Laugh Lines: Conversations With Comedians (6 page)

I’m not the only one who is tickled by the voices in Jim Gaffigan’s head spewing out onstage or his penchant for talking about food that’s bad for you, like bacon and Hot Pockets.
Many of us love this pasty oddball, so if you’re curious about the origins of some of his trademark bits, give these two interviews with him a look-see.

Corey: You talk a lot about food. I’ve been listening to your CD on the way to and from work, and it puts me in the mood for a lot of weird things to eat.

Jim Gaffigan: There you go. It changes what you obsess on or what topics come to you. Once I get inspired by a topic—be it cake or Hot Pockets—I just tend to keep writing about it.

Corey: Can you talk a little about your process for putting together material?

Jim: I come up with something I find odd, and I usually end up discussing it with my wife, and I’ll try it on stage and find a unique, fresh point of view on something and just play with the idea and see if one of the voices in my head will respond to it.

Corey: Do you use shorthand or write everything out?

Jim: I record all my sets, and then I also will type out jokes and see what is working when I listen to my sets. As I am getting busier and busier, it seems like I don’t have as much time to do that. You want to organize your thoughts, but you also want to keep it organic.

Corey: Does the type of audience dictate the material? For example, you’re getting ready to do a corporate gig.

Jim: My material doesn’t really change because it’s not like I need curse words to make it funny. The reaction of the audience might differ depending on the audience. This might be an older group so I wouldn’t do my odder stuff, probably. I wouldn’t do something an audience in theirs 20s or even a 15-year-old might understand.

Corey: Actually, last night I prepared my boyfriend’s first Hot Pocket, and I’m waiting to hear how he’s doing today.

Jim: Oh yeah? Well, he made it through the night so that’s all right.

Corey: I notice just the mention of it gets a reaction from your audience. Has it been something you’ve talked about for a while?

Jim: Yes. It’s a joke that I’ve been developing. There’s different forms of the joke. It’s an enormous empire, the Hot Pocket joke. I started thinking it was just me having this point of view that Hot Pockets are this guilty pleasure we all indulge in. If you’re broke, it’s the most efficient thing to get. It’s kind of an embarrassing thing that most of us eat and kind of secretly know as a more convenient pot pie, you know?

Corey: I haven’t seen you in their commercials.

Jim: Part of me feels lucky they haven’t sued, but then part of me feels like I’m selling Hot Pockets to people who haven’t heard of them. I’ve probably prompted a lot of people to try them.

Corey: One of the things that sticks out for me is how you don’t use a lot of cursing in your material. Has that been a conscious effort since the beginning?

Jim: It’s definitely one of those things where I think I aspire to not have any gimmicks to keep my show getting laughs. Any comic would tell you that if you add a curse word to a joke, the reaction of the audience is going to be heightened. You kind of want to work without those gimmicks as you go along. That’s not to say that I don’t think comics that curse aren’t funny. It’s kind of my personal thing. It’s the same reason I don’t want to be the comic to do tricks to gain the affection of the audience. If you’re a comic and say, ‘I support the troops.’ It’s like, well, who doesn’t? Or, ‘I’m against bigotry.’ Everyone is, aren’t they? There’s little things that I just wanted to edit out of my act, and one of those was cursing because it was just a crutch I was using to get a bigger laugh.

Corey: Do you typically, during the day, curse more than you would on stage?

Jim: Yeah, the writing process is such that when I start writing something, you have something; then you have to organize it. It’s kind of hard to describe. It’s like telling a story to friends. Then you realize, I really should get to that point earlier. The next time you tell that story to a group of friends, you’re going to get to the point. The whole cursing thing, I guess it’s just kind of something where I don’t want to indulge in that.

Corey: Something that occurs in your material is the dialogue the audience is having or the commentary you are giving to them. How did that come to be?

Jim: I used to have this joke about my sister commenting on my act, and also stand-up comedy is very much a conversation between the performer and the audience. A lot of times it’s not verbal what the audience is saying to you. It might just be one person. It’s kind of empowering a voice in my head. Maybe some people don’t have it, but I have voices in my head. I think everyone does.

Corey: How would you describe the voices in your head?

Jim: Well, there’s different kinds of voices: there’s the hyper-critical, conservative voice; there’s the really PC voice; then there’s the hipster voice. If I go on five minutes on cake, the voice might go, ‘If he does another cake joke, I’m gonna kill him.’ It takes different forms.

Corey: Do the voices have anything to say when you’re not on stage?

Jim: (laughs) No, not really. I do it sometimes as a running joke with my wife. It can disarm people. I guess I do it now and again. It’s not like I’m some lunatic in a corner when I’m offstage. (pause) It’s ‘A Beautiful Mind,’ just like that movie.

Corey: You’ve got a DVD, CD and comedy special all coming out at the same time. Would you consider this to be your biggest moment in comedy?

