LEMNISCATE (15 page)

I couldn’t help wondering why and when my life and all its meaning had taken a turn for the worse. Was it when Garreth showed me that stupid pink suspension slip in his car? Was it the second I convinced him to go to lunch with a bunch of jock-losers instead of keeping him all to myself? Or was it the moment when happiness surrounded me and I had both Garreth and the free will to fantasize about a dark angel lingering on the fringes of my world? Regardless of when it happened, here I was…miserable.

“That’s it!” I said out loud to myself as I tossed the last of the wet, lumpy jeans into the dryer. “I’m not going to agonize over this anymore.”

I marched upstairs, peeked in on my mom, who was sleeping soundly in her room and fished my cell phone out of my bag. It was nearly eleven p.m. but I hit Ryan’s number on speed dial anyway.

“Are we still on for tomorrow?” I breathed into the receiver without even asking how he was feeling.

“Uh, yeah. I’m up for it.” He sounded as if he had been sleeping and suddenly I felt guilty for my impulsiveness. “You’re driving, right?”

“The dance starts at six o’clock, so I’ll pick you up at quarter to.”

“My date’s picking me up. I like it,” Ryan spoke with unabashed drama.

I smiled into the phone and hung up.

Grabbing my jammies from the drawer, I quickly changed and hopped onto my bed. There was one more person I wanted to call, but unfortunately, he didn’t carry a phone. At least to my knowledge. I thought of what Ryan said, about thinking about Claire and then seeing her. If I thought about Garreth, would he come to me? Did I dare try? I wasn’t going to allow myself to feel bad if he chose not to appear. The important thing was that I was reaching out and trying to put my life back into some sense of order.

I visualized him forming in the middle of my bedroom floor like he had done so many times in the early morning. I closed my eyes and wished.

Nothing.

But someone else did enter my dreamscape this time. Claire stood there with a worn, brown book in her pale hand. It was old and frail, and in my heart I knew it was the journal I was looking for.

“
I kept him away for as long as I could, Teagan. I don’t have the strength anymore,”
the wisp of her voice floated to me.

“Who, Claire? Who did you keep away?” I asked, but she was fading before my sleepy eyes.

“
The names . . . the names are in the book.”
I could no longer see her, but her voice punctured my heart.

“What names?” I pleaded, but she was gone.

When morning woke me, I didn’t feel so alone. I had seen Claire. Feeling the separation from her had weighed on me with such magnitude, but seeing her, even just for a matter of moments in a dream, helped. I truly believed that she was giving me a message—that the journal really held importance. I carried that thought with me while getting dressed and on the way to school.

There was a tangible excitement in the air at Carver. It was Friday. The Fall Harvest dance was just a few hours away and the school was already teeming with festivities. Girls chattered in the bathroom, talking about their dresses and shoes and hair. Even the boys seemed stoked. By the time the final bell rang, even I was admittedly feeling the effects of anticipation and found myself practically bouncing to my car. Both Garreth and Brynn were no-shows today. I didn’t have to witness their
togetherness,
which helped. Out of sight, out of mind, right?

At five forty-five my little white Cabrio pulled up to the house Ryan had described over the phone. I had never been there before but ventured to guess that it wasn’t the sort of place where someone would entertain. The pale blue siding had faded to a nice shade of dinge. The white trim was now visibly grimy, even from the street, and in need of a good power-washing. It was peeling profusely around the door frame and windows.

I sat in the car, not entirely eager to get out and approach the front door. Even though his father wasn’t home, I felt more inclined to sit and wait patiently while I played with the trim of my dress. I had been reluctant to wear the blood orange party dress. It was the one I had worn to my birthday dinner with Garreth but also the only thing appropriate in my closet for this evening. Perspiration beaded up on my palms at the thought of running into him tonight, especially with Brynn by his side.

I shoved the idea from my thoughts. No sense in ruining the night before it ever got started. I debated running up to the door. Ryan sure was taking his time tonight. Wasn’t it more customary for the boy to go up to the door? Did the same rules apply when the girl was the one driving? I half-smiled to myself as I pictured getting out and holding the door open for him.

