Letting Go (16 page)

And then they were interrupted by Mackenzie barreling through the front door yelling “Daddy! Clarissa!” followed by Bev who looked from Clarissa to Jed to his finger on her lips and then waggled her eyebrows before reaching out to stop Mackenzie.

“Sugar, come on back to the new locker room Pete built us. I think there’s an apron in there for you.”

Mackenzie stopped forward motion at the mention of a pint sized apron and turned to follow Bev to the back of the diner.

Jed bent forward, replaced his finger with his lips, then he sat back against a shiny new red booth seat. “It’ll be fine. You’ll see.”

“You going to sit there making googly eyes with my only customer this morning or get to work?” Pete called gruffly from the kitchen, but Clarissa heard the worry in his voice.
 

She touched Jed’s hand, then stood to get busy.

“So you and Jed, hmmm,” Bev said after the morning rush had died down. “I knew it. You two were destined for each other.”

“I don’t know about that,” Clarissa said, trying to ward off the unease buzzing through her mind.

“Trust me, hon, that was definitely a you and Jed moment Mackenzie and I walked in on.”

She blew out an elated breath and acquiesced. “Okay, you win. It was a Jed and me moment.”

“So dish,” Bev sat on one of the new bar stools as she wiped down the bar.

Clarissa didn’t want to talk about Jed. She was afraid of bad luck. Plus it felt like the lightness in her heart would explode out of her. Only it was tinged by worry.

“I don’t know. He kissed me, I kissed him back. But it’s not like we’re dating.”

“Honey, you’re the first girl Jed Dillon’s kissed since his wife walked out on him and Mackenzie to go find herself in Las Vegas. Trust me, you’re dating.”

Clarissa tried to restrain the thrill but it was hard to do.

“He’s a good man,” she said sighing, and Bev laughed.

“He’s not too sore on the eyes, either.”

No, he sure wasn’t. But they couldn’t talk about that now.

“We better get busy before grumpy gus in the back yells at us that we’re wasting daylight.”

When Jed showed up to take her back to the Triple Eight, he kissed her lightly first, this time in front of everyone at the diner. It was like he wanted the whole town to know they were definitely an item, and he wasn’t a bit ashamed by that.

Clarissa grabbed the apartment key from Pete and told him she’d be packed and back in the morning.

In the truck she had a million things running through her mind, all seemingly at war with each other. Abby and Donald, Joan Anderson, the apartment, her mother, their kisses, Mackenzie, God, grace, salvation.

Instead she watched the countryside pass by in comfortable silence with this man who was so much beyond anything she’d ever imagined.

When they pulled into the drive in front of the bunkhouse she finally spoke the words she’d been practicing all day.

“I did something I want you to know about last night.” Funny how awkward the words sounded. How nervous they made her.

“Oh really,” Jed said, settling his arm behind her neck like it belonged there. Like they belonged together.

“I read all about forgiveness and salvation in Momma’s bible and prayer journal, and I asked God to be my Lord and savior.”

He practically yelled his response, and she could see he was truly happy for her.

“Praise the Lord,” he said, and then he leaned down and kissed her like this was the best possible news he could’ve hoped for.

Clarissa’s heart was so full of joy, she wanted to sing from the rooftops.
I’m a christian. I’m forgiven. I’m alive.

She hadn’t felt alive in so very long.

“I want to tell your parents. I want to tell everyone,” she said.

He laughed then restarted the truck. “Let’s go tell them then.”

That night after Clarissa had packed the two bags containing her worldly possessions and cleaned every inch of the bunkhouse, she lay in bed reliving the miraculous day. The acceptance from Paul and Susie Dillon. The joy in Mackenzie’s hug as she told them she’d found salvation.

The only mar on the perfection was the vitriol from Abby and Donald Van Neys. But Jed seemed sure they weren’t a real problem.
 

Kitty lay on the bed by her feet mumbling. The cat would have to stay with Mackenzie when she moved back to town.

