Letters Home (31 page)

The next two days went by slower than any other days in my life. I went to work on Friday—not that there was any point because, no matter what I tried, I couldn’t concentrate when in my mind all I kept repeating was what I wanted to say to Tanner. At times it made me feel better, knowing I had a plan in place, then I would remember the very real possibility that Tanner wouldn’t listen to a word I said. I just held out hope that he’d listen because he loved me.

By Saturday evening I was a complete mess. Liam and Marissa had spent the day with me, trying to keep me from going into an absolute panic. We’d gone shopping, much to Liam’s dismay, but at least we’d taken him to lunch. They’d both hugged me and wished me good luck when I’d left. Knowing Tanner should be back by now was making my heart race as I drove to his apartment. I pulled up to the gate and prayed that Greg had kept his word. I didn’t want to give Tanner a chance to say no before I even got to see him. When the guard let me through with a smile, I breathed a sigh of relief, even though I knew that was probably the easy part of the night.

I parked in the lot and saw his truck in its normal spot. Taking a few deep breaths, I reached for the handle.

Here goes nothing
.

I walked to his front door and knocked. The door swung open and there he was. Even disheveled and tired he looked amazing, his dark hair messy on top, the deep V at his waist on display. Him being this close to me had my hand twitching to reach out and trace each line of every muscle. I let my eyes wander up to his face. The crinkling around his eyes helped me to remember why I was there.

“Hello, Tanner.”

People should always get a second chance, but only if they can prove they deserve it.

Like this week hadn’t been long enough, Danielle had to show up. She was beautiful in a pair of jeans and a pink top, but the thought of all that I would never have with her was more than I could handle, the pain in my chest like an unpleasant current flowing through my body.

“What do you want?”

She shifted on her feet. “Funny…Greg asked me that exact same question when I was here a few days ago.”

“Your point?”

Her eyes locked onto mine. “I came here to talk.”

What could she possibly want to talk about? There wasn’t anything left to say. I loved her with every fiber of my being, but she didn’t love me.

“Look, Danielle, I’m dirty, I’m tired, and all I want to do is get something to eat and go to bed. I’m not really in the mood to go through this with you, again. Good-night.” I went to shut the door and was shocked to find it wouldn’t close, probably because her foot was blocking the doorway.

“No, you’re going to listen to what I have to say.” And with that she threw her whole bodyweight against the door. It was the last thing I expected, and it threw me back just enough that she was able to take a step into the apartment, shutting the door behind her.

“What the hell are you doing?” I yelled.

“I said we need to talk.”

“And I said no.” I grabbed her arm to escort her to the door when she wrapped her hand around my wrist, flipping it with her other hand, and pushed it back at a ninety degree angle. She used the pressure of her elbow to send me to my knees. “Goddamn it, that hurts. Let me go.” I yelled.

With all of my combat training there were probably twenty ways I could have gotten out of her hold, but the shock at the speed at which she’d been able to take me down held me immobile.

“I’m not letting go until you promise to listen,” she huffed. Her voice was tight and I knew that even though she’d managed to overpower me, the effort to keep me contained was not something she could maintain for much longer, and I realized the sooner I let her say what she’d come to say, the sooner I could get her out of here.

“Fine, say what you want to say and leave.”

“Promise?”

Really? She needed me to promise? I’d have given her the world on a silver platter if I could have. “Promise,” I sighed.

Her hands let go and my arm dropped to my side. All the anger I’d felt upon opening the door and seeing her there dissipated and my fight just upped and left my body, leaving me slumped against the wall unable to bring myself to stand up. I felt her move until she came to a stop in front of me, then warm hands cupped my cheeks, lifting my face. “Tanner, look at me. Please?”

The softness in her tone made me open my eyes to the beautiful brown ones before me. They were so expressive that they told me what she was feeling before she said it. “I love you, Tanner. I’m so sorry I hurt you. If you’ll give me another chance, I’ll prove to you how much I do love you.”

A flare of hope spread through my chest. Every emotion showed in her eyes—some uncertainty, but mainly…love.

“You love me?”

“I have for a while. I was just afraid of my feelings.”

I swooped down, my lips capturing hers in a kiss that was both sweet and sensual at the same time. Her mouth was soft against mine and helped to replace the unpleasant current with a tingling that set every part of me on fire. When her tongue licked out across my lips, I groaned and threaded my fingers through her hair, holding her mouth to mine.

“I love you so much,” I said between kisses down her neck. The soft moan that rose up from her throat made my body surge with desire, but I knew sex was not the answer to our problems—there was other stuff to deal with first. I removed her hands from my arms and, standing, took a step away from her. Her eyes snapped to mine. “We need to talk, and trust me when I tell you there will be no talking if you keep your hands on me.”

She smirked and stood up as well. That was definitely new. Whatever had happened in the last few days had had a huge impact on her. Never once in all of the time I’d know her had she made any kind of sexual move toward me. She’d always responded to mine, but I’d never gotten so much as a suggestive look from her before.

“Why don’t we sit down and talk? I think you owe me some explanations.”

“I know,” she said, taking a seat on the couch.

I took a seat at the other end of the couch, wanting to be close enough to hold her hand, yet far enough away to maintain some level of self-control. Somehow this conversation didn’t seem so daunting when I was touching her. “What brought you here tonight?”

