Knotted Roots (24 page)

I
leaned over and kissed him.  He had said the words that I had been waiting so
long to hear.  I pulled back and looked down at his face, my fingers lazily
tracing his jaw.  “I guess I would miss you too.”

We
spent the rest of the night under the stars, both of us caught up in the
excitement of me staying in Perry Point.  It was that night that I realized
that I was in love with him.  This wasn’t one of those childish infatuations. 
This was serious.  My whole heart was invested in this boy. Man.  I tried to
convince myself that Grandma was the only reason I had for staying, but deep
down I knew that it had a lot to do with Chase as well.  I couldn’t see my life
without him in it.

My
thoughts of that night were interrupted by a quick tapping at the passenger
window.  I looked over and there, looking ten years older, were my parents. 
Both of them looked like they had aged overnight.  It wasn’t overnight, but it
was still far too much for such a short time span.  I got out and gave them both
a hug, neither of them wanting to let go when it was their turn.  I helped them
load their suitcases in the back of the truck and then got back in the driver’s
seat.  I watched as Mom climbed into the middle of the bench seat, with Dad
sliding in after.  They tried not to touch, but the space was so small that
they had no choice.

They
rapid fired questions at me as we drove to Grandma’s house, but I refused to
answer any that involved my recent decision.  I wanted to talk to them and
Grandma at the same time, that way everyone involved would hear what I had to
say.  I knew that all of them would have reasons why I shouldn’t stay, but none
of them could give me one good reason why I should go.  I was prepared to face
the firing squad.  I just hoped that I made it out relatively unscathed.

“Roxanne,
I know that you feel that this is the right choice, but Grandma is a strong
woman.  She wouldn’t want you to give up your life for her.” My mother couldn’t
understand my choice, and that was okay, but I had to convince her that it was
the right thing to do.  “Is this because you feel guilty?”

“Ugh,
Mom.  This has nothing to do with guilt.  I have a lot to feel guilty about,
sure, but that has nothing to do with this.  Now, no more questions about
this.  Why don’t you tell me how things are going with you two?” I asked as I
briefly glanced at each of them.  Neither of them looked eager to talk about
the divorce.  Every time I had spoken to them on the phone they had each
avoided answering me. 

“There’s
nothing to really tell.  The paperwork will be finalized in a few weeks,”
replied Dad.  He was tense.  His body looked coiled, ready to attack, or defend
against an attacker. 

Something
felt wrong about the whole situation.  He had been so adamant about the divorce
when I left, but now it seemed like he was regretting it.  “That’s...good. I
guess...” I didn’t know what else to say about it.  I wasn’t happy about it, so
I wasn’t about to pretend that I was.  At the same time, I wasn’t that upset
about it either. 

“It
is what it is, I guess.” Dad’s voice was sad and resigned.  I had the sudden
urge to fix this.  If it was possible.

“This
may sound odd...but hear me out,” I began, tightening my grip on the steering
wheel.  “The paperwork isn’t finalized, right? I mean...couldn’t you guys give
it another go?”

“Roxie...”
my mom began.  “It won’t work baby.  Your father and I...we need to be apart
for a while.  We need the time to work things out for ourselves.”

A
loud sigh sounded from Dad, but his attention was focused on the scenery that
passed by his window.  “Dad? Are you okay?” I asked, hoping to open him up.  I
could tell he needed to say something, but there was something holding him
back.

“What?”
He turned to look at me and, if it was even possible, he looked even sadder. 
“Oh, no, I’m fine.  Your mother’s right.  It’s not possible.”

I
tried to ask him what he meant, but they both clammed up immediately.  Mom
seemed more on edge than ever.  She played with the strap of her purse, rubbing
her fingers over the smooth leather constantly.  I decided to let it go.  For
now.  I would find out later what was going on with the two of them.

* * * *

I
was so relieved when we finally turned onto the dirt road that would take us to
Grandma’s house.  The ride had been strained since our earlier conversation and
I was dying to get out of the truck.  Mom and Dad were being civil to each
other, but to me that was worse than yelling.  At least there was passion when
they screamed. 