She closed her eyes and opened the bible, letting it fall to a page on its own. It was a game she’d begun playing once she realized how used the bible was after such a short time of ownership by Tammy Jo.

The bible opened to Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not int your own understanding. In all your aways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

She couldn’t ask for a clearer sign from God than that.

Jed was right. They just had to trust God and everything would work out.

The next morning Mackenzie and Jed helped Clarissa pack the truck, not that it was all that hard. She couldn’t help but feel a sense of bittersweetness. The bunkhouse had become a home of sorts.
 

Mackenzie kicked the dirt beside the truck. “I don’t want you to go, Clarissa.”

Clarissa laughed. “I’m not going far, goose. I’ll be at the apartment behind Pete’s. Just like before.”

Mackenzie’s scowl grew deeper. “I prayed and asked God and he said he doesn’t want you to go to the apartment. He’s saving that for Lemmalu.”

Lemmalu. That seemed a lifetime ago. “The mermaid?”

Mackenzie nodded morosely. “She got kicked outa the ocean ‘cause her Momma’s mid evil.”

Oh-oh danger, Will Robinson. Clarissa could see the wheels working in Mackenzie’s brain, trying to tie her mother and mid evil. Jed walked out of the bunkhouse with a plate of food from his mother, but he saw the look on her face and hustled to run interference if needed.

“What do you mean by mid evil?”

Mackenzie sighed with long suffering. “You know! Not super evil. Not a little evil. Mid evil. That’s Lemmalu’s Momma.”

Clarissa swallowed laughter at the little girl’s use of the word. “Well, no worries for Lemmalu, Mackenzie. She’s going to live with me in the apartment.”

“She can’t. She has to be alone forever. It’s her curse.”

“Mack,” Jed said, scooping his daughter up in his arms, “your curse is to be ticklish forever.” With that he set to proving those words.

A few minutes later the truck was packed with everything except the urn holding her mother’s ashes. Clarissa walked into the bunkhouse one last time and took the urn from the window sill.
 

As she did she realized she didn’t want to take Tammy Jo from the Triple Eight, the place her whole life had changed.

Jed stood beside the truck, Mackenzie ran back and forth on the porch trying to catch her shadow.

“Do you think I could spread Momma’s ashes here, maybe out by the gazebo?”

Jed didn’t hesitate. “I think that’s a great idea. We’ll get Momma and Daddy, and I can call the crew. They’d all sure like to be there if you’re okay with that.”

She nodded and swallowed the sudden lump in her throat.

They left the truck parked in front of the bunkhouse and walked up the gravel road to the big house and the ATV’s.
 

Mack rode between her and Jed laughing every time they hit a bump. Clarissa held on for dear life, thankful for the seatbelt but not sure it was all that helpful in a vehicle so open. They pulled to a stop in front of the gazebo and garden. The others were already there. When she stepped out of the ATV with the urn, they removed their hats.

Then they stood together beside the gazebo and Clarissa cleared her throat and spoke. “I’d like to thank you all for how you accepted me and my momma. You made a huge difference in our lives. Your refusal to judge her, your ability to show God’s love, it made all the difference in the world, and it led to her accepting Jesus Christ as her Lord and savior. That led to me doing the same.”

Clarissa brushed away a tear and continued. “This isn’t a sad time. It’s a time of joy because I know my momma’s in heaven.”

“With the angels,” Mackenzie said, and Clarissa smiled.
 

“Yes ma’am. With the angels.”

She dug into the canvas bag she’d packed with the bible and prayer journal.

“Momma loved this bible. It’s obvious in the amount of use it got. I’d like to read from it before I spread her ashes.”

Clarissa opened the bible to the place marked with notebook paper written on in her momma’s perfect penmanship.

The paper held the same verse but in a different translation with the words
I like this one better
across the top.
 

“Psalm 23.”

Clarissa started the verse and everyone there spoke along with her, even Mackenzie.
 

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”

When she finished the reading, everyone said amen.
 

She started to open the urn, but Paul Dillon stepped forward and took a piece of paper from his pocket.

