpack in his hand then knelt down so she’d be on eye level with Mack and whispered something to her.

Mack’s bottom lip turned out, tears welled up in her eyes and she nodded solemnly. Then she turned to him, head down and made her way to his side.

Relief and a million questions warred in his brain as Mackenzie’s small hand fit into his. “I guess I should say thank you?” he asked even though he didn’t know what exactly he was thanking Clarissa for.

“You’ll have to talk to Mackenzie about that,” she said, her eyes searching his, surprised, and he wondered why until she spoke again. “You weren’t worried when you saw her with me?”

“No, I…” behind him he heard the sheriff radioing his team, and he held up a hand. “Hold that thought. Let me go get some stuff straightened out and we can talk.”

The sheriff looked at Mackenzie then at Clarissa, and his eyes narrowed. “Miss Mackenzie, you want to explain what happened here?”

One long suffering sigh later, the truth was out.

“I ran away. But Clarissa wouldn’t let me. You can take me to jail if you have to.” She held out her arms, ready for the cuffs. Jed saw the sheriff’s smile and wondered just how his daughter knew the way to charm almost everyone.

“How about we skip jail and settle for a warning, this time,” he said. “Running away is dangerous. Bad things could happen. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Mackenzie nodded solemnly. “Yes sir. My new best friend Clarissa told me that, too. I won’t do it again.”

A few seconds later the sheriff was satisfied that all was well even though he sent more than a few curious glances Clarissa’s way. She was new in town and that always caused questions. But Jed realized he didn’t have a single doubt about Clarissa’s integrity. He wasn’t real sure about her sticking power, but he trusted her.
 

He noticed Clarissa didn’t look all that surprised at the sheriff’s unspoken questions and he wondered how often she’d been the new person in town.

“You look like you’re feeling better,” he said, strolling toward her, keeping Mack’s hand firmly in his.

“One hundred percent,” she said.

“You need to eat more,” Mack said. “You look like you might blow away. I don’t want you to blow away, Clarissa.”

Her words tugged at his heart, especially when Clarissa frowned instead of teasing his daughter.

“I better get back to Pete’s,” she said, her thumb pointing down the street to the square, her feet turning slowly, something he couldn’t quite read in her expression.

Mack pulled him forward, and Jed decided his little girl’s stubborn nature might just be the ticket to helping Clarissa.

“We’ll walk with you, if you don’t mind,” he said.

Mack didn’t bother with talking, just slipped her hand in Clarissa’s. “We got to go to Pete’s now anyways, since Daddy’s gonna let me get my rootbeer float.”

Clarissa laughed then, the worries in her face disappearing for a second, and he was glad. Still he couldn’t let Mack get her way completely with this one.
 

“Not gonna happen, Champ. You can’t run away and get ice cream on the same day.”

Mack’s bottom lip rolled out, but she didn’t argue with him. Clarissa’s eyes met his for a second, and he figured a small concession might be in order. “Maybe we can get Pete to round up a couple grilled cheese sandwiches, though.”

Clarissa laughed again, and Jed couldn’t help but think it was the happiest sound on earth.
 

*****

That night when Clarissa flipped the sign to closed on the front door to the diner and turned the lock, she recognized the ache in her heart. Nothing had really changed, but when she’d seen the trust in Jed’s eyes today, something inside her had shifted.
 

She was alone, but worse than that, she was lonely. She hadn’t let herself feel in years, and now, thanks to a kid, she couldn’t seem to stop.
 

She closed her eyes, took a bite of cracker and said a quick prayer, even though she wasn’t sure anyone could hear the words.

“God, if You’re there, thank you.”

Then she blew out a breath and pulled the picture Mack had given her from the pocket in her apron. Lemmalu the Mermaid. Clarissa could almost see a mermaid in the purple and pink shape on the page. Mack had signed the bottom corner in blue crayon. Her five-year-old writing a mess but so heartfelt.

Bev walked over, nodded toward the picture. “That girl wants to love you, Hon. So whatever you do, make sure you decide quick.”

Guilt hit hard, fast, and Clarissa turned away.

“I’m not meaning to make you feel bad, Clarissa. Don’t get me wrong.”

She sighed, refolded the picture, put it in her pocket and turned back to Bev. “No, I get it, Bev. You’re right. I need to decide quick.”

*****

Jed thanked the last of the nursery workers picking up the saplings and pulled the gloves off his hands, stuck them in his back pocket and inhaled the fresh air. A bit of cool ran under the hot wind today warning of thunderstorms later, but for now the weather couldn’t be much better.

He thanked God for that blessing. It made getting the trees out significantly easier. He checked the time on his phone and blew out a deep breath. In twenty minutes after-care would close, so he needed to get.

Shouting a quick thanks to his foreman José, Jed jumped in his truck and headed into town. Not letting Mack go to Clarissa’s today had been a tough decision, but after that stunt yesterday, he’d felt after-care was the right choice, if only to let her know she couldn’t get her way by disobeying.

God, I know you’re in control.

The comforting thought brought a calm to his heart. As long as he remembered that truth, he could handle anything.
 

Pulling in front of the school, he saw the stressed look on the teacher’s face matched by the stormy one on Mack’s. Wonderful.

He climbed out of the truck and made his way to the parent pick up area. Unlike the other children playing happily on the playground equipment, Mack was beside the teacher, arms crossed in front of her chest.

“Mr. Dillon.”

“Hey there, Mrs Snyder,” he said lightly, even though it was obvious this was not going to be a happy conversation.

Twenty minutes later he and Mack were leaving the school with paperwork from the principal and the knowledge that his daughter was the first kindergartener in the history of Stearns Elementary suspended from after-care for one full week. For some reason, Mack had led her classmates in a paint the door campaign, cut a classmate’s pony tail off and broken an aquarium to let a pet snake out. All in less than thirty minutes.

Now Mack was strapped into her booster scowling like a soldier ready for war.

He’d wanted to ask how on earth a five-year-old could possibly do so much damage with multiple teachers on duty, but he knew the answer. Mack could pretty much do anything once her mind was set.

“I didn’t paint the door first, Carly asked me to cut her hair, and the snake was sad,” Mack said when he started the truck.

Lord, give me strength.

“Mack, you handed out the paint brushes and hid the paint in the plants by the door. You know better than to cut someone’s hair. And snakes aren’t sad. No more excuses.”

“She said Clarissa was a floozy just like Mama.”

Oh man. Anger hit him full on and Jed forced himself not to turn the truck around.
 

“I hate after-care, Daddy. Don’t make me go back.”

No, they wouldn’t be going back. But he couldn’t condone Mack’s behavior, even though, right then, he understood.

A gust of wind shook the truck, and Jed looked at the sky surprised by the mix of dark blues, grays and greens. Thunderheads roiled, wisps of circulation causing some of them to rotate in crazy patterns across the sky. Definitely not driving weather.

He pulled in front of the diner, helped Mack out of her booster seat and, holding her hand, ran inside Pete’s as the first pelt of rain hit.

Clarissa turned in surprise when the bells rang above the diner door, and when he saw her worried glance out the front window, he was thankful they were there with her.