Knotted Roots (25 page)

I
stared at him, my heart galloping in my chest.  Did he really just tell me that
he loved me? Yes! I couldn’t breathe.  I tried to focus on my own words, but
the only sounds that I could make were incoherent.  I was completely shocked. 
I cared about him, sure, but I couldn’t believe that he dropped the L bomb on
me so soon.  We had only been official for a short time.  I began to shake as I
tried to absorb his words. 

“Roxie?”
He released my hands and sat back on his feet.  “I could use a response right
about now.”  I looked to the ground, avoiding his eyes, as I tried to make
sense of what was happening.

I
couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t say those words to him.  I tried to open my mouth
to tell him what I felt, but my mouth was being held in a vise grip.  My tongue
had suddenly become too thick to help my mouth form words.  I knew I looked
half crazed at that moment, and in all honesty, I felt like it too.  I had
never said those words to someone, other than my parents, of course.  Did I
care about him? Yes.  But did I love him? I didn’t know.

I
jumped to my feet and backed away, hugging myself as I felt the tremors running
through my body.  “Ch...Chase.  I’m sorry.” I shook my head as I looked at his
distraught face.  “I have to go.”  I couldn’t stand to look at his forlorn face
anymore, so I did the one thing I knew how to do.  I ran away.  Again.

* * * *

I
could hear Mom and Dad bickering when I got home, their voices carrying
throughout the house.  I wouldn’t face them like this, so I ran upstairs to my
room.  I grabbed my bath paraphernalia and locked myself in the bathroom.  It
was the one place in the world that I could really think.  I wouldn’t have to
worry about upsetting someone else, or screwing up again.  I could just be.

I
could still hear them downstairs, but this time it didn’t bother me.  I was
content in the large tub that I had enjoyed so many times.  The tub that felt
safe.  When my phone rang on the counter I ignored it.  It would be one of
three people, and I couldn’t bring myself to talk to any of them.  In that
moment I realized how much I missed Katy already.  She hadn’t been by since I
got home from the hospital, but she did call. 

I
got out of the tub, wrapped my towel around me, and picked up the phone.  I
looked at the missed call, noting Brian’s number, and quickly dialing Katy’s
instead of calling him back. 

“Y’ello?”
she answered. 

“Katy?
Hey. It’s Roxie.  You feel up to a girl’s night out?” I sat down on the edge of
the tub, nervously playing with the edge of the towel.

“Umm...I
don’t know.  I kinda have plans tonight.”

“Oh.
Okay. Well...that’s cool.  Just thought I would call and ask.” I was about to
hang up when I heard her yell.

“Wait!
Crap...would you like to come with me?  I’m heading to the movies with some
friends, if you wanna come,” she replied.  She sounded nervous, but maybe that
was just me being ridiculous.

“Sure. 
Who all is going?” I asked.  I stood up, grabbed my clothes with my free hand,
and walked to my room.  “I mean, I don’t want to intrude or anything.”

“It’s
just…some friends.  They’re from school.”  There it was again.  She sounded
like she was worried.  I couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Katy?
What’s going on? And don’t tell me nothing. I can hear it in your voice.” I
threw my stuff on the bed and walked to the closet, the phone tucked between my
ear and shoulder.

“Nothing,”
she said quickly.  “I’ll pick you up at seven, okay? I gotta run. See you then!”
I didn’t have time to respond before I heard the line go dead.  I stared down
at the phone and shook my head. 
She’s hiding something.  And I’m going to
find out what it is.

I
got dressed quickly, throwing on jeans and a cute top, barely glancing at myself
in the mirror as I ran out my room.  I could smell dinner cooking downstairs,
and the lack of screaming told me that Mom and Dad were finally done arguing. 
When I reached the kitchen I could hear Mom and Grandma in the kitchen talking.

“Mom,
I don’t think it’s a good idea.  I mean, have you looked at her lately?  She’s
not even doing her hair anymore!” said Mom, her tone half-hushed, like a loud
whisper. I heard a drawer slam before Grandma responded.

“That’s
the point Angela.  She’s not the same person she was two months ago.  She’s
grown, or haven’t you noticed anything besides her appearance?” I heard another
drawer slam causing me to wince.  “She’s open, and caring, and friendly.  She
was none of those things when she got here.  Whatever is happening with her,
it’s a good thing.  Not a negative.”