Susie reached over and hugged her. “We were hoping you’d allow us this honor, Clarissa. Paul’s been carrying that with him on the chance you would.”

Clarissa nodded and tried to blink back tears as Paul spoke the words she’d seen and heard over the years but never really understood.

“In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our sister Tammy Jo Dye; and we commit her body to the ground;” he stopped and nodded at Clarissa. Clarissa opened the urn and bent to scatter her mother’s ashes in the place she loved while Paul continued the liturgy.

“Earth to earth; ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless her and keep her, the Lord make his face to shine upon her and be gracious unto her and give her peace. Amen.”

When he finished speaking everyone again said amen. A few of the men made the sign of the cross.
 

The ride back to the truck was somber until they passed Moo’s field and Mackenzie noticed the gate open again.

“Gran’s going to be so mad.”

They all laughed. Sure enough the cow was in the front yard eating marigolds.

Susie jumped out of the ATV yelling and Mackenzie and Paul took off at the same time.
 

Clarissa and Jed made their way to the yard a little behind everyone else. When Moo passed her this time, Clarissa wasn’t afraid at all. She just opened the gate and stepped back.

Jed helped Clarissa unpack the truck, which was ridiculously easy considering how long she’d been at the bunkhouse.

The new apartment behind Pete’s was still small, but it was lighter than the old one had been. He felt significantly better leaving Clarissa here now that he’d seen it.

“You sure you want to move in here?”

“I’m sure,” she said. “Besides someone’s got to take care of Lemmalu.”

“Yeah, Daddy,” Mackenzie said.

Jed wanted Clarissa at the ranch. He wanted her with them forever. But he knew he had to be careful. Clarissa had gone though major changes the last few days, and God was working miracles for both of them, but the troubled young woman she’d been still lurked, ready to return. Salvation didn’t make a person’s troubles disappear.

“How about we go to the grocery store and pick you up some food then maybe go to Shawnee and see a movie?”

“You need groceries, Clarissa, or your glycema will come back and you’ll faint and Doc Anson won’t give you no stickers.”

Mack seemed truly worried about Clarissa’s health, which worried him. Just like her talk of Lemmalu’s mid evil mother worried him. He didn’t want Mackenzie to worry Clarissa would leave. Especially not now when things were going so well.

Clarissa must’ve sensed the same thing because she easily agreed to the grocery trip and movie.

At the grocery store Clarissa marveled at how quickly their relationship had become common knowledge. No startled glances, no worried frowns. Everyone called out hello to them.

At the checkout counter, though, when Jed tried to pay she pushed his hand out of the way.

“No way, buddy,” she said, and pulled cash from her pocketbook.

It seemed the only one in town who had a problem with her was Joan Anderson. That one person had stirred trouble. It made no sense.

But she wasn’t going to worry about it. She was going to trust the Lord to see them through.

The next morning Clarissa woke with a light heart. She slipped into her Crocs, glided down the stairs to Pete’s, poured herself a cup of coffee and ate one of the biscuits Susie had sent home with her.

“You really ought to sell her biscuits, Pete. They’re the best.”

Pete rubbed oil on the hot grill with a damp rag.

“No getting Susie Dillon off theTriple Eight these days. We had her for a while, but once Paul got his act together, she moved back out there and only pays us short visits.”

Clarissa leaned forward. She’d been joking about the biscuits. Sort of.

“Susie worked for you?”

“Susie had to put food on the table for her and her kids. She did what needed doing. She and Joan Anderson both worked here during that time. They became good friends. In fact, that’s how Jed met his ex-wife. Bethany stayed summers in Stearns for years.”

Clarissa knew Bethany spent summers with Joan. She didn’t realize the problems between Susie and Paul had led to Susie’s friendship with Joan, but she knew Pete wouldn’t talk out of turn, so she
 
finished her coffee, cleaned up the small mess and headed to the back for her apron.

At the end of the first breakfast rush she poured Mrs. Norene and Lester more coffee marveling at how happy the newlyweds were together.