A few minutes later, my wait was over and Ryan appeared on the tiny porch wearing a nice pair of pants, a blue dress shirt and . . . was that a tie? A petite woman with a blonde bob stood in the open doorway and I rolled my window down to give a little wave to whom I assumed was his aunt and current guardian.

Getting in, Ryan seemed to be blushing.

“Nice tie,” I muttered.

“My aunt talked me into it,” he said hesitantly.

“Seriously, it’s a nice look for you,” I said, nodding emphatically, not wanting him to think I was teasing. I meant it. “Are you sure you’re feeling up to tonight? We could go for coffee instead if you’d like.” I could still see some bruising around his jaw, but in the dark gym no one would notice. I realized then that was probably the real reason for the tie, but I didn’t let on.

“Oh, I almost forgot. This is for you.” Shyly, Ryan handed me a beautiful corsage of pink roses and baby’s breath. “It’s supposed to go on your wrist.”

The gesture caught me off guard and made me smile.

“Thank you. Ryan, that was very sweet of you!”

“I guess my aunt was hoping you would come to the door. She wanted to get a couple of shots with her camera.”

“I’m sorry, I …” I stammered guiltily.

“It’s okay, she’ll get over it. I told her it was just a dance, not the prom.”

This time it was my turn to blush. I held my arm out across to him and shivered slightly as he pulled the elastic cord around my hand and up onto my arm, adjusting it on my wrist.

“It’s just perfect, Ryan. Really.”

I updated him on my last conversation with Hadrian as we drove. Ryan’s reaction to the whole guardian scenario was quiet and supportive. He listened without interrupting, making me realize how much I truly appreciated the friendship we had developed.

Music caressed the night as it wafted out from the double green doors of the gymnasium. From a distance streamers and silver strings of lights could be seen, creating a stunning wonderland, a far cry from the sweat-infused room we visited twice a week. Ryan and I stood quietly in line trying to avoid the stares. Was it really so strange that I would show up without Garreth? Was it even stranger that Ryan would accompany the friend of a former girlfriend? Probably. We paid the ten dollar donation at the door that bought us two raffle tickets for door prizes and quickly shuffled inside.

A few daring couples were already on the dance floor, twirling in front of those watching from the sidelines. There were long tables draped in autumnal swaths of fabric with punch bowls and bottles of water. Other tables held cakes and brownies and other delectable treats provided by over-achieving mothers and PTA members. The music was loud, coming from a corner that had been transformed into a mock sound stage and several DJ wanna-be’s were hovering close by offering the next suggestions to spin.

I let out a sigh.

“You okay?” Ryan looked at me with genuine concern.

I nodded. “I just feel a little out of place, that’s all.”

“Would you rather leave? I don’t mind,” he said, pulling at the knot at his collar.

“No, let’s stay for a little bit. I’m sure it will be fun,” I tried to sound convincing. “It really looks amazing in here, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, but it still smells like socks.”

I punched him lightly in his good arm.

As much as I tried, my eyes couldn’t help searching the far reaches of the gym for Garreth. I cursed myself for being so masochistic.

I excused myself to the ladies’ room and once inside the safety of a stall, I took deep, calming breaths. I hung my head in my hands, trying to stop thinking about my blond-haired guardian who should have been with me tonight.

Looking at my hand, I traced the lemniscate with my finger. It was mesmerizing to keep curling around, over and over. I still couldn’t fully understand why my mark had changed, or what it meant. A deep part of me was angry that Garreth hadn’t been with me when it reshaped itself, like he had been the first time. I held some sort of feelings for Hadrian—there was no way around denying that—but the hole where Garreth used to be seemed to be getting larger.

Stepping up to the sink, I splashed some cold water on the back of my neck and took another deep breath. Tonight, I would try to forget about Garreth and the strange dreams about dead friends and old books. I was determined to have a good time and not let Ryan regret being my date for the evening. My hand reached out in front of me pushing hard on the heavy bathroom door.

Stupid door. . . what is your problem?
And then with one final push, it swung open with a thud. When I looked up, I was standing face to face with Brynn, holding an empty punch cup, the red contents now staining the front of her cream colored designer dress.

