Knotted Roots (10 page)

“Just
fine?” She chuckled. “Where did y’all go?”

“The
tattoo parlor in town.  We decided to cement our love with ink,” I smiled at
the snark in my tone.  The scandalized look on her face made me laugh.  “I was
just kidding you know.  We went to the pond.”

“He
took ya to the pond?  Brennan’s Pond?” she asked incredulously.

“I
guess that’s the one.  It’s close by, surrounded by trees.  Very secluded,” I
replied as I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.  I could already feel the
headache building behind my eyes.  How could I tell her that I had done exactly
what she had told me not to do?  I had somehow managed to screw up the budding
friendship between us in one short afternoon.

“Yep,
that’s Brennan’s Pond.  I’m shocked he took ya there,” she paused, glancing
over at me.  “Do ya know what that place means to him?  He has never taken
anyone there.”

“I
get it Grandma, I do.  It’s a special place for him and his dad.  Fishing and
all that stuff.” I stopped rocking and stood up. 

“Did
he tell ya anything else? About his dad, I mean?” she asked as she gazed up at
me, her eyes turning glassy with each passing second.  I shook my head and took
a few steps away from her, making my way to the front door.  “Then ya don’t
really
get
it.  But maybe one day you will.”

I
stared at her for a moment as tears welled up in her eyes.  A few escaped, and
she quickly wiped them away, but the pain in her eyes was harder to hide from
me.  I wanted to comfort her, to ask her what was wrong, but instead I left her
there on the porch and retreated to my room.  I literally ran away from her
overflowing emotions.  I couldn’t tell you why I did it.  All I knew was that
my heart refused to budge, refused to stutter for her in that moment.  It was a
useless organ in that moment, only able to pump life through my veins.  It
should have been able to deal with sadness and desolation, but no.  It was
useless. 

Amber
used to tell me that I was socially inept, but I had never really understood
what she meant when she said that.  Now I knew.  She had been right about me. 
It wasn’t that I didn’t know how to show that I cared; it was that I just
couldn’t.  I couldn’t bring myself to get attached.  But without those
attachments, how could I relate to what someone is feeling? I couldn’t, so I
didn’t even bother to try anymore.  I should have stayed with Grandma.  I
should have dried her tears and gave her a hug, promising that everything would
be fine.  I should have been the person she needed me to be, but I wasn’t.  I
avoided her sadness like it was a disease. 

What
kind of human being was I that I couldn’t empathize with someone that I was
supposed to love?  I felt utterly useless, which seemed to be a recurring theme
since I’d come to Perry Point.  When I was in New York, life seemed to be
simpler, easier.  My friends didn’t expect much from me, we were just happy to
be in the same social circle.  We could spend hours, days, weeks together and
never truly know each other.  That may sound lonely, but it was the norm.  We
didn’t cry for a friend’s loss, at least not outwardly.  We stood by them
physically, our bodies present, while our hearts were hidden behind an enormous
brick wall.  There was no depth to our relationships, and that seemed to work
for everyone involved. 

It
had always been easier to keep people at arm’s length.  They couldn’t hurt you
if they couldn’t get a grip on your heart.  They couldn’t make you feel things
that would make you squirm.  You were safe within your own walls, protected
from the harsh realities of life.  It was a protective measure and it had
worked so far.  I was still shocked that Chase had been able to see it for what
it was.  I was more concerned about him finding out why than trying to figure
out how he had known.  We all had secrets, but some of them were harder to deal
with than others.  Mine belonged to me, unfit for other’s consumption.

A
light knock at my door drew me out of my thoughts.  “Come in.” I waited for the
door to open.  Katy, of course.  She walked in, her hands clasped behind her
back and a nervous smile on her face. 

“Ms.
Betty told me I could find you up here.  I saw Chase leave.  He didn’t look too
happy.  Everything okay?” She walked over to my desk and took a seat, swiveling
the chair to face me. 

Why
did everyone insist on asking me if things were okay?  If I wanted them to
know, I would tell them.  I let out a big sigh and flopped down on my bed. 
“Everything is great.  Just wonderful. Don’t I look happy?” I didn’t bother to
look at her when I answered, closing my eyes instead to ward off the gnawing
headache.

