LEMNISCATE (20 page)

Looking back and forth from Hadrian to Garreth, I tried to connect what we had to work with. Hadrian was dark and strong. Garreth was pure and comforting.

And me? I was the glue. Supposedly, I was the light. The stake.

The pawn.

Hadrian’s confrontation with Brynn rang through my head.

I had to let Lucifer in.

As if I had been speaking aloud, Garreth and Hadrian’s heads simultaneously turned sharply in my direction, knowing my thoughts instantly.

They both began protesting in unison, their voices growing, bouncing off the stones until I felt dizzy and screamed for them to stop.

“Enough!” Sternly, I looked them both in the eyes.

Garreth spoke first, cautiously, however, as he seemed to realize his absence and distance from me was not entirely forgiven.

“This isn’t the same, Teagan. You were lucky you were able to cross over to save me, but this is in no way the same. You can’t.”

I turned to Hadrian. Moments ago he had plenty to say, but now . . .

“For once, I agree with him,” he finally chimed in.

His dark, green eyes locked with mine. I could feel the change in the air immediately. It was calmer, lighter.

“You are an unexplainable radiance to me in a world where I have known only shadows. I couldn’t help but want to be near you. I came back because of you.” Then peering over my shoulder, Hadrian asked, “Why do you think Garreth risked so much, changing into flesh and blood just to be with you? You are remarkable. You are not a guardian, yet you have protected like one, and you are more than human as well. The explanations simply evade us all.”

He paused then, as if feeling the impact of his own words.

“I do know that there is a prophecy of a light coming to break the darkness. The story is very old and now your hand, your mark, tells of its truth.”

Very gently, Hadrian pulled me closer to him and rested his forehead on mine, “You are this magnificent illumination.”

It was so easy for him to take my breath away, and it didn’t even phase me that Garreth was witnessing this moment between us.

“The answer cannot simply be given to you, for it is so much more than any of us realize. Somehow you must draw Lucifer away from Brynn.”

“But how will I know? When?” I whispered back.

“No time better than the present.” But Hadrian’s eyes held something even he didn’t wish to acknowledge. Reluctance, maybe?

Immediately, Garreth sprung forward. “You’re sending her to the lion’s den!”

Hadrian looked up. “Do you have a better plan?” he replied flatly. “Brynn’s obviously not strong enough to do it alone.”

He turned back to me. “This is about second chances. You gave me a second chance. You saw through the lie I believed in for so long.” Hadrian glanced coldly at Garreth. “I like it no more than he does, but if you don’t do it, Lucifer will win.” He paused. “And I’m willing to help you.”

His pledge seemed to stop Garreth in his tracks as he realized that the three of us needed to work together. Would I be willing to give him a second chance as well?

I stared down at Brynn. Her eyes were open, yet unseeing, and every couple of minutes her body would shake with tremors. Time was crucial now.

I held out my hand and in turn, my two angels gave me their hands, our marks united. A burning sensation seared through my skin.

It was time.

“I
t’s not the same; remember that,” Garreth’s face was a mask. He wore the concentrated resolve well, but I knew worry and fear bled through the strength he was determined to give me. He sighed deeply, afraid for me. For all of us.

“You aren’t leaving and going to another realm.”

I nodded my head, understanding.

“Lucifer will challenge you. He will do whatever it takes to keep control.” Hadrian’s voice came to my other ear. “We’re right here. We won’t leave your side.”

If I admitted fear, then I would be weak against Lucifer. Against the dark.

Compassion broke through Garreth’s worry, “You’ll have to show him a weakness, Teagan. It’s how he enters.”

Hadrian squeezed my hand gently. “Ready?”

I couldn’t answer for fear the strength I was trying so hard to build up would desert me. I entertained thoughts of running from this place, of taking off down the long, twisting tunnels until I came to the river. Surely then my cell phone would pick up again, and I could call my mother to come get me. I could call Nate. I could call Ryan. Anyone. I could find a road, and perhaps a car would come along, and I could beg them to take me home, and I’d wake up to find this has all been a horrible, horrible dream.