“You IDIOT,” Brynn stammered lividly. Several eyes were upon us now and I couldn’t tell if the stream of cool wetness running down the back of my neck was from the water I had just splashed on myself or sweat from embarrassment.

“Oh, Brynn! I’m so sorry. Your dress. I’m sorry!”

She held it out in front of her, making the hideous stain larger than it really was. It looked as if blood had been spilled all down the front of her and reminded me of that scene from the movie
Carrie
. The one where pranksters spilled pig’s blood over Carrie’s head. Except no one was laughing at the girl with the red stain right now. No one would
dare
laugh at Brynn Hanson.

The last thing I saw were dozens of nameless faces rubbernecking for a good view of the ensuing argument before the bathroom door closed once again. I felt a hand grasp the bodice of my dress and push me backwards, slamming me against the dryer that jutted out from the tiled wall. My breath was knocked out of my chest.

“I said I was sorry about the dress,” I repeated through clenched teeth.

“You should be sorry about a lot of things,” Brynn spat.

I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around that one, it was hurting too much.

“I’ll pay for the dress . . . have it dry cleaned or something. Where did you get it, Dehlia’s?”

Brynn didn’t answer but instead stood staring at me for a moment, then reached out and grabbed a handful of my hair.

“Hey!” I shouted. “Back off!”

But she kept pulling and twisting harder.

“Stop it! You’re hurting me.” I managed to squeak out, but her grip held firm. She looked possessed. The Brynn she revealed to me in her bedroom was long gone. Why wasn’t anyone coming in to pull her off of me? Where was Ryan? Wasn’t he wondering what was taking me so long? If I made it out of here, I’d be lucky to still have a strand of hair left on my head!

From out of nowhere, a brilliant white glow streamed from my hand, accompanied by a surge of strength that moments before had not existed.

“I said stop!” And with that, I finally pulled myself free and pushed her away.

An eerie silence filled the room and flowed beyond the closed door. Suddenly, it flew open and Ms. Hodges, the assistant principal stood in the doorway with a stricken look plastered across her face. Flanking her on either side stood Ryan and Garreth, their eyes wide and worried.

“I expect an explanation. NOW.”  Ms. Hodges was obviously not in the mood.

I completely expected Brynn to place the entire blame on me. I did, after all, open the door on her.

“Teagan was . . .”

I held my breath waiting for the verbal blow Brynn was about to deliver.

“Teagan was only helping me clean off my dress. It looks much worse than it really is.” With that, she dabbed her dress with a damp paper towel.

My jaw hung open to the floor but shut quickly when Ms. Hodges looked at me for my side of the story. I simply nodded in agreement.

We marched out in single file, avoiding the stares of everyone at the dance.

“I trust there will be no more antics this evening?”

Brynn and I bobbed our heads in unison.

“Alright everyone! There’s nothing to see here, a minor glitch in the festivities this evening.” She clapped her hands and gave a nod toward the sound stage and soon the room was filled with music and laughter and whispered voices.

I turned to Brynn. “I really am sorry about the dress.” I didn’t want another argument—we’d get kicked out for sure—but I had to ask. “Did you have to grab me like that?”

Brynn looked at me with large brown eyes. “I didn’t grab you,” she said innocently.

My brows furrowed together and I reached up to touch the mess on top of my head. Ryan was at my side in a nano-second, shaking his head, staring at us both. “You guys were in there for two seconds and you come out like this.”

It was longer than two seconds. I was sure of it, and if Brynn was pretending to not remember anything that happened, she was doing an awfully good job.

My eyes met Garreth’s and I could feel myself getting trembly again. He looked amazing and serene. Maybe he was getting better? I wanted to step toward him but Brynn came to his side, reminding me that he was her date tonight. Not mine. Did he even still care? A gentle arm wrapped around my shoulder, and I knew Ryan was trying to be protective.

“Coffee sure sounds good, doesn’t it?”

I looked up into Ryan’s dimpled grin. “It sure does.”

One last glance at the gym and I could see Brynn pulling Garreth onto the dance floor, her ruined dress momentarily forgotten. I gave Ryan’s hand an appreciative squeeze as we walked out the door of the gym and into the dark night dotted with millions of tiny stars.