Learning to Live (30 page)

The flutters are back as I head inside and make my way to the
elevator. I grin the whole way up to my floor while I think of Jax and
what the future holds for us. I may not have him forever, but I’ll never
take for granted the amount of time I do have with him. I’ve learned
that you never know in life what the next day will bring. My soul is
still healing but with Jax in my life, I can and will do it.
I’m not paying attention as I unlock my door. I’m mentally
making a list of what needs to be done before I head back down. The
faster I’m through here, the sooner I can be with Jax again. Giggling, I
walk in and shut the door, but before I can reach the light switch on the
wall, I smell it. My smile falls and my eyes widen while they adjust to
the darkness with only moonlight to illuminate the room.
The smell of cigarettes and alcohol is so strong I want to hold my
nose, but the lingering stench of cheap cologne makes me freeze. I see
a familiar silhouette sitting on my bed, and I start to back up and find
the exit, but his voice stops me. “What became of your lamb, Trudy?
Hmmm? I heard it died.” Hannibal’s words repeat themselves through
my brain and fear surfaces.
I see the orange around his face as he lights a cigarette, and I start
to shiver at the sight of Tony sitting comfortably on my bed. Then he
leans over and turns on my lamp, and I see the long pink scar that runs
along his left cheek. His face is pale and his eyes are sunken in worse
than the last time I saw him in Atlanta. He’s grown scraggly facial hair,
and his greasy black hair is pulled into a ponytail.
“Don’t act so surprised. I tried to prepare you,” Tony continues as
he takes a deep drag from his cigarette. “The note, the flowers. Hell, I
even thought about fucking you Halloween night, but people kept
walking past us. Besides, deep down I know you’re happy to see me.”
Hannibal? That was Tony? I feel my world start to tilt knowing I
should find an exit. Before I can find my feet I spot my life in his
hands.
I walk forward and reach out, ready to rip his grimy hands off
Brian’s blanket while the other items sit in his lap. They are the only
things I have left of him, and I’m willing to fight tooth and nail to get
them back from him.
He snatches it back and laughs. “Well, look at Ms. Trudy acting
all brave and shit. What? You gonna take me on?” Laughing he takes a
drag from his cigarette while slowly fingering the edges of the blanket.
His black eyes watch me closely while smoke slowly rises from his
mouth and is inhaled through his nose.
I try to relax my facial features before I speak. “Give it back.” I
hear a small shake in my voice. He knows it and gives me a sinister
smile before he holds up his lighter toward the light blue fabric.
Panic takes hold of me froze as I think of him ruining it. “
What
do
you want, Tony?”
He just laughs and the sound causes my skin to break out in chills
and my heart to accelerate with fear. The memories of being held down
and strangled while he raped me come back to surface, and I close my
eyes while I take a deep breath to try to calm down. I don’t want to be
scared anymore. I’m different and not the same weak girl I was a year
ago, but the terror I feel won’t dissipate.
“You know why I’m here, baby.” He pushes off my bed, holding
my memories in his fist, and throws them down, stalking toward me.
My breath hitches as he gets closer, and I back up until I’m against the
wall. He runs his finger down my cheek, and I turn my face away.
I hear the click as he locks the door with his other hand, and I feel
trapped. His touch makes my stomach roll, and I can’t help the look of
disgust that crosses my features.
“What?”
he says harshly. “You too
good for me now, is that it? You only spread those thighs for money
now? Or educated assholes?” He sniffs my neck and licks at my pulse
for a second then bites down. “You can act like you don’t want me, but
I know you do. Your heart is beating fast, baby, because you’re excited
to have me back.” He thrusts his hips forward and rubs himself on me.
“Remember how good it was, Trudy? I do. I have
never
wanted
anyone like I want you. Your screams will always be the best, and I
hear them in my head no matter who I’m fucking.”
I find my voice for the first time and push him back away from
me. Knowing Jax is downstairs gives me strength and his words make
me angry. He’s a sick sonofabitch. “I’ve
never
wanted you. I never
will either.” I catch him by surprise because he doesn’t say anything
when I turn to unlock the door. “You need to leave
now
or I’m calling
the police.”
I hear the gun cock back and stop with my hand on the door knob.
“I’m not going anywhere, Trudy. You should know by now that if I
want something, I fucking get it. By
any
means necessary.” I feel the
cold metal of the gun on my temple and the strength I had only
seconds ago leaves me, and I’m back to feeling panicked. “Now, I
want you to be good and call the asshole outside and tell him to leave.
Then go pack a bag and be sure to get enough stuff for a few days. We
got places to be.”