Still holding hands, we walked over to Brynn, where I slowly crouched to the floor beside her. They guided me backwards, my head next to hers, my body stretching out in the opposite direction. I reached down, feeling for the filmy fabric of my now stained dress, wanting to cover myself as much as possible against the biting cold of the damp dirt floor. I felt hands do the work for me, then felt my legs being covered with a softer warmth than that of the ruined party dress. I lifted my chin and peered down at my feet to find Garreth gently rubbing my ankles, warming me, soothing me. Shakily, I smiled a thank you, but I was so chilled, it may not have appeared very grateful.

“If anything happens, we’re right here.” Hadrian looked fierce in the glow of the fire, but it was a look of determination. The face of a warrior. Of a guardian.

Turning my head to glance at Brynn, I could see her eyes were still fixed on the ceiling. Unseeing, yet seeing everything. I wondered where she was right now, deep inside herself. Was she battling the demon who had promised her she would have her mother again? Was she reliving nightmares? Was she happy with more false promises?

I turned my head back and closed my eyes, steeling myself, knowing I had to let him in. Slowly, I began to empty my mind, allowing tendrils of thoughts into my subconscious. Each thought, each fear, was like a whisper, a thread of smoke that wove through my head, snaking around to find the precise point where I could allow it to fester and take shape; to give it permission to become real. I pictured everything that tempted me, hoping it would draw Lucifer closer.

Desperately, I wanted to retreat deeper inside the safety of myself, to be away from the thoughts, the memories, but I allowed them to come full force. I felt a presence near me. Not on the outside of my body, where I knew Hadrian and Garreth were keeping a close watch on me, but here — within me. It was sharing the same space, and so I continued . . .

I felt over and over again the fear of being in the closet with Ryan. I pictured hell all around me, bidding it to come out of hiding and find me. I made myself hear Brynn and her years of taunting, of making me feel worthless and shameful for even being on the same planet as her. And then . . . I made contact, and someone, something, broke through and touched me.

I was standing, though not really.

I looked down at my arm where I had felt a cold hand resting. There was nothing. Then I realized, this was all in my head. Like a dream. A fearful role playing.

It was misty and gray all around me. Cold. I could see a figure shrouded in shadow, moving closer. Was it the one I felt? It moved, creeping closer, until I could finally make out a shape familiar to me. It was Brynn, no longer lying on the dirt floor, but here with me.

“What are you doing here?” she whispered, looking around nervously. She seemed desperate to run to me, but held back, afraid.

Her face was streaked with dirt and dried tears. Her luxurious hair was in tangles. I was taken aback by the way she wrung her hands fretfully.

I pulled myself away from staring at her and tried to take a good look around. It would be easy to answer
I have no idea
, but of course I couldn’t say that. Not if I planned on doing anything worthwhile.

“I came to get you out of here.” It was the best I could do.

“Where exactly are we, Teagan?” Brynn’s voice had an unfamiliar pitch to it. She was scared.

“It’s complicated. Let’s just get you somewhere safe, alright?” I wanted to get as close as I could to her. Somehow I would need to imagine myself pulling her out of here, and then Garreth and Hadrian would take it from there.

Her breathing was raspy and before I knew it, Brynn was clinging to my arm, looking all around us.

“Where do we go? Teagan, I’ve been searching and searching. There’s no way out of here.”

Before I could explain it wasn’t an ordinary exit we were about to go through, I felt her knuckles clench my arm painfully. If Brynn could’ve hidden inside me at that moment, she would have. Her face drained of all color. “He’s here. Oh, Teagan, please hurry!”

“Where?” I was wasting time asking that question, forgetting Hadrian had told me I wouldn’t be able to see him.

“He’s furious with me! Teagan!”

I felt her body shudder against me, and soon began to feel her weight slinking to the floor, pulling me with her. Slashes appeared on her skin in random strokes. Instinctively, I pulled away from her, my eyes refusing to believe what they were seeing.

Suddenly Brynn stood up and stared directly into my eyes. She let out a guttural scream and lunged for my face. “You killed her! You took her away from me!”