Jim: I’ve been in this business for 15 years, and attempting to control how things are going to go or have some realistic expectation is really naïve. I’ve been burned on many things and had some close calls and been on shows that were supposed to be hits or been the lead in a movie that was supposed to get released, or a great script that ends up being mediocre. It might sound like BS, but you really have to enjoy the process, if you know what I mean.

As Jim prepared to bring sexy back on tour, the sweet, smoky scent of bacon wafted through the air.

The strips of pork are among the pale, pudgy comic’s favorite food indulgences, and he is eager to discuss it, among other relatively unhealthy delicacies.

He called this particular jaunt The Sexy Tour, and, for a moment, Gaffigan tried to keep a straight face when describing it.

Corey: Are you all sexed up?

Jim: I am so sexy right now, it’s amazing.

Corey: How long do you spend in front of a mirror preparing to get sexy?

Jim: Twenty-six hours, which is really difficult because I perform every night, so I have to speed it up.

Corey: So, if Justin Timberlake is responsible for bringing sexy back, are you bringing sexy front?

Jim: I’m bringing it to the foreground. There’s not a lot of talk, but I actually carried the sexy. He brought it back. He literally took all the credit. I did most of the heavy lifting.

Corey: What attribute about yourself do you think the ladies find sexiest?

Jim: I don’t know. I would say … (laughs) I don’t feel too comfortable doing this because I know I’m just gonna look like a dick.

Corey: Was calling this The Sexy Tour your idea?

Jim: Totally my idea. It is totally a joke. The thing is, the balancing act is I never want people to think that I seriously think that I’m sexy because that would be beside the point. I thought it was hysterical that we use sexy to sell so many things in our society. It’s just kind of silly, I think.

Corey: What are you talking about on this tour?

Jim: This show deals with those same hard-hitting issues that I dealt with on the last one. I talk about bacon, Waffle House, uh, camping, bowling—stuff like that.

Corey: Are you an avid camper?

Jim: I am the opposite of a camper; I’m an un-camper.

Corey: There’s no tent in your yard?

Jim: I’m somebody who’s not even a fan of going outside, somebody who doesn’t understand the mysteries of camping.

Corey: You are known for your paleness. Do you avoid the sun?

Jim: First and foremost, I try not leaving the house. I’m only going outside when it’s dark out. I’m consuming a lot of television—the stuff that’s made America great, reality television.

Corey: I also understand you’re not a very picky eater.

Jim: You know Dunkin’ Donuts? Don’t they have those everywhere? Wherever there’s homeless people, there’s Dunkin’ Donuts. It’s a topic I’ve been obsessing on lately. I think it’s really funny that McDonald’s will serve breakfast only until 10 a.m., but Dunkin’ Donuts is like, ‘Donuts, all day, all night. Donuts!’

It’s like, why not have a Bacon Hut?

Corey: I’ve heard they use bacon to make some candies.

Jim: I’m sure they do, the good candies. The pig is the most amazing animal. You can feed a pig an apple, and it will make bacon. That is like recycling at its peak. That’s probably where they got the idea for recycling.

Corey: Would it sour you at all to visit a processing plant?

Jim: If it was a bacon plant, I think it would be beautiful. It would be behind the scenes. I don’t want to know that it’s an animal. St. Louis, that’s kind of a rib place, isn’t it?

Corey: Yeah and known for pork steaks.

Jim: Pork steaks, really? Chicago is deep dish pizza, and St. Louis is pork steaks?

Corey: Pork steaks and toasted ravioli.

Jim: Everyone says that; it’s so funny. What, do you stick a ravioli in a toaster?”

Corey: No, they bread it and fry it.

Jim: Wait a minute, you’re breading ravioli? Isn’t it already bread?

Corey: They take pasta and dip it in egg and milk and then bread crumbs and fry it.

Jim: That’s pretty close to a Hot Pocket. I’m definitely going to be eating some of that.

Corey: A lot of drunks like to buy drinks for comics onstage. Do your drunken fans bring you boxes of Hot Pockets?

Jim: It’s always a little strange when people want to bring me food to a show. My manager is like ‘You’re not eating that.’ Someone’s bringing me bacon in a plastic pan. ‘Thank you, but I do have children.’

Corey: I imagine Hot Pockets need to stay cold.

Jim: I have signed many boxes of Hot Pockets.

Corey: Are you a smooth or crunchy man when it comes to peanut butter?

Jim: I go through phases, depends on what kind of mood I’m in. That Flufferrnutter, you ever have that? That’s like poison, right? That’s made of trans fat and trans fat. Trans fat and polyester. I’ve also heard peanut butter and bacon sandwiches were good.

Corey: I think Elvis used to indulge in those.

Jim: He was very much a bacon man. Really, bacon on anything is good.

Corey: What about turkey bacon?

Jim: You bring home the bacon; you don’t bring home the tofu strips.