The thought of leaving Jax behind hits me hard. I’m not scared of
the destination Tony has, but the fact I will leave Jax. As much as I
want him to run through those doors, my fear of him being hurt
outweighs it. I know Tony’s crazy enough to kill him.
I grab my phone and dial Jax while the gun presses further into
my temple and wait for him to answer.
When I hear his voice, my knees buckle and I take a deep breath
so I won’t break down and ask for help. “Hey, baby, I don’t think I can
make it tonight.”
“Why? Are you okay?” I hear the Jeep door open in the
background.
“Y…yeah, I’m okay. I just don’t feel well, and I want to stay in
and get some sleep.” I hope I sound more convincing to him than to
myself.
“That’s fine. I’ll just come up.”
“No!”
I panic and see Tony sneer with hateful black eyes. I need
to calm down, so I turn away from his face because seeing him won’t
help. “No, it’s fine. I got my period and I just want to be alone. I’ll talk
to you tomorrow.”
He’s silent and I think he’s hung up the phone at first. I feel like
crying knowing it will be the last time I hear his voice. But then he
answers quietly. “Okay, Tru. Just get some sleep, and I’ll see you first
thing in the morning.
I love you.”
He stresses the last part.
The tears are burning my eyes, but I bite my lip to keep my
emotions on track. I don’t want that to be the last time I hear him say
those words to me. “I love you too.” It’s barely audible because my
throat is clogged, and my vision gets blurry. I hang up then feel the
phone being snatched from my hands before it’s thrown across the
room.
Tony’s standing there smiling at first, but then walks to look out
the window. “Good, the fucker took the hint.” He turns his cold stare
on me and sits on my bed like we’re best friends.
“Why are you doing this, Tony?” My anger again surfaces. Why
does he need to destroy this little piece of happiness I finally find?
“Why do you feel the need to ruin my life again?”
I see his anger return to his face. “Ruin
your
life?” He stands and
approaches me again, waving the pistol. “
You
ruined
my
life.” He must
see the confusion on my face because he feels the need to clarify. “
You
had to piss off Brad and get
your
stupid ass beat.
You
had to scream for
help and get the neighbors involved.
You
had to get the cops there and
have
all
of my dope seized by the police.
You
caused my boss to lose
thousands
of dollars, and do you know who paid for
your
fuck up?
I
did
.” He points to his chest like I should feel sorry for him.
“Brad is safe behind fucking bars for now, but when he gets out,
he’ll pay.” He points to his left scarred cheek as I continue to try and
comprehend his words.
“This
was a warning. If I don’t get his twenty
grand back, I’m
dead.”
He takes a breath to calm down.
“I don’t have that kind of money.” I still don’t know how he’ll get
the money if I leave with him.
He gets this devious smirk on his face as he approaches me and
tucks the gun in the waistband of his jeans. “Oh, I know that. But you
do have something the boss says can make him
lots
of money.” His
body is flush against me now, and I smell his rancid breath as he
unzips my jacket. “I sent him a picture of you at your job in Atlanta
one night. I was trying to save my ass knowing your body could blow
peoples’ minds. Even pregnant, you caused my dick to get hard. I
knew after you had that little shit you’d be better. So after you
disappeared I watched you at school and then started following you to
your
job
.” He winks. “Imagine my surprise and excitement when one
night instead of serving, your sweet ass was dancing. I took a few
pictures and now he’s convinced you could earn him his losses back on
the street or as his personal fuck I told him how you liked to be shared.
In fact I tell everyone.” He runs his finger down my neck. “So since
you’re the reason for this mess in the first place, it makes sense that
you make it right.”
He licks my lips and I turn my face away. “Now who knew you
could dance like that? Hmmm? Why don’t you give me a personal
show before we leave? I think I’ve earned it since I’ve been watching
you while waiting for the okay to come through.”
He grabs my breast and squeezes so hard I cry out in pain, but he
covers my mouth with his hand to quiet me. I act on instinct. I bite
down as hard as I can while he screams. Then I try to knee him in the
nuts, but he side steps me.
The blow catches me off guard. I taste the coppery flavor of blood
in my mouth as my jaw throbs. I feel dizzy and try to stand, but I fall
against the wall. I start crying because the memories are coming back
and the knowledge of how I couldn’t save Brian return with them.
“You stupid bitch,”
he yells as his hand wraps in my hair and he
yanks me up. “Seems you need to learn who’s in charge here.”
He tosses me on the bed and straddles my body, and I struggle and
fight to break free. I start to scream for help, but he then hits me, and
this time I see and feel nothing.