I fell back, the force of her striking against me was beyond powerful. There was no way a girl of her build could shove like that, not even for the last pair of shoes at the mall.

“Brynn! What are you doing? Stop!” I tried pushing her off me, but she kept lashing at me with her nails. I knew it was a trick. It was another game Lucifer was playing with our minds. I couldn’t imagine what she must be seeing, she was reacting so violently.

Then suddenly, her face lost its contorted shape and her eyes grew less venomous. She was slowly beginning to calm down. I took careful advantage of the little window of opportunity and spoke gently to her, reassuring her she was safe.

“Brynn, stop. It’s okay.”

I tried rubbing her arms soothingly, even though she could scratch my eyes out at this distance if she lost control again. “You need to focus if we’re going to get out of here.”

She allowed me to lead her a few steps. We weren’t really headed anywhere, but the slightest of steps to me was progress. She was exhausted, so I sat down with her in a protective little huddle. Maybe sleep would come to her, allowing her to finally rest. If she was out for a little, then it would be easier for me to concentrate on getting us back to the stone room beneath the church; back to the two angels waiting for me. I wanted to shut my eyes with her, just for a little while, but her body began shuddering again, and when I looked over at her to try and comfort her, I saw her eyes roll back behind her lids.There was a pulling sensation on my arms.
No, Brynn. Go to sleep.
Then the fear settled in.

Maybe Lucifer was back.

Someone was dragging me to my feet. I opened my eyes, preparing for another hit or scratch to the face, but found I was opening them to the most beautiful scene I could possibly imagine. I saw two pairs of eyes. One blue. One green. Somehow, we had made it back to my guardians.

Quickly I turned, reaching for Brynn. Did I manage to bring her back with me? She was curled up, sleeping soundly beside the fire, color slowly but surely returning to her cheeks.

I reached up to touch the face of the angel closest to me, but the exquisite faces blurred and began to melt together. A black filmy smoke filled the room, and then without warning, I spiraled downward.

I
was no longer looking at Garreth and Hadrian but found myself back in the dirt crawl space I had just escaped from. I decided to venture out into the tunnel, wondering if it was the same one Hadrian and I had walked through hours ago. The walls had that same scraped appearance to them I had taken notice of earlier. And then it hit me. How long had I been underground? Was it morning yet? My feet kept walking, as if begging to be led out of this damp, grubby trap. Then I stopped.

“Teagan?”

There was a voice echoing from the other end of the passageway, the very direction I was walking toward.

“Teagan?”

It was my mother.

I broke into a jog. A run would have been more efficient, but I was so weary and the ground was so uneven. A faint glow warmed the packed earth of the tunnel wall a few yards ahead, and I kept my eye on it, pushing myself onward to reach it. When I saw her, I couldn’t help but crash into her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and buried my head into her neck, only . . . it was not my mother. The figure I clutched was not warm and tender like a real person. Instead it was strangely chilled and vaporous in spots, formed to serve a momentary purpose.

The image my heart wanted so desperately to see was just one of Lucifer’s many tricks, and I had to remember not to want anything while still trapped down here. If I did, it would be presented to me, it would tempt me to reach out and take it, believing in a lie. This was all part of Lucifer’s game. This was how he played, preying on the wants of others. He was the deliverer, and by the time you realized it wasn’t real, it was too late. But how do you tell yourself not to want? Especially when you’re faced with desperation and fear?

Was that what happened to Brynn? Was she so desperate for her own mother that she believed the lie enough to fall deeper into the clutches of something she couldn’t control?

But it was too late. The moment I thought of my mother, the very second my heart
wished
for her—that was enough for Lucifer to make his move. The image that was my mom rippled a bit, and then her sweet smile morphed into a sneer, and her face became Brynn’s. Her laughter bounced off the walls. I backed away as Brynn’s chortle melted into Claire’s scream, and as I watched helplessly, the face changed from one to the other and back again. The faces and voices switched back and forth so rapidly, I needed to cover my ears with my hands and turn away.