“The night after you left my place, Liam brought me a letter from Nate, one that you’d given him.” My mind raced as I tried to remember what she was talking about.

I shook my head. “The only letter I gave to Liam was for Liam.”

“Well, apparently there was another one inside for me.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. I was afraid to take it but she handed it over to me, and when I just stared at it in my hand, she encouraged me to read it.

“There are things in that letter I think you have a right to know.”

Slowly, I unfolded the paper and began to read. To describe my thoughts while reading that letter would be next to impossible, my emotions jumping from one to the other, moving on before I even had time to fully embrace them. The hairs on my arms were standing up at the idea that Nate had picked
me
of all people to deliver such crushing news to his wife. Not that he could have guaranteed that we’d end up here, as we were, but I recognized his need to know she would have another person to look after her. How he knew I’d fall for her I had no idea. There had been enough communication between the two of us that we knew exactly how much we had in common. Then again, Nate had known Danielle well enough to predict that, with him gone, her heart would once again go looking for love. Whatever the reason, I couldn’t be happier that she’d chosen me. It also explained what she was doing here, although I had a feeling there was more to the story.

“So you read this and came to find me?”

“Well, no.” She looked away from me. “I went to see Chaplain Hayes first.”

“Okay, what aren’t you telling me?”

Her lip started to tremble. “I didn’t think I deserved you. You’d shown me how much you loved me at every turn, but all I did was run away from my feelings, so I needed to hear someone else tell me that listening to Nate’s letter was okay. That it was okay to love you, and not feel guilty about it.”

I saw the tear track down her face and I pulled her into my arms. “Please don’t cry. You deserve me. You’re kind and smart and funny, and I would do anything for you. As much as it would have killed me, I’d even have stayed away if I’d thought that would have made you happy.”

She didn’t miss the drop in my voice when I said that. Scrambling out of my arms, she climbed into my lap. “I never want you to leave me again.” She leaned forward and covered my mouth with hers, and when her hands began to roam my chest and I knew that we were done talking, for now. Sweeping her up into my arms, I prayed that she wouldn’t stop us this time. My bare feet slapped on the floor as I headed straight for my bedroom. The feel of her body skimming down mine when I set her on the floor next to my bed lit up every nerve ending in my body. The kiss continued. Needing to touch more of her, I slipped my hand beneath the hem of her shirt. Her body was hot to my touch. She was all smooth skin and perfect curves.

When she didn’t stop me, I let my hands roam up over the outside of her bra to tease her nipple through the fabric and using my right hand, I reached around her back to release the clasp. Nothing about this was choreographed. My body reacted naturally, responding to the non-verbal cues she gave me each time I did something she liked. My lips traced path from her earlobe down the soft skin of her neck and rested in the hollow where her neck met her shoulder and I cried out as her hips bucked against mine, her hands tightening in my hair to the point where it was only just this side of painful. Her hand gripped the back of my head, holding it in place, until her body pulled away, and when I opened my eyes and looked down, I groaned. She’d seated herself in the middle of my bed and was slowly lifting her shirt over her head.

Throwing it to the ground, she crooked her finger at me. After admiring the beauty of what lay before me, I was on top of her in seconds, my head dropping down to suck one of her nipples into my mouth. When my teeth lightly bit down, her back arched off of the bed.

“You’re so sexy,” I whispered, licking and sucking from one side of her chest to the other. Once I’d lavished her other breast with the same attention, I moved my mouth back up, slipping my tongue between her lips to dance with hers. I felt the tremble of her body seconds before I felt her small hands on the waistband of my pants and as much as I wanted her, I didn’t want to push her too far, too fast. I covered her hand with mine and looked her in the eyes. Her eyes were burning in their intensity, desire clearly written in her features. But I had to be sure first.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes. I want to show you how much I love you.” Her hand twitched under mine.

“I know you love me, otherwise we wouldn’t be here. I asked if you really want to do this?”

She leaned up and took a little nip at my ear. “I’ve dreamed about this for the past week. I want you to make love to me.”

“I can’t think of anything I’d rather do,” I said, letting her hand go, and it wasn’t long before she had my belt and button undone, pushing her hand past the waistband of my boxer briefs. The first touch was nearly the end of me, and the feeling of her warm hand, wrapping around my base, beginning a languid upward stroke was nothing short of heavenly. There was nothing more I wanted in that moment than to have her completely naked beneath me.

Quickly, I popped the button of her jeans and sliding my fingers along the waistband, I pulled her jeans down her legs, letting my hands graze her skin all the way down. I had to move away, losing the feel of her hand touching me, to get her pants off completely, but I was so close it was probably for the best. In one smooth motion I stood up and let my pants drop around my ankles, her eyes watching me with unabashed hunger as I reached over into the nightstand to grab a condom from the drawer. Using my teeth, I ripped the package open and slid it down my cock.

When I crawled back onto the bed with her she reached up behind my neck and pulled my mouth down to hers. My fingers lightly grazed her collarbone, before trailing down between her gorgeous breasts to the flat plane of her stomach. With a quick dip in her belly button, they continued to the ultimate destination and when my fingertips glanced the skin at the apex of her thighs her hands fisted in the comforter, her mouth breaking contact with mine as she let out a frustrated whimper.