“This
is where you grew up?” asked Dad with awe in his voice.  “You never told me-”

“Yes.
This is where I grew up. And I didn’t tell you because it didn’t matter.”

I
looked at both of them and shook my head.  One more thing that Dad would be
able to hold over Mom’s head.  Neither of us had ever given much thought as to
why she had kept quiet about her childhood.  I remembered asking him once, when
I was a child, why she avoided the questions, but he couldn’t give me a
straight answer.

I
parked the truck and got out, the humidity no longer taking my breath away, but
still stifling.  I waited for them to get their luggage from the back, then
turned and walked up to the front door of the house.  Mom was slowly making her
way behind me, but there was hesitancy in her steps.  I met her eyes, but she
quickly averted them.  She looked scared, but I couldn’t figure out what could
be bothering her so much.

Before
we made it to the top of the stairs Grandma opened the door, her apron covered
in flour, and the smell of freshly baked cookies wafted towards us.  I inhaled
deeply, taking in the delicious scent.  She hadn’t made cookies since I was
here, so I was a little bit shocked that she actually knew how.  She rarely did
any cooking, now that I thought about it.

“Cal,”
she nodded at my dad, and then turned her attention to her daughter. “Angela. 
It’s good to see you two again.  Come on in.” She turned and moved out of the
doorway.  We all walked in, everyone avoiding making eye contact with each
other.  So odd.

I
walked into the living room and sat down on one of the armchairs, slipping my
leg over one of the arms as I watched my parents sit down on the couch.  They
sat at opposite ends, neither of them wanting to be close to the other.  When
Grandma made her way in, her lips were set in a tight line and she appeared to
be quite upset.

“You
two need to remove the corn cobs in your rears right now.  This here is my
home, and I won’t have that kind of crap going on,” she said as she swatted my
leg off the arm of the chair.  I sat up straight and watched as she approached
them.  “Now, we all know that you two are getting divorced. It’s no secret. 
But that’s not why you’re here.  Right?” She directed the last part at me and I
nodded in agreement. 

“I
know why we’re here.  And I’m completely against the idea.  Roxie is entirely
too young-”

“Stop.
Right there.  You may know why you’re here, but I don’t.  Roxie? It’s time you
tell me what’s going on,” she said as she sat down between Mom and Dad.  I drew
in a deep breath as I tried to find my words.  I had to make sure I said this
right, or all of them would squash my idea in a heartbeat.

“Well...I
called Mom and Dad earlier this week and told them my idea,” I began, my voice
shaking.  “I was thinking that...maybe, if you’d want me...that I could stay.”

Grandma
looked at me for a moment, her face a mask of confusion.  “Stay? As in not go
back to New York?” I nodded.  “Roxie, baby, you don’t have to do that.  I’ll be
fine, I promise.  I could never ask you-”

“But
you’re not asking.  I want to stay.  I want to be here with you.  I don’t
want...I mean...you’re dying and-” Grandma held up her hand to stop me.  I
gasped for air, my lungs suddenly working against me.  Before I could have a
complete meltdown I felt arms engulf me, pulling me to a solid chest.  Shocked,
I looked up into Chase’s beautiful face.  “What are you doing here?”

“Betty
called me.  Told me you might need me,” he said with a smile.  My savior.  I
could feel my body reacting to his, sending a flush to my face.  I looked over
at my parents who were both watching us like hawks. 

“Roxanne? 
Who is this?” asked Dad as he stood up and walked over to us.  He extended his
hand to Chase who shook it.  “I’m Roxanne’s father.  It’s nice to meet you...”

“Chase. 
It’s nice to meet ya sir,” he replied as he dropped my dad’s hand.  The two
most important men in my life stared at each other for a brief moment before my
dad took a step back, dropping his heated gaze.  “I’ve heard so much about you
both.”

My
dad’s face broke into a mischievous grin.  “I wish I could say the same, son.  Roxanne
hasn’t been very forthcoming with that information.”

“Okay
folks.  Let’s get back on topic here,” said Grandma.  “Roxie wants to stay.  As
much as I would love to say yes to this, I think it would be a good idea for
everyone to think about this.”  She turned to face me.  “Baby, I know you think
you want this.  And I want you to want this.  But this is not the best place
for you.  I’m sick, and there’s no telling when I’ll get worse.  I want you to
think on it for a few more days.”