I
smiled as I listened to my Grandma defending me.  It was nice to know that she
had been paying such close attention to me.  I was slightly offended that she
didn’t think I was all those things before, but I could see why she said that. 
I had grown.  In a great way.  I pushed open the door, halting their
conversation.  Both of them looked at me like they had been caught with their
hands in the cookie jar.

“Hey
y’all.  What’s for dinner?” I asked as I sat down at the table. 

“Did
you just say ‘y’all’?” asked Mom incredulously.  She spun to face Grandma. 
“See? That’s slang, Mother! She’s speaking like you now!”

“You
say that like it’s a bad thing,” I said with a smile.  I stood up and walked
over to Grandma, then placed my arms around her in a hug.  “I’m hungry. Is it
chow time now?” I gave her a devilish grin, enjoying giving my mother another
reason to freak out.

“It
sure is darlin’.  Go on over yonder and have a seat. I’ll bring it right on to
ya,” said Grandma in her thickest Southern accent.  We both started laughing at
the look of abject horror on Mom’s face.  When she stormed out of the room,
huffing and puffing, we both lost it.  It felt good to have that moment with
Grandma. 

“Thank
you,” I said, planting a kiss on her forehead.  She squeezed me again, and then
released me. 

“Ya
know, she’s probably up there taking one of her anxiety pills right now.  We
should be ashamed of ourselves.” She winked at me and walked out the room.  I
watched her go, suddenly very conscious of how long we had left together.  I
knew, right then, that no matter what happened I had to convince my parents to
let me stay.  I couldn’t miss out on one more moment with Grandma.  She had
stolen my heart this summer, giving me something, and someone, to love.  I had
to stay until the end; otherwise I would regret it for the rest of my life.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

The
sweltering heat was cut off as soon as I shut the door to Katy’s car.  Her air
conditioning was working overtime, desperately trying to fight the stifling
summer heat.  I looked over at her and suddenly felt underdressed.  She was
dressed in a white sheath with a lace overlay, with tiny pearls on the trim. 
It was a stunning dress, but it seemed to be a little bit much for a night at
the movies. 

“Wow.
Katy, you look great!” I looked down at my jeans and tank top, and for the
first time in my life I felt uncomfortable in what I was wearing.  “Did I miss
the memo for the dress code?”

She
giggled and pulled out of the yard.  “There’s been a change of plans.  No one
wanted to go to the movies.  We’re meeting them at the beach.”

I
stared at her, hoping and praying that she was joking.  “The beach? As in
Myrtle Beach? That’s an hour away!”

“Yep.
That’s the one,” she replied, pursing her lips as she looked in the rearview
mirror.  “Don’t worry, okay?  It’s gonna be fine.”

Shaking
my head, I stared out the window.  “He’s going to be there, isn’t he?”  I
turned to look at her, her eyes avoiding me at all costs.  “Katy! No. Please!
Take me home.  I need to go home.” I wasn’t ready to see Chase again.  I had
already run away from him too many times.  I knew that he would never forgive
me for doing it again, especially after he poured his heart out to me.

“I
don’t know if he’ll be there.  So what if he is?” She glanced at me, her eyes
drooping when she saw the sheer panic on my face.  “You ran.  Didn’t you?
Dammit Roxie!  How many times are you going to screw it up?”

“Way
to make me feel better.”

“I’m
not here to make you feel better.  I’m here as your friend.  Stop screwing shit
up with him.  Haven’t you two been through enough drama this summer? It’s like
a bad episode of Dawson’s Creek.”

I
laughed at her comparison.  She was right.  We had been back and forth so many
times that it was starting to feel like an overrated teen show.  I knew that I
had to figure out what I felt for him, but I couldn’t do that with him there. 
It’s impossible to get your head on straight when you’re being pulled in a
thousand directions at one time.

“Look...I
really care about him.  I do.  But when he dropped the L bomb-”

“Whoa!
He said he
loves
you?!” The car jerked as her voice rose higher.  “Well
no freaking wonder you ran away! I’m going to knock him out when I see him.
Geez...”