“I
bet you’re wondering why I’m here.”
Not really
, I thought to myself.  “I
was hoping you’d be interested in going to a party with me tonight.”

I
sat up and looked at her.  She was still smiling at me, but the sparkle in her
eyes had diminished, leaving a look of uncertainty in its wake.  “A party?
Where?” My interest was fully aroused.  I had been craving some excitement
since I arrived in town.  A small part of me wondered what kind of fun these
country kids had in mind, while another part didn’t give a shit.  I was ready
for some fun.

“Max
Lewis is throwing his annual summer party tonight.  It’s very exclusive.  The
location of the party isn’t known until about an hour before it starts.” I
could tell from the look on her face that this was not part of her normal
routine.  I would even venture to say that she had never been to a party
before.  Ever.

“And
you think that you can find out where it is?” I was unable to hide the
skepticism in my voice.  This party sounded like some of the raves that Amber
and I used to go to back home.  The invites were very exclusive and only the
best of the best were invited.  I couldn’t imagine Katy ever being considered
part of “the best.”

“I’m
positive.  My brother goes every year and he’s promised to bring me with him. 
I didn’t feel right going with
just
him, ya know?  That’s why I was
hoping you would come with me.”

While
I still didn’t think this girl knew what a real party was, I was desperate for
some fun.  Even if we ended up in an empty field, surrounded by oversized
trucks and blaring country music, anything was better than sitting on my bed
all night.  “I’ll go with you.  On one condition.”  She looked at me and nodded
enthusiastically.  “You can’t bring up Chase for the entire night.  Not one
single mention or I’ll leave.  Deal?”

She
squealed loudly and jumped out of the chair.  She bounded over to me and threw
her arms around me, both of us falling backward onto my bed.  “Yay! I’m so glad
you’re going!  And don’t worry. Chase’s name will be mud tonight.  Girl Scout’s
promise.”

Great. 
My first party down South and I was going with a former Girl Scout.  Hopefully
former.  What had my life come to?

* * * *

I
spent the afternoon getting ready for the party.  I made sure to straighten my
unruly hair, carefully applied my makeup, taking great care to highlight my
emerald green eyes, and picked out one of my nicest outfits.  I settled on a
slim pair of black capris with a one shouldered white top.  Cute, but casual. 
I didn’t want them to think I was trying
too
hard, after all. 

 I
walked downstairs to wait for Katy and found Grandma watching television in the
living room.  I knew she had heard me come down the stairs, but she didn’t
acknowledge my presence.  I walked over to her and sat down on the couch beside
her.  Still, she didn’t divert her attention from the television.

“I’m
going out with Katy tonight,” I said nonchalantly as I picked at the
nonexistent lint on my shirt.

“She
told me.  I don’t have to tell you to be careful, do I?” She never looked at
me, but the tense set of her jaw told me she was not happy about my plans for
the evening.

“I’ll
be with Katy all night.  I’m sure she’ll keep me out of
trouble
.”  I
stood up and walked to the window that faced the front yard.  Headlights were
bouncing down the dirt road, approaching the house at a snail’s pace.  I willed
them to hurry up, eager to get away from Grandma and begin my night of fun.

“Katy’s
a good girl, but it’s her brother I worry about.  Dan is a troublemaker.  So
please, be careful tonight,” she spoke as she turned off the TV and looked at
me for the first time tonight. 

 “I’ll
keep my distance from him, don’t worry.  Ending up in jail is not on my
schedule for tonight.” I walked over and placed a hand on Grandma’s shoulder. 
I gave her a gentle squeeze before stepping back once again.

A
knock at the door startled me.  In that brief moment, when she warned me away
from danger, it seemed that she genuinely cared about me.  She may not have
said it in so many words, but with her simple words she had shown that she was
also worried about
me
.  It was a novel idea.  She had seemed so detached
and distant so far, spending her time treating me as only the hired help, but
tonight it felt different.  It felt real. 

“Be
home by one Roxie.  No excuses.  And if you need me, call me.  No questions
asked,” she said as she walked to the stairs.  I opened the front door and
found Katy standing there.  She looked incredible!  Her hair was no longer a
mass of broken curls.  She had obviously taken great care to curl each and
every one of them.  Her face wasn’t covered in makeup, which suited her, and
her clothes weren’t fancy, but they looked amazing.  Was this the same girl who
had been here only a few hours before?