I
shook my head and stared her in the eyes.  “Grandma, I know what I want.  I
want this,” I said as I waved my hands around the room.  “I want to wake up
each morning knowing that I get to see you for another day.  I want to spend my
days with you on the farm.  I want a life filled with people who are genuine
and true.” I turned and looked at my parents.  “Mom. Dad.  I love you both, and
I love the life you have given me.  But it’s not what I want anymore.  I have
real friends here.  They love me here.  Please, don’t take this away from me.”

Their
faces fell in disappointment.  I knew I had hurt them with my words, but I had
to be honest with them.  One thing I had learned from being here was that being
completely honest was the only way to be.  “Say something. Please.” I couldn’t
stand their silence.  I dreaded their answer, but I had to hear it.  My future
literally hung in the balance in that moment.

“Give
them time to think baby,” Grandma spoke first.  “They’re here for the weekend. 
Y’all can talk about this again before they leave.”

I
nodded and grabbed Chase’s hand.  My parents were still staring at me, their
eyes glassy with tears.  I wanted to run over to them and hug them, but I knew
if I did I would change my mind.  I had to prove to them that I was completely
sure of my choice, and that meant walking away at that moment.  As Chase and I
walked out of the living room I could hear my mother break down.  Her sobs were
pulling at me, begging me to turn around.  I kept walking, Chase’s hand
squeezing mine as we walked away from the most important people in my life.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

As I
stared at the calm pond water in front of me, I leaned back into Chase’s chest,
both of us wanting to be as close as possible right then.  There was a real
possibility that my parents would decide to take me back to New York when they
left.  I let out a loud sigh and felt Chase wrap his arms around me, enclosing
us in our own personal world.  A world that was just the two of us. 

“What
happens if they say no?” I whispered. 

“Nothing. 
You go back to New York and we keep in touch.  I’ll try to visit when I’m on
break from school.  We’ll make it work,” he replied confidently.

“Long
distance relationships are doomed for failure.  You know that, right?” I
twisted my head around to look at him.  “Add on top of that the fact that we’re
a summer fling.  Where does that leave us? Our chances of making it are zip.”

“Ya
wanna know why all of those relationships didn’t last? ‘Cause they’re not us.
That’s why.  I have faith in us,” he said before he planted a kiss on my
forehead.  He was so calm about this while I was a nervous wreck.  I had to
resist the urge to bite my nails, a habit that had plagued me since early
childhood.

I
let loose a laugh, starting out small, then building into a fit of giggles.  I
gasped for air as I tried to stop, but every time I looked at his face, and the
shock there, I started laughing even more.  “I don’t remember saying something
funny.” I laughed even harder, this time causing him to let me go and stand
up.  He brushed off his pants and stared down at me.  “When you’re done
laughing at me, I’d like to head back to the house.”

It
took me a few more minutes, but I finally got myself under control.  “I’m,” I
inhaled deeply, “sorry.  I don’t know why I found that so funny.”  I smiled at
him, but he didn’t return the gesture.  “I’m sorry, I am.  I just thought it
was funny.  I mean, how many times have people said those exact words? It just
seemed so...so...cliché.”

His
face began to turn a deep shade of red as he stood up straight, pulling his
shoulders back.  “Cliché. Got it. Maybe it is cliché, but laughing at someone
when they are trying to tell you how they feel...” He rubbed his hands over the
back of his neck.  “Do you even know what you mean to me? I mean...shit...” He
fell to his knees in front of me, pulling my hands into his.  My throat went
dry as the serious look on his face registered in my brain. 

“Chase...what
are you...what’s going on?” I was beyond confused how this conversation had
switched directions.  I had only seen him this serious a few times before, and
we had been fighting then, not professing feelings for each other.

“I’m
clearing the air here.  Just give me a minute,” he said as he took a shuddering
breath.  “You know I care about you, right?” I nodded.  “I feel more for you
than just that.  I think...I mean, I know...I’m falling in love with you.”