My
hand was on my chest as my heart fluttered rapidly.  “It’s not that he said
it...it’s that he feels that way.  It scares me, ya know?  It just feels too
fast.”

The
words were barely out of my mouth when she jerked the car over to the side of
the road.  She cut the car off and then positioned her body so that she was
facing me.  Her face was serious, a look that was very rare on her face. 

“I
get it. You’re scared.  You wonder how he could feel like that about you so
quickly.  Here’s the hard reality Roxie.  He was done the first moment he met
you.  I still remember that day, after he met ya in the diner?” I nodded along,
not quite sure where she had gotten that idea.  “The next day all he could do
was talk about how beautiful you were.  You made an impression on him.  He knew
that day that he was in love.”

I
shook my head in protest.  “You can’t love someone that quickly.  It’s not
rational.”

“Who
told you that love was rational?” She giggled at me as she ran a hand over her
dress.  “I have been in love with the same guy since I was five years old.  I
have tried for years to get him to see me as something more than a friend, but
it wasn’t meant to be.  And now I know why.”

I
saw the tears glistening in her eyes.  I grabbed her hand and squeezed. 
“Chase?” She nodded as the first tear rolled down her pink cheek.  “All this
time...why didn’t you tell him how you felt?”

“Because
it wouldn’t have mattered.  He isn’t my future.  He’s yours.  I knew it the
first day he spoke about you.  So, maybe you can’t imagine how he can be in
love with you so quickly, but he is.  He’s lost right now, clinging to the hope
that maybe you’ll change your mind and love him back.”

My
chest hurt like hell at that moment.  It felt like there were a thousand tiny
needles probing my heart, all of them trying to find a weak spot at the same
time.  The feeling was uncomfortable to say the least and my mind struggled to
catch up to what my heart was telling me. 

When
it hit me, it took all of my strength not to crumble right there beside Katy. 
“I love him, don’t I?” My voice was barely more than a whisper, but I was sure
she heard me.  She nodded and gave me a pained smile.  “What do I do now? I
don’t know what to say to him.  I’ve screwed up so much...”

“Love
is all about the screw ups.  It’s what makes it so sweet when things finally
fall into place.  Tell him the truth.  Be sappy, be weepy...hell, body slam
against a wall with a deep, earth shattering kiss.  I don’t care how you do it.
Just tell him.  He deserves to know.”

With
that final word Katy cranked up the car and pull back onto the road.  The
pained look on her face was still there, but the new sense of satisfaction was
simmering just below the surface.  She had gotten through to me when no one
else could.  I doubted things would be that easy when I was face to face with
Chase again, but I now knew what I had to do.  I had to tell him I loved him. 
Before it was too late.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

As
we pulled into the almost deserted parking lot, my nerves were on edge.  I
could see the beach from where we were parked, the waves noisily crashing
against the sand as I breathed in the salty air.  I had never been to the beach
before, but my first time there was sure to be memorable.  I didn’t see Chase’s
truck in the lot, but she had sent him a text making sure he would be there. 
He had replied with a simple yes only minutes before we arrived.

We
got out of her car and made our way to the wooden bridge that would carry us
across the sand dunes to where a group of kids our age were already set up.  I
could smell a fire that seemed to be burning nearby, but when we got closer I
was shocked to see a huge bonfire blazing.  There were logs set up all around,
all of them equipped with teenagers holding red Solo cups.  I shook my head as
I began to imagine what they were drinking by the fire. 

We
stopped about ten feet away as Katy grabbed my hand.  Her phone was buzzing
from within her purse.  She took it out and looked at the screen.  After a
moment she sent a short reply and replaced it in her purse.  I looked at her
questioningly, but she just smiled at me. 

“So...I
didn’t exactly tell Chase that you were with me.  He’s on his way over to meet
me right now.  Just play it cool, okay?” She gave me a reassuring smile as she
fiddled with the strap of her purse.

“Katy!
Why didn’t you tell him? He’s gonna be pissed!” I threw my hands up in the air,
letting them fall quickly to my side when I saw the approaching figure.  His
steps were fast and sure at first, and then faltered when our eyes met.  He
slowly made his way to us, his eyes blazing in anger.