“Ready? 
Dan’s in the car,” she said as she scanned me from head to toe. 

“Sure. 
Let’s get going.” I gave Grandma a slight nod before shutting the door.  We
walked down the stairs and made our way to the car.  Before we got too close,
Katy leaned over and whispered in my ear.

“Dan
invited a friend of his.  His name is Jackson and he’s pretty harmless.  Just
be warned, he’s a charmer,” she spoke so close to my ear that I could smell the
fresh mint on her breath. 

I
nodded my head and we continued to the car.  Katy climbed into the front seat,
leaving me to sit in the back with the nefarious Jackson.  As I closed the door
I looked over at the person sitting next to me.  No wonder Katy warned me ahead
of time.  He was stunning!  His dark black hair fell in waves around his head,
partially obscuring his grey eyes.  It wasn’t quite dark out yet, so I was able
to catch a glimpse of his strong jaw and chiseled cheeks.  When he smiled at me
I shivered.  It wasn’t the same kind of shiver I felt around Chase.  This one
felt dangerous.

* * * *

The
ride to the party was stifling.  Jackson tried to make conversation, but after
Katy’s warning, I kept my own responses to one syllable.  I didn’t want to give
him any encouragement.  Eventually he gave up trying and decided to talk sports
with Dan instead.  The two of them acted as if Katy and I weren’t even there,
and that was perfectly fine with me.  I caught him staring a few times, but the
angry glare that I shot at him almost gave him whiplash.

When
we finally reached the party I couldn’t escape fast enough.  Dan had barely put
the car in park before I swung open the door and rushed out.  Once I was out of
the vehicle I was able to take a deep breath once again.  The tension had been
so thick you could almost run your fingers through it.  Katy hurriedly got out
of the car as well and turned to look at me.  Her playful smile was gone.

“Okay,
so.  If anyone asks, we’re here with Jackson and Dan.  Got it?” she asked as
she slung her large purse on her shoulder.  I nodded and smiled.  “Now, don’t
get mad at me, but there is someone here tonight that you should probably know
about.”

I
glared at her, already suspecting who it could be.  “You told him about the
party? Why?” I couldn’t believe that she hadn’t warned me ahead of time.  I
specifically told her that I wasn’t interested in anything to do with Chase
tonight. 

“He
called me earlier and he seemed really upset.  I panicked.  I told him how to
get the party details.  Please don’t be mad at me.” She gave me the worst sad,
puppy dog eyes and I couldn’t help but giggle at her.  She failed miserably at
looking innocent, especially with that mischievous sparkle in her eyes. 

“Fine,
I’ll forgive you this time. But know that if I get cornered tonight, I’m
totally blaming you. ” I glanced around, scanning the crowd of people.  “I
don’t see him, so that’s a good sign.”

“What
happened between you two earlier?  Is that why he was so upset when he called?”

I
considered lying to her.  Would she understand if I told her?  I doubted it, so
I gave her the half-truth.  “We had a disagreement.  No biggie.  But we’re not
here to talk about that.  Let’s go mingle,” I grabbed her hand and pulled her
away from the car, advancing quickly towards a group of people gathered around
the back of a nearby truck.

We
slipped into the group easily.  A few heads turned in our direction, but for
the most part we were ghosts, blending seamlessly.  It felt good to be
anonymous, no one expecting anything from me.  It had been so long since I had
felt so at ease, especially among strangers.  It was a feeling that I could get
used to.  I glanced at Katy who seemed to be enjoying herself as well.  She had
already been approached by a fine specimen of country goodness.  He was every
Southern stereotype rolled into one, right down to the faded Levi’s and broken
in cowboy boots.

I
watched them for a few minutes, occasionally scanning the growing crowd.  There
weren’t any familiar faces.  I started to grow anxious, unsure what to do
next.  I fiddled with my cell phone, looking through the dozens of apps, but
found nothing to entertain me.  I now knew what it felt like to be invisible. 
I had always been a
somebody
, and while this should have been a humbling
experience, the only thing I felt was uncomfortable.